race to slip into whatever fits you

I know. I KNOW. It's a problem. I get it. I think I've worn a hollow in my back from the amount of times Ive been kicking myself.

Also, you ever have one of those moments where you suddenly realize why your online aesthetic (and, occasionally, RL aesthetic) is the way it is?



Ohhhh. That explains some things.

For the rest...still working on some things in the background, and trying to muscle the brain into the slightly less well-worn tracks of "this is what we're dealing with now" instead of staying on the very well-worn tracks of "if the train's going, then we're going to be just fine".

Nobody ever said you couldn't lie to yourself.

Which leaves us with the image I created, to use...somewhere. Might as well be here.

Let me preface this by saying, I'm not Christian. I don't care if people are; if people aren't; if people discard the whole faith question entirely. "Live your life the best way you know how, and don't hurt people when you can avoid it" has been my daily struggle for years now.

But, there is a point where my tolerance ends.



If any reader recognizes the notecards this maker is including in all products sold, or the text over the angle on the draped cross shot (seriously--are we supposed to buy that whomever shot this, shot it on their knees? Or that we're on our knees looking up?) with more exhortations to repent--well, I did my best to anonymize. But I have a huge problem with this.

And if this maker happens to notice this--hi, there. Happy you're happy and all, but getting the notecards and the cross photo in every single goddamn product box is draining to the extreme. Stop.

Because this? This is against your own friggin' religion, what is WRONG with you??

Think I'm kidding?

But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly. And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do. For they think that they will be heard for their many words.
~~Matthew 6:6-7, New King James Version

There are other passages, and there are some who say the four named "follower" chapters (plus the fifth, generally unacknowledged) are closer to fiction than "reality" (and...I'm sorry, that's just comedic gold there), and sure, there are points to be made. And I'm not even that fond of the New King James version, but what it lacks in congeniality, it usually makes up for with (at least fairly) unambiguous language at times.

This is why I make the distinction between Christianity and Churchianity. This is why I make the distinction between the faithful seeking fellowship, doing the best they can, and...well. EVERY SINGLE EVANGELICAL MORON OUT THERE. And yes, I did--and do--mean every single one, and a large segment of their congregations as well. If you're a preacher on stage, and you need a rock-arena level sound system so you can broadcast to the people one entire football field away from you--I'm talking to you. If you're a pastor who's exhorting your followers to buy you a private jet--I'm talking to you. If you're a mega-pastor who wants your congregation to front the bill for two, no, three, no, four private jets--I'm talking to you. If you're the guy onstage saying that "someone" should just round up all the gays and the transsexuals and put them in camps, or better yet, in graves, oh, you had best BELIEVE I'm talking to your ass.

And I have hit my limit. Do I like a lot of her designs? Yes. But they're all going into the trash, and from now, not going back to her store. If I have to make notes and buy the mesh templates and make my own to wear, I WILL DO THAT rather than deal with YOUR PUERILE BLEATING ON YOUR NEOPHYTE FAITH.

Or, to put it another way--if we're talking, and religion comes up, sure. Feel free to tell me. But if I'm just wandering through your store and you scream and tape a flyer on how cool Jesus is to my face--at the very least I'm walking out, if not walking away from the smoking hull of your firebombed parcel.

Done with it. Just done. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

starting 1st May, no bus will go here anymore

I can't find the thing.

Let me say that again, as it's vaguely important: I CAN'T FIND A SINGLE ONE OF THE PICTURES OF THE LAST THING I WAS GOING TO REVIEW. Worse? I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT IN THE NINE HELLS IT WAS I WAS GOING TO REVIEW.

Add to that the frustration that I'm not already healed last week, getting a slight cold from the girl, local temps crashing, my own current dissatisfaction with my ability to Em...

Anyway. If nothing else, I needed to just get away from it all.



And tossing out the original review I had been planning entirely, whatever it was, and since I still haven't changed out of the outfit I was wearing two or three days back, I decided, we'll just pick something at random. Which turned out to be the "Elemiah" Illuminated Glass Halo from /Vae Victis\.



Also om nom nom broken bits.

I'm currently at the Snowbound hunt, looking for various baubles (in world, there's a glass ballroom with all the keys where you rez, or you can jump to Flickr for each maker's bauble color and number of prizes), and--of course and always--mourning my inability to buy Lindens. (Why is this such a constant state, Em? Oh, right, depression.) It ends January 21st, so a bit ouch if I don't get to things in time. Still. It's a pretty (and pretty crowded) build, overall.



And there's a train, so you know I'm happy. (Wrote that as "appy" first--and no, no, definitely not appy.)



But now I'm out of gingerdead coffee. Darn. Pepperminthe it is!

(Oh, by the way, if anyone feels like getting a belated gift card for coffee for yourself or a friend, or buying coffee for future me, even, Death Wish Coffee is a good one [I adore their Pumpkin Chai, it's just straight-up good spiced coffee, but their Dark Spirits Chocolate Rum Ball is also amazing]. If you're more into just good, unflavored coffee, Top of the Mornin' Coffee has a lot of really good blends--for dark roast lovers, I can't recommend their Midnight Oil blend enough. For fans of lighter roasts, give their High Noon a spin--that one's responsibly sourced, and organic! Also Dungeon Brew Coffee. [Looks like they have some of their Minty Magic blend still in stock.] I have a friend in Chicago [where one year his cat froze to his apartment window], so that tipped me to Hero Coffee, which bids to serve really excellent cups and donate to charity at the same time. And Many Worlds Tavern--they're not as stellar as Deathwish or Top of the Mornin', but they're good. And they're gamers, so occasionally they throw in dice! And I can't fail to mention Bones Coffee, because OMG, their White Chocolate Peppermint Bark is sooooo good, and I'm dying to try Sweet Tater Swirl, because--sweet potatoes? In COFFEE?!?)

(I'm not sponsored by any coffee company, just FYI. And I am far from a dedicated Q Grader. I just like coffee.)

Just for fun, I decided I wanted to see the minimum and maximum sizes in the halo. Here's the min:



And here's the max:



And it was so big I had to cheat a bit and raise my hover height to the absolute maximum, and then pull the camera way back, just to get it all in frame!



At any rate, I think that's about it. Grabbed a cup of hot chocolate from the next coffee shed I found, and have now found all five of the Winter Edition "Marbas" furs put out here. I'll be reviewing those soon, though at this point, with only one day left AAAAAAAH--you may have to hope to find the Marbas furs as a group gift later on!

cruel tricks of romance degraded by their spite

This one's a doozy.

So I was hugging a very close friend at the Chelsea Hotel, when a stranger walked up and IMed me.

[13:48] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lookin good
[13:48] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Thank you.
[13:49] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: my pleasure

I didn't see a real need to respond to that, especially as said close friend was leading me upstairs to his apartment, so we could sit, and cuddle for a bit, and talk out the issues of the day. But seven minutes later:

[13:56] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: emily is it
[13:57] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Emilly, yes.
[13:59] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: pretty name to compliment the face

I'm not stupid. I knew he was coming on to me. I also knew I wasn't exactly giving "Yes, take me now!" answers. Plus, I'd pulled his profile in the intervening time.



All the pages are like this. No bio. No picture. No groups. No picks. No FL bio. No FL image.

Nothing. Man's a completely blank.

[13:59] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: im [cxxx]

Of course you are.

[13:59] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Hi, [Cxxx].
[14:00] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: (takes one of your hands, kissing lightly)
[14:00] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: a bit better acquainted right
[14:01] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): A bit, yes.
[14:01] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr) smiles.

I'm still waiting for the play...

[14:03] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: pretty smile too i see
[14:03] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: seems were both enjoying the hotel
[14:04] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Well, they do a lot of poetry readings here.
[14:05] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: the artistic type eh
[14:05] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): I dabble, but there are some really good poets here.
[14:07] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ya dont say
[14:07] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): You just missed a big gathering, actually. They were reading in voice.

They were. I missed most of it, sadly, but I was glad to hear what I did. There's some really phenomenal poets on the grid.

[14:10] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: were they
[14:11] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i enjoy the arts myself
[14:11] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: including poetry
[14:11] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: seems we have something in common

...Good? I mean, I'm still looking for the angle...I know it's coming.

[14:11] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Then you're in the right place.
[14:12] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: what is your favorite poetic style to use
[14:14] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Well, I personally write prose, but I love blank verse and villanelles.
[14:18] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i like both, tho i have to admit I prefer poetry
[14:18] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: something about it
[14:18] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: stirs the emotions ya know
[14:18] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr) nods
[14:18] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Many do.

In fact, the friend I was, at this point, hanging out on a couch with upstairs, has had this debate with me--is free verse poetry, or is it just rearrangement? As a largely prose writer who employs free verse, I'm on the side of, it is another school of poetry. (He is not. It's a fun thing to discuss now and again.)

[14:27] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: one of my favorite authors has always been c.s. lewis
[14:27] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: tho for more than he's famous for
[14:28] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: if you havent read some of his poetry you should check it out
[14:28] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): C.S. Lewis is decent, yes.

Which is all I felt comfortable saying...Tell me someone's a fan of the Narnia books, I'll nod, but tell me they're a fan of C.S. Lewis' poetry, or essays--both largely religious--well, I will get a specific impression in my head, and it's usually tied to 'smile and back away slowly'.

This is likely unjust, but it's the first thing that comes to mind.

Much later:

[14:42] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: a girl's got good taste
[14:42] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr) smiles
[14:42] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: who's your favorite poet
[14:43] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Walt Whitman

Hands down, that will always be my answer.

[14:43] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: another genius
[14:43] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: he has some good quotes too
[14:43] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): He does
[14:44] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: like his thoughts on god are really interesting
[14:44] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i dont think they were judao christian tbh
[14:44] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): They are, yes.
[14:44] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: he saw god as cruel

Well...I mean, if you read the book...

[14:44] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Who, Whitman? He wasn't.
[14:44] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: and it reflects in his poems
[14:47] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: didnt think so
[14:54] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: on the darker side, i think poe and lovecraft have some good stuff too
[14:54] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: while we're still on whats classic
[14:54] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ive dabbled in alot of different genres so im inspired by alot
[14:54] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: and ongoing
[14:54] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: with newer writers
[15:03] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr) nods
[15:03] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): I adore Poe and Lovecraft
[15:03] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): And Wilson

Turns out I meant to say "Chambers", the author of the King in Yellow, and somehow crossed wires with Robert Anton Wilson, the cartoonist....but okay.

[15:17] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: a good old time poet as well
[15:17] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: let me grow lovelys a favorite

I could not then, and cannot now, remember a single poem Robert Anton Wilson was famous for. Certainly not something called "Let Me Grow Lovelys". But there is a Karle Wilson Baker, who wrote a poem called "Let Me Grow Lovely", so...maybe her?

[17:45] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: was heading out to enjoy the evening beach weather awhile
[17:45] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: we might share poetry together
[17:45] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr) smiles
[17:45] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Perhaps!

And I moved on with things. I thought the conversation was clearly over.

[17:52] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: tending to something else in the meantime actually, why dont we try meeting there around 7 o clock SL time
[17:52] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: gorgeous spot
[17:53] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: maybe even share a few drinks with our poems

And there it is.

[17:53] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Ah, well.
[17:53] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): That may be an issue. I'm gone from SL usually from five pm SLT to 8 to 8:30 pm SLT, all nights.
[17:53] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Though tonight the shoppers are still out shopping, so dinner hasn't been called yet :D
[17:55] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ah, i c

"See".

[17:56] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): And, if you're thinking drinks and poetry, then you should know in advance, my dance card's kind of full
[17:56] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Friends are fine, dates are--there's not enough time in the day at this point
[18:02] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: that popular huh
[18:03] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Well, I wouldn't put it in those terms. But one partner, one owner, one mate, two girlfriends, three boyfriends--it adds up.

Now, this is not me bragging. I'm not carving notches in any of the bedposts in the beds I happen to sleep in. This was more--I'm booked. I don't have time to get involved with anyone else. Sort of a heads up before things go further.

Was that the wrong thing to say? Should we have started going on coffee dates, going to wine bars, reading each other poems, before I said anything? In my mind, that's even more cruel.

[18:09] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: never was one to contribute to a bitches power. rather take it away from her
[18:09] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: [f**k] you
[18:09] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Excuse me?
[18:10] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Where, in anything I've said since you said hello, have I indicated any attempt to seize power?

I'm dead serious. Where in the whole of this conversation, to this point, have I said I want to wrest male power away from men at all, in any way? I do believe the boy is projecting.

[18:13] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Enjoy the rest of your SL, I suppose.
[18:34] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: congratulations, you've won the hypergamy award.

I had to look this one up. Turns out he's using it wrong, though weirdly, it's accurate for me--hypergamy refers to the practice of marrying someone of higher social status or position than oneself. And I am clearly aware of this--the only reason I'm a Duchess now is I married a Duke. So fair cop there, but--I don't think that's what he meant.

[18:34] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i keep my eyes open for women that i at the end of the day deem to be pure [dog sh*t]

Was that necessary?

[18:34] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: now keep your eyes open, i got a little gift coming for you today.

Haven't seen it yet.

[18:34] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: revenge is sweet bitch.

If you say so.

[18:34] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: oh and here's a little something else since you like poetry:

[18:34] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: a blank stare
[18:34] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: [p***y] wet
[18:34] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: entitlement
[18:34] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: watch her twitch
[18:34] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: dont be caught in
[18:34] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: the facade she emits
[18:34] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: that how you tell
[18:34] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: she's a witch

I mean, I've read better, but it has a slight catch to it, especially the last three lines.

[18:34] Txxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: now burn in hell
[18:34] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): You seem upset.

I had to leave soon after, for RL, but...wau, this man spun on a dime. There is a term for that, which I'm not going to employ here, but it is coming to mind.

{Late insert from the Editrix: It came to my attention that the blurred-out profile still contained the username on top, and there was one visible instance of his username in the quoted chat, and that has been changed. The profile I'll change if I have time, frankly. Consider it a warning to the women in SL not to associate, because anyone who ramps up this quickly into spewing hate from "I am seeing other people, I don't want any more romantic relationships" is someone who doesn't like women anyway. So best to avoid.}

speak, speak, speak, speak

(So I am going to partially anonymize, here--this happened in the Contraption store group, which I feel is important because ordinarily, it's an even more polite group than Caledon. Which is why this was so odd. And everyone but the idiot offender is anonymized; I figure, a guy half the group chat files an AR on deserves a small bit of infamy.

(This one's also long.)

[20:21] Dxxxxx Hxxxxx: there is a new pants that might go well with webb's waistcoat but it has a demin texture anyway it is from david heather and is now available in TMD



[20:21] American Grayman: usa goes to war with china late may

Meet our main offender. And...what?

[20:21] American Grayman: usa is also bankrupt
[20:21] American Grayman: lol
[20:21] American Grayman: you cant imagine either one
[20:22] American Grayman: everyone knows .. but they aint talking about it.... banks aint allowed.. either

Since, uh...when??

[20:22] Sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Thank you for sharing

I won't lie, had I seen this when it first happened--I had to read back a fair amount, I was distracted with the new sims arriving--I might have been far less polite.

[20:22] American Grayman: np
[20:22] American Grayman: 18-29 .. your cannon fodder
[20:22] American Grayman: ..30-42 .. we fought in middle east
[20:22] American Grayman: we can war well
[20:22] American Grayman: your first wave ..
[20:22] American Grayman: covid mutates 64 times by march 2022 ... how many booster shots u gttting

That should be "you getting", and...man, everything in that statement is wrong, or stupid.

[20:23] Nxxx Lxxxxxxx: That really isn't appropriate here. Thanks

Again, far more polite than I would have been at this point. This troll is quite the aggressive little limp noodle, isn't he?

[20:23] American Grayman: dont worry im a reatart.. stragihht windolickin

I'm not even bothering to translate that.

[20:24] American Grayman: vaccines give people polio type complications next year
[20:25] American Grayman: sorry you got 1st in line..lol lol

And you know this...how?

[20:27] American Grayman: should be wonderin why you aint heard not athing about bankruptcy
[20:28] Nxxx Lxxxxxxx: If you don't stop you'll be ejected

That should be "not a thing", or, as I suspect you mean, "nothing", and...Yes, please. When?

[20:28] American Grayman: awwww.. dam ... ok.. [f*ck] you [c*nt]

How appalling.

[20:28] American Grayman: your dead 2050 u cant breath on earth

It's "you", and again, "your", and "breathe".

[20:28] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Excuse??

And this is when I arrived, very confused.

[20:28] Exxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxxxx: please eject the idiot
[20:28] American Grayman: awww... .. i didnt get the bannss
[20:28] Nxxx Lxxxxxxx: And gone
[20:28] Fxxxx Sxxxxxx: Y E E T

Oh, thank you.

[20:28] American Grayman: lol
[20:28] American Grayman: lol
[20:28] American Grayman: salves

I think you meant "slaves". And of course, the sad thing about any block is that the person blocked then has to close the chat. This one, though...he seems determined to keep going.

[20:28] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr) reads back and blinks.
[20:28] American Grayman: oh
[20:29] Exxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxxxx: yeet indeed
[20:29] American Grayman: maybe u should question
[20:29] American Grayman: should be wonderin why you aint heard not athing about bankruptcy
[20:29] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): What a complete unseasoned chicken wing you are.
[20:29] American Grayman: usa is bankrupt [b*tchs]
[20:29] Exxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxxxx: why is he back

Because he still has chat open.

[20:29] American Grayman: war with china
[20:29] American Grayman: figure out why im right
[20:29] American Grayman: lol
[20:29] Sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx do you think that he is a professional troll, or only does it in his spare time?

He's not entertaining enough to do this professionally.

[20:29] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Until he closes the window, sadly, we're stuck with him, it's a flaw

And yes, what I said.

[20:29] Bxxxx Dxxx: just send AR report :)
[20:29] American Grayman: aww
[20:29] Fxxxx Sxxxxxx: Yeah it's just a flaw with the group, just mute him
[20:29] American Grayman: ints a owned group
[20:29] Mxxxxxxx Mxxxxx: Ya, can always AR
[20:29] American Grayman: awww
[20:29] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): But once he does, he will be gone from the group.
[20:29] American Grayman: dam
[20:29] American Grayman: no admin in a private group

There can be lots of admins in a private group. Also lots of moderators.

[20:29] American Grayman: dam
[20:29] American Grayman: usa is going to lose
[20:30] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): And an AR can be filed at this point for continual harassment.
[20:30] Bxxxx Dxxx: yus
[20:31] Bxxxx Dxxx: hes a hub troll

I then set about properly ARing the idiot, as I hovered over Krakenstorm.

[20:31] Fxxxx Sxxxxxx: There he's properly banned
[20:31] Bxxxx Dxxx: just AR it
[20:31] Sxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxx: *Black Lavender*

What?

[20:31] Mxxxxxxx Mxxxxx: Y'know, with all the items coming back to the store, I wonder why this one never did... https://www.flickr.com/photos/waltonwainwright/47744583292/
[20:32] Nxxx Lxxxxxxx:

[2021/05/04 16:41] [Nxxx Lxxxxxxx]: it's not likely to be back anytime soon. There are issues with the product that need to be addressed before we can put it back out.

[20:32] Nxxx Lxxxxxxx: was asked about earlier XD
[20:32] Mxxxxxxx Mxxxxx: Ahh, that would explain it
[20:33] Exxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxxxx: report filed
[20:33] Exxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxxxx: hate this faux news driven nutbaggery

Me too.

[20:34] Mxxxxxxx Mxxxxx: Eh, looked like trolling more than anything NBD
[20:34] Fxxxx Sxxxxxx: So to get around that glitch, banning completely yeets them, eject doesn't normally work.

Good to know there's a workaround.

[20:34] Nxxx Lxxxxxxx: No more kid gloves anymore? :'D
[20:35] Mxxxxxxx Mxxxxx: I might also recommend a cannon
[20:35] Exxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxxxx: cannon oh yes I agree
[20:35] Lxxx Cxxx: lol thanks for getting rid fo the idiot
[20:35] Cxxxx Fxxxxxxx: Of course the person named McCann would suggest a cannon

And a child avatar suggesting a cannon, as well. Irony.

[20:35] Exxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxxxx: I have an avatar cannon. shame it has to be voluntary..
[20:35] Mxxxxxxx Mxxxxx: Of course!
[20:36] Sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Cannon McCannonface, obviously
[20:36] Cxxxx Fxxxxxxx: :D
[20:36] Cxxxx Fxxxxxxx: Yers
[20:36] Mxxxxxxx Mxxxxx: *Naturally*
[20:36] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): And blocked and ARed.

Along with likely half the chat, easy.

[20:39] Exxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxxxx: Walt, how about some pants rigged for female avs?

The eternal question.

[20:39] Mxxxxxxx Mxxxxx: I believe those are against his religion
[20:39] Sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: if the pants are too loose I can't tell his religion
[20:40] axxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: what
[20:40] Cxxxx Fxxxxxxx: LOL
[20:40] Exxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxxxx: I'm not sure I need to know that much info, [Mxxxxxxx]

I don't either.

[20:43] Sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I've always been the curious sort
[20:43] Sxxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxx: Never go [a**] to mouth

Please stop.

[20:43] mxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i mean
[20:44] mxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: in the heat of the moment
[20:44] Sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: not THAT curious
[20:44] mxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ....
[20:44] Cxxxx Fxxxxxxx: Okay. Sometimes.
[20:44] axxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I'm very lost

You're not alone. But at least, the troll was gone. Hallelujah. And then, something actually fun came up...

[20:44] Cxxxx Fxxxxxxx: No buttstuff!
[20:45] Cxxxx Fxxxxxxx Black Lavender

Why do you keep saying this?? I don't understand! I mean, I know what black lavender tea is, but...is that what you mean? Somehow, I don't think so.

[20:45] Cxxxx Fxxxxxxx: Is that your safe word?
[20:45] Exxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxxxx: what's wrong with butt stuff?

Nothing, but...why do we have to discuss it in Contraption group chat??

[20:45] Cxxxx Fxxxxxxx: No. My safe word is Hiawatha.
[20:45] Cxxxx Fxxxxxxx: Uhhh nothing
[20:45] Sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I had a safe word but 2020 wouldn't listen to it

[20:46] Cxxxx Fxxxxxxx: Haha, yeah 2020 sucked
[20:46] Cxxxx Fxxxxxxx: Except for the part where I met my wife in this group!

And there was much rejoicing!

[20:46] Exxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxxxx: hee
[20:46] Sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol OK then that was good
[20:46] Cxxxx Fxxxxxxx: And married her in RL haha
[20:47] Cxxxx Fxxxxxxx: Yus
[20:47] Sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: No. Way.
[20:47] Sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: !
[20:47] Exxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxxxx kisses her gently.... she's right next to me

[20:47] Cxxxx Fxxxxxxx: Yup
[20:47] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): You know, there are a lot of stories like that in SL.
[20:47] Sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: congratulations, that is awesome
[20:48] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr) points to the third lass of her trio, who she met dating in world with someone else entirely, and who then moved in.
[20:48] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): We just passed ten years together.

S'truth. She was part of a trio in Second Life, and, when that broke apart, she wanted to meet me, and my lady wife (who she was seeing in another relationship, because polyamory's fun that way). And...the rest is history.

[20:48] Cxxxx Fxxxxxxx: Thank you! Yeah, I have heard many SL stories of people meeting and marrying in RL
[20:48] Cxxxx Fxxxxxxx: Awww
[20:48] Cxxxx Fxxxxxxx: Congrats!
[20:48] Exxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxxxx: Thank you, [Mxxxxxxx]
[20:49] Exxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxxxx: Congrats Em
[20:49] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr) smiles.
[20:49] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): And to you.
[20:49] Cxxxx Fxxxxxxx: I've heard horror stories about people meeting in SL and getting married.

Yeah, but the same can be said about meeting anyone on the net and meeting them in person. The same can be said meeting people in more "traditional" ways in RL, and getting married in RL, and having it implode into emotional shrapnel. It's not SL's fault.

[20:50] Sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ha
[20:50] Sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I was in a relationship for 6 years from RLC
[20:50] Nxxx Lxxxxxxx: How is that a horror story? lol
[20:50] Cxxxx Fxxxxxxx: RLC is the horror part.
[20:50] Sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: the horror part was the gay atheist republican part
[20:51] Sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I mean
[20:51] Sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: who the hell heard of that

It does seem highly contradictory. Please, sign me up to support a political group that is antithetical to every single interest I hold, and my own well-being. That sounds wise.

[20:51] Exxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxxxx: oh... the log cabin republican type
[20:51] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Yes, sadly, Log Cabin Repubs exist.
[20:52] Exxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxxxx: wife's bro is one. trump supporter and all
[20:52] Sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: smh
[20:52] Sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: though
[20:52] Cxxxx Fxxxxxxx: I remember signing my homophobic high school history teacher up for Log Cabin news letters to be delivered to his mail box at the school.
[20:52] Cxxxx Fxxxxxxx: Yep.....He's stupid.
[20:52] Sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ttechnically he was bi
[20:52] Cxxxx Fxxxxxxx: Haaaaa
[20:52] Exxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxxxx: lol Ak
[20:54] Exxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxxxx: wish I thought of that. I went to a private catholic school. there would have been repercussions
[20:54] Sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ex started off Catholic
[20:55] Sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: he got over it

Always possible. And thus, the capture endeth, on a much better note than it started. All is back to right with the world...or at least, the strange, surreal, clockwork-and-steam-and-diesel world Mr. Wainright and partner are creating.

come join the party in the dust and the sand

Oh, this one's going to be...fun...

Dear Ms. [name],

Oh, hi--am I not off your mailing list yet? I've told you twice, thanksbutno, take me off. Seems...not to have taken?

I want to have your name and intentions taken to Fátima for the 104th Anniversary of the most amazing historic event.

How...is that going to work, precisely? How can you take my name to a place?

Would you like that?

I have no idea. Why would I want that, again?

Click here [link given] to add "[name]" to the ANF banner in Fátima!

Ohhh, I get it now. You want to put my name on a banner. To take TO Fátima. Silly idea, but okay.

Yes, that is correct, on May 12th, the eve of the 104th Anniversary of Our Lady’s first apparition at Fátima, Portugal, our ambassadors will carry your name on the unique America Needs Fátima Banner during the Fátima celebrations and candlelight procession.

No thanks.

They will also present your intentions to Our Lady of Fátima on the exact spot where she appeared.

No thanks.

Join me and thousands more, by having your intentions delivered to the very spot where the Queen of Heaven appeared to the three shepherd children so long ago.

Sounds like a cash grab.

Though we have all been dealt a trying hand this past year, Our Lady has been with you and I every step of the way.

And as uncertain as the future looks for America right now, I know she will stay by our sides through it all.

She will never abandon her faithful children!

Good to know, but, thing is, I'm not actually Catholic? Sorry if you have that impression. I've tried to correct that by unsubscribing.

So, [name], what better way to thank her for her sweet maternal protection--nd lay our present difficulties at her feet--than to participate spiritually in the annual Fátima celebrations?

I can think of lots of ways. Most of them far more direct than carrying a banner with a bunch of names on it.

Click here to have your name added to ANF’s Banner carried through the Shrine of Our Lady of Fátima.

No, but good luck with that. Really.

Because you love Mother Mary so much,

That's assuming a great deal about me because once you offered a free scapular with the image of Mary of Fátima, and I accepted...

because you want her Immaculate Heart to Reign over all this troubled world and because you have supported ANF with your prayers and sacrifices in the past

Err, no, I paid you a pittance once to send me a rosary chaplet, because that was a bit nicer than the scapular, but I haven't paid you a single centime since--and won't, in all likelihood.

--for all these reasons, and more...

Right, we're back at cash grab again.

...I want to offer you this beautiful spiritual experience absolutely FREE!

The hell you say.

So what are you waiting for? Click here now [link given] and send your name and intentions to Fátima this May for the 104th anniversary celebration of Our Lady’s first apparition at Fátima, Portugal.

No, but thanks. I'm going to try again to get off this mailing list,

I remain your friend,
In Jesus and Mary,

Sure, whatever,

Robert Ritchie
Director, America Needs Fátima

I mean, look. As far as religious hucksters go, I don't think this group is entirely terrible, which is why I'm leaving their web page link in. They are operating from a prophecy from one of the children that says fairly clearly, world go boom unless Russia worships Mary. Which...no, on multiple levels, but I can see why they're invested.

But my sideline interest in Marian cults doesn't respond to this level of froth. I don't care if someone carries my name through the streets of Fátima. Why does it matter? It certainly won't matter to the residents of Fátima. It won't matter to the people carrying the banner. And it's certainly not going to be "FREE", as they said. There will be a fee for doing this, at some point, I guarantee it.

So no, thanks, I'm going to try to get off your mailing list again. Good luck with the world saving.

fan fiction told me that he died all alone (part XXXIX)

(Roleplay entry. Continued from part XXXVIX.)

Thaumaturgy is the purported capability of a magician to work magic or other paranormal events or a saint to perform miracles. It is sometimes translated into English as wonderworking. A practitioner of thaumaturgy is a "thaumaturgus", "thaumaturge", "thaumaturgist" or "miracle worker". A saint, who is a person who is recognized as having an exceptional degree of holiness or likeness or closeness to God, may be claimed to have performed miracles, which are events not explicable by natural or scientific laws.

In the 16th century, the word thaumaturgy entered the English language meaning miraculous or magical powers. The word was first anglicized and used in the magical sense in John Dee's book Mathematicall Praeface to Euclid's Elements (1570). He mentions an "art mathematical" called "thaumaturgy... which giveth certain order to make strange works, of the sense to be perceived and of men greatly to be wondered at".

All major religions and all cultures in the world have some form of Thaumaturgic beliefs.

In the following chapters, I will articulate how the golden age of Magic and Sorcery was actually the 20th and 21st century, and how Clarke’s third law is the driving zeitgeist of the age.

The most powerful and influential magicians of the the 20th century were not Crowley, Gardener or Carroll but actually Napoleon Hill, W. Clement Stone and Tony Robbins or arguably Alan Greenspan, Werner Van Braun and Heisenberg.

The following are quotes from these magicians. My advice to any serious student of these arts is to read these works for yourself and find the common themes.

Similar to many great magicians, he was accused of being a fraud and a con man. Nevertheless, he did not let facts get in the way of a good story. He knew that the mythology had power to help people achieve things in the physical world. Much of his beliefs became the staple of positive thinking movements.

Napoleon hill attributed his beliefs to a "secret" Andrew Carnegie taught him. He then validated the secret talking to many powerful and wealth people of his era. Including: Andrew Carnegie, Henry Ford, and Edwin C. Barnes (an associate of Thomas Edison). Hill reported that Carnegie had given him a letter of introduction to Ford, who Hill said then introduced him to Alexander Graham Bell, Elmer R. Gates, by William H. Taft, Cyrus H. K. Curtis, Thomas Edison, Luther Burbank, E.M. Statler, Edward W. Bok, John D. Rockefeller. Rufus A. Ayers, John Burroughs, Harvey Samuel Firestone, Elbert H. Gary, James J. Hill, George Safford Parker, Theodore Roosevelt, Charles M. Schwab, Frank A. Vanderlip, John Wanamaker, F. W. Woolworth, Daniel Thew Wright, and William Wrigley, Jr.

However, these claims have proven to be false or greatly exaggerated. It seems just as authors of other religious and mystic texts, Hill appealed to other figures for credibility and to provide plausibility for the teaching.

These issues notwithstanding, the thoughtforms and mythos created by Hill became one of the most powerful uses of magic in history which propelled people to even greater highs of accomplishment.

In 2017 the Vatican released and allowed the publication of a fragment of the Codex Magisterium. This manuscript had been kept secret in the Vatican Secret archive for an unknown number of years.

The saying of St. Collis seem to echo teachings of Napoleon Hill. However, the manuscript was dated to the early middle ages. The fragment is translated below:

The wisdom of Magus Adept Hill:

Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.

The starting point of all achievement is desire.

A goal is a dream with a deadline.

Every adversity, every failure, and every heartache, carries with it the Seed of an equivalent or greater Benefit.

If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.

Any ideas, plan, or purpose may be placed in the mind through repetition of thought.

Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.

The man who does more than he is paid for will soon be paid for more than he does.

Don't wait. The time will never be just right. Start where you stand, and work whatever tools you may have at your command and better tools will be found as you go along.

Some people dream of success, while others wake up and work hard at it.

Most great people have achieved their greatest success just one step beyond their greatest failure.

Success comes to those who become success conscious.

Any idea, plan, or purpose may be placed in the mind through repetition of thought.

When your desires are strong enough, you will appear to possess superhuman powers to achieve.

The starting point of all achievement is desire. Keep this constantly in mind. Weak desires bring weak results, just as a small fire makes a small amount of heat.

Great achievement is usually born of great sacrifice, and never the result of selfishness.

Opportunity often comes disguised in the form of misfortune or temporary defeat.

Every adversity, every failure, every heartbreak, carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.

It is literally true that you can succeed best and quickest by helping others succeed.

Success is good at any age, but the sooner you find it, the longer you will enjoy it.

It takes half your life before you discover life is a do-it-yourself project.

Victory is always possible for the person who refuses to stop fighting.

When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound, rebuild those plans, and set sail once more toward your coveted goal.

A positive mind finds a way it can be done; A negative mind looks for all the ways it can't be done.

The way of success is the way of continuous pursuit of knowledge.

Deliberately seek the company of people who influence you to think and act on building the life you desire.

You are the master of your destiny. You can influence, direct and control your own environment. You can make your life what you want it to be.

You give before you get.

Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle.

The ladder of success is never crowded at the top.

The more you give, the more comes back to you.

Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.

Create a definite plan for carrying out your desire and begin at once, whether you are ready or not, to put this plan into action.

When you have talked yourself into what you want, right there is the place to stop talking and begin saying it with deeds.

Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.

Plan your work and work your plan.

You can think your way into or out of almost any circumstance, good or bad.

Procrastination is the bad habit of putting of until the day after tomorrow what should have been done yesterday.

If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.

No one is ready for a thing until he believes he can acquire it.

Keep your mind fixed on what you want in life: not on what you don't want.

Everyone faces defeat. It may be a stepping-stone or a stumbling block, depending on the mental attitude with which it is faced.

Life reflects your own thoughts back to you.

If you do not see great riches in your imagination, you will never see them in your bank balance.

Action is the real measure of intelligence.

You become what you think about.

To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your own path, and don't worry about darkness, for that is when the stars shine brightest.

There has been significant debate on how a magical text previous unknown could have mirrored exactly self help literature authored in the early 20th century.

(Continued in part XL.)

I'm cold as a match ready to strike (part XXXVIX)

(Roleplay entry. Continued from part XXXVIII.)

"With every mistake we must surely be learning."
~The Psalms of St. Harrison, Codex Magisterium Metaverse

Hiro activated the Cryo chamber. He knew the Beta was on the way north to Thule, Epsilon was in Jerusalem, Gamma was being sent to Ophir from Sheba, Delta was being sent to Egypt, the most dangerous of all the fragments.

He had completed much of the Books. All were combined in two large volumes and one small epistle: the Codex 1: Magisterium Metaverse and the Codex 2: Quantum Grimoire and the Epistle of the Blue Avatar. He sent copies to all instances of himself.

El spoke. "Five copies delivered."

Hiro looked puzzled. "Five?"

He rubbed his forehead. Forget it, he thought. "I am tired." He activated the cryo pod and drifted off, not sure when he would be awakened by his other fragments still in the world.

(Continued in part XXXIX.)

shined so bright this star's gonna burn out (part I)

DJ Verdant, he of the incomparably fun Wandering Star, sent out a notice that he'd be playing a set for the spring equinox. And fae were requested! Fauns specifically, but fae of any order, or whomever wanted to come--just come and dance.



So we turned out in a minor drove.



We all picked out spaces around the fire, and the dancing began.



DJ Verdant Homewood himself, spinning for the revelers.



So, I could have just included the pic after this, because right when I snapped this, the lass on the left whose wings I REALLY wanted to catch turned to the side...but it's still a fun pic, I'm going with it.



And those are her wings full on, with the eye spots.



And we wheel around to another side of the fire. I'm the little thing on the right!

(Part II coming soon!)

there is a purpose to this all (part XXXIV)

(Roleplay entry. Continued from part XXXIII.)

The voice in the box said "Christian Rosenkreuz..."

STAN: AUTHENTICATED
STAN: SYSTEM CONTROLS ONLINE

Justine turned and hugged her close. "You did it! You did it!"

Emilly just shook. "That could have gone better, but...yay," she whispered.

The voice came from the box again. "Em...I'm sleepy...but I need to tell you something."

Justine looked at the box. "You did it, Hiro. It's all going to be okay now. We're going to get you ba...heal you up...and you'll have a home to come to. And it's going to be okay."

Emilly looked at the box. "Yes, love?"

"I keep having a dream...It doesn't make sense."

Justine turned. "Wait, what?"

Emilly said, as calmly as she could, "What dream? The marble pomegranate again?"

"I am in an old ship," Hiro in the box said. "A galley..."

Emilly nodded. "Go on."

"We're off the shore of an island..."

Justine looked up, expression concerned. "Emilly, the quantum entanglement levels between our...between here and...the long-ago...I'm seeing spikes." Her eyes widened, trying to parse the data as it came in. "There's too much!" She looked worriedly at the box.

Emilly grew more worried. "Will it affect the...containment?"

Justine mouthed at Emilly, "Reassure him, keep him calm. I don't know..."

"Wait," Hiro whispered. Then, louder: "WAIT--"

"Just breathe, you want to stay relaxed," Emilly said. "If the dream worries you that much, we'll break it down later, okay?"



Justine muttered under her breath, "it's ok it's ok it's ok it's ok--"

An urgent whisper from the box. "I remember--THIS ISN'T A DREAM..."

Emilly thought. "Are you on the Gray Area?" she asked.

"Not anymore. We stripped it."

Emilly blinked. Who stripped it? Why? "Oh, good," she said blandly. "That will help."

"I needed some of the cavorite to build the chamber," came the voice. "We had to hide."

Emilly tilted her head, whiskers twitching. "The chamber needed to float? Or just needed to be powered by something long-lasting?"

"I had to hide after Hiram's...attack. Em..."

Emilly nodded. "Truly a tragedy...Yes?"

"The sea people...the Balearic islands...Em, I can't see..."

Emilly walked over, touching the box. "What about the Balearics?"

"How did you get me here? Em...Where are they? You need the where."

"We think that's part of why the accident happened," she said reassuringly. "Quantum interference. We'll find the where."

"I just told you..."

"We have maps," Emilly said, nodding. "We'll look."

"I need to sleep..."

She closed her eyes tight for a few moments. "Yes, love. Rest. You'll be better soon."

"Don't let him find me...he'll treat me like a pig..."
Emilly wanted very badly, suddenly, to ask about the ringmaster, but let it go. "We won't."

"Em...who was Armada's sister city?"

She thought. "Wasn't it Gearhaven? Or are we talking Mieville?"

"Before, Em. Compare maps...other direction."



"Oh, dear. That's going to be...tricky."

"Em?" said the voice. "I'm confused..."

"I know, love. It's okay. Everything will make sense soon."

"There's more than one island..."

She nodded. "You sleep, the medical bay is in solid shape."

"I picked the right one...but he's still looking for me...

"We'll find you first." She hoped she sounded as sure of that as she needed to.

Justine listened with one ear, accessing STAN.

"STAN, discontinue Gearhaven asset destruction sequence, return all deployed armaments to station storage. Repeat: do not continue to Phase 4 of asset shut down sequence. Confirm?"

STAN: CONFIRM. SYSTEM STANDING DOWN.

"Wonderful," Emilly breathed.

PAYLOAD DELIVERED.

Justine breathed an audible sigh of relief and turned to Emilly. "I didn't understand a lot of that. What was Armada's sister city?" Emilly didn't answer her, turning to the screen.

"Wait, payload? STAN, what payload?"

Justine blinked. "Payload? Delivered WHERE?"

STAN: REPLICA OF BETA-EL.

There was a shimmer, a spiral of light, towards the back of the terminal bay. "Ah," Emilly was saying, "So, to...where..." She trailed off.



"I am Beta-El/Astorah. Replicant," the newcomer said. She--at least, Emilly assumed feminine, from the dimensions and the vocal tones--was pale, with touches of red here and there. Her movements were fluid. Her eyes were blank.

"Oh, boy," she muttered. She looked at Justine.

Justine stared at the replicant. "Whaaaat..."

"I bet this is part of what we found yesterday in the books," Emilly mused.

"I was transmitted and used the replicators," Beta-El added. "I am one of five."



"Good," Emilly said, after a long pause. "You can...help."

The replicant blinked. "Correction: I could help."

Emilly arched an eyebrow. "Yes..."

The voice changed, became markedly less feminine, overlaid with another...almost recognizeable...voice. "I am tired of keeping the secrets..." It shifted back to the lighter, feminine tone. "I prefer my current programming. Would you like a drink?"

Emilly looked at Justine.

Justine shrugged. She approached the replicant.



"You will help. That's why you're here," Justine said. "You're going to help us find the tomb."

Emilly nodded. "And you don't have to keep the secrets anymore. You're here. This is where you need to be."

Justine nodded, looking from Emilly, back to Beta-El. "In fact...you're going to help us identify the true priestess, and find the words of power we need to return the sleeper."

(Continued in part XXXV.)

I'm just a number riding solo in the code (part XXXIII)

(Roleplay entry. Continued from part XXXII.)



Justine's initial experiments with personality containment had seemingly succeeded. But in returning to the station, they'd actually managed to get lost on Tannhäuser. Which was frustrating, but they realized part of why was that parts of the station had shifted--in some cases, making it nearly impossible to access sections through the hatches.



Finally, they found the fringe lab again. Justine pulled a dark blue container to the center of one of the bays. "This is the box."

Emilly nodded. "Now for the big one--do we ask STAN, or do we need...Hiro-in-the-box to do it?" She looked down at the square crate. "My gods, he must be frustrated in there."

Justine put a hand on the box.

There was a sound...suspiciously like a slightly echoing cough. "Hey, that tickles, WTF?"

Justine set the side panel to transmit to local readout, and looked up. "Talk to him, Em. Please. He just needs to be calm."

Emilly came closer. "It's all right, we're just testing some of the nerve pathways. It's good that it tickles."

There was another sound...was it a...groan? "Let me sleep, guys," Hiro's digitized voice said. "I am...so tired...I can't feel my body..."

Emilly nodded briskly. "Of course you're tired, and we will, we just need a few questions answered. Is that okay?" She waited.

There was a sound of assent, then a yawn. "Okay...what is it?"



Emilly did her best to sound calm and reassuring. "We need to you to talk STAN through the station passcodes. During the accident, part of the command protocols reset. We just need them back online."

There was a pause, then--"Accident?"

Emilly whispered to Justine, "We did tell him that last time, right? He doesn't remember?"

Justine just smiled, nodding. "Good, keep going," she whispered, standing to walk to the terminal and monitor the data flow.



"Right, okay, we've had you in induced sleep for a bit. There was an accident on the station. We've got you, you're fine, but there was a lot of damage. We'll fix it."

Another long pause. "The passcodes are all based on texts in the Sphinx library..."

Emilly nodded again. "Right, but part of the station shut down. We'd like it back online." She waited for a response, furrowing her brow slightly when none came. "We just need you to authenticate through STAN. Who is the Widow's Son, Hiram; Who is the Consort to the Queen of Heaven, El." She shook her head, looking down. "And I hope there's only two," she muttered.

"Right," came the voice in the box. "You got it..."

"Right, but STAN's keyed to your voice for certain functions. So...awake enough to ask STAN?"



A digital sigh. "Okay..."

Justine watched the data flow, readying the DNA sample for authentication. She slipped the prepared glove onto her hand, cringing slightly. The bits of the clone's recovered fingertips embedded in the glove should work. "I'm ready."

Something...indefinable. Sharpening of attention? A slight measure of increased alertness? She wasn't sure what she was picking up.

"What...?" came the voice from the box.

"She's watching the station controls. It's all right."

STAN: DNA IDENTITY IS CONFIRMED
STAN: AINEKO-MEDICI-ORR CONFIRMED

Emilly released a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. "Good..."

STAN: PASSCODE AUTHENTICATION: Who is the Widow's son?

"Hiro?" Emilly asked. "Tell Stan Hiram."

The digital voice said "Hiram...Abriff."

STAN: CONFIRMED...Who is the Consort of the Queen of Heaven?

"Hiro?" Emilly said, leaning in. "The answer is El."

"Em?" came the voice. It sounded confused.



Justine looked over at Emilly, eyes wide but hopeful, then over at the box, and finally back to the terminal.

"Yes, Hiro?" Emilly responded.

"What's going on...Why can't I see you?" That note of panic again.

Emilly breathed out. "We're regrowing your optics. Everything's on schedule."

STAN: AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
20
19
18

"Tell STAN El, okay?"

17
16
15
14

"Please, beloved." Emilly wrung her paws in concern.

Justine's eyes widened even further and her fingers flew over the console, adjusting levels on the box.



"Hiro, please," Justine pleaded. "Please, honey. Please..."

"The answer is El," Emilly urged.

13
12
11

Finally, the voice spoke again. "El," it said.

STAN: CONFIRMED

Emilly breathed out shakily, then her gaze shot to the screen as more words appeared, and were read in STAN's simulated tones.

STAN: CONFIRMED...Who is in the Tomb of Order?

"...Damn," she breathed. "So that's either Hiro, or Ose, or...wait." She thought frantically.

STAN: AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
20
19
18
17
16
15
14

"The Rosicrucian tomb?" Emilly asked. She dimly remembered something...it had been literal years since she'd read it. though...

13
12
11
10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3

"Wait, Christian Rosenkreuz? Say that! Now, Hiro!"

(Continued in part XXXIV.)

it's more than bone, it's more than skin (part XXXI)

(Roleplay entry. Continued from part XXX.)

Book of Ose and Hiram

Chapter 3

Disposition of the five vessels.

They were sent to all parts. Beta went to Thule, Gamma went with Bilqis to Sheba, Delta to the Ophir, Epsilon staying in Jerusalem with Hiram. The Alpha was with the Leopard King incarnate. Each part had the essence of the first El and the Leopard. Gods and DemiGods, knowledge and wisdom given to the elect. In that day, the crawling chaos was strong. The old gods were still in the space between. The Watchers and Nephilim both lived in the land. The five elements started at the same source and became spread to the wind.

The Three Ruffians

It was the usual custom of the Grand Master, Hiram Abiff, to enter into the unfinished "Sanctum Sanctorum, or Holy of Holies", of King Solomon's Temple, each day at high twelve, while the craft were called from labor to refreshment, for the purpose of drawing out his designs upon the trestle-board, whereby the craft might pursue their labors; after which, it was further his custom to offer up his devotions to the Deity. Then he would retire at the south gate of the outer courts of the Temple;

Jubela, First Ruffian: Grand Master Hiram, I am glad to meet you thus alone. I have long sought this opportunity. You will remember you promised us, that when the Temple was completed, we should receive the secrets of a Master, whereby we might travel in foreign countries, work, and receive Master's wages. Behold! the Temple is now about to be completed, and we have not obtained that which we have so long sought. At first, I did not doubt your veracity; but now I do! I therefore now demand of you the secret.

Hiram Abriff: Brother, this is an unusual way of asking for them. It is neither a proper time nor place; but be true to your engagement, and I will be true to mine. Wait until the Temple is completed, and then, if you are found worthy and well qualified, you will unquestionably receive the secrets of a Master Adapt; but, until then, you cannot.

Ruffian: This does not satisfy me! Talk not to me of time or place, but give me the secrets of a Master Adapt, or I will take your life!

Hiram Abiff: I cannot; nor can they be given, except in the presence of Solomon, king of Israel, Hiram, king of Tyre, and myself.

Ruffian: That does not satisfy me. I'll hear no more of your cavilling! Give me the Master's word, or I will take your life in a moment.

Hiram: I shall not!

This did not end well as the ruffians were [f**ktards] of that first order.

The Second Ruffian gives the candidate a brush across the throat with his right hand, and at the same time relinquishes his hold with his left, steps quietly to one side, clinching him by the collar, exclaiming as follows:

Second Ruffian - Give me the secrets of a Master Mason!

Hiram: I cannot.

Ruffian: Give me the secrets of a Master.

Hiram: I shall not.

Ruffian: Give me the Master's word, or I will take your life in a moment!

Hiram: I will not!

Ruffian gives the candidate a brush with his right hand across the left breast, and at the same time lets him pass.

Jubelum seizes him with both hands by the collar of his coat, and swings him round. then exclaims: Give me the secrets of a Master Adapt.

Hiram: I cannot!

Ruffian: Give me the secrets of a Master, or I will take your life!

Hiram: I shall not!

Ruffian: You have (here he seizes the Hiram more fiercely, and affects a great earnestness of purpose) escaped "Jubela" and "Jubelo"; me you cannot escape; my name is "Jubelum!" What I purpose, that I perform. I hold in my hand an instrument of death; therefore, give me the Master's word, or I will take your life in a moment!

Hiram: I will not!

Ruffian: Then die!

The Ruffian here gives the Hiram a blow on his head with a retting-maul; at the same time, pushing him backward.

Ruffian: Is he dead?

Answer: He is, his skull is broken in.

Ruffian: What horrid deed is this we have done?

Answer: We have murdered our Grand Master, Hiram Abiff, and have not obtained that which we have sought: this is no time for vain reflection--the question is, what shall we do with the body?

Answer: We will bury it in the rubbish of the Temple, until low twelve, and then we will meet and give it a decent burial.

Ose, the leopard Demon, was watching all of this happen from a distance.

The temple would never be completed because of the tyranny of evil men and entitled men. The secrets were loves.

For this reason, Ose, the leopard from elsewhen, decided to provide more lessons in secrecy.

These lessons are included in the book of the Sphinx Order: "The Pillars of Order and Liturgical Guide".

(Continued in part XXXII.)

drive until you lose the road, or break with the ones you've followed

Thorvald Ragnarsson, the Gothi and owner of Thorvaldshavn, has been working on a revised calendar of Norse holidays and feast days, that steps away from some of the "traditional" (id est, "accepted" for the last few decades) Ásatrú holiday set. Partially, he wants something closer to how historical Nordic peoples worshipped, in their daily lives; partially, this is because Ásatrú is largely based in Icelandic reconstructed traditions, and his people hail from Norway.

But it's taken him several months to get this far, and he's given me permission to post this initial draft. This is his rundown for 2021, using the moon cycles of the Gregorian calendar, because they're slightly more accurate than the Julian.

(Also understand this is a calendar year designed to take into account the days and solar tilt of the lands centering on Norway, and not the world as a whole. Depending on where one is in the world, it will affect when these days start and end.)

2021 Moon Cycles of the Gregorian Calendar Year

Nàttleysi ( Nightless Days; Summer)

New Moon	11 April

New Moon	26 April	Harpla

New Moon	11 May

New Moon	26 May	Skerpla

New Moon	10 June

New Moon	24 June	Sólmánuður

New Moon	9 July

New Moon	23 July	Heyannir

New Moon	8 August

New Moon	22 August	Tvímánuður

New Moon	6 September

New Moon	20 September	Haustmánuður

Skammdegi (Short Days; Winter)

New Moon	6 October

New Moon	20 October	Gortmánuður

New Moon	4 November

New Moon	19 November	Ýlir

New Moon	4 December

New Moon	18 December	Mörsugur

New Moon	12 January

New Moon	28 January	Þorri

New Moon	11 February

New Moon	27 February	Gói

New Moon	13 March

New Moon	28 March	Einmánuður

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Average dates of the Solstices and Equinoxes:

Spring Equinox:

20 March

Summer Solstice:

20 June

Autumn Equinox:

22 September

Winter Solstice:

21 December

Lunar Month Length: 29.5 days
Lunar Year Length: 12.38 months

NORSE HOLIDAYS:

(The rest are largely still sourced from Ásatrúar holidays; some of the names and dates may change, some will remain. They're listed because they're mostly the wheel of the year that is celebrated in Nordic recreationist faiths.)

Þorrablot: or Husband's day, it was celebrated on the first day of Þorri in honour of all husbands and fathers. It was held in honour of Thor and of course, the winter spirit of Thorri.

Góublót: also known as "Wife's day", it took place on the first day of Gói in honour of all mothers and wives. It’s also a celebration of the end of winter.

Sigurdsblót: the first day of Harpa. A day to celebrate the beginning of Summer and the victory of light over darkness. Offerings to Freya were made during this festival.

Mid-Summar: a common festivity in many cultures, it was the celebration of light, fertility and music.

Alfarblót: the first day of Winter. It celebrates the last harvest of the year and it’s also associated with the goddess Freya. This festivity was celebrated in the privacy of each home, as opposed to the others and it was lead by the women of the house.

Jól or Yule: a festivity associated with the Wild Hunt and Odin and the predecessor of the modern Christmas celebrations in northern Europe.

Dísablót: the exact day of this celebration is unclear, some sources say it was held at the beginning of winter, others at the end of it or it might have been celebrated on both, actually. This festival honoured all the female figures: the disir (the female spirits of protection and fertility), goddesses, ancestors and other female figures of the Norse lore.

NORSE FESTIVAL DATES:

Disting or Disablot (February 2nd): a celebration of new beginnings and preparation of the land for planting.

Sigurdsblot (End of March): Sacrifices for prosperous harvests at the beginning of planting season.

Midsummar or Midsummarblot (June 21st): The date of this celebration can vary a little bit if you decide to do it on the actual Summer solstice. Bonfires, traditional music and the burning of corn dollies take place to celebrate the brightest time of the year.

Frey Feast or Freysblot (August 1st): Thanks giving for the fruits of the first harvest of the year. A loaf of bread is baked as an offering to the goddess Frey.

Fall Feast or Haustblot (September 23rd): this festivity falls on the Autumn equinox, so the date may vary a bit if you celebrate it on the actual astronomical event. It honours the second harvest of the season and it’s the time to gather food for the upcoming winter months. It's also a time to reflect on what we have achieved and to be thankful for what the Earth has given us.

Winter Nights or Vetrnaetr (October 31st): The end of the harvest season, which meant that it was time to use the meat of the farm animals and start hunting. It's also a night to reflect and honour ancestors, as well as the goddess Hela. The veil between the worlds is thinner during this night, so it's also a good time to do some divination for the year ahead.

Yule (December 20th-January 1st): the most important of all Norse holidays, it has a duration of 12 nights, starting on December the 20th. The darkest time of the year symbolizes the beginning and end of all things and it is when the gods and goddesses are the closest to Midgard. The dead return to Earth to share feasts with the living, but other magical creatures run freely at this time too, so be aware!

Please keep in mind that like many other things in Viking culture, some 'educated guesses' are made concerning the Norse culture.

=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=

There's more to come, I'm sure. The names of some festivals may change; Thor's doing a great deal of research into the oldest mentions of feast days and festivals he can find, and who knows? Before he's done he may have a name for this reconstruction, and a book on how to worship. It would not be the first time a random thought led to a revolution, or a revelation.

I'm fascinated to see where this is going to go.

come here, say it, spit it out. what is it exactly?

It begins again:

[15:02] sxxxxxxxxx Sxxx: Hi sexy

What?



Just...out of the blue, bald, like that? Really?

[15:03] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): And...you are?
[15:03] sxxxxxxxxx Sxxx: Hi sexy
[15:03] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Right, so...you are?

He sent me another one.

[15:05] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Okay, again with this. Who ARE you??

Because I still had no clue.

Enough time passed, I thought he'd given up, then...



No, really, please, keep sending me these things.

[15:37] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): I'm not going to accept friending you until you tell me how you got my name, or where you know me from.

I really thought we were done, again, then...



Would be nice if he'd actually say anything else.

[15:38] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Right...do you not...speak English? I tend not to friend people blindly.

So I pulled the profile. His total SL bio:

♛ Слава БОГУ (Thank God) ♛
♛ ♕ ♚ ♔ LOVE GOD ♔ ♚ ♕ ♛
亗 ℓσνє кιηg 亗 Love True ♛
☦️ Херувимская (Cherubic) ☦️ песнь (song) ☦️
♛ KING BEST WORLD DESIGNER IS GOD ♛
亗 . RIGHT HAND ♛ 亗 . OF DEAR GOD 亗 .
♛ Свети Архистартег (Holy Architect) 亗 Архнагел Михајло је Архистартег Свих Ар ♛
(Archangel Michael thе Architect With All)

Oh. This idiot. I've run across him before. Yeah, I can just ignore him from here.

At that point, the event ended, I moved on, spent a lovely bit of time with someone very dear, and after he had to leave, I was asked to spend some time with someone else. And that was going quite well, until...



Why. Just...why.

[17:23] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): And...you are?
[17:23] jxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i am a fan
[17:23] jxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i want [f*ck] you later

SERIOUSLY?? THAT'S your lead-in??? My gods, dude. You cannot be serious.

[17:23] jxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: :D

Oh, don't even. I find nothing amusing about this.

[17:25] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): I...see
[17:25] jxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ok

Great. Night of the Living Doofuses.

I pulled his profile. Portuguese, I think, this one:

Não espere demais das pessoas,pois assim quando te derem algo será sempre mais do que vc imagina, e quando te decepcionarem não fará diferença!! (Don't expect too much from people, because when they give you something it will always be more than you think, and when they let you down it won't make a difference !!)

Riiight...

At that point, I was actually looking forward to logging off, which happens vanishingly rarely. Why me? What the hell do I do that attracts these morons?

said you'd give me light, but you never told me about the fire

Have TIME's list of the one hundred best fantasy books of all time. How many have you read?

In other news, I got one of those random things I get now and again, this one pushing a DNA service. So I hit the link to what I thought was the entry I'd mentioned them in? Only...it was a WHOLE PAGE of entries. FROM 2007.

And...I'd honestly forgotten how much fun our Lord and Savior, Stiv, was.

But the point was--there was a point--I had to read through all the entries to find the one they mentioned--which, by the way, didn't even mention the actual site with ancestral records they wanted me to mention, just old (and now missing) web tests they used to have many, many updates ago--and to get there...

2007 was...that year had a lot of pain. A lot of loss. The vampire. The Raven. The lad from the east. My Naruto-haired neko boy...and of course, of course, the gods-be-damned incubus, and did I need to read through any of that again?

No. I did not. But I felt it was my responsibility to track down the right entry, to make the correction if it mattered, and now...

Now I'm just depressed.

Tragic histories make for great backstories, but they don't make for good nostalgic reflections, I'll tell you that. But there. There's your "correction", since it doesn't really fit with what was going on in that entry from thirteen years back...and now I'm shuttering the look into past history again, because I have far too many good things happening at present to dwell. No more mourning for those who will never come back, bceause even if they did, I wouldn't take them back...and they might not even want me back, as I have changed a great deal within that decade-plus.

And I'm mostly happy with the changes. And I have most definitely moved on. In so, so very many ways...

be my savior and I'll be your downfall

Where is the line drawn between social niceties and respect? Or, more importantly, I suppose, between standing our ground and not giving offense? Some days, it is a fine, fine line indeed.



It was a Sunday, and I'd heard that the priest on the island, who'd left for some reason I don't recall, had returned to host his usual Sunday service. Now, to be fair, the church is on the smallish side, clapboard, it really could be any Christian denomination. And while heathen, I'm in one multifaith group and occasionally go to their services, because they are geared for gatherers of many faiths, not just one.

And...I just didn't think it through.



It turned out to be a very small church inside, too. Lovely, simple, but small. I suppose on an island of only a triple handful of souls, so far, there's not really a need for a larger church, but I was still surprised, I suppose.

I was also surprised at the priest. Catholic? Anglican? I thought Anglican, but I wasn't sure.



Slowly the church filled, the father smiling, saying he was happy to see so many new faces. The vampire who's not a vampire walked in holding a Bible, which was...confusing....but the shared mythpool we all swim in is very diverse at this point, and very deep, and has a lot of underground, confusingly tangled passages. We all do what we can.



The new tattoo artist came in, which I smiled to see, and then her also confusingly heighted daughter...I think I stopped smiling at that point. Mainly because she claims to be three, but she's easily four feet tall, or more, and...I've never met a single three-year-old who's that tall. So it threw me.

A few more filtered in, and then the service started, and...Listen. I have attended Christian church services before. I've attended Catholic services before. I have accepted the Eucharist in good faith, blessed myself with holy water as I left, and had no issue.

But it's all in how it's presented. If it's just an invitation to come up, or the Eucharist (or in this case, piece of bread) passed to me? I can accept. Willingly. But if it's made very very plain that to accept this small offering, this sip of wine, is to directly intercess with Jesus, to directly ask him to accept your devotion, as you accept his sacrifice...Well. That's different.

And in those cases...I cannot, in good conscience, accept.

The priest moved through the group, offering bread, offering wine, and I knew I was going to be the stand-out, but I also knew I could not simply accept. So, when he got to me, he held out the cup, and the bread, saying "Body of Jesus, broken for you; blood of Jesus, shed for you."

I looked at him, smiled, and shook my head. "Thank you, though."



He stood there for a full minute, looking dumbfounded. I did, I do sympathize, but isn't the point of Catholic, or even Anglican, which I still suspect this was closer kin to being, Communion supposed to be that you are directly consuming the body and blood of Christ to sustain you spiritually, and reinforce your bond with Him? That--at least with the Catholics--your act of faith will transform these representations into the actual flesh and blood?

Which has always been vaguely creepy to me, but that's another matter. As it stands, I don't have a direct relationship bond with Christ, so...only polite to politely refuse.

He handled it well, though. He raised his hand, saying "The Lord bless you and keep you," and I smiled up at him, because blessings I will always take. There, it is the thought that counts, and I never mind.

He finished, and returned to the pulpit, ensuring that all of his flock--but one--had finished communion, and then he thanked us for coming.

"We thank the Lord for the blessings he has given us with our new visitors, bless you all," he said, as we began to file out. I paused at the door long enough to turn and to thank him for his time and devotion--only fair, and then...



...I went back to Lecora.

I likely won't attend another Sunday service. But I do wish everyone who does feel pulled strongly towards one all the best.

are you only on my mind 'cause I need help?

(Note from the Editrix: obviously, this is one of the entries that was written before the one posted on the 21st. Just FYI.)



when will I learn to stop me making the same mistakes again
same mistakes again, for you?
when will I learn to lock my heart so it doesn't break again, no
doesn't break again in two

Another night, another sim, another fire that feels cold compared to the heat under my skin.

I should’ve known, shoulda known by now
that I was always gonna come back around
back in the day you know you let me down
thought maybe I’d finally figured you out, ‘cause--

You'd think I'd be used to this by now. That it would have gotten boring.

Maybe it is, and I just haven't caught on yet.



you said that things would be different
but all that turns out to be fiction
breaking dishes in the kitchen, walking on glass, babe
you say it's space that your needing, I say forget it, I’m leaving

And there are never answers from the moon, even when the moon was closer than this. The moon's no longer in my sky.

but history keeps on repeating
when will I learn to stop me making the same mistakes again
same mistakes again for you
when will I learn to lock my heart so it doesn’t break again, no
doesn’t break again in two

The lesson, I am told--repeatedly--is that I won't learn to stop making the mistakes, but to become perceptive enough to catch them sooner. Which is great, really, so--when is that going to happen?



when will I learn that I, I can do better,
I can do better, much better than you
when will I learn to stop me making the same mistakes again
over and over again over and over again

It's not a question of better or worse. It's not even really a question of obedience, I'm very committed to obedience. It's that the signposts I thought might be in the distance...Well. They've gotten closer. They're no longer a possible, they're a definite. And they say exactly what I thought they would.

Feared they would.

And there's no way off the road.

I’m all out of new words to say
running on empty out of reasons to stay
my friends told me it would go this way
they call me stupid when I say that you’ve changed, but--

So what am I looking for in all the traveling? I can't even say it's answers, really, because my answers are going to come from within or without, when it's time; I have no control over that end of the process. I'm more looking for...temporary. Temporary patches, temporary fixes, temporary distractions, temporary ways to pull me out of my head.



you said that things would be different
but all that turns out to be fiction
but history keeps on repeating

Because all the gods know, I'm not going to find any help inside this skull.

when will I learn to stop me making the same mistakes again
same mistakes again for you
when will I learn to lock my heart so it doesn’t break again, no
doesn’t break again in two

Or maybe it has nothing to do with mind, but body. That's a possibility. Find something to distract the body...entirely from overthinking...that doesn't leave new scars.

Tall order.



when will I learn that I, I can do better
I can do better, much better than you
when will I learn to stop me making the same mistakes again
over and over again over and OVER again--

Underwater again, and this is becoming a theme. Brought the train up only to fall under the surface again. Is there a lesson here I'm missing? I mean, it's pretty, don't get me wrong, and the rules under the waves are different enough they do neatly distract me...but only for small amounts of time.

I should know better, I should know better
I should know better, tell me why
I can’t remember, I can’t remember, the way it hurts me every time

Past pattern reflective, haven't I said that before? Breakups and shakeups, haven't I had those before? Is there anything in the adult end of my life that isn't repeating?

Don't I ever learn from anything?



when will I learn that I, I can do better
I can do better, much better than you
when will I learn to stop me making the same mistakes again
over and over again over and OVER AGAIN--

And there is no altar to any god I've ever met that can wrap this up neatly for me in an understandable way.

There was something that happened at a religious conference, once...I was attending an open Candomblé ritual, since I didn't know precisely how it differed from voudon ones I'd attended--but it turned out I was wrong on the precise name, and it was an open Yoruba ritual.

The rider for Yemọja drifted over, and looked me intently in the face. The drums were hot, bodies were moving, the smell of salt and skin and sea was dizzying, but still she watched me.

"Child," she said. "Come down. You are so far away. Come join the people."

And I looked around, at the hotel conference room packed with bodies, all shades, all states of dress and undress, reaching, dancing, kneeling, crying, laughing--and I just raised my arms, gesturing to the room.

"I'm here, Mother. I'm right here."

And she just shook her head. "No, you're up on the mountain. You need to come join us." And she withdrew into the crowd, and the rider collapsed, shaking, and she was patted with a towel and given water and seated in a corner, and I just stood there, wondering what had happened.



when will I learn to stop me making the same mistakes again
same mistakes again for you
when will I learn to lock my heart so it doesn’t break again, no
doesn’t break in two

Maybe I still don't know. Maybe I only think I've come down the mountain. Maybe I'm still far from the people.

But if so, I no longer know how to get to them. If they're not where I can see, where are they? And if I'm not where I can be seen, where am I?

And ultimately, will it help with coping, because that is the ultimate question behind every statement at present. Because if it won't, maybe I don't want to come down at all.

(Pictures taken at the Knife's Edge, Mindgardens, Overlook, La Lune Parish, the UPR Forest Reserve, Undead Darkness, New Haven by Night, Dark Sanctuary of the Red Forest and Death by Moonlight. Lyrics are from Paloma Faith's Mistakes.)