Thursday, June 14, 2018

she disguises herself in her New York fashion

This is literally the "Some" mesh head from *(OO)*YUKI. For me, it's just some kind of nope.

Sul? No.

"Sweet" is made entirely of forehead. No.

And "Tea" doesn't have enough forehead.

Hello, Tina? Goodbye, Tina.

And Viang's not bad, but I'm pretty sure I can't distort it into my face. so...nope it is.

So many heads, so many vetos...

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

I try to push the colours through a prism back to white

Is this my fault for pulling so many heads from *(OO)*YUKI to try? Maybe, but Muo looks strained and pinched. No.

Nina? Nooooo.

Reea is dying, or sedated. Dun' want that.

Ria's better, but still no.

Rika has freckles, beestung lips and insane makeup. Next.

Sasha's another no. Why are all these heads so tiny?

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

stolen kisses, pretty lies, rose garden filled with thorns

My first reaction is, "Oh, Honey, no", but...she is less of a mouthbreather than *(OO)*YUKI's April.

Kang's right out, too.

Nope. Am I being too harsh on Kit? I mean, it's really the mesh eyes I'm still wearing that give her the goggle-eyed appearance, but...still. I'm searching for something that will be my face, will be, in some sense, me. Kit is not me. I'm moving on.

Love's baby nope.

Nope for Luna, too.

And Mori is Luna, blushing.

Onward we go.

Monday, June 11, 2018

My life is like a wound, I scratch so I can bleed

Halp, no. Just no. I'm just Munch does nifty things, but their Lizzie head...I'm not even going to try.

I am now beheaded. But still, even though you look stunned by a mallet, April, I will keep you around to play with later. *(OO)*YUKI may be on to something.

But you're way off track with Boo.

And Dama looks way too nervous.

Oh, come on. Punched in the mouth and fourteen? Du is a harrrd no.

Hello, nightmare fuel. Okay, Ela's out. Why is finding a mesh head so difficult?

Saturday, June 9, 2018

rise above the hurt and listen to these words

Gods, some days I hate people.
[21:58] exxxx Rxxxxxxx: M I 2 O Vanilla Bae (65,129,22)
[21:59] axxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ???
[21:59] exxxx Rxxxxxxx: H I 2 O
[22:00] axxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: X Y 3 T
[22:01] pxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: no, it's H I 2 O
[22:01] axxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i have no idea what you're saying
Why do they insist on breaking the rules of their own group...
[22:01] pxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol
[22:01] pxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lucky letter boards
[22:01] axxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: well why didn't you SAY so?
[22:02] xxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: most people get it...
[22:02] pxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: oO
[22:02] xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: is there still an x? :D
[22:02] Emilly Orr: Not. This. Again.
So fed up, and I've only been in this group a week. Maybe I'm just easily irritated right now.
[22:02] xxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: there is no X up at all
[22:02] xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: bummer
[22:02] pxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol
[22:02] Emilly Orr: PLEASE call letters in the OTHER group. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.
Because this is becoming a pattern of repeated stupid.
[22:03] pxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: other group?
[22:03] exxxx Rxxxxxxx: H I 2 B
[22:03] Emilly Orr: .Vanilla Bae. Lucky Letters and Gifts
[22:04] xxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I appreciate it. This is the only Vanilla Bae group I'm in, and it works for lucky letters.
No. It. Does. Not. As stated later just one line farther down, the group rules state NOT TO PULL THIS CRAP in the main store group!
[22:04] Emilly Orr: Also, it's in the group rules: "Please do not announce lucky board info in this group! There is a Lucky Letters group for that chat specifically."
[22:05] pxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: so, if I join the other group for lucky letters, that's all I need to have on to click the letters, too?
[22:06] Emilly Orr: You need THIS group active to get gifts from the lucky boards. You need THAT group to call the letters.
[22:06] pxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lmao
[22:06] pxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx shakes her head
Well, of course you think it's silly. Why would the group rules apply to someone with a brain made of spackle?
[22:07] yxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: tp please
[22:08] dxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: bcuz this group is the vip group to get the gift, the other is so people dont have to see spammed letters and close chat missing updates and info
[22:08] Emilly Orr: ^^^ That
[22:08] xxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: can i get an invite to the other group?
[22:08] dxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: .Vanilla Bae. Lucky Letters and Gifts
[22:08] xxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ty
[22:08] dxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yw
Then, several minutes later:
[22:14] sxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Hello yall sorry i was looking at another screen but yes Alice is correct there is no letter shouting in this chat. If it continues or any complains regarding lucky letter can get to the point of getting kicked from group, or getting chat muted and or lucky letters will no longer be a thing at vanilla bae. Thank you all for obey the rules that have been set out. Thank you:)
No, thank YOU, [Sxx]. SO much.

People. Sheesh.

An hour and a half later, as I'm editing this up, this happens:
[23:30] dxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Q 6 W
[23:30] dxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Vanilla Bae (49,137,21)
[23:30] dxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: .Vanilla Bae. Lucky Letters and Gifts
[23:30] dxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: wrong group for letters
[23:30] sxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Always beat me [Axxxx] XD
[23:30] dxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol
[23:31] dxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: it was still in my clipboard
[23:31] sxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: haha makes sense XD
[23:31] dxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: :)
Cue massive, massive, aggrieved sigh. Maybe that's what I should do. Whenever I see letters called in the main group from now on...just copy-paste the lucky letters group. Repetitively if I have to. Maybe hearing it enough times will help it sink in.

The trick is to bang the rocks together, guys. You'll get there.

Friday, June 8, 2018

even though the teeth are long gone, there's still bone beneath the gum

OMG, it happened again...
[13:01] zxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: U J F K
[13:03] axxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ty [zxxxx]
No, feck off, [zxxxx]. Stop it with this calling-letters nonsense. There is another group for that.
[13:03] zxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: :))
[13:03] rxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: thank you [zxxxx]
[13:03] zxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: U B 2 Q
[13:03] bxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: tp
Don't encourage them.
[13:03] rxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: wish ther was a R there always miss it :D
[13:04] bxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ummm ladies
[13:04] rxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: :(
[13:04] bxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: u cant call out the letters here
[13:04] bxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: obrigada
[13:04] bxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: theres a seperate group for it
Yes, there is, but do they listen? No they do not.
[13:04] zxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: U W 2 Q
[13:06] zxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: U N 2 Q
See? Stupid people. Again.
[13:06] Nxxxx Kxxxx: .Vanilla Bae. Lucky Letters and Gifts
[13:06] Nxxxx Kxxxx: that's the group for the letters
[13:07] Nxxxx Kxxxx: I got in trouble for doin' it in here already *smirks*
[13:07] zxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Vanilla Bae
[13:08] Exxx Hxxxxxxxx: [zxxxx]... that's this group. lol
Head used for hair storage. Only explanation.
[13:08] zxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yes
[13:08] zxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Vanilla Bae
[13:08] Emilly Orr: We are not going through this again.
[13:09] zxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: land
[13:09] axxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lmfaoo
No, you demented little Muppet, it is not this group! It is an entirely separate group! Go join that one, you loon!
[13:09] dxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: just ignore em and let them get in trouble lol
[13:09] zxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Vanilla Bae
Why do I even bother?
[13:09] wxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Is there an slurl for the letters group?
[13:10] Nxxxx Kxxxx: .Vanilla Bae. Lucky Letters and Gifts
[13:11] Nxxxx Kxxxx: that's what I meant to post earlier, oops sorry *grins innocently*
[13:11] sxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Thank you [Dxxxxxx]:) Please please keep letters in that chat.
[13:11] wxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Tis okay, thank you [Dxxxxxx]!
Bah. A pox on all their houses.

Thursday, June 7, 2018

my brain was still today, just taking a little death

This is going to be one of the very few times I'm going to link to the group rather than anonymizing all references. I think it's important in this case. I will, however, still anonymize avatar names, much as I am tempted not to, because of the level of stupid involved.

Let's go.
[13:10] xxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: A 6 V L
13:10] sxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: .Vanilla Bae. Lucky Letters and Gifts
[13:10] axxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: A ?
[13:10] axxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol
[13:10] sxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: please keep letters in that chat.
[13:11] xxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: S 6 V L
[13:11] Emilly Orr: Way to read.
I do not apologize for the snark.
[13:12] xxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: S 6 V 4
[13:12] xxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: S S V 4
[13:12] dxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: wrong group for letters [axxx]
[13:12] pxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: S S V 4
[13:13] Kxxxxxxx Pxxxxxxx: Wow.
[13:13] lxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: are people really that stupid?
[13:13] pxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: S S N 4
[13:13] Emilly Orr: Yep.
Again, I think the snark here is perfectly valid. Let's be real: we live in a world where Donald Trump is president and Brexit happened. So yes, people are that stupid.
[13:13] Txxxxx Lxxxxxx: maybe bots?
[13:13] bxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: O.o
[13:13] sxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I have asked for you not to call out letters.
[13:13] dxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: looks like a few butts gonna get kicked
[13:13] lxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: they cant read letters that form sentences!!!
[13:13] bxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: space em out they may understand then
I'll have to remember that for next time, if it happens again. "S t o p - p o s t i n g - h e r e - p l e a s e". Maybe that would work!
[13:13] Emilly Orr watches with popcorn
[13:13] bxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol
[13:13] lxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: oh share please Emily
[13:14] Emilly Orr passes popcorn out
[13:14] lxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: thanks Emily
[13:15] pxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: J Q N 4
Oh, for the love of...
[13:15] Exxxx Cxxxx: so what group are the letter supposed to be in?
[13:15] Txxxxx Lxxxxxx: .Vanilla Bae. Lucky Letters and Gifts
[13:15] dxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: the lucky letter group
[13:15] Exxxx Cxxxx: ty
[13:15] xxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Sorry, I did not know that I could not post the lyrics here, and I do not speak English, make sure the person speaks your language so you can tell them. Thank you for all the warning! Goodbye!
[13:15] pxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Thanks
[13:16] pxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: grup 10L
[13:16] dxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: you are speaking it just fine now
She could have used a translator, but that's not the important point. The point I want to draw attention to is she thinks the lucky board group is L$10 to join. I checked it after the bit of chat I wanted to reference ended,'s a free group.

Let me say that again, because it sounds vaguely important: IT'S A FREE GROUP. So not only can't she read, she can't math? What the hell?
[13:16] sxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: We like to keep this free from letter calling because we do not want yall to close chat and miss out on giveaways.
[13:16] lxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: offers Emily a toffee chew
[13:16] bxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: someones panties in a twist
[13:17] xxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: traduction :)
Whatever that means...
[13:17] Txxxxx Lxxxxxx: I think it's possible to just turn off an individual's ability to chat or not in a group
[13:17] dxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yes it is
[13:18] Emilly Orr: That's true. Also, 10L for a group is nada. There are groups that charge 300L, 500L, Alice Project charged me 800L to join when I was in it. 10L is a PITTANCE.
[13:18] Txxxxx Lxxxxxx: so true
[13:18] pxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: J Q 4 4
[13:18] Emilly Orr: OMG
[13:18] Emilly Orr: SHUT UP
Was this out of line? Probably. But it was so frustrating at this point.
[13:19] axxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yeah and AP never gave gifts after a while
[13:19] dxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: [vxxxxxxxx] stop, post in the right group
[13:19] Exxxx Cxxxx: i went to a mens hair place just an hour ago... wanted 1700L to join their group
[13:19] lxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ouch
[13:19] Txxxxx Lxxxxxx: holy wow
[13:19] Exxxx Cxxxx: paying that much would be rather Unorthodox
[13:20] Hxxxx Hxxx: Sorry girls
[13:20] pxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: haha
[13:20] xxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I see what you did there
I did too, but...I'm leaving it in, because it's a fair cop. It's an insane amount for a group fee.
[13:20] xxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol [Exxxx]
[13:20] sxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Problem has be solved:)
I had just pulled Miss V's profile to read through when this line posted in chat, and I now know how the problem was solved: Miss V was bounced from the store group. Serves her right.
[13:20] lxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: thank you
[13:20] dxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: :)
[13:20] Emilly Orr: Yay!
[13:21] dxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: doesnt botherr me i just like to uphold rules for respectful groups/businesses
[13:21] lxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: thanks for the popcorn EMily
[13:21] sxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: No for the future please please keep letters in the group Love you all
[13:21] sxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: This group: .Vanilla Bae. Lucky Letters and Gifts
[13:26] Emilly Orr: You are welcome, luanamae, and thanks for the toffee!
Then, a bit later...
[13:44] dxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i forget can i get the letters with this group tag or must i have the other tag?
[13:44] sxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: This group tag
[13:44] dxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: thanks
[13:44] sxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: letters are just shouted in the other chat :)
So, in line with other groups who develop lucky chair/lucky board groups to prevent mass calling of boards in their store's main chat, we still need the main group to get gifts from the boards, but we use the lucky board group to call letters. What's so hard about that? It happens EVERYWHERE. Literally E. V. E. R. Y. W. H. E. R. E.

Get your act together, guys.

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

you are essential, not accidental

(Continued from the first entry.)

And now, let's move to why I came early: Adam n' Eve.

Found the booth! It was across the bridge on the second sim for the event. So first tip: the Vintage Fair is going to be big. Like, two sims' worth of stores. And second, 'ware the crossing, I nearly got eaten by the bridge. In the meantime, the Diana dress is L$250 per color, or L$1000 for the fatpack of all ten shades, which is a significant discount.

And there's a sleeveless Donna dress with a lovely floral pattern, for the same pricing--L$250 per color, L$1000 for the fatpack of ten.

The Oh Carol lingerie set of bustier top and French knickers comes in ten shades for L$250 per shade, for Hourglass, Maitreya, Slink original, and Petite sizes.

And there's the Oh Carol gacha, which is L$50 per play, and offers either floral or polka-dot variant knickers to go with your existing Oh Carol lingerie sets. Neat idea.

And that's the wrap-up, I am now escaping the lag!

Your love is a kiss, my undying wish, designed to retrace the signs of life

Because Searlait Nitschke is a very nice lady, she offered all her groups members a chance to get into the Vintage Fair early. I are group member, so...I'm now there!

It is

Now, there is an ARC monitor in place:
[12:35] MD Security System (C) 2.5.2: × Warning: your current rendering cost (50515) exceed the maximum allowed in this area (50000). Reduce your ARC removing attachments or clothes in the next 40 seconds or leave.
Because I ran into it. Fairly sure it's my shoes, but I'll strip off some daily huds just to make sure before attempt two.

I will say since Roawenwood gave me access here, it was only fair to go to their booth first, and show off their offerings--this one in particular I really like, a High Council table in marble, with chairs. (Seven LI--SEVEN!--for that table, btw. Incredible.) That's retailing for L$450.

There's an Art Deco spanking chair set for L$695 that looks very promising indeed...comes with everything shown in the picture.

Tucked next to the back door, turned one way, there's a Roman training post for L$450. And for "training" here, don't think 'bondage', think 'battle'--there are animations for fist fighting and kicking the post, as well as spear, sword and axe training, with prop weapons that auto-attach. PRetty neat concept.

And turned the other way, there's a lovely set of plank chairs, both carved and plain, that would be perfectly suitable for Thorvaldshavn or other Viking roleplay sims, and here's the cost breakdown for them:
  • Plain Plank chairs, L$495. Room for two, single and couple animation sets, cuddles/kisses/sitting together, along with serving kneels and the like. (Seems mostly PG.)
  • Carved Plank chairs, L$495. Room for two, single and couple animation sets, cuddles/kisses/sitting together, along with serving kneels and the like. (Seems mostly PG.)
  • Hnefatafl Gaming Table set, L$125. (This version's decorative only, but Hnefatafl was a real game, and there are even historical reproductions for sale, and there's a ton of instructions scattered around the net on how to make your own, RL.)
  • Furry Rug Pack, L$95. A set of six mesh fur rugs at 1 LI each, with different fur patterns.
The rest of everything I'll move to another entry. See you there!

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

I build bridges with these arms, I will not build a fortress

These are the last five colors of the Diana dresses, front and back (the first five were in the first entry).

This is Diane in another very vintage tone, an almost retro lipstick shade of Red.

This was the first one I tried from the folder. This is the Soft Pink, and this one just puts me in mind of Disney princesses and Maxfield Parrish. It's a lovely shade.

The teal, rich and nuanced.

You'll get a truer color perspective from the image on the left. I'm not sure why the touches of pink happened along the bodice of the front pic, but this is White, and it's a clear, bright tone.

And finally, a Yellow that is reminiscent of marigolds and daffodils and spring tulips. Lovely.

These dresses are offered for Slink Physique, Slink Hourglass, Maitreya, Slink Hourglass and Physique Petite, and may be in other sizes, as well, but these were the ones I got in the pack.

One more pic, just because Miss sachi sent it along:

These are a gacha outfit, a set of French Knickers called Oh Carol. It comes in Maitreya, Slink Hourglass and Slink Physique. I don't know when it was sold, or if it's being developed for the Vintage Fair to sell as well, but I definitely want more.

Now, out of the box, no alpha-ing along my Maitreya, there's the tiniest amount of phasethrough along the lower curve of my right breast, but with the alpha cuts the Maitreya has, I'm pretty confident this is going to be an easy fix. The knickers came in two variations, one plain purple, and this one, the one with the flower. These are just sheer satin loveliness.

The Vintage Fair will run from June 8th to June 24th, and if you should happen to miss it, unless these are being sold as exclusives, they should be available in the Adam n' Eve main store after that.

because the reverb in these holy halls is like a long lost friend

Another country heard from--I got a lovely pack of dresses Miss sachi is putting out for the Vintage Fair, opening June 8th. These are simple, elegant designs with lovely movement and style. Let me show you.

These are the first five colors of the Diana dresses, front and back (the remaining five will be in the next entry).

All of these have very simple, tailored lines, but excellent texturing, and they swing like actual dresses. The mesh moves really, really well. This is the black.

This is a very rich, nearly cobalt blue.

And the Diane in a rich, emerald green.

The Hot Pink, almost ridiculously rich and gorgeous.

And a very vintage, heathered purple, soft and lovely.

These dresses are offered for Slink Physique, Slink Hourglass, Maitreya, Slink Hourglass and Physique Petite, and may be in other sizes, as well, but these were the ones I got in the pack. I'm wearing Maitreya (though the base shape has been enhanced, both by me and by my owner, so...I'm a tad bit bustier and hippier than most Maitreya forms out there). And these still fit like a dream out of the package!

The Vintage Fair will run from June 8th to June 24th, and if you should happen to miss it, unless these are being sold as exclusives, they should be available in the Adam n' Eve main store after that.

When I find out the prices, or any other information, I will let you know!

Monday, June 4, 2018

just a voice like a riot rocking every revision

Here we go again...
[23:24] Pxxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxx: becareful seem creatuers can change things about there products even if you bought it an have it in your invtory always 2 sets of slippers i have become no transfer when orginaly they were on;ly no copy when i bought them lol
[23:26] Hxxxxx Cxxxxx: o.0
[23:26] Lxxxxxxx Fxxxxxxx: wat.
Mad gods, this idiot is so irritating...She can't spell, she can't think, and as seen later, she gets offended when you call her on either of those two inescapable facts. I should just mute her and move on with my life.
[23:26] Kxxxxxx Sxxxxxxxxxx: might have been a script in them that was no trans, and didnt take affect until you wore/rezzed...
[23:26] exxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: 8 years here... you should know better....
She refuses to use her brain for anything but hair storage. She'll never know better.
[23:26] Hxxxxx Cxxxxx: I heard a lot of stupidity... but seems there is still more
[23:26] Pxxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxx: no i bought them over 5 years ago now there no transfer for some reson
Suuure you did.
[23:26] Rxxxxx Bxxxx: lol
[23:27] Rxxxxx Bxxxx: ok this makes my day
[23:27] Cxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: you're easy [Rxxxxx] ;)
[23:27] Rxxxxx Bxxxx: hahahah yeps i think
[23:27] gxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yes...Some trolls can do that....
She definitely can.
[23:28] Hxxxxx Cxxxxx: lol [Rxxxxx], easy to please eh ;p
[23:28] Pxxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxx: geeze what is wrong with u people all i was doing was leting other know soo they knew iam not atroll
And yet, the fact that you cannot spell, think, or get anything right does convince one otherwise.
[23:28] gxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: noooooooooooo
[23:28] gxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol...
[23:28] Mxxxxxx Bxxx: Why is it that the thing that I most want to point out is that after five years it's time to consider tossing them and getting new ones
You're not wrong.
[23:29] gxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Some Trolls can change the
[23:29] Cxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: no one is changing the permissions after the fact on your objects [Pxxxx]
[23:29] Hxxxxx Cxxxxx: I don't even remember what I bought last week in sl, let alone if something would be trans or not 5 years ago o.0
[23:31] oxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: What is any of this got to do with [the event the group is for]?
Absolutely nothing. Which is in line with every other comment she makes.

I'm done here. Moving on.

Sunday, June 3, 2018

I've got a tombstone hand and a graveyard mind

The brain feels no pain, isn't that what the synners say? Tell that to anyone with a migraine. Tell that to anyone who's ever struggled to communicate something to another brain that simply won't listen. Maybe the brain doesn't feel pain, not in that way, but...something does. I do. And it doesn't seem to stop.

And the hours spin on, circling. I ponder things I'm letting go, I ponder things I'm still clinging to, I ponder things that may be or may never be. And I have no answers, but I'm caught in the spin. No answers doesn't seem to matter. No answers, no pain, but...something.


And always, always, I circle back to you. And him. And where everyone is now.

Honestly, I don't know why him. Someone asked me once, long ago, why you, and my answer was the same: I didn't know then why you, I still don't. I just knew that right then, in that moment, after everything, I still couldn't completely let you go. And eventually, that someone realized it, and very far away even I couldn't reach him. And yes, that was pain, that was heart-rending, and for what we had--whatever we had--it didn't help. It didn't help at all.

But it happened. It took me a long time to put myself back together. I've done it before, many times, so it wasn't a new thing. But I wasn't the same after. I've never been whole, never, but...I was more broken than I expected. And it changed things. Between me and you, between me and my friends, between me and the world--all the changed. I had changed.

I wasn't as strong, in the newly patched form. I wasn't as capable, and I was definitely more afraid. And I think, back then, you were too, but...I never saw it. Or I did, but then...pushed it out of my mind, because I was dealing with so many other things. And for a while...for a long while...that was sort of enough. That you accepted my broken state, gave me time to heal, let me figure things out on my own...but, as usual, with all our forms of communication, there were things being said behind the words, behind the glances, behind the small expressions of the bodies involved. Somewhere in that two-year withdrawal, of healing and fear and testing my path...I either lost the trick of hearing that other communication, or...we both stopped listening. I'm honestly not sure which.

And by the time I was ready to reconnect, to reach out, to get involved in the world again...whatever we were, whatever we had...had been damaged. I was wanting more; you were afraid to offer; but we both kept circling, circling, communicating in that arcane space between each letter. Caught in the spin.

I realized it first. I realized it, and that realization hurt, hurt an incredible amount. The brain feels no pain, right? But I felt pain. I felt confusion. I felt like I was being held close at arms' length. I felt like I was locked in a pairing that was unacknowledged, that would never be acknowledged. And part of that last, that was my fault--when I was asked at first to keep things secret, keep them close, keep things unsaid...we were in a different place. By the time that changed, that edict was already ingrained. In my mind, it was unchanging, never changing, and by the time it could have...we were already pulling apart.

Caught in the spin. The spin never ends.

And I'm honest enough with myself that I began to resent hearing stories of you playing with others, and never playing with me. That sense of being a broken toy, beyond repairing. Because if I wasn't broken, you'd want to play with me, too, right? Because if I meant enough, I'd be part of the play too...right?

At the time I wasn't seeing the larger issues. Then they were explained, and I understood, I comprehended, but...that emotional pain was still there, circling. You wanted me but didn't want to have me. You didn't want me to leave but didn't want to spend time with me. That's...hard. That's so hard.

And I realized, it was harder than I could deal with.

But...I delayed. For weeks, then months, then years, because...I wasn't the only one injured. I wasn't the only one afraid. And I didn't want to hurt you further, and...still, circling, circling, that innate knowledge that I didn't truly want to lose you. But what did I have, towards the end? Friendship. Friendship I valued, deeply, friendship I still value, but...nothing else. And that nothing else was because you were afraid, and I did get that, do get that, but...the end result is the same.

You wouldn't touch me. You couldn't even give me a hug, a kiss on the cheek. Not even that much. And I do, I do know why, I do, but...intellectual knowledge, I have learned, doesn't pare down emotional hurt. It's one reason 'feelings' currently triumph 'truth' in the American media, because a lot of people are caught in that spin, that trope of feelings being more important than knowledge.

Feelings aren't more important than knowledge. But they are there, and they have weight, sometimes enough weight to stagger. And I was staggering. I had reached the point where I had to stay where I was, mired in hurt and confusion, or take the leap that could lead to greater pain for both of us.

And yeah. Decisions like that suck, they always have. And I'm big on stasis, I won't lie. Stasis doesn't make me happy, doesn't create change. Stasis is less scary. Stasis, antithetical to change. What's the profile say? Great love means great risk...but love anyway.

Love anyway.

And I needed to change. I needed to, I needed to see if I could be more, if I still had the ability to grow beyond my boundaries, if I could still contribute to my own life, let alone any others. And I wasn't doing that by staying in place, afraid to move, afraid to reach out, afraid to change.

I took the leap.

And at first, I thought...maybe, maybe we'd make it through this. There was pain, of course there was pain, in the beginning of after-the-leap. I was remaking my life, I was making different choices, choices that didn't always involve you. And that was scary, too, because so much of my life on the grid has involved you. Circling. Circling. Caught in the spin. The unacknowledged, constant spin.

Maybe it was self-delusion. You'd told me, after all. You'd told me that if I took this leap, if I made this change, you couldn't stay close. You'd have to move me away, farther away than I'd been. And intellectually, I thought I understood that. And, intellectually...I thought we could rebuild, find a new plateau, make a new normal.

But I'm watching you pull away. It isn't that you set me aside, took me out of the belonging box, moved me to the friend That's not it at all. You may or may not have changed my label, but you, yourself, pulled away. You're so far from me now I can barely see you. Pinprick against the skyline, now, and I'm no longer sure there's anything left to rebuild.

So why him? I still don't know. Maybe it started because he didn't have the history that you and I had. He could touch me without reflecting on ten thousand painful decisions in the past, and...I needed that, I needed that desperately. And I was willing to exist on scraps, on small moments, on spare attention, but...for a variety of reasons, all of them painful, you couldn't do that.

And I couldn't live without even those scraps. I needed something. Something.

Forty-seven miles of barbed wire, right? Too right. Doesn't change the pain. Doesn't change the spin. Just changes the speed.

At this point, I feel like I'm no longer standing on the empty plain, hand held out, waiting for a response. I think all I'm doing is standing on the empty plain, staring at my hand. And there any point left to waiting? Is there any point left to reaching out? Is there any point left to hoping?

Maybe not. Or maybe it's just going to take time, and there's still at least friendship waiting. At some point. Weeks, months, years from now...maybe I'll wander back to the empty plain, and it won't be empty any more.

I think I'd like that.

But in the meantime, I'm not standing in place. I'm moving forward. And I'm not waiting any more.

Tuesday, May 29, 2018

if I sign this piece of paper do I sell my soul along with my duties?

Wait, when I left SL, I was laying on the bed. What happened while I was gone?!?

[21:10] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: you....don't want me telling you what your avatar is doing on my viewer
[21:10] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: is new
[21:10] Emilly Orr: Probably not. Did I get possessed while I was gone? I was floating when I logged in.
[21:11] Emilly Orr: Hmm. Let me try a bit of traveling.
[21:11] Emilly Orr: Oh, good, there's two of me now.
[21:11] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: you are...paper thin..and floating in and out at the screen like you are a 3d effect
[21:11] Emilly Orr: That is not good. Prolly make for a great picture, though.
[21:12] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: it is...the world is not ready yet for some things
I guess not. Is there an SL exorcist?

Sunday, May 27, 2018

is anybody gonna hear you call?

This came from a shopping and freebie group this morning:
[11:10] nxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Good day wonderful princess, beautiful girl and wonderful woman, i am a doormat my avatar is a red carpet. I have rent a wonderful house here in SL, but i not use because i do only a doormat out the door. if you want use house free contact me in IM, i do you owner of house free, you can use with your friends and your boyfriend :)
What. I mean, seriously, what in all the worlds is this? What even is this offer??
[11:11] Jxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Oh god not you again
Kind of my reaction, yeah, save this is the first time I've seen this particular stupidity in this group.
[11:11] Rxxxxxxxx Rxxxx: me?
[11:11] nxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ?
[11:11] nxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: [Jxx]
[11:12] Jxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Mr doormat bdsm seeker
Yeah, no, pretty clear she meant the doormat guy, but who knows, that mod could have logged in just after that initial line was posted, so never saw it.
[11:12] nxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ? please do not post free house in here for that kind of use ?
[11:12] nxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: helloo this is a PG group
While Adult sims are posted, because it's a PG group overall, a mod has to go out, look it over, and approve it for posting. Essentially, this group breaks it down into, it's okay to post boards, sales and lucky chairs for a business if it's on an Adult sim if certain condition are met, namely: it can't be in a mall; it can't be in a store that features nudity or graphic sexual content; it can't be a club.

None of those rules for Adult postings cover Mr. Doormat.
[11:14] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: we're not allowed to have boyfriends, either?
[11:14] Gxxxxxxxx Pxxx: no bf's they messw a girls head
[11:14] nxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol no
[11:15] mxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: who needs a boyfriend when we have SL? giggles
[11:15] nxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i mean the house post
[11:15] Gxxxxxxxx Pxxx: lol
[11:15] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: thats what i meant, too, [Vxxxx] :)
Yeah, be pretty hard to ban significant others for a group in SL. How would one even go about regulating that?
[11:16] mxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: [Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxx]!!! LoL boyfriends?? noo noo no koalas hanging on my skirt!! LoL XD
[11:16] mxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: joking :P
[11:16] nxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol no the private bits leave it private :p
[11:16] exxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: boy friends are ew. We only accept cute fashion freebies and gifties and offers - and if they're on adult land, mod approved. Cuz we're a strict fashion pack like that.
[11:17] Jxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: And cause there's a billion other groups for propositioning.
Exactly. There are a thousand, maybe even triple thousand, groups for open propositioning, why do it in a shopping/freebie group? Makes no sense.
[11:17] Axxxxx Dxxxxxxx: But but, my fiancee is in this group :P
[11:18] Pxxxxxxxx Cxxxxx: bfs are helpful like that
[11:18] Vxxxxx Kxxxx: fashionistas
[11:18] Wxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I would rather have shoes than a bf
[11:19] exxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: oh mmm ok if bf slap manias, then I guess they're acceptable
[11:19] 0xxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: they buy me things.. so good for somethings
[11:20] exxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: this group is so useful - 6 years in sl and I had never been able to understand what sl boy friends were for - one never stops to learn
[11:21] exxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: oh and I could have several, one with each letter and tp them to chairs too?
I suppose, though it seems a waste of good human interaction time. Still, it's a wide world and all that.