hide away, they say, 'cos we don't want your broken parts

Yeah, so...remember that thing I was recovering from? You know, last year?

Yeah. I did it again.



So this is Em Faw Down Go Boom part III: Return of the Back Issues. Or something. I didn't outright fracture anything, nothing in the spine was broken or out of place, no cracks in the skull--just brain sloshy and pain.



Okay, no actual dying. Dying would hurt less--er, I mean...Rephrased, I have a concussion, I'm in a ton of pain, because I fell back and hit nearly full-on (some fun new muscle knots in the left side notwithstanding) to the back and the back of my skull. And while I would adore having the freedom to just get effective painkiller, the US is still reeling from the opiod crisis so everyone's scared to prescribe much beyond a leather belt to bite.

I didn't even injure myself in a thrilling story-type way--I was on my way out of the apartment, I hit the elevator button, then tried to throw my coat on--and felt myself falling backwards. And failed utterly to stop the fall.

I remember swearing, loudly, and hearing someone on the second floor say they heard a thump--next thing I know one of the attendants is looking at me, saying "Call 911!"

Like, don't get me wrong, I like the fact that we live so close to a fire station, I like the men and women who work there--I just don't like looking up at a ring of them, from the floor, for the third gorram time.

So. WILL do the shoes. Will also work up a thing for the latest tattoo release. But my time at the keys for anything--SL, computer, or straightening out the desk--is limited right now. I will get better, but I think the universe is tired of playing at this point. So yes, I will be more careful and yes, I will rest when I need to (which right now is many hours at a time), and I will do my best not to let this happen again. This month.

(Because I'd love to promise "until next year", but void stars, it's been three falls already, and I was still recovering from the first two!)



I'll get there. It's just put even more time between me and recovery than I had before, and I had a lot of time before this trip to the ER!

it's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me

I know. I know, okay? The last...if I'm being honest with myself...month has been...difficult.



Well...no. For a variety of reasons, including my brain's not useless, just hobbled, but mainly that if I actually hit my head on the desk, I'd scream and pass out.

Soooo. Part of the absence was, I got far too focused on finding high heels in SL, to compare them to the Daitengu all-but-stilts--(seriously, they pass so far into ridiculous that they circle around again into perversely amusing) and forgot that I didn't actually need to get (or demo) EVERY single fetish-height platform spike on the grid.

That's on me, I fully own that.

And there's--slowly, laboriously, I hate that building is so hard right now--rebuilding the Duchess' Garden in Tannhauser Gate--the new "origin" point to work out from being a set of giant redwood trees LOVE put out last week.

And last, the physical situation in RL...it is getting better, the upper tibial fracture healed, and at this point the dual hamstring injuries are, if not healed, substantially better...but there are still problems.



So yeah...lots going on, and I both need and want to get back to regular entries...or, well, entries at all...but it was becoming an overload condition on its own, the more days went by.

So, I am cutting my losses and will work on covering the stilts this week, and will pick up semi-regular coverage from there.

Including two AOs which I promised to cover...Yeah.



I'll get there. Everything's a process, right? Right.

they ask her why she did it, she said, "honey, you would too"

OKAY. OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT? NO. NO HAUNT FOR OCTOBER. NO. DONE.

Primarily because...



...this is as far as I'd gotten.

Yeah.



AND I'm hopelessly behind blogging. AND I'm hopelessly behind on haunt coverage. AND AND AND I'm hopelessly behind on hunts.

Oh, and somewhere in that, hee hoo ha, I was planning on teaching myself how to make Dinkie clothes because...reasons...and...

NOTHING IS GOING WELL.

And I'm both tired of complaining and haven't even started complaining yet. (Make that one make sense.) Plus, the entire household is sick, and tired, and...and...and...

Yeah. So, no haunt. I did buy the gorgeous hunk of now-useless Octember building from What's Lost Spirits, because I saw it at the event...can't even remember which one, the last Engine Room? Something...and I had to own it. And I was coming up with a way to do the pathing properly and make a rest-of hunt beyond that one room, but...just...everything takes energy.

And I have the energy of a small yellow plastic soap dish right now.

So yeah. No haunt. Eventually there will be some haunt coverage. No guarantee when. Check out the last entry if you care to, there's a video there that I was tickled about actually getting done. It's not perfect--I am not a videographer on the same level as I am not a photographer, I do both badly--but hey, perfection is no longer the goal.

Or something.

So...expect more content...but no longer giving whens. I'm not good at them at the moment.

Right, off to meatspace to see if there's chocolate.

unravel the world, I'm not what I was then

By now readers have noticed the chaotic changes of colors, templates, and graphics on the wee blog. About a week and a half ago, my chosen layout corrupted, for some reason. It's been...difficult, that's a good word, difficult...to find a new one that does what I need it to do without tweaking.

This one's the closest to something I can nod and say 'done nao' for, but...you can still carve what I understand about CSS on a thumbnail and have room to spare. So I am trying to fix it...which with the head is not easy...and I'll get there.

Eventually.

and when I harmonize, I always harmonize in thirds

First off, Nightshade has now opened, so the "Deathless Sovereign" Gorget and Pauldrons set I covered earlier can now be purchased, starting October 20th! It runs L$444 for the full thing, which is actually a steal, because there's four pieces.


But today, I wanted to take a quick few shots, before the night goes sideways (because, well, it's been going that way with surprising regularity, day 21 of the killer headache, w h e e)...of the newest offering from /Vae Victis\. That being, the "Praestes" Half-Moon glasses:

So, right out of the box they need adjusting, and right out of the box, I know adjusting them will be easy.



And I'm right--I did a bit of extra fiddling, because if I have long hair, I don't care if the back chain floats under it, but with an updo, I want at least the suggestion of reality? So the least you need to do is just pull them into edit and push them back on the nose; me, I did that, then tilted it slightly to the back, and dropped them to compensate in the front. And ta-da, enough for my brain to say "Yes, I am wearing these glasses". (I know, I'm weird. It has been said.)



The first tint change was to match the current outfit, wherein I picked up something very neat: one of the things I'm wearing over my eyes actually seems to create a light pool within the lenses! (I'd give you the who and where, but it seems Autumn Scientist has changed from [MD] to Autumn Splendor--so she may still have the "[MD] Infected Eyes" and their "[MD] Swirling Energy" attachment, but...I picked them up on a hunt in 2017? Still, worth a thought if you want to check.)

(Oh, and the other eye, on the right, is from AzDesign, and are the "Gore Albino Human No. 3" mesh eyes.)



Yes, your Editrix DID forget to click off the showing HUD box in the photo tools, why do you ask? Argh. So I decided I needed a bit of break before I posted this, and swung by Arkivet on the Fallen Gods pearl hunt, and discovered something amazing:



Greg has his own holy book!

Anyway, I'll toss the few pics I think are decent enough up on Flickr, because really, that little back garden just off from Arkivet is perfect for contemplative half-moon glasses shots...and tell you that these will be offered at the next round of the Warehouse Sale, which I think opens on October 23rd? Either way, I'll update this with the release price when I know!

and if you're coming back to find me, you'd better have good aim

Sorrow is always heavy, grief heavier. It presses on us, bending us forward, pushing us to the ground.



So, after this week, when I found the Weight of Sorrow horns were one of the things I could review, well...it seemed apt.



These are heavy horns, make no mistake. They come in three sizes, Large, Medium and Small (I'm wearing the Small), and are unrigged for ease of adjusting.



All but the last two pictures taken were straight out of the box; the last two were with the horns a bit farther back and slightly up.



As usual with Vae Victis products, these are very customizeable pieces. Eleven different color options, and four different 'faces' to color: the horns themselves, the candles, the horn tips, and the flames. And yes, absolutely you can mix and match.



You can find the horns at /Vae Victis\, currently retailing for L$450.



(The tears are not included; those are from +{ Rosier }+, and run currently L$65 on sale at their main store.)



And they come with included 'spirit flames', which take the color of the candle flames as a sort of mobile mantle. It's neat.

I'll bounce back; I always do. It's just been a difficult few days.

and what am I now but your reaction, I'm all those memories you tried to steal

There is no one thing left, but that one thing, and that one thing, you cannot have. What now?

Gooood question.

So. I've been gone a month. Longer than, really, if you count the slipped story, and that, I'm not sure I can go back to--both the story and the story-tellers have changed in the intervening time. I'll try, but it won't be the story I would have told then, and it may not even be the one I'd tell now, all things considered true.

Am I being obscure? Probably.

So what's happened? Big changes, big transitions. New Alexandria has fallen without a mention, much as I'd meant to mention it; Port Fortune has (sort of) risen in its memory, though not its place. Krakenstorm my beloved, while still there, is not; it will soon be released by the land's owner back into the mists. New Alexandria's former territory will depart as well, around the same time, leaving Gearhaven no longer five, but three.

But in reality, we're mainly two, because Darkmere rises again in the Dark Sea. I've been enchanted watching it rise, and watching its scattered denizens return. They couldn't be happier. I think I couldn't either.

Soon the black sun and the darkened moon will shine their occult rays on the fens and marshes, and for once that is not hyperbole; Lucifer Baphomet is designing the sun and moon for his skies, and they are...distinct, and different. And very much him.

What else?

The Night Court has fallen; vestiges of it still remain in Silver City, and while I do not wish them well, at least I do not wish them harm, and that is about the best that can be hoped for. Once again, Gearhaven is home to refugees from elsewhere, and I'm doing all I can to make our strange, wild lands somewhat more...tame? Tame is not the word, but it's the only one coming to mind...for their stay with us. They're looking towards owning their own lands, so their sojourning within our borders is for a finite time, be that weeks, months, or years. And that's fine; all things change, whether we wish them to or not. Nothing stays the same.

I'm now an official blogger for Vae Victis; I suppose I should thank the nepotism of friendship for that, but honestly, I'm awed and amazed that I was approved. Because, as every reader of this blog knows, I don't take pictures in the best, most optimal light; I take them for what is seen, by most, on the grid as is. Very few fancified effects; for all my fancies, and many are innate at this point, I am a realist where the lens is concerned.

I will try to note where I was given product, versus just buying it on my own; the Dracul Regalia horns of last entry, for instance, were given graciously by Grimoire Hexem. The next entry, on the Hiraeth antlers, I bought those on my own. (Amusingly, they're one of the product offerings I could have had, gratis, for the blogging, but--I wanted them, I bought them, I made them mine. So there.)

And I'm putting the blog back together. Whatever haphazard glitch in the matrix disabled it in the first place, I can no longer find the originals to restore, so--going back to the template before the template I had before the last template. Annoying, but there we are. I will slowly add things back in as we go.

And...that's about one. Down one hand surgery, will have another hand go under the knife next month, but that's RL...in SL, things are...more or less good. Well. They're good, they're just...either I have way too much free time, and nothing to do with it, or no free time at all, and I'm scrambling to get everything done. Isn't it always the way?

But from here, I start to reweave the threads, and we'll see what happens from there.

Has to be better than a month of nothing at all...

through my window. I can see the world from there

Dropped sidewise into an extended conversation elsewhere was this little gem--a minor ton of Finnish silent films that have been subtitled into English. So, if you're a speaker of English OR Finnish, you're covered. And even if you speak neither, it will likely be enjoyable. So enjoy.

Meanwhile, why does Disqus think I'm Slovakian?

Ahoj emilly,

Nedávno sme od vás obdržali požiadavku o obnovu hesla. Prosím nasledujte tento link : {{link omitted on the off chance it's spam}}
(V prípade, že kliknutie na odkaz nefunguje, skúste ho skopírovať a vložiť do vášho prehliadača.)

V prípade, že ste nepožiadali o obnovu hesla, považujte toto hlásenie za nepodstatné. Platnosť tohto linku automaticky vyprší za 72 hodín.

This (roughly) translates to:

Hi emilly,

We recently received a password reset request from you. Please follow this link: {{again omitted}}
(If clicking the link doesn't work, try copying and pasting it into your browser.)

If you did not request a password reset, please disregard this message. This line will automatically expire in 72 hours.

Since I didn't request one, and wouldn't have because I haven't commented on a Disqus-engine blog post in a good six months, easily, I'm just going to ignore it. Because even if it does seem to be a notice sent directly from Disqus itself, it could be spoofed, and I'd have no way to know for sure. But why Slovakian? I'm nearly nine thousand kilometers from there. It's baffling.

Heir of meanwhile...

[23:17] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: i am reading about books being taken off the curriculum in an alaska school. And...while it is stupid..I am not sure how that is a book ban. The story even notes that the books are still available..
[23:17] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: Just not going to be taught as part of the curriculum.
[23:17] Emilly Orr: What sort of books are they?
[23:17] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: classics..
[23:18] Emilly Orr: If they're standard textbooks, that are available elsewhere, what are they being replaced with?
[23:18] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: great gatsby..etc
[23:18] Emilly Orr: Hmm. So no longer teaching the classics of American (and some British) literature, because...?
[23:19] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: i am just not seeing a book ban here..no one seems to be saying you can't read them..just that they won't be on the curriculum.
[23:19] Emilly Orr: No, in fact, they seem to be saying that if a student or parent requests it, they will buy the book requested so the student can read it.
[23:20] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: well..that is Portugal the Man.
[23:20] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: A cool move
[23:20] Emilly Orr: That's not a ban, that's more of a...civilized restriction. The school saying, we realize these issues are harmful un society, but we don't want to be the ones insisting everyone reads about incest, rape and murder.
[23:20] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: Yes
[23:21] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: I don't agree with it , but..it isn't prelude to book burning.
[23:21] Emilly Orr nods
[23:21] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: Catch 22 is a wonderful book.
[23:21] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: The great Gatsby, too
[23:21] Emilly Orr: I don't agree with it either, but I would much rather have something like that, then a total ban that means any student caught with X book gets expelled.
[23:22] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: yea
[23:22] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: I feel like the people commenting..and the title of the article..didn't read the article
[23:22] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: or..just read the title..
[23:23] Emilly Orr: While I see a HUGE problem with not teaching teens about their bodies, so that they actually know enough to make decent informed choices about sex, there are other places to read books. Libraries. Bookstores. Online in some cases.
[23:24] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: yes.
[23:24] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: And..i maintain it is the role of the parents.
[23:24] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: Not old ms mcgillicudy putting a condom on a zucchini
[23:26] Emilly Orr: I'd agree, but...the problem is, the rise of that certain stripe of fundamentalism that says, if we remove knowledge from children, they will remain innocent and never engage with sex, drugs, acting out, foul language--that is an entire branch of religion essentially going LA LA LA YOU'RE WRONG THEY'RE PERFECT ANGELS LA LA LA LA
[23:26] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: Still.
[23:26] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: their children
[23:27] Emilly Orr: So...if you have parents that understand that kids will get hormonal, and are kind of dense at times, and is willing to honestly explain things, great. But if your parents are more the "abstinence is the only solution", then...you're going to get pregnant kids and young fathers and the next generation with STDs, because no one just talked with them.
[23:27] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: Theirs to lose.
[23:27] Emilly Orr: I guess. It just seems like such a waste.
[23:27] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: Yes.
[23:27] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: But..that is life, sometimes
[23:27] Emilly Orr nods.
[23:28] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: Unless we want to just say we know better, so parents should shut up
[23:28] Emilly Orr: Marion Zimmer Bradley said it best: "The world goes as it will, and not as you or I would have it."
[23:28] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: i....would not trust her on child rearing..
[23:28] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: or anything..
[23:28] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: she abused her kids
[23:28] Emilly Orr: Amusingly, she raised...what was it, six? Of course, not all of them were hers.

I know two were related to her, the rest sort of cycled in and out of the house.

[23:28] Emilly Orr nods
[23:29] Emilly Orr: So often, people we admire for other reasons are problematic in the main.
[23:29] Emilly Orr: It's a struggle.
[23:30] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: Well...when it veers into criminality..there is an issue.
[23:30] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: A world of difference between being an asshole and diddling your kids.
[23:30] Emilly Orr: I think of it as the John Denver effect. Brilliant songwriter. Great voice. Very talented musician. Beat his wife.
[23:30] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: yea.
[23:31] Emilly Orr: So...yes, the songs are timeless, and beautiful, but...the other side of that is criminally bad.
[23:31] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx nods

There are no answers. Sometimes, there never are with conversations on these topics. But it's good that the school is providing the option to get the 'banned' books into student hands. That's something, at least.

they isn't wonderin' why mama got mad, 'cause papa didn't bring no coffee home

Oh my sweet gods, Anife wrote back AGAIN.

So here's the breakdown. In that linked post, I responded on the blog, but not to her via email, because that lack of reply seriously dissuades 80% of the idiots who write me wanting collaborations for things my blog has NEVER done. But yesterday, she wrote back:

Good day, Emilly!

Not as long as you're in my inbox, it isn't.

Haven ' t heard from you,

There's a good reason for that, and it's "Haven't".

Do you have any questions regarding the proposal?

None at all, not interested.

I can help you with the answers)

I really doubt you can.

Or we can discuss details of our proposal over the phone,

Bite me,

Which one is more suitable for you?

D, none of the above.

Onward,

You have to be kidding. And she sent her complete contact info, plus the business web search site's complete link AND their physical address, PLUS her phone number. My gods, give up.

I wrote her back yesterday, when the above came in:

All right, so not responding didn't make you go away. Let's try this.

What can you possibly do for a blog that has one (and ONLY one) writer, NO advertising, NO ad banner, NO need for a job search service, and NO idea what you could want beyond that? If you come up with something, let me know. I am all a-twitter with anticipation.

And she wrote back to THAT.

Wow,
Thank you for the reply, Emilly,

No problem. Now will you go away?

I understand what you mean, having nothing uncommon how we can actually help each other by partnering,

Good that you see that, and you mean "nothing in common".

But basically all websites have something very important really happy to multiply,
It’s traffic,

I get enough.

And let me explain my offer here, as it’s a barter type of collabing, no cost, at all,

It's not the cost, or lack thereof, that's making me uninterested.

it’s not about job posting, is about offering you is a free of charge banner of your website displayed on relevant [spammer's web site] pages.

...Wait. You think MAKING ME an ad banner for my blog will HELP? Wow, are you barking up the wrong tree.

On [spammer's web site] search result pages. So, its 100% targeted ad,

Don't care,

People will be redirected to the website by clicking on the banner.

DON'T. CARE.

It will help to increase your brand awareness as well.

I have a brand? Since when?

we believe that your content will be more than just useful to some of our targeted users.

I wholly disagree.

We will use special keywords due to your banner. So we can make sure that you will be getting your target audience going to your webpage.

SERIOUSLY uninterested.

Also, we would be happy if you could feature us with a relevant text link on your website.

Never going to happen.

Please, let me know what you think abou the proposal, Emilly,

It's "about", and still not interested.

It entails no money liabilities,

STILL DON'T CAAAAARE.

Best,

Swallow a dead frog,

[the complete web site/title/telephone/web site closing again]

I just sent back "I'm not interested." Hopefully, that will make her leave me alone.

Honestly, if she writes back? I'm just marking her email as spam.

there’s a lock on your door but I don’t need the key

Today, we're going to a house I'm fairly sure I've blogged before, Deep Root Manor. Their blurb is fairly short, but informative:

Generations of evil left something behind between life and death that better should be left alone. The beings who dwell here try to find a way back to the world of the living...

Okay. Off we go.



The house seems familiar, the grounds don't...but the house definitely does.



Maybe I just know the house build well at this point?



No, I...really think I've gone through this one. I remember that broken mirror fairly clearly.



Upstairs now, and...I've definitely been here. I've seen all of this before.



I've definitely been here. I remember this library.



Up to the attic, and convinced at this point. I even remember remarking on the blue screen.

Took a bit, but in fact, I have been here before--way back in 2016, in fact. Hasn't changed much. Worth a wander if you're bored, but nothing new here, same old routines. Nice sound palette, though.

do you want to get mean? do you want to get cruel?

Why is this still happening?

Hey there,

Oh my god, what. What the hell is it NOW? I've put your damn link on the blog, I've devoted nearly an entire post just to you, what do you want now?

Did you receive my last email?

I have received all your emails. What is wrong with your brain? Why does this keep coming up?

Kind Regards,

Die on fire,

Jack

Jack, do you not read the blog? Are you just sending all this to me and you're not even checking back? Okay. Fine. I'm going to batchfile all the posts where you're mentioned, INCLUDING THIS ONE, and send them to you. And then I do not want you to contact me again. We are done.

take a look around you, it's easy not to see

Clearing out email this morning, and I find I still cannot get over this one, so...I'm putting it on the blog.

Out of the blue on November 16th, I got this:

Hey there,

My Name is Jack Foster and I blog over at VPN Geeks (we review and compare VPN providers).

I really like your blog and noticed that you accept guest posts and wondered if you’d be open to accepting one from me.

If so please let me know and I will send you several suggested topics that you may like. (If you have a topic you'd really like me to cover just let me know)

You can see an example of the type of content I publish at https://www.vpngeeks.com/21-terrifying-cyber-crime-statistics-in-2018

We'd also share it across our social channels :)

Regards,

Jack

At the time, for reasons I go into in my answer, I didn't reply. I don't always respond to completely unsolicited offers that seem to have no relation to my blog. Life moved on. Then I got this November 20th:

Hey there,

One week ago I sent you an email regarding guest post opportunity (copy of email below) and I haven’t yet heard back from anyone.

I would still love to write a guest article for your website.

You can see an example of the type of content I publish at https://www.vpngeeks.com/21-terrifying-cyber-crime-statistics-in-2018

Regards,

Jack

By my account that's four days, not a week, but that may be me being overly picky? I'm not sure. But I decided to respond:

Jack, it's been kind of a rough week. Our bathroom is being remodeled, because we could not longer use it in its current state, and considering it's management deciding what to do and not us, it's gone about as well as you might expect. Compound that with the fact that on both emails to me, you seemed to acknowledge that I do guest posts, and in the second one, said you hadn't heard back from 'anyone'.

I'm the anyone. It's just me. I'm the only writer on my blog. I do not allow guest posts.

But, because you asked, I did look. The article you linked is about 50% graphics only, and mostly easily findable, recyclable information. Your name wasn't linked at the top of the article, so, after I finished reading it, and found it at the bottom, I checked out the other posts you'd written for VPN. I found...three other articles.

Since sending that, he's apparently now written more than those three, which is good, but still doesn't break him out of that very narrow scope of writing only about data privacy and VPNs in general.

Dude, I get you're hungry, but have you read *anything* on my blog? At all? Anything. One article, even. For the past year (because I don't think you have), I've mostly covered conversations from Second Life, which is pretty much my MMO of choice. I do cover a little bit on emergent technology, some on virtual fashon, and every October, I do huge coverage on virtual haunts in SL.

So, while I do have a slight interest in cybercrime, bitchain technology, and electronic privacy and freedoms...which blog entry gave you the idea that this is my sole focus?

Just to tie this up, in case you're thinking along these lines, I do not allow advertising either. The few square banners I carry in the sidebar *I* choose to put there. I don't get paid a dime. I do have my Ko-Fi banner up on the blog, and on my Twitter--that hasn't netted me a single dime, either. Would I love to be paid for what I do? Sure, because I'm disabled and unemployed. But *do* I get paid? No, and I don't solicit for ads, either.

So, after reading through *this*, if you still think a guest post from you would fit on my blog, I'll be tolerant towards considering it, but it would be the *only* guest post for probably the *next* ten years, because...it's my blog. I do the writing.

Cheers,

Em

I don't think it's necessary to mention that Jack hasn't written back, but just for completion's sake, he hasn't written back. Guess he figured out my blog is not really keyed in to his limited and narrow scope. I mean, good luck to him, but it was just a strange exchange to begin with. And I still don't know what gave him the idea that I'm VPN and bitchain central. I think I've mentioned VIPNs all of twice, and bitchain tech, in particular Bitcoin, maybe...once? So it's just completely baffling.

I wish him the best, but I won't be at all surprised if I never hear from him again.

so tell me what the point is with everything you say

So, I've been fairly busy for the past few days with another blog. It's not a perfect thing, but considering Tumblr is trying to commit professional suicide as we watch, and they've only given everyone who posts or reposts adult content until December 17th to delete or be flagged...I'm moving everything I want to save off the site.

(There's also someone with a so-called "rescue plan", but...I have serious reservations. And major doubts. We'll see if that becomes anything other than smoke and air.)

It's just a long, slow, annoying process. I'm leaving behind anything I can't track down the original photographer/model for, or anything I reposted just to add something like 'yes please'. And I'm starting from when I started Tumblr, which means 2010. Aaaaaaaagh.

So it'll be a while. If anyone's interested, they'll slowly surface here over the coming months. (I've also updated the conductor contact points far, far down on the sidebar to reflect this.)

I'll still be blogging here. I'll try to do at least one post every couple of days, but we'll see how that goes. And I may decide, just to catch up, to move the posts on the new blog to two a day. We'll see.







And to finish things up, have a ton of people reacting to news of Tumblr's decisions.
That is all. Back to the reblogging grind.

prayer is the bell jar you put over this goodbye

Hoo boy, this one's going to be..."fun".

[11:54] Bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: That event ended at midnight and the guy returned all my stuff at 6 am
[11:54] Bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: like... wtf... no time to go put it away in an orderly way

So, to explain that a bit, this is one of the designers from the Infinity event. The only reason I knew it existed at all is because she told me. What shows up in SL search when I type in the name is the event's group; no other way to port there, to look it over, no land, nothing. Pulling Asilva Resident's profile only lists the event in picks, the SL bio on his profile just mentions how to apply to be in the event, again.

And none of the fashion blogs--Fabfree, Second Life Fashion Addict, Nessmarket, SeraphimSL, Fashionista in SL, Classy, Trashy n' Free, Knight Fashion, SL Fashion News, iHeartSL, SL Freebie Addiction, SL Fashion Feed, IT Girls, any of them--that I peruse mentioned it in any way. Yet Asilva Resident, the group owner, told all the designers he advertised "extensively". Really? Where?

[11:55] Emilly Orr blinks
[11:55] Emilly Orr: Wow, he is such a jerk
[11:55] Bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: and people are bitching in group notices since there is no way to talk in group
[11:55] Bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: apparently everyone is angry and calling it a scam

That's interesting, though I would have said, before hearing what comes next, that it was just a badly managed start to an event. Everyone's entitled to one flaming mess and then they get better, right? Save for...

[11:55] Bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yeah look what ppl sent out
[11:55] Bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx:

scam
Thu, Nov 15 2018 7:01:38 AM PST

this event is a scam. even if I think that my message is useless and that people who are intelligent have seen it for themselves. the only way the event organizer uses to bring "guests" is "happy hour 1 ls" people come and go. the people who come are only for clothes free to 1 linden they do not care about our items or our booth.
I ask since the beginning of the event (two weeks) a link just a blog link or to see what we propose to the event.
I am still waiting for the link of the blogger for whom we have

[11:56] Bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx:

kindly made boxes. How successful are you at seeing a blog? me no . You find yourself thrown out of the group when you have the honesty to tell the owner that he does not advertise and that he does not deal with the customers. the longest conversation and the only help I received from this event and the day I paid for my stand. look in the research with the third of what we all pay he was not even able to pay for the place to be displayed in the search! and the traffic is just over what my store did a few

[11:56] Bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: he sent this at 3:38 am SLT
[11:56] Bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx:

Hello, the Event ends today.
rental available, I'll return things at 6 AM second life

[11:56] Bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: like w
[11:56] Bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: t
[11:56] Bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: f
[11:56] Bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: 2 hrs 22 minutes
[11:56] Bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i was getting ready for school at 6:38 am
[11:57] Bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: and just got back from class and a meeting
[11:57] Emilly Orr: Huh. I don't have a lot of information, but I can start from there. Who sent that?
[11:57] Bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i'm SOOOOOOOOOOOO upset
[11:57] Emilly Orr: I can imagine!
[11:57] Bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: The first set was from a designer
[11:57] Bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: the 2nd part was from the Owner of the Event
[11:57] Bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Asilva
[11:57] Emilly Orr nods

This does sound pretty chaotic, and again, badly-managed start to finish.

[11:59] Bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: then he sent this out
[11:59] Bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx:

I come through this apology!
A designer came the notice group complain about the event, about her clothes on the blog, all the shopkeepers are announced by the blogs, there is a person who separates and distributes so that everyone can have their items disclosed!
How to support whenever they look for me with doubts if I'm not online, I'll respond as soon as I get back!
We all have the right not to be satisfied with something or a purchased product, we have the right to complain, but in a direct way, that it does not involve other people who have nothing to see!
Once again I apologize to you, I am here to receive criticism, because they are always constructive, any problem look for me that I will try as soon as possible to solve!
Thank you
Asilva

[11:59]Bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i think i am the "there is a person who separates and distributes so that everyone can have their items disclosed" maybe? bc i only gave my items to the bloggers?

Maybe, but it sounds like a lot of the designers are upset with Asilva's treatment of them.

So, not entirely sure about this, but based on what I saw going to the event, what I didn't see in terms of advertising for this event, anywhere--and I did tip Ms. B about SeraphimSL, she contacted them, and they said they are happy to list anything with notice, but they never heard one word from Asilva about his event--I'd say if it's not actively a scam, it still may be an event to avoid, at least initially. Because again, if it's not actively just seeking Lindens with no concern for up-and-coming designers, then at best Asilva has no idea how to run an event, nor who to advertise with to get the word out. And these are lessons he desperately needs to learn, especially if he plans to do this again.

what are you waiting for?

New month, more tales of abandonment....eventually I'll work this blog back into my daily round of coffee, collation and SLife.

In the meantime...Steelhead is coming back? Well...sort of. It will only be one sim to start, and won't be for a few months. But it sounds promising.

In a similar vein of nostalgic return, Armada Breakaway may be returning...not under the same ownership, and I can't say much more than that currently, as it's not being openly advertised. But there is a builder--who never saw or experienced the original set of sims--working on bringing the writings of China Miéville back to the grid. And from what I've seen so far, it feels, startlingly, like the Armada build already. I wish him the greatest of luck and hope to see more as it develops.

you are the sound that I hear

Time passes, time unspools, endless ribbons of days lost or misplaced snaking through the void spaces...blogging tends to fall by the wayside in these times.

Kind of tired of telling myself--and others--"I'll do better". But I do want to get back to blogging. I miss it, even when I'm saying very little of import.

Let's switch to something of import--new hair from Kallisti Burns!

I know, right? At least two years gone, maybe three...no word...no new hair...now we have new hair. Awesomeness.



This is Bantu, one of those lovely rose-knot styles. I'm more into the long braids, or the side ponytails these days, but considering my avatar was in no way rigged for a tight hair-knot style, I don't think it looks bad. Yes, I think it would look better on other people, but the fact that even I can wear this is kind of cool. I'm wearing it in Discord Red.



And then, for some reason, I went to a filter with a pink wash for all the other shots. I have no idea why. But this style and the next one, Nita, were both in Discord Red.



A shot of the back of the style. I'll set something else up in the next few days, run through shots of some of the other colors.



And this is Nita. High=pony dreads with shaved sides. Very fun. Though admittedly, had a pang putting this on--not because of the hair, but because of the hair base, which is named Munchflower, and yeah, I still miss Munchflower Zaius on the grid. And I hope she's doing as well as she can, because Ehlers Danlos Syndrome is a terrible thing.



This is the Nita dreads from the back, and I noticed something I want to point out for the next image.



Now, I know that looks like a lot of arrows, but let me break this down. There's a certain flaw that happens with some alphas on hairs. I don't know exactly why, yet, why it's caused, but it seems to cause a sort of 'haloing' around the hair edges. Sometimes this is just sort of a blue-sky glow against any background. Sometimes, it erases other mesh underneath the hair, which has made some of my hairs unwearable.

For this one, I'm just using the arrows to point out where the alpha halo is happening. It's minimal, and mostly atop the hair, very very little on the sides or the tips. Which is good, I think.



This is a close-up--back to the natural color of the hair--of some of the haloing on Nita.



Let's talk about an example of the haloing from a hair Kallisti didn't make. This is Truth's Arabella pony, and I'm wearing it with the pony fall down a black suit. All that pale peach streaking you see? Not streaking, the hair is a uniform dark red. That 'streaking' is actually the alpha haloing causing the mesh to disappear, so you're seeing skin.



Here is where it's worse, and this isn't even the worst hair I have with this defect. But where the arrow is pointing, that's actually showing the curve of my waist and hip, underneath the mesh suit. This is a pretty big alpha flaw, moreso because I wear this hair a lot these days.

So what I'm saying with the above? There is some haloing on Nita, but it's really mild, and shouldn't interfere with most images, or casual wear. There doesn't appear to be any haloing on Bantu.

I forgot to trip by the store and grab the prices for these. When I take the different color picks, I'll grab the prices per each tone, and per fatpack. In the meantime, you can find Discord Designs in a lovely little cottage in Moonsong. Go look.

And have a ghost train story. Enjoy.

what is joy in league with sorrow?

Doing some housekeeping, as long as I'm updating the colors and the theme. Absinthe as a post tag is now gone; it's been replaced by a general Winterfell tag if something in the entry just refers to Winterfell Absinthe, or, in the case of the one post mentioning Mere Henriot's Elixir, a new Kickstarter tag. (For it was originally a Kickstarter project when that tea debuted.)

I also discovered I had some spelling errors! So now contemplation as a tag is all spelled correctly, as well as frustration. (Apparently I had one version with two i's. Why?)

Crafts is now gone; I lumped it under crafting. Clothing and cats are now gone, too; there was only one entry each to them, anyway.

Obviously there's more work to be done, and I'll get to it when I have time, but...it's a start.

go make some new disaster

Several months ago...

Yeah. It's been a while. I got to the point where I realized that the longer I put it off, the longer it would be before I said anything. So...I made plans to write an entry, even if it was a short fluff piece.

And...a week later, I realized I still hadn't written that short entry, so I spent part of last night, and part of today, off and on, changing things a bit. I'm still not sold on how big most of the charity link banners are now, and the colors still seem somewhat...off...but for now, it's enough. I can stop here and work on writing later and we'll see where we are when that happens.

And...that's about it for now. Cheers, I guess. The writing drought is over, at least for now.

and I gunned for your love right through the sun

137,627 words into the epic unpublishable mess. I "won" NaNoWriMo on November 10th and just kept going. I don't know how long it will take to finish. I don't know how much of myself I'm going to have left at the end.

I expected depression. I expected pain. I expected random flashes of anger, I expected hopelessness, I expected inchoate loss as I remembered days of love and days of grieving. I expected all of these things, I thought I was prepared.

I didn't expect to miss you this much.



After all, you've been gone from my life long enough that I'd forgotten many of our conversations. Oh, the general feelings, the general mood, I've retained, but the actual words said, the moments shared, those had slipped my mind. I'm finding memory's razor is sharp, sharp as winter sea air, sharp as scalpel sin.



What I'm saying is that I expected it to hurt, but I didn't expect to feel you so keenly once more. Simultaneously present and missing, close and impossibly distant, and it's striking me as profoundly unfair all over again.



I am broken. I know that. I have spent too long, especially of late, surviving in the interstitial spaces of my own head. I know I need those around me who not only see my good points, but see and accept my broken places. You did that.

You once told me that there was nothing I could not share with you, no secret, no urge, no memory, no nightmare, that you would not accept. That I could tell you anything, absolutely anything, and you would love me still.

I relied on that.

Then you left.



And it's been years. Years of healing, years of processing, years of seclusion, years of putting myself together after I tore my life apart for you. There are things I lost that I will never get back, and I had made my peace with it...until this.

And I'm still writing. And I'm still discovering. And now I'm wondering how close my memories of you are going to get before I can leave you behind, once again, where you should be, as you are nowhere to be found.

"You drove me to the fire
and left me there to burn..."

Now I just wait for the fire to burn down, and it's going to take some time, because all I have in memory's spaces are accelerants and tinder. Gods help us all.

But I get through this, my lost love. I survive. More symbols carved into my bones, into my flesh, more scars, more pain behind my eyes...but you didn't kill me when you left, and your memory won't kill me now. I'll get through this. But it's going to hurt like a wicked bitch until I do.

And I'm wondering how many words it's going to take before I'm done.

I made you now, I erase you now

'Can I play with madness?'
The prophet stared at his crystal ball
'Can I play with madness?'
There's no vision there at all

While the official winning validations do not begin until November 20th, for all intents and purposes, I have "won" another year of NaNoWriMo. My verified word count stands, as of half past two this afternoon, at 104,233 words.

I'm not truly considering it a win.

it can't always be
what you want it to be
it can't always be
what you want it to be

In terms of word count, I definitely made it, and more besides. By the 20th, I may have added on even more words, because this tide seems unstoppable. So many years I spent hiding, trying not to think, trying not to feel, and this project has brought everything back in spades. I do mean that literally--I'm as much grave-digging as I am perusing the past, disinterring at least the corpses of the memories of old loves if not their literal bones, from living ground.

Shout when you wanna get off the ride
Shout when you wanna get off the ride
'Cause you crossed my mind, you crossed my mind
I'm a penny in a diamond mine

At this point, having excavated what I've excavated so far, alone, some things are becoming quite clear. Beyond my basic tendency not to learn from mistakes, I'm discovering facets of my personality I did a great deal to erase, that I'm finding I want back. Will reclaiming them make my life more difficult? Probably, but they're bits of me that have left me feeling, not inaccurately, hollow, and I don't have to live that way.

More, though, the bigger questions I'm thinking over are of the nature of love itself. Or my love life, which may be a vastly different thing. I'm now looking at everyone I've fallen for in world, and doing my best--after the abandonment of time, parity, and relationship--to ask myself one simple question: If I had that relationship to do over again, knowing what I do now...would I?

so let it fly by
let's say it loves you
let it slide, slide
is that how I met you?

My answer prior to this has always been yes. Regrets, absolutely, I have them; sometimes I pile them up with old quilts and tuck myself in at night. But, case by case, would I do the same thing now?

you had a warning
you didn't want it
you can't come crawling back now

And...maybe I am learning, maybe I'm not, but I'm finding there are definitely people I would avoid, had I had foreknowledge. No indication of who, so don't ask--I've also learned by reading through the early days of the blog that either I'm obscure to the point of total mystery, or practically stamping name and location on my forehead. It's enough that I know who they are, and I would have made both our lives easier if I had just never gotten involved.

Which leaves me...well, with a great many ghosts to exorcise. Not to the point yet where I can do that, so it's starting to feel crowded in here, but I'm not afraid of my own ghosts. There's nothing the past can do to me now that it hasn't done already.

["Can I Play With Madness?" is from Iron Maiden, still good after all these years. "(It Could Be) Love" was recorded by Camouflage Nights. The third stanza was from an unreleased Phender song, Slide. The fourth is "The Warning" by Neverending White Lights.]