Wednesday, June 13, 2012

I dodge the blast, and apologize for collateral damage

(This might be a bad idea, but doing it anyway.)

There was a post I wrote in May, during a hunt, and in conversations tonight with the designer, we kept going around and around on what to do. I tend not to like editing the blog, because...well, because I'm me, I suppose, I don't have a more concrete reason; it's not like this is journalism.

But to be fair to her, I also have to grant her point, because I should have contacted her in world, first, and I didn't. And, considering the current emotional upheaval (oh, train wreck, how I have not missed you), I'm trying to do everything I can to a) keep functioning and b) be kinder while c) not falling apart in sections. It's something of a high-wire act, all things considered.

I think the thing that I'm tenderest about is not the altering of the blog, or at least, not really--and I know that because a band recently contacted me out of the blue and asked me to alter an old post, and I gleefully did so, zero angst required. No, what's making me flinch back is the connection to Sophie Lancaster.

Save for one thing. The hunt in question--which is long over, trust me--was tenuously connected, at best, if only by choice of theme. It wasn't the fundraiser--which went stunningly well, as it happens, and yay for that--it was simply a hunt, by merchants who may or may not have been involved in the fundraising aspect.

The problem was, I linked the two in my mind, because the organizers behind the fundraiser were also the organizers behind the hunt. How'ver, they weren't connected. And I'm fairly sure they got conflated by me, in the first place, because of Sophie Lancaster's murder, which yeah, I tend to be twitchy about. There's a lot of reasons why--some of them involve little goth girls being attacked by white supremacists in Washington, others involve watching a car wheel drive past my head close enough to ruffle my hair, and I'm not going to go into any of them here--but the upshot is: I'm oversensitive about things like this. And I overreact when things are tender; it's been a lifelong failing.

Ultimately, all things considered, I've decided that these factors combined together mean I can delete that particular entry. And I can live with this change.

How'ver, in future--and I want this to go out to EVERYBODY, which is why I'm posting this as a follow-up to the entry that doesn't exist anymore--IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM with anything on the blog, TELL ME. Because yes, I rant, and yes, I sometimes inhale drama like a drug, but nine times out of ten, if I've made a mistake, I am willing to admit it.

Just like I made one back in May. I should have gone to the organizer in question, and I didn't. I should have mentioned it privately before it ever hit the blog, and it didn't happen that way. That's on me; that's my fault, not hers.

For everything else: carry on. Expect more poetry and more wandering SL in a brooding daze, and at least a few days more on the Mesh Around hunt, dear gods. That thing completely took over the blog.

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