call my name, I'm still here (part X)

"When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure."
~~Peter Marshall

(Continued from part IX.)

Another.

Jul 17, 2012, 10:00 PM

[given name],

I'm really starting to feel like the girlfriend of the Fisher King here. Only I don't have a body to visit in the hospital. I just have an absence.

I don't want you to be dead. I don't want you to be gone. But I still have no idea how to find out.

There was a lack of open beds in the in-house physical therapy hospital. But one's coming free on the 27th, so the girl's going in then. Possibly just with [other love], possibly with me, because we're not sure if she's going up by VA medical transport, or via LIFT and transfers. If LIFT, then I'll need to be the active client to bring [her] back home.

I need you, but you're not here, and that doesn't look like it's going to change. I'll write you when I have more to say.

It may be a while.

Still love you. But starting to curse your name.

[Em]

Two days later.

Thu, Jul 19, 2012, 1:48 AM

[given name],

I still don't like not writing you. It feels like I'm being very selfish. But I literally have nothing beyond speculation at this point, on why you left.

So am I owned at this point? Am I Yours? Does it matter? Do you care at all?

I really hope you do. But I also hope for your return, and that's starting to feel like swallowing glass.

I love you. I have no idea what's going on. Tell me when you can, if you ever can.

[Em]

I'm really, really good at keeping hope alive for lost causes. It's a flaw.

One more to come, on this run, at least.