Sunday, January 10, 2016

heed my warning and steer well clear

Today's troubles actually started earlier in the week, when there were two very early mornings of "unplanned maintenance". But today, it's apparently been worse:
[13:37] xxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i just relogged and nothing
[13:38] xxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: grrr
[13:38] Vxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: Yeah, the asset server has been munged all day.
[13:38] jxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yep, and they just posted that they completed the unscheduled maintenance - riiiggght
[13:39] Axxxxx Rxxxxxxx: From another group: [13:36] [cxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx]: I just contacted live chat support and they basically told me they had sent the all clear message too soon and the case has not been solved - they're going to update the status blog
[13:39] pxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: is it working any better now? I just logged back on and I'm hoping it's all better by now.
[13:39] mxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: iam fixed tho
[13:39] Vxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: Eeenope.
[13:39] jxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: not really
[13:39] pxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: awe pewp
[13:39] jxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: my face is grey, mesh body won't attach....
[13:39] mxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: and i can wear and unwear anything from my inventory
[13:39] pxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: so same old pewp then lol
[13:39] Dxxxx Vxxxxxxxxx: i will say things are "better"
[13:40] jxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: it's worse for me than it was a few minutes ago...lol
[13:40] jxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: oh well...all things considered...lol
[13:40] xxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: grrr
[13:41] pxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I must say, I make a lovely gray Faun hehe
[13:41] jxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: so something got major borked....that's for sure.
[13:41] Vxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: At least my clothes and body parts loaded properly.
[13:41] jxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: grins
[13:41] Axxxxx Axxxxx: well I can rez and delete things again but my missing inv did not come back
[13:41] jxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: so why did they say it was "completed"????
[13:41] Vxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: Ack, missing inventory is bad.
[13:42] jxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: [RESOLVED 1:15 PM PST, 10 January 2016] The unscheduled Maintenance has been completed.
[13:42] Vxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: Nope.
[13:42] jxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: :P
[13:42] jxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: well they are still working on it hopefully....
[13:42] pxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lies
[13:43] jxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: or maybe just wishful thinking....lol
[13:43] pxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yeah could be that too
And fron another group:
[13:35] Jxxxxxx Rxxx: well its completed but i look worse
[13:35] Axxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Yes, but my inv hasn't read the news yet.
[13:35] Vxxxxx Cxxxxxxxxxx: Likely story...lol
[13:35] Txxxx Jxxxxx: don't you believe it.
[13:35] Axxxxx Sxxxxxxxx: I'm not having issues with this chat, but with others, yeah >_<
[13:35] Vxxxxx Cxxxxxxxxxx: Now for the regularly programed if it works... break it.
[13:36] axxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: is anyone out there still having issues?
[13:36] Sxxxxx Fxxxxxxx: Me.
[13:36] mxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: we all are
[13:36] Jxxxxxx Rxxx: yes [mxxx]... me
[13:37] sxxxxx Axx: me
[13:37] nxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Axxx: me to
[13:37] axxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: oh ok
[13:37] axxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ty
[13:37] mxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yes
[13:37] Lxxxxxxxxx Sxxxxxx: things went ok for about 15 minutes and then boom....issues again
[13:37] wxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol
[13:37] wxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: getting there .. I am scared to log
[13:37] Sxxxxx Fxxxxxxx: Trying to unpack something and getting error message "Cannot create requested inventory"
[13:37] wxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: see lol
[13:38] nxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Axxx: i came in naked -.-
[13:38] wxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: omg..and I fought all night with new mesh body .it aint ME ...phew
[13:38] lxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Yes still issues... and a women in another group said she called LL and they said they posted that 'resolved' notice too soon and will be reposting. So I'm just relaying the message...don't shoot the messenger. :D
[13:38] Axxxxx Vxxxxxxxx: yes, this isn't resolved so do not rezz stuff
[13:38] Jxxxxxx Rxxx: can we see?? [txxxx]
[13:38] Axxxxx Vxxxxxxxx: but chat is working better now for me
[13:39] wxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: no rezzing, purchase moving ..just hold...... grrrr
[13:39] axxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: my body is back but my face still grey
[13:39] nxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Axxx: hahahaha i am to embarrased Jo :(
[13:39] wxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: [Mxxx]...edit shape..just click..you will rezz right in
[13:39] Jxxxxxx Rxxx: awwww its alright .... im all grey ... LOL
[13:39] zxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yep for me too
[13:39] axxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol
[13:39] wxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: just click ..worked for me
[13:39] sxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I haven't relogged. Thinking that might be required? still getting inventory errors.
[13:39] Jxxxxxx Rxxx: i missed ruth
[13:39] wxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: SL ppl said too
[13:39] rxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: just stay quiet, dont move, dont rez anything, be happy with just having logged in :)
[13:40] wxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: hi5 [Rxxxx]
[13:40] Vxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: in some site, they say that they will send a new advice in a few... "problems not solved..."
[13:40] Jxxxxxx Rxxx: actually i look like ruth....
[13:40] lxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: [Rxxxx].... lol Yea! What you said! And barely breathe too!
[13:40] lxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: :D
[13:40] Vxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: so i log off and I fly to bed
[13:40] rxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol [lxxxx]
[13:40] Axxxxx Sxxxxxxxx: you can chat, you can still slap boards, be happy LL is saving your lindens for tomorrow
[13:40] wxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: nini
[13:40] lxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: :d
[13:41] wxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yes [Axx]...
[13:41] Jxxxxxx Rxxx: slap boards without clothes???
[13:41] lxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ni nite!
[13:41] lxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yea go for it Jo! Run free!
[13:41] lxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol
[13:41] Kxxxxxx Nxxxxxx: lol
[13:41] ixxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol
[13:41] wxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: cant slap boards..moving is rough
[13:41] Kxxxxxx Nxxxxxx: or full body alpha it :)
[13:41] wxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: and they called her the STREAK
[13:41] sxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: everyone's a big orange cloud anyway! We probably won't see your private bits!
[13:41] wxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: OOPS ...song hit me
[13:41] lxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: is it? I haven't moved at all... still fetching my inventory. lol
[13:41] rxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i am in protected land, i recovered my shape, skin and all things i usually wear. plus i dressed :)
[13:41] Jxxxxxx Rxxx: LOL
[13:42] cxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yay they have fixed it :D im all back to normals i just logged back in
[13:42] lxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: hahaha... yea they won't notice if you shaved or not either!
[13:42] Jxxxxxx Rxxx: is it laggy over there?? renan
[13:42] lxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: :D
[13:42] wxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i was ok ..i made sure when i went to bed i was home and dressed in case
[13:42] Axxxxx Sxxxxxxxx: it's not fixed [Cxxxx] lol
[13:42] cxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: RESOLVED 1:15 PM PST, 10 January 2016] The unscheduled Maintenance has been completed.
[13:42] Jxxxxxx Rxxx: only if the physic layer still works
[13:42] rxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: not at all
[13:42] rxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: search for SARA
[13:42] rxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: and go
[13:43] Jxxxxxx Rxxx: im still grey
[13:43] Jxxxxxx Rxxx: ok
[13:43] rxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: in places i mean, it is only water
[13:43] lxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: [Cxxxx]... they said they shouldn't have posted that and will be posting again but things aren't resolved. :( But it's ok. Run around naked and be free!
[13:43] cxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ive logged back in and everyone is unclouded , and i has my hair and feets back lol
[13:43] lxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: oh yay! well maybe you got lucky :)
[13:44] wxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: oh .... inhales...gonna try it..
Yep. Things are dicey out there, folks. Be careful.

Saturday, January 9, 2016

sometimes I think that it's better to never ask why



What?

All I was doing was trying to log into SL.

So I went off to check the SL grid status. Apparently, the announcement went up a bit before one AM:
[Posted 12:51 AM PST, 09 January 2016]

We are performing unscheduled maintenance. While the maintenance is in progress, some residents may experience login issues and residents in-world may be logged off or experience degraded performance. Please check back here for updates.
Okay! So, the unplanned maintenance was really unplanned. Wonder what went wrong?

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

and I'll burn my mind on this nothing

And this is how we heard:
[17:07] Cayenne Republic: store is gone
[17:07] Cayenne Republic: clubhaus is gone, find a sandbox
[17:07] Veruca Monday: :-(
[17:07] Lulubelle Muircastle: MOCK is gone?
[17:07] Emilly Orr: Oh, no.
[17:07] Emilly Orr checks the marketplace
[17:07] ĐJ Ɓrєє Rαуηє (breezimarie): :((
[17:07] Ξ Ѡ λ η η λ Ξ (wannabeekiwi.bluebird): ohh nooo
[17:07] ĐJ Ɓrєє Rαуηє (breezimarie): that's so not like her to not message. I hope she's ok.
[17:08] Ruina Kessel: :(
[17:08] Ξ Ѡ λ η η λ Ξ (wannabeekiwi.bluebird): :(
[17:08] Emilly Orr: Yes, still there, on the marketplace
[17:08] Emilly Orr: I hope she's okay too
[17:08] Cayenne Republic: she's fine
[17:08] Cayenne Republic: she's just busy with RL
[17:09] ĐJ Ɓrєє Rαуηє (breezimarie): I used to have her youtube link, but I can't find it now. Maybe someone can message her there?
[17:09] Ruina Kessel: Are you in contact Cayenne?
[17:09] ĐJ Ɓrєє Rαуηє (breezimarie): oh ok, that's great to hear!!
[17:09] Cayenne Republic: https://www.facebook.com/mockmadeup/
[17:09] Cayenne Republic: http://mockmadeup.blogspot.com/
[17:09] Ruina Kessel: ty!
[17:09] Cayenne Republic: yw :)
[17:09] ĐJ Ɓrєє Rαуηє (breezimarie): thanks for that Cayenne, just hit Like :)
[17:10] Emilly Orr: So, she's not coming back as an SL store?
[17:12] Cayenne Republic: I'd say no, since she's removed the shop from her FB page and there's no mention of second life; and the shop is gone and the space for rent ... but you can surely send her a FB message and ask lol
[17:13] Emilly Orr: Not on FB, I'll leave that to those who are, but I do wish her well.
Now, I'm still able to find her in search, so she hasn't completely deleted her avatar, but...I'm thinking, at least for now, she's done with SL. I've deleted my longstanding pick for [MOCK] Cosmetics, because it leads to land for rent now, but...I'm not sure what to do with the group. I like the people, there's some genuine good and caring hearts in there, but...if Mock's not coming back, what's the point of the group without her?

And for this one, I left the names in, because....well, just because. Still kind of tilted over the fact that Mock didn't even leave us a message before killing her store. I don't...I don't understand that.

[Update from the Editrix, 7 Jan: this notice was sent out whilst I was away from the keys.
Hello! Just an FYI that the main store is currently under re-construction. We will be working over the next few days to get everything back in place.

Thank you all for your support and Happy New Year!
Did she just...expect no one would notice the store being missing and the sim up for sale? But okay, seems like she's moving to a new sim, and she'll let us know when things are back up? So...yay?]

Saturday, January 2, 2016

what is beauty compared to grief?

Wayne Rogers has passed away December 31st, due to complications from pneumonia, at the age of 82. While many of us remember him from his work on the initial seasons of M.A.S.H. and as a character actor on other shows, he was also quite successful as a money manager and investment consultant.

We also lost Natalie Cole on the same day, and Meadowlark Lemon died on the 28th.

There are more, but ooof. Not up to scanning the obits right now.

In better news, I have new things up at :[Oak & Elm]:! So far, just four William Etty nudes, but there will me more to come! Yay!

Thursday, December 31, 2015

there is water, there is snow

I present to you the cast of Star Wars singing Staying Alive. You're...welcome?

While we're at it, have some Jedi & Sith lightsaber training, courtesy of Kuma Films.

And I know the holidays are pretty much officially over, but this was the cutest holiday song I found this year: Text Me Merry Christmas, by Straight No Chaser and Kristen Bell. (Hat tip to Coz O'Kelly, who played it at the last Book and Tankard dance.)

And COCO Designs still has their free rabbit avatar out, in brown or grey, and the free Santa jacket to go with it. Hurry if you want a full mess bunny to hop around in!

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

it's the little things

Lemmy Kilmister, singer, songwriter, musician, member of Motörhead and former member of Hawkwind, has passed away at the age of 70 from cancer. He will most sincerely and ardently be missed, and he leaves a hole in the music world that will not soon be filled.



In the meantime...

Morning comes slow today
Memories push through from yesterday
Where will I be tomorrow?
What do I have to show?


I still don't know. Each step I've taken to lead me here has moved me, and sometimes I leave flowers in my wake, sometimes burning wreckage. Sometimes I don't know until the blooming, or the feeling of good soil going dead beneath my feet.

From my life...

There's no life without pain, because pain is the easiest of lessons. Don't do this, it hurts. As children we grasp this instinctively, but many of us still push, wanting to know why, when the point of the lesson is not why it hurts, but that it hurts at all.

Stay, I need you here for a new day to break
Stay, I want you near, like a shadow in my wake


So I stand on another precipice, looking down, down, down. If I jump, will I fall, or fly? It disturbs me that I don't know. And I'm examining everything for meaning, for where it fits, or if it doesn't, and maybe that's part of the problem. One love told me tonight that I'm spending too much time analyzing the life I'm living, and not enough time living it. Is that true? If that is true, how do I stop doing it?

Flow with life down the drain
Memories and force of will sustain
Where will I be tomorrow?
What will be left to show?


Maybe, yet again, it's too many unshared thoughts, not too many thoughts, period. I live largely in my head, and it's always been difficult to let others in, to let them see who I am, where I am. A lot of the recent changes in my life on the grid are designed to push me past my comfort zones, break me out of the old, dysfunctional patterning I've managed to create. And to a certain extent, it is working, but is it causing instability in other areas?

From my life...

Overthinking, also, is just part of my core makeup. I'm not saying it's inevitable, and I'm not saying it can't be changed, but it's been an ingrained thing since I was old enough to think, so changing that is akin to a Philosopher's Stone that works.

Stay..

And there is still part of me reaching out, yet again. After November, after the main push of writing was done, everything I'd reread and reacted to was still echoing, frozen in those moments of transition. This, too, I need to come to terms with, yet again...and, yet again, stop reaching out for the hand that will never again be there.

It's the little things, little things, little things, that make the world
The little things, little things, little things that make the world


So perhaps it's a case of small movements. I am allowing winter to seep in, but I am not going dormant, I am not waiting for spring. Perhaps I need to. After all, seasons change, people change, and who we are now is not always who we will remain. I've been treating it as the winter that sears through me, but perhaps I should instead see it as the winter that brings sleep, surcease and healing, and stillness.

It's the little things, little things, little things, that make the world
It’s the little things, little things, little things


Spring will come. There is a small part of me that believes that now. At some point the snow will leave, and the refuge I've made will go away, no longer needed. I will create a new space, a new home, and bring the things that matter from the heart of winter. Everything else can stay there; if it will not help with the thaw, I have no need to carry it further.

Stay…

And when the thaw comes, I may finally be ready to stop asking the question, and waiting for the answer which will not come. Or perhaps, I will finally be ready to acknowledge that the question no longer needs to be asked at all.

(Lyrics are taken from Poets of the Fall's song, Stay.)

Thursday, December 24, 2015

I wanna ride the waves down in Galveston when the hurricanes blow in

We are truly living in the future. I mean, show of hands, people--who expected a functional transparent metal to be developed in our lifetimes? I know my hand isn't raised, there!

There are three holiday freebies here: a snowman with a paper hat, an angel wreath, and a pile of mesh logs with animations for holiday fires/fireplaces (to be set in front of, et cetera, or near the campire, fireplace, what-have-you).

And there's a bit of chat I want to share, but it's out of my usual comfort zone; not in terms of what is said, but, because of who says it, I want to keep one name intact. SO, there's less anonymizing on this one, and if that's a problem, do let me know!
[19:25] Krampus (orvan.taurus): Oy, it's seriously weird when the Manifestation of Holiday Evil is the *reasonable* one in a 'religious' discussion in a venue where there should not BE one. (Yes, I am claiming to be the sane one. THAT'S how messed up it is.)
I gotta agree there. Now, I've always found Mssr. Taurus to be affable and polite, but I also know he can be quite stern when dealing with miscreants, so...
[19:25] Mxxx Cxxxxx: errmm
[19:26] Lxxxxx Mxxxxxxx: Yipes
[19:27] Krampus (orvan.taurus): "If you wish to believe in Santa Claus, or Jesus, or Mohammad, or Krampus or Zeus or Philo T. Farnsworth, fine. If not, also fine. It's the insistence that others also do as you do that is a problem."
[19:28] Pxxxxxx Mxxxxxxxx: Thank you, Krampus.
[19:28] Krampus (orvan.taurus): There's a line few would expect.
Maybe, but it's a good, solid line. We need more folks with this ethics set.
[19:29] Mxxx Cxxxxx: i don't care what anyone believes or doesn't believe as long as they aren't insistent its the "right" way
[19:30] Mxxx Cxxxxx: basically what Krampus said. :)
[19:32]Pxxxxxx Mxxxxxxxx: Actually, it wasn't that long ago, albeit in a different group, a bunch of people tried to tell me I was wrong for being an atheist. I didn't push my beliefs on them beyond telling them what they were when asked... and then I discussed for as long as I felt the discussion was respectful, then asked twice that the discussion end when I felt the respect had dissipated, and finally told everyone I was closing the window, and did. :/ I wasn't telling anyone not to believe. I don't think it's my place to do any such thing. And neither is it anyone's place to tell me to believe, or what that belief should be.
[19:33] Mxxx Cxxxxx huggles [Pxxxxxx] knowing that conversation first hand.
[19:33] Pxxxxxx Mxxxxxxxx: *hugs*
Yeah, wau, that sounds like it was really difficult to get through. All sympathies.
[19:34] Mxxx Cxxxxx: they were over the top with that, especially considering their beliefs.
[19:34] Txxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: What someone else believes is none of my business, nor does it change how I feel about a person. As long as they are good people, I like them :)
[19:34] Pxxxxxx Mxxxxxxxx: And good people like you, too, [Txx].
[19:34] Txxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Yay!
[19:36] Myst Cobalt paints [Txx's] claws with red glittery polish
[19:36] Pxxxxxx Mxxxxxxxx: o.o
[19:36] Pxxxxxx Mxxxxxxxx: OMG.
[19:37] Mxxx Cxxxxx: wha?
[19:37] Pxxxxxx Mxxxxxxxx: Someone should make furry claws that accept fingernail appliers.
SOMEONE GET ON THIS, NOW!
[19:37] Txxxxxx Rxxxxxxx stares at the sparklies on her claws totally mesmerized
[19:38] Mxxx Cxxxxx: i agree [NPxxxxxx].
[19:39] Txxxx Rxxxxxxx: Hell yeah. It doesn't matter what people profess to believe in if they don't actually practice what they preach.
[19:39] Mxxx Cxxxxx: unless there are and i don't know about it
Exactly. Whatever we believe, whatever we hold true, we should hold true to it, or what's the point? A religion of convenience serves no one.
[19:41] Mxxx Cxxxxx: ugh i hope this wind dies down by tomorrow. really dont feel like getting blown off the road while driving
[19:42] Pxxxxxx Mxxxxxxxx: So, if someone professes to believe in Cthulhu, but makes no efforts to wake him from his eternal slumber, that's a problem?
Well, technically...
[19:42] Mxxx Cxxxxx: lol
[19:42] Krampus (orvan.taurus): "Do I start the engine... or just throw it into neutral and hoist sail?"
[19:42] Mxxx Cxxxxx: I probably could with the way it's blowing around now
[19:43] Pxxxxxx Mxxxxxxxx: Oh god... anyplace hoisting a sail would work around here, it would throw you ACROSS the road and into a tree.
Yeah, weather's been bad all over. Be careful out there, and try to keep your interactions with religious zealots of ALL stripes to a minimum.

And if you can't just show them this. I guarantee, they'll shut right up.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

it came, a floweret bright, amid the cold of winter

I spent some few hours two days back, standing in front of the Bellefleurs estate, welcoming in any who happened by. Admittedly, we are nearing the height of the holiday season, so the days are slow, the nights are long, and precious little happens, at least here. Even so, there was a sense of rightness that I was choosing to spend time there, instead of frittering it away following random gift mentions in various groups.


(Standing outside the arched, open gates leading into Bellefleurs.)

Or spending it alone, a habit I've fallen into far too often of late. At least if there is no one with me at Bellefleurs, I still have the history of the place behind me: the echo of music slipping through the walls, the laughter of former patrons, the footfalls dimly heard in memory. Instead of the soft susurration of snowflakes falling, the rustle of branches on sleeping trees, surrounding the small, rustic cabin I put together on my own, with few furnishings never far from the floor and the fire.


(The processional hall inside Bellefleurs.)

I can't help it, I feel comfortable here. I'm still learning the dizzying variety of chairs in the salon, and which are better to leave to couples, which to singles; I'm still learning what everything does, and I don't even have my board up yet, because this all happened so suddenly. Miss Mimistrobell had told me that it would not be a quick process, that the staff of Bellefleurs liked to take their time to consider, and that I fully understood. Far better to take their time than to hire someone who really, truly, doesn't understand what they're trying to do. Because the Blossoms of Bellefleurs are not simply Courtesans for interested patrons; they strive to be Companions in the fullest sense of the word, friends to hearts in need, counselors if necessary, and supportive of each other as they ply their craft.


(In Bellefleur's music room, where most of the Salons are held.)

So, all in all, I thought I'd spend through the end of this month talking to various Blossoms, speaking with management, and perhaps having an intake interview to go over any final questions, to make the decision on whether or not to hire me, sometime in January of the new year. Instead, once I actually contacted Miss M., it seemed to be just a few days over a week. And the time between finally meeting and speaking with Miss Delilah Revnik, the other tireless manager of the Blossoms, and getting hired? About two hours, all told.


(At the back of the music room, the lighted picture displayer aimed at a mirror on the back wall. That is, again, Duchess Canning.)

I can't imagine how I impressed them; perhaps that's a flaw of mine, that I never see in myself what others see in me. What I do know is that I went in openly and honestly to this opportunity. Miss M. knows I have somewhat of a dark reputation, both on the mainland and through the steamlands; she knows that I have had some deeply personal battles with Caledonians of elevated status, and that I have enemies who, while they may or may not actively seek me harm, still exist, and still would likely view my presence with displeasure. She knows all this because I mentioned it to her. Miss R. knows some of this, too, because I told her as well.


(Upstairs, one of the very well-preserved medieval tapestries besides a carpeted walkway.)

I wanted no illusions; so I did not seek to hide in any way. I mentioned the shapeshifting (we're still working that out, as the Duchess is...well...somewhat humancentric, let's say), I mentioned the history, I mentioned mistakes I'd made and victories I'd achieved both. And what I gained for this honesty? While I will likely be seen in human guise, I have full permission to have changeable, odd eyes, strangely colored hair, and--assuming the timing is right--small, delicate horns or other non-human features. (Though I was looking forward to being the first catgirl on staff, after one appearance in neko guise, it was decided that was just too far beyond the pale for management, and I am accepting this with relative grace.)


(A room upstairs, that may be intended as a gaming room in future? The Duchess is always improving on things.)

And what have all these interchanges gained me? A place of employment, yes, but a place of employment I can truly call home, and...oh, the last time I had that feeling? The Enigma was still open! 2006 to now, to find another place to work that I could also count as a family, and a home? Rare indeed.


(Another room that is constantly in flux, the Duchess' office upstairs.)

And I truly feel like I'm settling in. It's less like a chore to "stand guard" at Bellefleurs, even if no one's there; partly because there's always something to sort in my inventory, so I'm not bored, but also, because it's just so relaxing being there.


(Carpets, artwork, and the rich wood paneling seen through a gilded archway at Bellefleurs.)

And you know, there are worse things. Even on days I don't have clients lined up, and currently, I don't have any in particular, it eases my soul to be on the grounds. And at every salon, every dance, I am learning, I am listening, and I am letting myself uncurl and relax, to grow again, to--not to use the pun--blossom, into the next stage of whatever I'm becoming this time.

There are worse things, and I've done them. This is not a worse thing, it's a right thing, a good thing, and how long has it been since the beginning of any path for me began with words like "good" and "right"? If nothing else, I am exactly where I need to be. And that is a lovely feeling, indeed.

Monday, December 21, 2015

wassail, wassail all over the town



Merry Yule and merry winter!
And now to snowy silver splendour,
dark twinkling nights and pewter dawns,
and soft snows powdering the lawns.


Rejoice, and raise the golden glasses!
Dance with merry lads and lasses!
Drink the mulled wine, share the fire,
give in to willed and warm desire.
Release all anger, fear and pain,
and let the year renew again.


Let the very best of our 2015 be the worst of the year to come. Here's to the future.

who are these skeletons with guns, taking aim?

we made ourselves a home out of our dreams
brought with us this love now bittersweet
maybe I could say now that I always thought of you
how you run to walk with me, your whole life through


What is it, old home week? Not only did I run into someone I haven't seen since my earliest days in Steelhead, but in trying to track down a picture for the last entry or so, I dug very far back into the archives for this very blog.

and I know we go deeper than skin, but what lies within
it's still deeper than we know


And while I didn't find an image suitable to use, I did find a veritable surplus of other images. Names and places I'd forgotten, people I still remember, people I wish I didn't. And now I'm asking yet again, what is it with me and demons? Is it just that prototypical 'bad boy' thing? Am I that plebian and afflicted? Mayhap so, because obviously I haven't learned a damned thing.

and for all this pantomime
you should see the state I'm in
I couldn't heal myself with time alone
I have you tattooed on my skin


Page after page, entry after entry. Face after face. Years between the self of then and the self of now, and I'm wondering how much I've actually grown in the interim, how far I've actually moved my now away from my then. I kept examining their images, as if searching these frozen bits of time misplaced would actually teach me anything new.

this house is full of stories we both told
these rooms, their very stage where they'd unfold
these walls, they whisper secrets and memories thereof
but this door no longer leads us to their love


And I kept wondering...well, no, not with everyone, the vampire princeling can go swallow toads for all of me, but...with some of the others, I kept feeling a touch or two of...I don't even know. Faded former emotion, not yet swept up and tossed away? Shreds of affection, long neglected, that somehow missed being recycled? Regret?

yeah, I know we go deeper than skin, but what lies within
is still deeper than we know


Regret. Is it regret? Is that really what I felt, looking at my distant past, and pondering? Do I regret...well, no, foolish question, I am built of regret, formed of it, I have so many regrets I could fill a lake and have regret left over to coat the shores. I know this. I've made a great many mistakes in my life, and not a small number have been mistakes that, once made, led to others in turn.

all I ever wanted was to hold you
what can I do now to make things new?
I ain't trying to write you into a song
'Cause you're too sacred and I would feel wrong


Perhaps it's not regret I'm feeling, looking at these faces. Perhaps it's that touch of melancholy about what might have been. Had things worked out, after all. Had I not tried to make a home in a sim that imploded before spiking all the trees and building skyscrapers. Or had I not thought I could rely on someone who never spoke in truths, only in the language of roleplay for all our interactions...before utterly disappearing from the grid. I don't even remember his name now to see if he's still on SL at this late date.

but when irony life holds,
I was finally ready to meet you half way
You turned and walked away...


Or had I not been thrown aside for an outfit...

But then, these were demons; perhaps they were only sent to bedevil me, not to join with my heart and stay by my side. Maybe it was never in the nature of any demonic creature to do that. And maybe that is that sense of regret I feel, that I ever let any demon close enough to believe.

Maybe that was the lesson I needed to learn in the first place. And in the aftermath, to stay away from anyone with haunted horns and a yearning for the dark side...

(Song lyrics adapted from Poets of the Fall's Skin.)

Sunday, December 20, 2015

trust the wishing well, dance like Tinker Bell

Pixel Box has a lovely gothic tree out in their store, and there are six lovely gifts to pick up underneath it.



The gifts are as follows:
  • A 'Time Machine' necklace that can be worn by either sex
  • A steampunk bowler hat for ladies
  • a steampunk bowler hat for gentlemen
  • a set of steampunk goggles with an adorable propeller detail
  • a modern black leather handbag for ladies, with the ability to add your photo--or the photo of your choice--to a frame charm depending from the straps
  • and a set of black antlers, replete with sounds, lights, and at least one striped candy cane
Now, Ms. Marian Kungler also added there was a set of rosaries to be had? I did not see them, but I do plan to go back, so you might look around for them, should you decide any of these sound like things you absolutely need in your life.

(I, of course, needed all of them, because with the exception of the gentlemens' bowler hat, they all sounded both useful and beautiful, and I am grateful she offered them freely!)

(Edit after publishing: oh my goodness, there's another tree!



(And that is where the rosaries are, one designed for gentlemen, one for ladies. There's also an "Angel Caller" necklace, and a free weekend gift that seems to be a series of alchemical symbols to hang about your neck. Wonderful!)


jingle all the way

Over at Fussy there's a free set of holiday cropped sweaters:



Admittedly, I'm not a big fan of cropped sweaters, though I have more than enough attire to wear under them to make it work. But I do love the tongue-firmly-in-cheek sayings. They come in all colors shown, plus just about every applier for a mesh anything I can think of.

If anyone's in the mood for mostly-red lingerie, Seldom Blue is having a holiday sale, with fairly steep discounts on various bits and fripperies. The SLUrl goes to a NSFW bodysuit set, that is a limited-edition freebie (though the store itself is moderate), but scattered throughout the store are sets for L$1 all the way up to $L115, depending on complexity of attire. Most are system layers, but as far as lingerie goes, I'd rather have system layers under mesh, that's rather the point.

Some come with appliers, mostly Lolas, it seems.

And moving off the grid, there's a holiday gift waiting from The Real Tuesday Weld, to commemorate their holiday gift this year, a playable flexi-EP card. (But you have to sign up for their newsletter to get it.)

And in the meantime, more controversy from that one particular freebie group:
[13:54] jxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I don't get it how can you ladies chat in here do you have to wait will someone posts like an admin ?
Um, no...there are strong group rules that we all try to obey, because having strict guidelines means a general lack of drama...most of the time...
[13:54] exxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: we cant put links to MM boards on adult things right?
[13:55] Bxxx Pxxxxx: It has to be Mod approved first
[13:55] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: you need an approval for adults stuff
Right. First, because there are still people who aren't, by personal choice or...ergh...age, not verified for Adult regions. Second, though, there are certain things they just don't want in the group, and eliminating Adult regions handily takes care of some of those. Generally, the list of 'banned' things isn't that long: vehicles (because they are so often copied), AOs (because, again, animations in them can so frequently be copied), Adult items in general (unless the store or the sim has been checked by a mod, and is allowed).
[13:55] lxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: you mean adult things or adult things
[13:55] lxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i mean adult sims or adult things
[13:56] Bxxx Pxxxxx: Both
[13:56] exxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: both
[13:56] exxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx giggles
[13:56] jxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: everything has to be mod approved in here
Not everything, because if it's on the list of things that are not allowed, don't bother posting it UNLESS you post it TO a mod for approval; elsewise, you can post anything. And here's the thing: nine times out of ten, if you post something in this particular group and it's not allowed? Mods will simply tell you. I've made mistakes, I've been told, it's all cool, we move on. I don't post those things again. No stress, no fuss.
[13:56] lxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: excuse the sexting goblings on my keyboard
[13:56] zxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: waves
[13:56] Bxxx Pxxxxx: Not true [Jxxx]
[13:57] lxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: o.o
[13:57] lxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: [zxx] i told you your not aloud out of the cave yet
[13:57] jxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I just mean it's like gistapo this groip
That's "Gestapo", and "group", and why? Seriously, why? Because I don't get it. Following the rules--that, overall, make the group run much more efficiently overall--just makes everything go more smoothly, so what's the harm?
[13:57] zxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ohhh ... sighs and heads back to the dark cold cave
[13:57] gxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: 0_o
[13:57] lxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i gave you cupcakes and a pillow what more can someone ask for lol
[13:57] zxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: what is like gistapo?
[13:58] Bxxx Pxxxxx: Not true [Jxxx]
[13:58] gxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: The Gestapo (German pronunciation: [ɡeˈstaːpo, ɡəˈʃtaːpo] ( listen); abbreviation of Geheime Staatspolizei, or the Secret State Police
That's not exactly helpful.
[13:58] gxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ^There ya go Zim
[13:58] zxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I know what the gestapo is.. but wondered what was she comparing it to?
I'm wondering the same thing.
[13:59] zxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol ty though [Fxxxxx]
[13:59] gxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: oh that i dunno LOL
[13:59] sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: not the soup XD
No, that would be gazpacho.
[13:59] lxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: okay, i am not trying to start anything but i need to say my two cents lol yes this group has rules and it can be confusing however i would rather have set rules then be in a group filled with offensive dramatic chaos
Well said.
[13:59] gxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: that's gespacho
No, still gazpacho.
[13:59] sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i know it was a joke lol the soup ;)
[13:59] gxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: *gazpaco
Again, that's gazpacho.
[14:00] rxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: mmmm....Gespacho......
ARRRRGH.
[14:00] lxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i blame the sexting gobblins on my keyboard why i misspell things
Dern sexting goblings.
[14:00] rxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: gazpacho? ;-)
Yes, thank you.
[14:01] sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol
[14:01] zxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: giggles
[14:02] gxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yes Rose... yummy
[14:02] gxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: we need to start a FREE recipe group now LOL
We so do.
[14:03] zxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol
[14:05] rxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol
[14:06] sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: bye be back later
[14:07] Bxxx Pxxxxx: Byee
[14:07] zxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ello group does anyone speak Portuguese and is able to help someone with appliers ??
[14:09] zxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ok hello google translate again
Unless we have a native speaker at the time in the group, that's pretty much what we do, yeah.

And one last thing from later in the chat:
[14:42] lxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ugh im so behind organizing my inventory
[14:43] Pxxx Pxxxxx: give it up lil it's a loosing battle
"Losing", but you're not wrong.

Saturday, December 19, 2015

all I want for Christmas

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas this year is this:



I will admit to you, Santa, I am sorely out of practice with things, as I have spent much of the last two years in a small cabin in the mountains, avoiding people. But I want to do better. And other people believe I can, as well, because they've recently hired me as an entertainer at a truly lovely establishment I want to see thrive. And I believe in myself enough that I am taking this leap of faith, and looking forward to rejoining the social whirl with lightness of heart and great anticipation. I've already attended two events at the mansion, and I had SO much fun. And I think owning this beautiful chair would really, really help--even if I just rezzed it out in my little cabin, it would give me practice at understanding menu systems again, and get me back into dancing. And I miss dancing, I really really do.

And it would give me a good excuse to have a practice partner...you know, just to help me learn things! And I really wouldn't mind that either...

I hope your holiday season is going well, and I promise, whether or not you agree that I've been good enough to get the chair, I'll leave out an extra gingerbread cookie just for you.

Sincerely,

Emilly


Hey, it never hurts to ask.

Friday, December 18, 2015

all the world is waiting for the sun

I attended the holiday dance at Bellefleurs, and had marvelous fun, but as I haven't had official confirmation on posting pictures of people who aren't actually staff...I'm being chary with the images I took. Discretion is a significant part of House Sakura, and as discretion hasn't been my strong suit in the past, I'm doing what I can to reinforce the impulse early, and often.


(At Bellefleurs for the Viennese Holiday Ball. Miss Lynn Mimistrobell is in pink, Duchess India Canning is in white, and I am in blue.)

Without actually being there, I'm not sure I can adequately describe how beautiful the Bellefleurs estate is. The wide expanse of green that surrounds it is really its own thing; but inside, where everything is burnished wood and medieval wall hangings, icons of saints, marble urns, gracefully appointed furnishings in gracefully appointed rooms...The place radiates beauty and warmth, and that's without talking to the staff.


(Another Duchess Canning in Tudor England, hanging above the ballroom's fireplace at Bellefleurs.)

And in the ballroom, for the Viennese ball, the pervading sense of warmth and charm had increased, if possible. Radiant lights on the evergreen, glittering candles, a sideboard groaning with a variety of delicate nibblements and sparkling drinkables on silk and brocade. And the dresses--for any lover of fashion, they were more than enough to get drunk on, by themselves.


(And my humanized self, dancing in front of the poinsettia display and fireplace at Bellefleurs.)

And I honestly expected to go in feeling tense, and nervous, and out of place, and instead, I came in feeling warmed, welcomed, and I had so much fun dancing the night away to a mix of Strauss, holiday standards, medieval pieces...and it all worked. Start to finish.

Even when the evening descended into one-punmanship, it was still fun. So much joy 'midst the glittering throng...

And at the end of the night, I was hired as a new Courtesan for the House of Sakura, so on the heels of all that joy, all that enjoyment, all that lovely wonder...the deep, abiding feeling that I am back to doing what feels right, and finding my way on my new path. This truly was a lovely holiday spectacle in many ways, and I am both humbled and thrilled to accept their offer.

So, while it is still in my nature to wander, far from where any eyes can find me...I'll be seen a fair amount at Bellefleurs from now on. And happy to be there, indeed.

Thursday, December 17, 2015

signs of life from the smile on your face to the lines you rephrase

Tonight is the annual Viennese Holiday Ball at Bellefleurs:



I will admit, I am somewhat daunted. I do plan to attend, but...I'm not entirely sure what in my wardrobe qualifies as formal, these days! I do know it will quite likely be in tones of red and green, as I have been assiduously collecting holiday attire throughout December.

I suppose my little ragamuffin self will have to do the best I can...and leave the antlers and the painted skin behind, as I think this is also intended to be a genteel gathering of human sorts, and I...well. I've never been that, precisely.

But I'll find something. It will likely require a frenzy of unpacking, but I am undaunted. And I am quite looking forward to attending a formal dance again!

Oh, do I even remember how to waltz, still??

(Do remember: if you, also, plan to attend, that Bellefleurs sits on Adult land, though nothing overly lascivious will be seen at the ball, of course.)