on the steps of decision, it's revenge or forgiveness

The object 'Rent-O-Matic 2.02 Des Mod' has sent you a message from Second Life:
Caledon Penzance (169,179,23) Your rent spot will expire in 7 days. Visit me and pay me L$ 475 per week to renew. Renewals will be added to time left, no reason to wait. You can also IM Desmond Shang to pay directly and save the trip

But...I sold Penzance...

Oh, DEEEEeeees....

Justin Webb from MMORPG takes on the new user experience for MMOs. Yet again, I think this is an important article in terms of all MMOs and online games, not just World of Warcraft.

I can't recall how many times the Labs have redesigned Orientation Island, I only know that five minutes in, we're still losing sixty to seventy percent of people. And eliminating the new resident experience altogether? Has only resulted in more trauma, more newcomer drama, than SL had before 2006.

This still kills me:



This is Lakhota Craft's cougar avatar. It is just out of range for comfortable purchase. But it has the best facework for a big cat I have ever seen that doesn't involve muzzle prims:



Even in my base shape, with no saved changes to accommodate the muzzle work, it still looks amazing. And don't take my word for it--the somewhat-lamented Katt Krap establishment (because really: lousy name, okay clothes, but for the time great catface skins) provided me with my first cougar:



See the difference?

But alas, Wanagi Itmutanka, lovely as she is, is L$2000. And honestly, on my best days, I get L$2000? It goes to rent. Tch.

Still, after everything, it's a very good skin. Least I can do is encourage anyone interested, since I went out and found them again and everything.

It's a good point--and a funny video--that there is a gender gap in gaming, between men and women. But I'm more with the author of the article in which that video is embedded--it's not about hiring more women, it's about understanding the games women want to play. Hiring women who already play the games that are out there, won't help in the long run.

Though me? Yeah, the breast physics get kinda old, and sometimes, running around Runes of Magic, all I want in the whole world is one single pair of pants...I still like the eye candy. And a lot of other women do, too.

I mentioned Dusan Writer's blog entry on linking SL to Facebook (and other social media conventions) yesterday; now Miss Dio gets involved. She links the original thread that gives me this PERFECT image comic to describe M and Wallace Linden. Digging through Mal Burns' Twitter posts on the topic also brought me Snicker Snook's take on things, wherein we find out where Wallace Linden, aka Walker Spaight, comes from.

So the Labs are hiring muckrakers and tabloid journalists to...what, stir up things on the forums? Maybe I should look into that Linden liaison position again...I have the feeling if they'll hire Spaight, they'll hire anyone...

Finally, some things you cannot unsee.



Just sayin'.

No, no explanation. It stands better without one.

life in the city can make you hungry, for things you can't even see

Snow in the Neath?

How does one manage a thing that is so patently not snow, and yet so resembles it? Does one leave it hygienically inside quotes? 'Snow'? Does one shrug and regard it as a blessing from the Bazaar? Does one lock ones doors and windows and hide quaking below stairs, while the servants build the fire high and stuff the window-cracks with rags?

I'm currently rather addicted to a little in-browser Twitter-spinoff game, called Fallen London. Imagine, if you will, a dark, dank world of eternal twilight, where the moon is the brightest thing, and the overarching sky possessed of only a bare smattering of stars...or are those green-bright pinpricks blinking?

Where spiders eat tears and eyes, where bats sulk, where cats speak horrifying secrets, where secrets themselves are currency. Living jewels, intoxicating blood honey, bees trapped in lanterns to provide light and black wax.

An amusing evening out involves alcohol and thuggery, games of sport feature needles, the constables are only slightly less corrupt than the rakehells and footpads they capture and cart off to gaol. The mushrooms are sentient. And dreams of fire haunt you, haunt you, haunt you...

It's a fascinating game, all the more so because it shares its tattersail splendor in such an understated way. One can go to the Night Bazaar and buy rats on strings, rusted gold, prisoners' honey, and souls. Invite friends over for tea and terror, or play them in the Game of Knife and Candle. A sweeping, darkened, fantastic world awaits, where living is only a breath away from dying, and death...well, really doesn't matter.

It presumes one owns a Twitter account, and apparently, Facebook features will be added in future; and, as it's still in beta, it glitches now and again and drops out for maintenance a fair amount. But for right now, I don't care. It's a lovely little pastiche to the darker side of Victorian dreaming, and I'm growing quite fond of it.

Earth Eternal is now in open beta, and MMORPG calls it derivative yet satisfying, while fully exploding the limitations of a browser-based game. It has full dimensional play in a browser setting, without a client to load. And it's free to play, yet has a cash shop if you feel like chipping in. Might be worth a try; they vote it seven points overall.

Scott Jennings comments on the labyrinthine and baffling relationship between Western MMOs and China--and it's a tale that does not untangle easily, if at all.

And Jon Wood comments on Star Trek Online, a game that--according to Winter Ventura--will cost between $150 and $300 for a yearly membership, once fully out of beta. I don't know if I'm addicted enough to the Star Trek universe to pay $25 for it per month; I might could be persuaded around the $8 per month mark, but those prices are only for the beta testers, I believe.

And those costs are in US dollars, people, not Lindens.

Play First Person Tetris. Oh, it's so not what you think.

On the heels of Tensai Hilra's discovery of a new clockwork automaton came this aberrant and creepy thing. If you're not enough of a Disney fan to recognize the song though the distortions the artist put it through, try this on for size.

Yes. Same song.

In a few days the transfer of Autogenic Alchemy's former flagship store will be done. While we did love our little store on the cobblestones--sometimes more than certain designers wanted--we are moving on to bigger and better things. It will be sad that we'll no longer have a part in the growth of the sim, but I for one am very proud of my founder's plaque, and was humbled to be included in the launch.

Please move all existing bookmarks to our Black Sands Beach location; or, conversely, we will be trying to put something up at No. 7 in Caledon Morgaine. In the meantime, please do help me in welcoming Miss Truly Magnifico to Caledon Penzance, and to No. 2 across from the Gaiety Theatre. She is a novice builder, but she is learning, and she wishes to try her hand at merchanting; do help her where you can!

In the meantime, we are finally getting around to the Edelweiss-sponsored CSR Winter Rally. We're going for a low number of prizes this year, so as you can see from this picture, I'm only carrying four cards:


(There's a card attached to my back you don't see in this photo.)

Edelweiss has recently updated their look by a significant amount. Everything is in aisles now, categorized fairly neatly, with room to grow. It's much easier to find things now. And the designer has launched her first ever line of male attire--which is, of course, a school uniform blazer set.


(Pretty maids all in a row.)

And ooh, the Marchen line of candy-colored maids, with the striped stockings? They're all L$100! I don't know how long they'll be L$100, but for right now, it's Edelweiss quality for an eighth of the price, in some cases. This is a deal that cannot be beat.



Meanwhile, over at Le Petit Prince, they've gone far into the sunken-things motif. Check out the ruins of the toppled lighthouse across from the store.

At S.I.C., they're offering a lovely Court suit:



and a Medical suit in white:



The Medical Suit is L$350 for the boots, headset, and the suit itself, and the Agent Court suit is L$500 for the full suit with coat, boots, headset, and a booster pistol equipped with the sim's combat system.

Both come with Winter Choice Rally cards.

At Mocha, the vista took my breath away:


(Dim sunlight filtered through clouds, while rain pounds the cobblestones.)

See what I mean? The sim is incredibly lag-ridden because of all the effects, but find a place to sit, bring a jacket, and listen to the rain and watch the lowering clouds behind the sun. They also have really amazing--technologically speaking, amazing--butterflies.

(For one, their butterflies aren't particles, they're sculpts. And their wings flap. YES, REALLY.)

Then we arrived at 109prims. Amazing place, takes forever to rez. Everything that isn't a sculpt glows; sometimes the glowing things are sculpts; and the entire place is trapped within a slowly turning megasphere.


(The bound moon at 109prims.)

This took a while to rez in, but it was pretty in its own way. Glowing gold, with the dark iron bands holding it in place, from the upper rafter; as if a glowing piece of molten glass was slowly cooling in an iron cage.


(Riding the lacework carousel horses. There are lacework dolphins, too.)

The carousel takes an incredible amount of time--at least on my engine--to rez everything in, but once it does, while it is rather insanely bright once riding, it's very nearly worth it--there's a precious little waving-to-onlookers animation, and the carousel animals are intricately patterned.

(Now, I admit, in my mind the difference between carousels and merry-go-rounds are firm and fixed: carousels travel widdershins, merry-go-rounds do not. This being SL, this is called a carousel, yet travels clockwise, so what can we do? It's beautiful nonetheless.)

Finally--fear the Sabretooth moose! (Should I be watching for these things to appear in SL in a few months? Because I'd rather not see them or turtleducks, thank you very much.

if I ever get my break, for God's sake, I'm gonna make my break clean

Still no nibbles on the parcel for sale in Penzance; I reduced the price (Des may say it's a recovering land economy but even he admits Caledon is far from full, and we still have a lousy RL economy), but it's looking somewhat grim.

In the meantime I am pledged to pick up a new parcel, which I can't easily afford, but hey, it spurs incentive to get hired someplace not decrepit or sleazy beyond all reason. Because I admit this now, I have been wallowing, and detaching again, and pulling away from people, and...gods, I never realized losing a goddamned job would be the equivalent of a breakup.

So, time and more than time to get out there and get things moving. Which includes financial things!

Ill Clan put together a new machinima to pimp SL; it's notable for what it doesn't feature, more than what it does.

"Millions of real people have joined," it begins, but I'm left thinking we still haven't broken eighty thousand in world at one time; we haven't even approached seventy-five thousand without crippling lag, service loss, and sims crashing left and right.

One of the reasons mentioned behind so many people joining SL? "To connect," they say. How very Facebook. And so far, I haven't seen one one fur, one Tiny, or anything non-human. (For the record, I won't, either.)

Another reason given? "To talk," yet I know many, many communities who don't even have voice enabled on their land; it's still this huge divide for many people. Not to mention it's still easier for many people to "speak" in text, rather than "speak" in voice. While I have a blind friend who's still very happy voice was developed, there are many folks who play characters who don't approve. I know deaf people who are acutely resentful; one of those actually lists that on the front page of his profile--if people speak in voice, he won't hear them. He keeps voice turned off.

"There are real events to attend," they go on, and I'll agree there, but they mention musical events only. They gloss over theatre--the Second Shakespeare Company, I think it is, and their production of The Tempest, more than a year ago--but they don't mention art, activism, town meetings, ice skating, education (both college-level and in-world instruction)...maybe I'm expecting too much, but it just seems curiously limited. For a world where Linden Labs trumpets at every opportunity how unlimited Second Life is...to put out something this restricted jars.

"Thousands of groups to join," it continues, and there's the first--and only--non-human seen, save it's very clearly a robot suit that contains a human inside. And "thousands" of groups to join? Sure, but you have to pick twenty-five at a time. You can't have more. The Labs won't allow it.

And what does the video end with? Five young urban professionals in business wear and holding briefcases, standing on the SL logo.

What a young office-worker might take away from this might be the impression they want to give, yes--a place for stressed people to relax, play, hear live music and dance. Which is fine, a lot of that goes on in SL.

But by ignoring the rest of it, they're effectively saying to me, and to many others: We don't want you here, unless you're human. We don't want you here unless you use voice. We don't want you here unless you look and act like everyone else.

In short, what I really take from that machinima? We don't want you here.

Runes of Magic is having another holiday contest. This one seems a little more involved, in a way. Go to sections of their site, and...well...that's where it gets odd. You can look at screenshots, concept art, and wallpaper, but you can't seemingly download any of it, so it's confusing just what we're supposed to do.

The end goal: redecorate your Twitter homepage to reflect a holiday Runes of Magic theme. I looked about their screenshots, and their wallpaper, and liked rather a lot of it...but as I couldn't download it, I decided to go into the game and take my own shots.



I started off in the Ystra Highlands, of course--home of snow crabs, winter spiders, floating fae ferrets, and snow bears. Dodging them wasn't easy, and yes, at least once, I clicked the wrong thing and ended up drowning in winter spiders, literally--four of them killed me.

I wasn't too thrilled about that.



So, the next shot I took at the resurrection point. It still wasn't right, though. It lacked...majesty. It used a trope that only the people in the game would get, and to be fair, barring Scrooge, death and the holidays are uneasy partners at best.



I walked to the skeleton of one of the great dragons--throughout Ystra, Harf, and the Dwarven Stronghold, ancient dragon bones litter the landscape like ruins--watching with a wary eye the blackmane foxes yipping and snarling just a stone's throw away.



I found the shattered remnants of a glowing yew tree, and thought that might be a good image. And while I adore the image, it didn't speak holidays to me as well; and really, as the land darkened to night, it didn't speak 'winter' to me as easily.



Finally, I went to the grand gates of the Khalara Watchtower, frozen and serene. I wanted to include them, but the look as I stood with my back to them was...pretty, and sweeping, and understandable in terms of a holiday shot. So that's my current Twitter background for the contest.

I think it didn't come out too badly.

there's no answer, just surrender, send all your barriers into the fire

Just to start things off--I am selling or trading my section of Caledon Penzance; I have a notecard I am more than willing to give out in world, and you can leave me comments on the Steamlander boards or send notecards on the grid. At this point, sale is likely the better option, as we might have lined up a better shop location--if I can raise the funds.

Here's hoping.

Instead of treating the web as a platform of possibilities, it recasts it as a tool for mass theft.

A collection of astronomical clocks from Dark Roasted Blend.

Zombie MMO? HELL, ye--wait.

Console MMO?

Bastards.

Peter Strindberg costs out the new XStreet changes.

I've heard a lot of folks proposing even higher changes; I've heard folks wondering what the big deal is in the first place. "Well, it's all advertising, isn't it?" "It's not like that's even the price of a latte, come on." "I spend more than than in world in half an hour. Get real."

Let me tell you about the bottom of the barrel, then. For everyone who doesn't get why I--and so many others--are pulling from XStreet now and trying to find alternatives.

I no longer work in SL. Right now I could work--if I went back to escorting and dedicated a certain number of work hours per day to voice clients. Right now I could work if I wanted to join a modeling group and get the rights to "camp" in a certain spot for tips plus L$1 to L$2 every fifteen minutes I "worked". Right now I could work in SL if I wanted to go back to stripping, which means going back to being human most of the time, with larger tits and smaller (visible) intelligence, and likely emoting licking the pole I'm dancing around and writhing with what was starting to feel like entirely manufactured lust the last time around.

I haven't yet found that offer that doesn't involve sleeping with people, and while I have no ethical objection to going horizontal for money, it's a little depressing at this point.

So, right now, I am borrowing from friends and loves to make rent at all.

Rent, currently, is $1425 per week, $5700 per month, $74,100 per year. In case that doesn't make an impression, that works out to roughly $285.00 US I pay every year for the privilege of living in Caledon. I could live elsewhere; so far I'm gritting my teeth and trying to make the business pay for more of my expenses. But SL is not a cheap game for me.

At present, I have a L$50 listing fee I pay just to be listed as a business every week in the main SL classifieds. So a search for my business name will pop up at all. That's L$200 per month, L$2600 per year, or $10.00 US per year to list my business.

Total so far: $295.00 US, each and every year I operate.

Total salary in SL currently: L$0.00.

Does it start to make sense? Note, now, I am not laying all this out so the 'woe, pity me' chorus can start up in the background. I'm fine if you want to support me; personally, I don't care if you do or don't. If I'm working for someone, I tend toward scattered but resiliant loyalty; if I'm working for me, then I'm putting out there what I want to see in world, and if it's used by the one person I want it for (me), I'm good. Anything else is lovely and helps to pay rent, but is not required, in that sense of "this is my RL job and my future hangs in the balance".

In all seriousness, I am going to start looking for ways to maybe pick up income on the side, blog-wise--not in terms of ads placed here for in-world stores--though, honestly, if someone has a good offer, IM me, we can work something out--but in terms of a little sidebar something from Amazon and the like. I have decided that I am profoundly against selling my Twitter stream, so if I advertise products there, it's because I like them, not because I'm getting paid to pimp them.

[Late insert from the Editrix: FINALLY I get the Amazon widget working. HONESTLY. Rotating list of seventy-odd (depending on revisions) books comprising my constant book companions, these days, plus some amusing flash drives and odd movies. If you feel like perusing, feel free. If you don't, I'm very cool with that. But it's there for the option.]

How'ver, as far as SL currency goes, I have to find a way to increase income there, so likely will break down and sell surveys to people, or dance in some club or other, or join some in-world modeling group for ten to fifteen hours of work per week standing in someone's shop corner--just to possibly break even and stop borrowing so much from other people to pay in-world costs and fees. XStreet's proposed fees, on top of things? I literally, cannot, in any way, afford.

We pound our fists or flow around the rocks--depending on past experiences and temperament--and we enjoy our lives as best we can.

Hotspur O'Toole finds the timing of all this especially dubious. I do too, when linked in with MutantPink's "VIP survey" and the disbanding of the Mentor group--considering the bulk of what Mentors do is to help newcomers to the grid out with full-perm clothing, notecards, and landmarks of places to go to get more help.

And Rock leaves OpenSim. He makes genuine points.

In the end, all that's recoverable from this BBC story is the by-now trivial observation that Second Life has high barriers to entry; but then that's not exactly news.

Lastly, I am now registered on Cariama. We'll see how that goes; they still have yet to launch.

I cut the arrow from your neck, stretched you beneath the tree

When you're standing in front of a giant glowing clown head that says "Death"...you might be in the wrong place.



Not meant to lead off from there, but...We start with a cousin. Miss Sanura Snowpaw's first-life cousin, in fact, who lost his fight against brain cancer a decade after receiving the diagnosis, on the 13th of August, 2009. Because this cause is so deeply personal to her, when she heard about the Grey Ribbon Crusade and other charities, she came up with the Wear Grey for a Day campaign for SL.

On September 18th, 2009, there will be many vendors who have set out specially-made grey outfits and items just for this event. All who participate (I'm one of the participants) display the Wear Grey logo banner (seen above, and in Autogenic Alchemy in Penzance, more information can be gained with a click) along with their item.

Some information on the Leap for a Cure program, along with their events list and their Twitter feed.

Anyone who wishes to participate and donate 25%, 50%, 75% or 100% of proceeds received will be gratefully acknowledged, she says, on the blog. But more than that, she is committing herself to reporting full transaction histories from the course of proceeds received, with evidence that they are going to the American Cancer Society.

If you have any questions, direct them to Sanura Snowpaw, Prue Genira, Colorful Sinister, or Kali Jetcity.

We end with a blog. Support them if you can.



In the meantime, see you on the other side. Hopefully no more than a few days. We'll know when we get there...

and sometimes I get nervous when I see an open door

You have received a message from Second Life:
Your object 'Kittenz II - toy ball' has been returned to your inventory lost and found folder from parcel 'Caledon Morgaine' at Caledon Morgaine 38, 126 due to parcel auto return.

Okay, so, I admit, about eight months ago now, I lost my mind briefly when I had a lot of "spare" (ha!) Lindens, and spent it all on a Damiani kitten, with the toy ball, the food dish, the pet bed, and the scratching post. Then I built a house shaped like a dog, put the kitten in, never finished it completely, and ended up picking up the house--cat and all--when I lost that parcel.

At this point, while I work over what I want on the ground in Morgaine, I've put up a second, mostly empty skybox for rezzing things out, and building the odd thing on occasion. I decided on a whim to pull out the house, get the cat and xir toys out (it's a virtual cat, the gender is apparently flexible in my mind), and then put her in the new skybox.

The new skybox is predominantly one large megaprim (though to be fair, it's actually six large megaprims, so we don't have camera/bounding box issues). But, because it's essentially one large unangled rectangle, there's a bit of it that goes beyond the parcel of my land. One corner, in fact. Just the one corner.

And that limited-AI scripted collection of plotting pixels has found it, and knocked xir ball into it. TWICE.

In other news...recently-discovered GUH. (Little to do with SL, mostly dropped here on the off-chance that Edward might not have seen it. Since he doesn't do Twitter.)

I am hoping to have at least one new frock, or some of the animal-skin set I've been working on, in world by Friday, at the least. I may not make this, and I'm not assuming it as a deadline. Currently, I don't think I'd make anything SL-related as a deadline, I'm pulled out of world so often.

But I have a target. That's the target. Something new in-store before we move, and everything potentially goes up in the air.

That's all. Just something. Sometimes it's the little things that keep us going.

no sleep until I'm done with finding the answer

This is long, rambling, and the sound quality is horrible, but if it can be believed...Cyn Linden seems to be making rational sense, and while Ken and Marty Linden mostly are playing tag with covering their asses, now and again real information accidentally escapes.

So, adult content seems to be narrowing down, to public sex, extreme violence, but bypassing sex beds in homes, medical/relational education sources, and strip clubs/skin shops. This might be good news...

Also, on the heels of this, we hear that they're developing voice adaptation--so that those of one gender, playing another, will be able to sound as if they're of that gender.

Hmm. Interesting. I personally think that's an advance whose time has more than come, but I'm sure we'll start hearing from those who are paranoiacally addicted to knowing the (RL) gender of their (SL) playmates...

Moving on. Today I found the cutest down-time sign EVER:



The twee! I am dying from the twee.

And has anyone told Joss Whedon yet about Google Wave? It's being built by the Google technicians, who are also...Firefly fans. And from the name of the product (Wave) on down (a glitch message comes up saying "Curse your sudden and inevitable betrayal!"), it's being designed with future communications needs in mind.

Shiny.

Remember Miss Putrid Gloom? She made the tippy-toe fetish shoes that--if I'm not wearing Damen Gorilla's wonderful pumps--I'm pretty much living in? (Seriously--I'm now down to maybe three designers--Putrid Gloom for the heel-less pony boots, Damen Gorilla of Adam & Eve for drop-dead gorgeous pumps and slides, and Dare Munro of Dare Designs for his amazing thigh-high sculpted fetish boots. With buttons that go allll the way up the thigh.)

...Soanyway, she made some new shoes, realized they had a problem, and recalled them all to be fixed. I'm really beginning to love her customer service skills:

Hi,
So this week I released a bunch of new shoes, but they have a problem that I need to fix so I have had to pull them until I have redone them. If you bought a pair of the new ones ' Little Carnival Lady Pumps' can you [drop] me a notecard with your name and trans number and I will send you an updated pair [tomorrow].

As some of you know, I had a pair in the Lucky Board, I have removed them too, but I know some of you won the outfit already, so I will fix these ones and send them out as a group freebie sometime tomorrow too (these ones )



In the meantime, if you want to get people to come and subscribe in order to get [these] pumps, be my guest, the more the merrier

Show Me On the Doll, Slaughter City

Apologies for any inconvenience

Putrid Gloom

I swear, she's the definition of "perkygoff" for me now. But she's really on the ball; she finds a glitch, she fixes it, she chirps something to let us all know. She's really, really great to work with. (And yeah, I admit, I corrected her spelling errors. But there were only three!)

In the meantime, two projects call: I'm working on a set of animal skin/hide rugs (some bear, a LOT of cow, a few goats, and some severe oddities tossed in to round it out); I expect to be done with that in a couple weeks, actually, all things considered. The second project, also textures, is a card set; I started it a while back, and got distracted. Very distracted.

In the meantime, I've updated the XStreetSL box, and it's only got five things in it, right now, but they should be up and available on Saturday. (I hope.) And I'll work on getting the items I'm going to keep fixed and updated and thrown in, too!

(Miss Kamenev, you can now shop securely; I've changed the packaging. The teal glass spider has been replaced by an oversized skeleton key. 'ware the rust, but it has no extra limbs.)

down a hollow to a cavern where the sun has never shone

here I go again
slipping further away
letting go again
of what keeps me in place

Unintended controversy in the Kitties: a staunch supporter of the group, a donator of land for the group's HQ, and an out (RL and SL) lesbian has left, in rather dramatic fashion. I fail to see why this is a gay issue. As I put it to her:

I'm married to a woman off the grid (this is known) and I'm all but partnered to two men and one woman on the grid and this is also known.

I don't talk about it generally in the Kitties because it's not relevant to a group dedicated to freebies, cheapies, fun hunts and Lucky Chair contraptions. But I don't feel that I can't bring up my life, my ideals--as they relate to freebies on the grid--either.

How is any choice not to talk about being gay in a political sense, in a freebie group shoving you in the SL closet?

I still don't understand. I'm sorry she's leaving, she's been someone I consider a backbone of the Lucky Kitty Crew, and many crew members will miss her. But I don't understand why the issue arose in the first place. She started talking politics; we are a mixed group of liberals, conservatives, anarchists, Republicans, furs, humans, gays, straights, and that's not even touching the whole pagan/Christian split--and by and large the only drama that comes in is when X wants to discuss something that offends Y, and by and large that's all it is--a request to stop talking about something, and we do, we move on, controversy over for the most part.

If someone brings up something that upsets another group member, generally, a request to cease conversation on that topic is all it takes. Mayhap more than one, but that's all. We are far from the raging dramas of our past, yet...this particular individual? Never let it go. Kept, in fact, bringing up the same discussion.

Yes, California sucks for voting in then voting out gay marriage. Yes, it impacts real people and real lives. The Lucky Kitty Crew is a freebie group. Move on.

I like it here
but it scares me to death
there is nothing here...

We went hunting last night at Dare Designs, since there are a scant few days remaining for their Balefire hunt.



This isn't a hunt location; but what it is is somewhat more intriguing. This is the most faithful adaptation of the Ocularum Infernum (or at least the machine used to open it) from Thirteen Ghosts that I've seen.



On the other hand, that will get you into the sim. Then all you have to do is find thirteen very small sculpted red pentagrams that are on fire.

Have fun!

the light is beautiful
but I’m darker than light
and you are wonderful
but this moment is mine



I admit, I stood for some time, just watching the machine turn, thinking about things. Life, death, existence, love, change...weighty thoughts for a scavenger hunt, but Dare Island is oddly appropriate for such mortal pondering.

all of this dust
all of this past
all of this over and gone
and never coming back

I've been reading a lot of Travis McGee books lately.

"These are the playmate years, and they are demonstrably fraudulent. The scene is reputed to be acrawl with adorably amoral bunnies to whom sex is a pleasant social favor. The new culture. And they are indeed present and available, in exhausting quantities, but there is a curious tastelessness about them. A woman who does not guard and treasure herself cannot be of much value to anyone else. They become a pretty little convenience, like a guest towel. And the cute little things they say, and their dainty squeals of pleasure and release are as contrived as the embroidered initials on the guest towels. Only a woman of pride, complexity and emotional tension is genuinely worth the act of love, and there are only two ways to get yourself one of them. Either you lie, and stain the relationship with your own sense of guile, or you accept the involvement, the emotional responsibility, the permanence she must by nature crave. I love you can be said only two ways."

John D. MacDonald said that in 1964, in a book called The Deep Blue Good-by, and outside of language variants, it's still pretty much true. And it pretty much applies in any realm.

But Second Life is that curious mix of fantasy and reality; most of us, most females, I should say, enter the grid and find ourselves, at some point, facing a dance pole or a client, and contemplating the ethics. Not everyone, obviously, and not everyone makes the leap from walking around to spinning around a pole naked.

But enough of us do.

all of this forgotten
not by me
I find comfort here
'cos I know what is lost

So, on the one hand, outmoded concept or not, I know what it is to "guard and treasure" ourselves: while I'm no proponent of virginity until marriage, it does aid us to be picky, to be choosy, to be discreet.

This is a lesson I've been long in learning.

hope is always fear
for the pain it may cost
and I have searched for the reason to go on
I’ve tried and I’ve tried
but it’s taking me so long

Here's maybe where I don't understand, though, again: most people on the grid have short memories, because life moves so quickly. Those four-hour days pile up, and soon a gridweek is a gridmonth, a few gridmonths become gridyears, and sooner or later, no one remembers what happened way-back-when--because even way-back-when is not as far back as my own memories.

Forget my ability to retain information: what does it say of me, my ways, my habits, when few others remember the indiscretions of my past?

I might be better off
closing my eyes
and God will come looking for me
in time

Moreover, is that not, in a sense, spinning around again to that place where I can choose whom and why, and when, and where I can "guard and treasure" myself again, free of any past sensationalism--all that anyone remembers, you see, being that I once was scandalous in some fashion?

all of this dust
all of this past
all of this over and gone
and never coming back...

All of which only works, of course, if everyone's on the same page. And there are a few that aren't. There are a few who will always view me as a danger; as a scandal too deep for words; as the worst sort of false-faced "friend" imaginable; as a thief.

I admit, for at least part of the time on Dare Island, I was pondering the value of character assassination--in the sense of, how much value should I put onto the proclamations of my detractors? Or should I spend a single moment worrying over what they may say, what they may think?

I can see myself
I look peaceful and pale
but underneath
I can barely inhale

I say no. I say my life is my own. I say my choices are my own, and I know why I made them, good and bad, everywhere down the line.

And if I now, in the fullness of time, view a demon with more nostalgic favor than an elf, then it is my choice. If I choose to treat one as a fond fancy and the other as a danger to me, that is also my choice. But over and beyond all choices, it is my choice to fear, or to stand firm. To accept that mistakes were made, to accept that I made some of them, and then to move on.

I'm choosing to move on. I have been at this crossroads before, I have made this decision before, but this time I'm closing the door I've been holding open to my past. The past...is just that, past. And while I do believe pasts can be changed, as well as futures, I am choosing not to change my past. I am moving far from it.

I can hear myself singing that song
over and over until it belongs to me...

There are things in my past, in any world, that I regret. I have made the amends I could. Now it is time to stand strong and look forward, not back. That, too, after all, is "guarding and treasuring" myself. And all of us, at least once, should try to do that. After all, we are precious and our time is finite, here. It is not ego nor is it self-delusion to decide to treat ourselves better.

If we know great care, then we can give back great care. If we know pain and fear, we are only able to give back pain and fear. The simplest of equations is this: we are the emotions we surround ourselves with.

I'm not saying everyone needs to be shiny happy people. I am saying it's time and more than time that we realize we are what we eat, and if we eat only suffering and bitterness, we will be bitter and we will make others suffer. Melancholy is not the problem; hatred is.

I am choosing to be better, if I can. I am choosing not to focus on bile and misery. I will be no less dark and brooding, I will overthink things, I will dwell. But I have better things to do with my time. So do we all.

Oh, and there's a new dress upstairs above Autogenic Alchemy. Go over to the blog for directions on how to get there. And we're getting a new name for the upstairs. Things will slowly be converted over.

It is time and more than time for that, too.

(Lyrics taken from Sarah Betten's All of This Past.)

where all the stars from the nevers and maybes die

I watch you in the distance, the square of your shoulders rounded and bent from worry, from bone-deep despair. I watch the storm clouds gather and I ache to take that worry away. Some hours I can do nothing but observe. But I am there. I observe. I watch, when I can do little else.



(AKA, Why Tinies Shouldn't Dance...on typical dance balls, at least. Here, Darth Penny stretches to the max to try to groove.)

In all the chaos of whirlwind change, you are the rock, obdurate, seemingly eternal. I know that others think so; I also know what they think matters little to either of us. For rock erodes; the strongest stone gives way for the smallest stream. And you are not in the path of the rill, stitched erratically in silver thread across the expanse of untrammeled green. No, you are the unceasing stubborn cliff-face, turned blind to the torrent of salt and waves.



(Ex-Duke? Peccable, Mssr. Podruly...made of prims.)

It breaks you down, I see that. Bit by bit, gold veins lacing glassine quartz, strong sturdy hornblende that glitters in its own right. Too much, too quickly, the storm lowering, the rain lashing you along with the beat of the waves, and you disintegrate at a touch. I know this. I see this. I cannot stop it.



(I admit, I adore this picture [click for the larger version]. Talk about being in the right place at the right time...here, Miss Neome looks over the railing at Solange's Ornament Hunt last December, and shows off Mr. Nix Sands' Caledon Tartan eyes to marvelous advantage.)

In a sense, this is nature's way, and I am ever nature's acolyte, in a diffident sense. The words of Kali Ma, I destroy to create, ring through me, watching. For there is loss, yes; there is pain, yes; there is destruction, yes. But I must believe that for every loss, there is something gained; for every pain, there is pain's relief, waiting; for destruction, there is reconfiguration.



(I'm not sure I remember who all came to the Australia Day celebration thrown by Sir Edward Pearse and Lady Christine McAllister-Pearse...I think it's [from the left] Roy Smashcan, Dr. Mason's new daughter, Mi...not Minako...Mi...Me...something, argh...then-Mr. Mossaveno Tenk, before he declared rulership over New Babbage, and Dr. Mason behind them; then Mr. Fawkes Allen, testing out the joints on the new Cecil model automaton; then Miss Neome being slothful on the green [and yes, that's the distinctive pattern of moss growing in the sloth's fur]; then a random cockatoo, me in Bare Rose's latest "is it a kimono?" offering, with Edward's cork-bedecked sunhat; and....ack, I can't think, Miss Weatherwax? Miss Davies? I can't remember.)

But no one said it would be easy. And I watch you, enduring, suffering, faltering on occasion, because no one is strong all the time. I do my best to heed your words, I try to keep myself open, I try to let those around me know when I am weak, when I suffer, when I need help. I watch you fighting, I watch you at the same crossroads, over and again, and I admit: I do everything in my power to keep you from giving in.



(It's too cold to be spring. Besides, I miss my snowmen. I even miss the Vorpal Snow Bunny attacking them.)

It rarely feels like enough. But it is all I can do. And in those rare moments when the stormclouds lift, and the seas calm, and I see you shine...I know I'd do it all again.



(What the other snowman was shrieking about...Snowthulhu.)

Because I love you, and I do not love only when it's sunny, I do not love only when it's spring. I love through storm and fury, through bitter winter that has forgotten all light and life. I did not choose you because you were comfortable. I did not choose anyone because they were comfortable.



(Finally, I've meant to mention this for a while now: not in time for the holidays unfortunately, but I do have my House Slippers out and fully functional. They are soft, sturdy, and come equipped with a miniature orange tree, a smokeless fireplace [for warmth], steps up to the carpeted mini-room, and working doors! Only fifty Linden at Kartiny, upstairs from Autogenic in Penzance.)

I admit, I am not easy to love either. As much as I am learning to root, to stand in place and stand fast, I still flitter, I still flit. I no longer give in at a compliment, at an amused glance, at a touch, and I am told this is no bad thing. But even if it's not to others, my attention frequently drifts. I am dazzled by so many things in the vastness of the multiverse, and fascinated by so much...I do not always keep my focus, it is hard for me. But through it all, my distraction, yours, my pain and yours, my joy and yours, I still love. That I love you is the one thing that never changes. My wandering attention always finds you, over and again.

(I have to humbly thank Winter Ventura for her door script assistance and Fawkes Allen and Edward Pearse for building suggestions. I couldn't have done it without you guys.)

zutto sagoshitu sottou hikoru homomi hikori

I'd heard earlier this morning that Bland was having a sale. I knew only that their famed "Subtle Dress" was also on sale.

Would I'd never asked...but I had to know.



(Click for the larger image, if you're really curious.)

Well. Now I know. And knowing is...something.

Still, all separates are marked down to L$25, all dresses down to L$50, and all shoes--all four pair of them--are at L$20 until the sale ends and Bland closes. It's modern wear, all of it, but with simple clean lines that are not unappealing.

Save for the Subtle Dress.

Before that, though, Creator Allen was in the throes of intense creation--namely, Cecil, which is now out at Autogenic Alchemy. It nearly didn't happen at all, though, because the sandbox we frequent suddenly--and mysteriously!--filled up completely on prims.

This was on the astounding side, as 15,000 prims don't vanish instantaneously for no reason.

All we could find was this builder, Midas Blazer, in her temporary workshop about a thousand feet below our position. (We literally fell into her skybox.) She had nearly a full dozen nukes, and three styles of hair rezzed out, along with a platform, a half-hollowed orb, and some other scattered oddities.



Nothing she had added up to 15,000, and plus, there was the communication difficulty...she spoke Spanish, but didn't like my translator; I, speaking English, could never make her understand I didn't speak French.

Finally, I told her I'd contact the fellow who, it turned out, had rezzed all the nukes for some reason. Who asked, when I IMed him, if I could just return them.

I said, as I didn't own the sandbox, I wouldn't be able to, but he could, if he came to her location...and he said he would.

We left soon after; Miss Neome couldn't even attach avatar bits to herself!



Finally, I've begun exploring Mondserrat. Volcanis is by far the more dangerous of the two islands. The "anti-probe" protection scared me more, but the turkeys sent me running screaming into killer bees...and then the UFOs came, and I understood the "anti-probe" devices!

But Verdis, while lovely, also has giant spiders, savagely prowling black panthers, and a Tiki bar.

I fear the Tiki bar.

Still, it's worth another journey. Who knows, I may find something very interesting indeed!

...beyond new ways to die, I mean.

(The song comes from the anime series Chobits, and is sung by Rie Tanaka. It's called Ningyo Hime, which means "Mermaid Princess".)

I want matches in case I have to suddenly burn

Well, alas, you're not reading this next bit on the shop blog, which means I can't put it off any more--I never got the Halloween eye pack up for sale.

This makes me sad.

On the other hand, there's still a way for you to get them--and for far cheaper than I'd planned!

Here's the notecard you get if you click any of the signboards in Autogenic Alchemy's main store, Regency branch, or my Morgaine or Rivula homes:

Hello, traveler!

You'll be visiting four spots to complete this hunt.

CALEDON MORGAINE:

If you get sent to the central hub, either use the SLUrl again, or just fly west across the bay--look for the Darkhouse. :)

Setting midnight works well. You'll be trying to find 13 pumpkins and five black bats.

CALEDON PENZANCE:

If you rez in at a central hub, just click the SLUrl again, you'll be brought to the shop.

You'll be looking for 13 orange pumpkins.

CALEDON REGENCY:

Head North from the central hub; turn left on the walkway by the docks (you'll be going West). Walk down to No. 2, and the Octavia--Autogenic Regency--will be on your left. (Alternatively, select Show on Map before transporting to get a beacon.)

You'll be seeking out 13 orange pumpkins.

RIVULA (SOUTHERN CONTINENT MAINLAND):

Wait for things to rez, there's a LOT going on. Setting midnight works well.

You're looking for 13 orange pumpkins and 5 white skulls.

Happy hunting!

Emilly Orr
Proprietess, Kartiny

Now. Some tips. No, I'm not going to give you more than hints, it's not that hard a hunt.

Everything's about palm-size, pumpkin-wise. None of them are hidden inside other things. The bats are smaller, and the skulls (only 5 of them) are various sizes, instead of being one fixed size--and also, the bats and skulls are L$1 each. (They're L$1 each because I have decided on a new tradition: making things specifically for the holiday that will never be resold. At least in those colors...)

There's no defined start and end, and I'm not taking it down until November 3rd. Go have fun. Get the eyes for free I didn't get around to putting out for Lindens. :)

the fruit is rusting on the vine

I shrieked when I heard about this. I actually threatened Mr. Sands for sending me a picture of it from his trip through Hair Fair.

Then...last night...I found Crimson & Clover's booth at Hair Fair. And it's even worse than I thought. Not only is it baby hair--not only is it Cthulhu baby hair--but it does feature a bubble of amniotic fluid surrounded by hair.

Officially? This is the single most baffling and unnerving hairstyle I have ever seen on the grid, hands down.



And is it sad that Tekeli-li's shoggoth sculpture at Hair Fair overwhelmed the actual hair? Which isn't easy to do, considering the richness of detail and design in Tekeli-li's hair. T'was a very, very cool thing.

Miss Neome wants one. That? Makes me giggle insanely.



And I'm starting to develop my own camouflage for Avaria. This may or may not be a good thing. Perhaps it's a good idea to take some time off from digging up relics and cycad shoots.

All that remains until we release the next two Iron Tinies is the name for the female of the pair. There'll be an announcement on the store blog when we do. With any luck, we'll be premiering at least him, if not her, of the two at the Wulfenbach Consulate Clank and Construct Ball, to announce also the official opening of the Wulfenbach Consulate to Antiquity.

I keep stalling, keeping me together

I blame Edward for this.

The Roguish Pirate
9% Swashbuckling Engineer, 15% Crazy Clockwork Tinkerer, 27% Charming Noble, 50% Roguish Pirate, 0% Mechanical Fian, and 42% Aetherist Bodger!

There is treasure on those airships flying back from the Imperial colonies, and you can be found wherever there is treasure. Sometimes you don’t know what you prefer, having the loot or getting the loot. You have your own crew of engineers, bodgers, tinkerers and fians to keep your airship fast and powerful. Those lumbering cargo ships can’t withstand your assault after you fire off the grappling hooks. Oh, there is always a fight, but that is part of the fun.

Hee. And the next one:

The Explorer
29% Elegant, 45% Technological, 43% Historical, 52% Adventurous and 34% Playful!

You are the Explorer, the embodiment of steampunk’s adventuring spirit. For you, clothing should be rugged and reliable, and just as functional as it is attractive. You probably prefer khaki or leather, and your accessories are as likely to include weapons as technological gizmos. You probably wear boots and gloves, and maybe a pith helmet. Most of what you wear is functional, and if you happen to wear goggles people had better believe that you use them. In addition to Victorian exploration gear, your outfit probably includes little knickknacks from your various travels. Above all, you are a charming blend of rugged Victorian daring and exotic curiosity.

Well, then.

Take the Steampunk Archetype Test if you want. Or the Steampunk Style Test.

Now, to other business.



(Someone needs to show me how to make black lights in SL! Because I saw this over at Gritty Kitty on the CSR run, and I have to have this!)

I'm going to try to get in at least an hour of fighting with the giant crane of doom today. I still want one avatar from there, and I haven't even begun to complete the one I'll have to assemble from various snatched parts. With any luck, I'll be able to acquire--or swap for--the Amenouzume avatar I still want.



(Carmen finds an innovative way to carry her four stamp cards for CSR. This was taken over at Le Petite Prince, a marvelous place for steampunk fripperies and biomechanical additions, among other things.)

And I have design ideas piling up that I need to get to. I don't know when I'll find the time, and I'm still working on finishing up the ones I've got in progress. It's becoming somewhat insane.



(Over at Kurotsubaki, watching the shadow of the bunny.)

And we've finally decided we want an update group. When Mr. Allen finishes up the design for the group logo, we'll be forming one. I'm wincing slightly at this--yet another group I can't leave--but I think it will be good for the business.

When it's created, there will be an announcement on the shop blog.



*coughs*

What? It's true.

and all the lights that lead us there are blinding

[1:39] Emilly Orr: [1:39] Goddess Investment: Emilly Orr assholes
[1:40] Emilly Orr: Now, that's a new Greeter.

I'm talking about Goddess Investments, in Aftershock. It used to be a quiet little furniture store, but I haven't been back in months, so I don't know how long the club's been here. All I know is the stage is pretty, but that line coming in completely put me off the place.



So to sum up? Cute little club. Crappy management. No wonder it's empty.



Oh no! The rise of Dark Penny!

Well, it had to happen with someone. The only down side of this? Miss Neome chasing Miss Fawkes around with knives. And pitchforks. And rocket launchers.

We had to explain Rule 34 to Des tonight. Not entirely sure he was grateful. On the plus side, it reminded me of Wetriffs.com, which is no bad thing.



It's been an odd few days. There are things I've wanted to say, and held back from saying; some, because my mood keeps shifting, internal changes reflecting outer ones. Mostly, because I'm yet again in the territory of not my place to say. I'm having to find my footing again on a very uneven path, between what I can speak on, and what I should not speak on; what I need to say, versus what I want to say.

Need versus want. It's a very important difference. What I need--life, breath, food, shelter...love...these are intrinsic to my survival. (Though I hate doing so, I must put love last on the list, because deprive me of shelter, I can go on; deprive me of love, I can go on, though not happily. Deprive me of air? Of life? Of water and food? I die, just as anyone else.) What I want...well, that's an entirely different story. And nothing on the current "want" list is vital to my continued existence.

So I sit, and hold off on sending, the last entry I've been working on, trying to get through, trying to post. Beyond everything else I say in there...mainly, I tire of the drama. I more than tire of it, I'm faintly appalled by it. So stirring up more drama? It won't make me happy, it won't ease my heart, it won't bring me contentment of any kind.

So why send it out?

That's the current question.

now, this is a song to celebrate the conscious liberation of the female state...

Thought it was time and more than time for a change, on these pages, but I'm still not entirely sure on the bleeding-red poppies background.

On the other hand, I have corrected the setting that prevented links from being underlined...so Edward, if you can stand the red, you should be able to see the links now. :)

So let me gush a bit on Clockwerk Klicker-Klack, our store mascot...who's now a wearable!



Clockwerk Klicker-Klack was a capable store and lab assistant, for those times when I had to sleep. (Shush...I do so sleep.) You can read the full story on the store blog, but in the meantime, we are now sharing the mascot version with anyone who so desires one, because--Clockwerk is the first in the line of Iron Tinies we'll be bringing out!



This is so cool. Mr. Allen has been slaving away for more than two months, testing and primming out an entire line of Iron Tinies. Clockwerk (and his female compatriot, the bookish and studious writer of the lab, Penny Featherwright) are now available in Penzance at the store.



We're planning on a line of 'accessory' packs--like the Godzilla tail, if enough people want it--for all the tinies, but most especially for Clockwerk, who seems to favor dressing up. (I'm pushing Mr. Allen to make a firefighter's hat!) Anyone can purchase the packs to add to the Iron Tinies, though some will (like the alternate for Penny's hair) be specific for certain ones. It should be grand fun.



In the meantime, a lot of existing Tiny attire--like this yukata and samurai sword from Tiny Tama--works wonderfully with them. So go look 'em over!

And there will be others coming out soon--I know of at least six, and four more planned, so trust me--there should be one for anyone who wants one. Huzzah for Iron Tinies!

*peers at background again*

Maybe I'll import out the poppy-square and tone it down, somewhat. On the other hand, can't say it's not appropriate some days...

*peers again and shrugs*

[Insert from the Editrix: I've pulled it out and darkened the tones, so it *should* be easier on the eyes, now, at least.]