'til you learn with age what you can’t do and then try and make a change

Eerie Aquarium's take on depression is hauntingly accurate. Some of the other conditions fit, some don't, but I get the concept. And yeah, being neurodivergent is terrifying at times. NSF...brains? Disturbing content, definitely. Touch of body horror? Mild gore. Soundtrack-induced dread?

Also, as an aside, since the last post was political, let's carry on:

Creator @bekahdayyy has put together a point-by-point refutation of anyone in your life who says they voted for Donald Trump because of their Christian faith. It's not about faith, it's about power. If you're in the position to be attending Thanksgiving, Christmas or other holidays with family and friends who voted for the orange loon, maybe print this out to answer any questions they might have.

But it's not just about the policies. Project 2025 is a comprehensive document covering many areas the writers seek to "improve". Among them:

• Defunding the Department of Education, including Pell grants for college, striking down special education programs, and taking all further education and schooling for children to pricy private (many religious) schools.
• Defunding the Affordable Care Act (also known as Obamacare, and ACA, yes, it very much IS the same thing)--which will also include Medicare and Medicaid being cut by 90%, and removing all prescription price caps (including Biden's $35 cap on insulin. Also of note: food stamps will be taken from 93% of all Americans currently involved in the program.)
• No-fault divorce will be banned nationwide, leaving many women stuck in abusive situations to be battered, severely injured, or even slain.
• Another plan that will kill women is their purported federal abortion ban, allowing zero exceptions for rape, incest, or fetal malformations and the life of the mother.
• Try this one on for size; Dismantling the Marriage Equality Act and federally ruling that marriage can only take place between a man and a woman. Women will also, under the new ruling, lose their independent rights to separate financing, owning property, or--should the unlikely divorce be granted--their own children. and let's not forget, the Marriage Equality Act also insures that interracial marriage is protected. So that will be struck down as well. Guess Clarence and Ginny Thomas are splitting up next year.
• How about the rights of workers? They won't have any. Employers will be free to break up unions, to no longer offer overtime, to fire employees for any reason without fear of repercussions. And federally, employers will no longer have to worry about displaying bigotry or racism--they'll be free to make their workplaces as white as they wish.
• The military, and likely ICE, will be deployed to enact mass deportations. Far as I understand, the procedure will be arrest first, ask questions later--if at all. And let me quote from the document directly, as she put it so well:

  "1 in every 15 families is of mixed documentation status. American citizens will be subject to deportation if they have a family member living in the home undocumented...Denaturalization of immigrants who have received citizenship will begin. DACA will end. Our Asylum Program will be dismantled."

• This is a fun one--since Homeland Security was created as a bureau, the police already were partially militarized. But after Trump takes office? Police officers will receive prosecutorial immunity and be further militarized. Checks and balances on police overreach? What are those? Oh, and racial discrimination? Prepare for that to come back, in spades, as they receive a mandate to gun after anyone not white and conservative.
• Trump, through Project 2025, will give reparation to victims of discrimination...but of course, only the white ones. The plan is also to weaponize the Department of Justice to go after teachers, professors and alumni in colleges that practice diversity, equity, and inclusion (the dreaded "DEI") and fire them. Then tear down the colleges themselves, especially black ones.

Do I need to go on? Because I can go on. This document covers the appointees Trump is planning to push through, as well, and some of them are just as reprehensible, racist and lacking any skill sets for the positions they'll be taking over, as their chosen convicted felon is.



So, for anyone still reading along who voted for Trump? This is why I'm not interested in you being part of my life. We already had four years of him, when he was basically a gleeful, wheezing toddler with a hammer, breaking structures and yelling for hamburgers. He managed to put a tidy sum of money into his pocket from YOUR from being president those four years, too, or didn't you catch that he was charging the Secret Service hundreds of thousands of dollars to rent rooms in hotels he owned?

And you voted to put him in power again. I know there will be members of Congress fighting against his despotic desires, but he has said, multiple times, to multiple Cult 45 members, in multiple cities, that at the very least he plans to:

• Destroy education as we know it from kindergarten to college
• Ban teaching ANYTHING about African-American history; Japanese histories of children growing up in camps instead of houses (even though many Japanese-Americans during WWII were born in the US); anything about the contributions people of color have made to this country through invention, innovation, scientific, medical, legal and political advances; any reference to the near-genocide and seizure of land for indigenous peoples--essentially, anything that might hurt poor white peoples' feewings
• Destroy Medicaid and Medicare (so there goes my insurance)
• Destroy Social Security (and there goes my ability to pay rent)
• Destroy the Affordable Care Act (so there goes one of my love's insurance)
• Set high tariffs against countries he currently dislikes, which will drive the cost of EVERYTHING up (or didn't you realize what tariffs actually do?)
• Destroy the Veterans' Administration entirely (so there goes my other love's insurance, since she's a veteran)
• Remove responsibility for womens' medical care and bodily autonomy (and as a woman, I kind of take that personally)
• Remove marital rights guaranteed to men from women (and this alone, even were I not happy with the loves I have, would ensure I'd never marry), essentially starting the process to make them American citizens with reduced rights;
• Restrict food stamps to the narrowest possible sliver of citizenry (so, hey, I guess I don't need to eat anymore, right?);

--and AGAIN, I COULD GO ON--



Is it sinking in yet? Having any regrets on how you voted? Because I'm hearing that a lot, too--that Trump voters "didn't really understand", or "didn't know" he was proposing to sink so many ships. And for me, I mean, great, you have seen that your cult leader may not be precisely trustworthy, but COULD YOU NOT HAVE COME TO THAT CONCLUSION BEFORE VOTING FOR HIM?!??

But that's it. End of rant. I refuse to trust people who voted for me to starve, get sicker, or outright die. Just because the price of eggs went up. Oh, babies, just WAIT until the 200% tariffs go into effect on Chinese imported goods, or Mexican imported fruits and vegetables, and you'll be having to choose between paying rent, or buying a new skirt. Paying for necessary medical equipment or prescriptions, or buying a bag of apples. No more. No. More.

you were my lesson I had to learn, I was your fortress you had to burn

This one goes back a ways. I can't remember if I blogged about this before, but early on in the pandemic, I put together a list of simple recipes for new home cooks, as well as virtual exploration destinations for folks trapped at home. That was clear back in 2020.

This put me on some kind of...list.

I got three messages from Lish Babela, one in December of 2021, the following two in January of 2022, two weeks apart, recommending her site's list of virtual museum tours in Singapore. But it didn't stop there.

Mary Pauline Maido let me know she had a site of virtual museum tours in Ireland in January of 2022. Then Katrina Lapid sent me a set of virtual tours of New Zealand. That was in February of 2022. She sent another email twice in March of 2022 with the same exact information.

In Aprille of 2022, she emailed me again. I just wasn't sure what to say. Then I got an email from Apple Smith...and got incensed.

While we have transitioned to a new normal and can finally go out and about, some of us are still homebound.

We can 'finally go out and about'? I don't know about your region, Apple, but where I live? People are still dropping in place. We still have eight hundred deaths on average a week, and over one thousand new cases a day just in my county and the county next door, let along the rest of the state. This is NOT over, and I highly resent your chipper, breezy conviction.

The [blog entry] you shared have given readers a timeless way to be active and productive. You also brought them to places at the comfort of their homes with the tours!

This would have been a comfort to hear, were it not preceded by the blind arrogance of the first sentence. As it is, I do not think you're speaking sincerely, and I wish you'd stop speaking to me.

They can also visit “The Couve” through our well-curated Virtual Tours in Vancouver, where we’ve personally picked only the best! It’s a one-stop page for all the great places they can visit from museums to art galleries and more.

Great. Linked. Anything else?

This is gonna be a fun trip!

Die on fire,

Best,

Apple Smith

I hope your favorite book is made into a hugely popular film with a terrible cast by Uwe Boll.

Is everyone HAPPY NOW?!? I'm crawling back under my rock and blocking you all if you write me again. Dear gods.

I never knew my killer would be coming from within

Bit of an update from tonight's entry from earlier.

I'm not going to put these in frames, these are just shots on the fly.



Welcome to New Xantis.



Or what's left of it.



There are stores empty.



Now, not everything is gone, as I'd thought--but looking through these quick shots, I'm thinking Jaimy left up the main connecting throughway between the sims on either side of New Xantis.



With this side connection, I have no idea what used to be here, but I'd suspect a major set piece with the large items for sale, which then connected to that upper walkway leading down into another sim. It's all gone.



And I didn't want to wait until they fully rezzed in, but from left to right, this is Anthony Haslage (Ntanel Swordthain), Melina Firehawk, and Kirk Wingtips. Swordthain seems heavily involved in Star Trek fandom groups in SL, Melina Firehawk is pretty much in every RP group you can think of (and I'd be willing to bet either is the sponsor for the Super Heroes sim at Sci Fi Con, or at least organizes for it), and Kirk Wingtips (who not only seems to run Sci Fi Con, but is either involved with, or runs SciFi Expo, so dubious on that connection for now, plus is in a lot of Firefly/Star Trek groups).

And then I cleared their airspace, potentially never to return.

It used to look like this. Now...that's all over. Because the organizers were abusive. This is a very bad turn of affairs.

I'm learning more as I'm dying

Sent to Twitter half an hour ago:

Well, this is upsetting. We got involved with Sci Fi Con this year in #SecondLife, and apparently, it's been SO mismanaged along the way, designers are starting to flee the sinking ship. Anyone from the Second Life Relay for Life team want to check on their charity status?

I'm dead serious. Anyone know who's in charge of the main SLRFL group? Because they need to seriously look into what's going on at Sci Fi Con, and into Kirk Wingtips' management of same.

Earlier, this notice came from Death Row Designs' lead maker, Jaimy Hancroft:

[16:43] Deathrowdesigns: Group Notice Sent by: Deathrowdesigns
sci fi con.....
DRAMA ALERT (1st in 12 years) we packed up our stuff at scifi con.
we've had enough of the bad managment. and they also banned us from their discord, for sharing a song (?)
we will have rfl vendors out still at scarlett bay to support RFL .
in our 12 years of doing events, scificon... took the cake .
we'll be back and lots of good events coming :)

Now, to understand how notable this is--Jaimy's one of the most unflappable designers I've ever known. But it's not just her. Stabitha of What's Lost Spirits designed a region for them, and she's also livid. I haven't heard what Walton Wainwright of Contraption fame thinks, but I'm nearly positive it can't be good, because at the last minute, he turned in a reconfigured Fantasy Faire sim, because Wingtips begged him, and the first thing they did was tear it apart and repath it, so...the giant mechs that walk about walk through the buildings now. No, if you've seen them do that, that was not Walt's coding; that was Sci Fi Con not understanding design.

Here's how bad it is, in case anyone wants to go and check: the New Xantis build at Sci Fi Con is gone. Entirely. She pulled up every single thing she owned and left because they were being treated so badly. That should tell you something about the level of abuse, here, and it can't be allowed to continue.

I seriously intend to track down the operators of Second Life Relay For Life on this. This is not only careless disregard for design, but mistreatment of designers, and I'm not even going into the charity events they held that they got wrong, including the one featuring time donated by a Linden...

It's so disappointing.

And I deeply regret we agreed to participate in the hunt, but I am very glad we didn't buy a booth.

All I have right now is the name found on the main SLRFL page that comes up via Google; if anyone has more information, please let me know. This is the exact way charities get bad names, and we want to keep SLRFL in good standing.

(Why yes, there's a second part.)

I'm aggressive, regressive, the past is over

Yeah, it's gonna go there eventually, warning you now.

But it started with a conversation about dreams while we were dancing on the back lawn of the Chelsea Hotel.

[15:03] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): Guys, I once dreamt of my mitochondria protesting to break free from my organelles , claiming that nature has enslaved them !

Yes, I am leaving him un-anonymized. Why? Because of what he says later.

[15:03] axxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: hi [mxxxx]! howzit?
[15:03] Exxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxx: hes a good entzertainer
[15:03] txxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Hey [Mxxxx]
[15:03] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: You mean the first of a million woodstocks

Because ostensibly, this was the Chelsea Hotel's anniversary tribute to Woodstock.

[15:03] kxxxxx Rxxxxxxx shouts: Hey [Mxxxx]! woot!
[15:04] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: youre on time for this woodstock
[15:04] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ha
[15:04] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: HI [Mxxxx]
[15:04] Ex Exxxxxx: THE MAN WITHOUT WHOM NONE OF THIS WOULD EXIST... [Mxxxx] SKALL EVERYONE!
[15:04] Ex Exxxxxx: .-'`'-. APPLAUSE APPLAUSE .-'`'-.
[15:04] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): On another night of a full moon, I dreamt of Professor Noam Chomsky eating books and regurgitating the field of Modern Linguistics!

Most of us were just ignoring him for the most part, concentrating on the music.

[15:04] Ex Exxxxxx: Hiya [Sxxxx]!.. mwah!
[15:05] Rxxxx Mxxxxx: hi [Sxxxx], hugss mwahh
[15:05] Rxxxx Mxxxxx: sorry I stepped on your head
[15:05] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): The funniest dream I ever had, was when I had a vision of a Neanderthal swallowing a whole apple, and it played ping-pong with his heart while passing down his oesophagus!
[15:05] kxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: that is a great dream!
[15:06] Cxxxxxxxxx Hxxxxxxx: yikes
[15:06] Cxxxxxxxxx Hxxxxxxx: lol
[15:06] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): [Sxxxx], the most disgusting dream I ever had, was of a female's menstruation blood turning into jelly and been marketed by an Oompa Loompa as Halloween treats!

And...dude. You have issues.

[15:06] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: wow, man.
[15:06] kxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: If that first one was an animated short I bet you'd be up for an Academy.
[15:06] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: isnt dream therapy night on Thursday at el quijote
[15:06] Cxxxxxxxxx Hxxxxxxx: yikes
[15:06] kxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: But not the second, no, not the second one...
[15:07] kxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: no, no, just no...
[15:07] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): Do you guys think my dreams have any philosophical implications at all?
[15:07] Cxxxxxxxxx Hxxxxxxx: no none

Psychological implications, sure. Philosophical ones? Not usually.

[15:07] kxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: hahaha
[15:07] kxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: that was quick...
[15:07] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): [Cxxxxxxxxx], I'm just a little concerned that I'm having a neurological malfunction!

From later conversation, no, seems like he's like this all the time.

[15:08] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: welcome to SL huh?
[15:08] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: join the club , sir
[15:08] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): Given that I've heard my neurons conspiring to abandon the dwelling of my skull, things don't seem to be heading in the right direction, ever-since!

My advice: let them escape. Might make for less abhorrent conversation.

[15:08] bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yes, women's anything should treated like candy
[15:09] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): Not that disgusting blood though!

You're really tipping your hand here, Knight. So is it a phobia? A religious spasm? You just haven't dated any girls yet?

[15:09] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Remember! Your not officially crazy untill you go...
[15:09] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: BLITALITALITALITALITALITA!!!!!!!!!
[15:09] bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: sacred!
[15:09] Ex Exxxxxx: Arabian, does that horse dance?
[15:09] Ex Exxxxxx feeds a brownie to the horse
[15:09] sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: *Chuckles like a chipmunk* [Jxxx]
[15:09] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): You guys seem very interesting, do you all mind if I peek into your profiles to conduct my psychoanalytical rituals?

"Psychoanalytical rituals"? So not just weirdly phobic about womens' anatomy, but also delusions of grandeur?

[15:10] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: (the draggon is a hallucination, she tells herself. but I didnt eat the acid yet, she thinks again)
[15:10] Ex Exxxxxx: me thinks the lady doth thinknn too much... lol
[15:10] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx:
[15:10] axxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ya gota know who you doin...
[15:10] kxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: hi [Axxxxx] - Welcome!!!
[15:11] Ex Exxxxxx: [Jxxx], thanks for coming!
[15:11] Axxxxx Jxxxxx: Hey [Sxxxx]!
[15:11] Ex Exxxxxx: .-'`'-. APPLAUSE APPLAUSE .-'`'-.
[15:11] axxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: \o\ A P P L A U S E /o/
[15:11] kxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Oº°‘¨APLAUSE 🎸 🎶 º°"˜`˜
[15:11] kxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: dang!!!

There's going to be more bursts of applause--this was when the live performer on stage during this finished a song. So I'm editing out most of them when it happens.

[15:11] kxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: WOOT!!!
[15:11] Rxxxxxx Axxxxx: trippy
[15:12] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: hooo
[15:12] sxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ♪♫♥ Applauds!!! ♥♫♪
[15:12] kxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: sweet!!!! woot!!!
[15:12] kxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: [Bxxxx]! Glad you're here!!!
[15:13] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): Profile checks done, analysis completed successfully.
[15:13] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): Are you all ready for my verdict on you?

Is that a trick question?

[15:14] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): You're going to judge us?
[15:14] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): Well, as an esteemed "myrmecologist of ants", I can see that none of you shares the characteristics of one that is plagued by "socio-repellent pheromones".

Redundant. Knight's essentially saying here he's an ant scientist of ants. He could have just said "myrmecologist" and stopped.

Also, on reading this over again to post, I'm fairly sure he's saying he's the advanced life form, and we're just lowly insects scrabbling blindly at his feet.

[15:14] Wxxxxx Cxxxx: Everyone is judging everybody all the time, so why not do it out loud?
[15:14] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr) grins
[15:15] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): No, I do not seem to possess social-repellent pheromones
[15:15] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): Emilly, you all seem to be well-rounded and approachable individuals. That is what I was trying to convey.
[15:15] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Woo!
[15:15] Ex Exxxxxx decides this is waaaaay too heavy.. takes another long toke...
[15:15] Dxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yay!
[15:15] Wxxxxx Cxxxx: My pheromones seem to actually attract certain male members of the population
[15:15] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: LOLOLOL
[15:15] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Hey, [Exxxx], sometimes, y'know, things just get heavy. It's cool.
[15:15] bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: chillin' and thrillin', dancin' too
[15:16] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yes were the pinnnacle of sl sanity the Hotel Chelsea wwweee woo waaaa
[15:16] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: LOL
[15:16] Ex Exxxxxx sooooooaaars
[15:16] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): Guys, for your info: I run a virtual school, teaching "psychological manipulation". All my slaves / students testify to the quality of the content I deliver. If you'd like to be part of my following, please submit a formal request.

And there was the sales pitch: "Hey, baby, wanna come over to my place and I'll teach you Scientology? But on your knees, natch. 'Cos that's more fun."

[15:16] Rhi Milena (rhian.milena): laughs, always being judge, to tall, shapeless and #1 BIIATCH
[15:16] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol
[15:16] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: That is so new york uptown
[15:16] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr) giggles. "All my slaves/students", there's an SL description for you

It really is.

[15:16] Wxxxxx Cxxxx: Do you have a course on discourse manipulation, Mr. Knight? I would attend that!
[15:17] Wxxxxx Cxxxx: horses [a**]?
[15:17] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: application for mind[f**k]? ya
[15:17] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: welcome to trump tower
[15:17] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: hehe
[15:17] Ex Exxxxxx: hehehe.. high fives [Cxxxxxxxxx]
[15:17] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): Yes, [Lxxxxx], and there are no prerequisites for signing up, I just demand that you have a good grasp of the art of linguistics and be acquainted with the workings of the pre-frontal cortex.

Gotta have standards, I guess.

[15:17] sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: *Chuckles like a chipmunk*
[15:17] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Working brains are important
[15:17] sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ***** APPPPPPPLLLLAAAUUUSSSSEEEEEEE***********
[15:17] Ex Exxxxxx: rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy
[15:17] kxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ♫♫♫♫ APPLAUSE ♫♫ APPLAUSE ♫♫♫♫

Another skip of applauding.

[15:17] bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: woot! woot! you be killin'
[15:18] sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ♪♫♥ Applauds!!! ♥♫♪
[15:18] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I'd Rather Have a Bottle in Front of Me (Than a Frontal Lobotomy)
[15:18] Ex Exxxxxx feeds the horse another brownie

More applause, then...

[15:18] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: what about that dragon [exxx]
[15:18] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): Guys, forget music, I make use of telepathy, based on my own self-constructed Quantum Entanglement methodologies, to read the minds of the feeble-ones. You are going to be taught quite a lot of skills!

You're saying this at a live concert, you realize. Not a lot of sympathy for that opinion in the current crowd.

[15:18] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Getting the horse high? Oh, dear.
[15:18] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Okay then
[15:18] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: high as a horse
[15:18] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ya
[15:19] bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol Emily
[15:19] Wxxxxx Cxxxx sings "I can read your mind..."
[15:19] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): I'm here to extend the wisdom of the otherworldly realms unto you. If you wish to be enlightened by the metaphysical forces, be my disciple.

No thanks. I'll skip it.

[15:19] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Eh, it's not that hard to read my mind
[15:19] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): [Sxxx]!
[15:19] Ex Exxxxxx: What a tail my thoughts could tell...
[15:19] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Hi!
[15:19] Ex Exxxxxx: er... tale.. tale.. not tail..
[15:19] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: heres my craziest friend for your "experiments" Arabian

I wouldn't even recommend his 'classes' to enemies.

[15:19] Dxxxxxv Rxxxxxxx: Welcome [Jxxxxxxx] - and everyone I might have missed - welcome to WOODSTOCK!!!
[15:20] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: [jxxxxx] meet Arabian

Why?

[15:20] Wxxxxx Cxxxx looks up "Wait, how did we get from quantum physics to metaphysics???"

Who knows?

[15:20] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): I have grown up on the mountains of the land of Queen Sheba, the ancient land of Yemen, where the tigers roam. I am well-equipped to deal with the philosophies of all times, past and present. You're guaranteed to be in safe hands!

This is obviously some radically new definition of "safe" that actually means the reverse.

[15:20] Ex Exxxxxx: lol.. [Jxxx] that be one kuwazy mofo
[15:21] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): Greetings menstruating-creature ([Jxxxxx]), you're in the presence of the manipulative Knight!

So, swelled ego and an obsession with menstruation, got it.

Also "menstruating-creature" is such a weird way to speak to a woman.

[15:22] Nxxxxx Wxxx wonders if Arabian Knight grew from the horse or Vica Versa

Beginning to wonder that myself. Or if the horse part is in front and Arabian's the rear section.

[15:22] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): [Dxxxx], I think you are attempting an intellectual rebellion in my presence! I will not tolerate this!
[15:23] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): I intend to destroy all forms of delusion, and obliterate all oligarchical structures!

Sure you do.

At this point, Ms. E turned on the rain system--directly over Arabian.

[15:23] axxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx giggles
[15:23] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: OH No Rain?
[15:23] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ohno already
[15:24] kxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: there it is!!!
[15:24] Ex Exxxxxx: ooooNooooooo!!!!
[15:24] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): Alright, it is now time for the "admissions questions", if you all answer correctly, you shall be granted free access to my "School of Psychological Manipulation".

No thanks.

[15:24] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): Be ready please, pens on paper!
[15:24] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr) snerks

He's not serious...right?

[15:24] bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: splish splash!!!!!
[15:25] Rxxxxxx Axxxxx: rain is me [exxxx]
[15:25] Ex Exxxxxx: you're all wet, Knight.. :)

Another patch of applause for the singer...

[15:25] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): Question NO.1 : why is it that we never see people suffering from "severe mental retardation" claiming to be gay? Is "sexual identity" just a by-product of social conditioning? Perhaps it is nothing more than a psychological phenomenon?

Have you all been brainwashed (without soap) and socially conditioned to adopt a “sexual identity”?

Yeah. That was his first question.

[15:25] kxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: hi [Oxxxxx] - Welcome!!!
[15:25] Rxxxx Mxxxxx: hey [O], hugss hon
[15:25] bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx sheds a feather...
[15:25] Rxxxx Mxxxxx: brb
[15:26] Exxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxx: woot
[15:26] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): So the first question is rigged, because we do...

Because "severe mental retardation" has no effect on attraction. We're attracted to who we're attracted to, that's just simple human nature.

[15:26] Oxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: hello everyoneeeeeeeee
[15:26] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: sea of endless avis
[15:26] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): But gender is a social construct, yes.

Because again, it is. This was supposed to be a hard question?

[15:26] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: circular arguement! spins in a circle O
[15:26] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): So you are all brainwashed (without soap)?

What does that mean, anyway? Brainwashed without soap?

[15:27] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i use PSYCHE soap. myself
[15:27] txxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: hi [Txxxx] - Welcome and [Cxxxxx]!
[15:27] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Well, I prefer to think of it as generally washed
[15:27] Cxxxxx Axxxx: Hey Emily
[15:27] Cxxxxx Axxxx: Hi [Sxxxx].
[15:27] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Hello [Cxxxxx]!
[15:27] Cxxxxx Axxxx: Hey [Exxxx]
[15:27] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): Question NO.2 : do you know that males can breastfeed using their breasts with little modification at all? All it takes is a raise in a hormone called "Prolactin" which can occur naturally without medical intervention!

So why do men find women's breasts arousing when they technically have the same feature?
[15:28] Cxxxxxxxxx Hxxxxxxx: [f**k] off

So say we all.

[15:28] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: oh boy
[15:28] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: no rain no rain
[15:28] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): Question NO.3 did you know that we all start as females in the womb, for the first 2 weeks during development the fetus is nothing more than a female body-shell without hormones. It is only after the appearance of hormones that the fetus changes gender to male (if it has the YX Chromosome present), and that is why men have what looks like a "stitching" on their genitals, this is due to the infusion of the female parts they once had!

This is not a question, it's a statement.

[15:28] Nxxxxx Wxxx: yep... he grew from the saddle.... the horse rules
[15:28] Cxxxxx Axxxx: Hey [Dxxxx]
[15:29] Nxxxxx Wxxx: Hi [Cxxxxx]

More applause, then--

[15:29] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Question 2, the first answer is yes, obviously, and the second answer is just very obvious in cultures that oversexualize based on gender. Not so much in cultures that don't.

More applause.

[15:29] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Are you going to ask any actual questions, Knight, or is this some sort of mental masturbation exercise?
[15:29] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: oh crap
[15:30] jxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: wheres my umbrella dang
[15:30] axxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx giggles
[15:31] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Question number 3 is not a question. Also duh.
[15:31] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Come on now. Step up your game.

Then he IMed me.

[15:32] Arabian Knight (arabianknight01): I have a theory in regards to the psychology of women; basically, in my view, the whole psychology of women is governed by the menstrual cycle (i.e. period). All women's feelings, thoughts, and patterns of behavior are first and foremost nothing but a byproduct of a subconscious psycho-physiological "struggle" ; for example(s), women think that blood is a substance that is unclean and unattractive, and so they try to "make-up" and beautify themselves to attract the opposite gender to mate with them. Also, women think that blood (in its essence) is a substance that embodies harsh concepts (such as death), and that is why they tend to act "soft and loving" to offset such an apparent contradiction between their "supposed beauty" and the otherwise gruesome concepts relating to blood. Moreover, women think that bleeding reflects a deficiency, and that is why they are generally insecure, and as a result, don't see themselves as capable beings worthy of engaging in societal affairs, so they tend to be submissive!

There is just so much to unpack here, all of it demonstrating a deeply flawed understanding of women, biology, culture, society, and submission.

[15:33] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr) cackles
[15:33] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Cute theory. Wrong, but cute.
[15:36] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Do you always talk condescendingly to women, or is it just me?

Because, wau. Way to make me both very amused and homicidal all at once, congratulations.

Thankfully, he stopped responding, and disappeared soon after, so with any luck, one of the Chelsea staff bounced him to the curb. It is devoutly to be hoped, at any rate.

But, considering the man's looking for "slaves/students", openly admits to misogynistic ideas about women, seems to have some sort of phobic response to natural body processes, and claims to be a master of psychological manipulation? This to me says "dangerous", so...consider this blog entry my warning to the women of SL. Don't go near him.

the way I'm drinkin' you down, like I wanna drown, like I wanna end me

We're going to pick up in the middle of this, because I logged in in the middle of it:

[20:09] Rxxxxx Bxxxxxxxx: why
[20:10] Rxxxxx Bxxxxxxxx: what rule does it break
[20:10] Axxxxxxxxxxxx Sxxxxxxx: You can list the mainstore where the mainstore is located
[20:10] Rxxxxx Bxxxxxxxx: [Qxxxxx] is not resale

You don't have to be strictly resale to be considered a mall in SL.

[20:10] Axxxxxxxxxxxx Sxxxxxxx: Creqatos of Mainstores rent spaces in the [Qxxxxx] Mall. And by definistion that is a mall. Rentals are not allowed

I think she meant 'Creators'?

[20:10] Rxxxxx Bxxxxxxxx: i don't understand what you mean by mainstore. Most of those are the mainstore
[20:11] Axxxxxxxxxxxx Sxxxxxxx: no they are not. They are smaller versions of the mainstore. They are Franchse stores
[20:11] Mxxxx Kxxxxx: o-o
[20:11] Rxxxxx Bxxxxxxxx: for example [Kxxxx] has lots of stores

Okay, that's actually a great example. So the store she's referring to makes textures. They have a lot of branches in addition to the mainstore. Say they put out a freebie box of textures, or put up an MM. If those were in the mainstore, they could be posted. But their branch that's in the couple of texture malls I know they're in--some of the same places Timeless Textures is in, and at least one that features Timeless, Kushi, USC and Vita, if I recall correctly--they couldn't list the things, because being in a mall would preclude that.

[20:11] Mxxxx Kxxxxx: you ok there [axxxx]...? it looks like slurs...

I think those are just typos, honestly.

[20:11] Rxxxxx Bxxxxxxxx: why can't you list it
[20:12] Rxxxxx Bxxxxxxxx: it seems like you are trying to protect some competition you favor is what it looks like
[20:12] Mxxxx Kxxxxx: oof
[20:12] Axxxxxxxxxxxx Sxxxxxxx: Definistion of a Mall: a large building or series of connected buildings containing a variety of retail stores and typically also restaurants.
[20:12] Mxxxx Kxxxxx: DEFINITION
[20:13] Mxxxx Kxxxxx: -.-
[20:13] Mxxxx Kxxxxx closes this chat
[20:13] Axxxxxxxxxxxx Sxxxxxxx: Keep it up [Rxxxxx] and you wll be banned for arguing with a mod
[20:13] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Any store, even the main store a business has, if they rent space in a group of other stores, is considered a mall and is disallowed by this group.
[20:13] Rxxxxx Bxxxxxxxx: lol.. yeah.. ask [dxxxxx] about that

Oh, babycakes, no. Do not try to use one mod to intimidate another mod. One, they actually talk to each other, and two, mods in this group have a wide variety of powers. There are no 'junior mods' that can just warn in text. If you're a mod for this group, you can bounce people, no questions asked, and the only way another mod is going to be surprised by that is if the first mod that did the ban had to suddenly leave and the other mod logged on. Otherwise, they'll leave an IM or a notecard. These are NOT uninformed people.

[20:13] Rxxxxx Bxxxxxxxx: Im simply asking questions

But they're really, really, STUPID questions, Ms. R.

[20:13] Jxxxxx Dxxxxx runs and hides
[20:13l lxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxxx: not only is it a mall, it has the word "Mall" in the name lmao

Well, if the mod decision didn't do it for you, that would. Give it up, Ms. R. You're fighting a battle that's already been lost.

[20:13] Exxxxxxx Sxxxxxxx: yeah it does have the word Mall in the name
[20:14] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Timeless is a great case in point--they were allowed here, they're not now, because when she rebuilt, she invited her friends in, so it's now her store that anchors about six total, which qualifies as a mall.

And, when that happened, I fought Dragon tooth and nail over her decision to disallow Timeless to post in this group, because she'd been such a standby before. In fact, Timeless' owner had put the entire business into a large skybox above the ground level, so that even though the sim was rated Adult, there was absolutely zero Adult action in any of the stores in the sky.

But note that "any of the stores". When Timeless restructured, she became the main store, and all the little wings of her old store that were run by different people (thereby, making it a group business, not a solo effort, but NOT a mall) were given their own, separate buildings to develop. So now it's her and four or six outbuildings, all connected by cobblestone paths.

Which means that by this group's definition, she was now a mall, and was no longer allowed to be posted.

[20:14] Axxxxxxxxxxxx Sxxxxxxx: [Rxxxxx]. [Dxxxxx] is the one who put [Qxxxxx] on our sm/store ban list
[20:15] lxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: it's a freaking mall and it's not allowed according to group rules. You don't like the rules, leave group and make your own group with your own rules XD
[20:15] Rxxxxx Bxxxxxxxx: well, im talking about banning me for asking questions
[20:15] Rxxxxx Bxxxxxxxx: that's what I meant about asking [dxxxxx]
[20:16] Axxxxxxxxxxxx Sxxxxxxx: I'm talking about Banning you for argung onw hat a mall is and is not and does not want to listen to me when I say it is not allowed and the reason I gave. and you want to continue to argue with me about it.

Yeah, at this point, Ms. R doesn't seem to realize she's going to be bounced for being confrontational and combative. It's not about "asking questions".

[20:16] Axxxxxxxxxxxx Sxxxxxxx: and don't worry [Dxxxxx] knows all aobut it. In fact, I'm the one who trained on when she first became a mod.
[20:16] bxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Because you keep questioning when the mods gave you the reason why the malls aren't allowed
[20:16] Axxxxxxxxxxxx Sxxxxxxx: One of the main ones
[20:16] Rxxxxx Bxxxxxxxx: she doens't know that you threatened me

Well, that won't last for long, she'll be told. And 99% chance she'll support Ms. A's call here, because this group's mods trust each others' judgement.

[20:16] lxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yup, that is not asking questions, that is trolling
[20:16] Rxxxxx Bxxxxxxxx: when i am constantly providing free things to this group

So, hold up. You're "constantly providing free things" to the group, and you don't know the group's rules? Did you recently suffer a head injury?

[20:18] dxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: th thing i think is Hilarious? Events In a MALL are allowed in here but a place with 6 shops isnt? Not Sure how that one works exactly,, but mkkay.

Um, Ms. D., are you paying attention? Events/MM boards/gifts/cheap offers in a mall are NOT allowed, and a place with six connected stores--hence, A MALL--are NOT allowed. You're not making sense.

[20:18] Xxxxx Mxxxx: O_O
[20:18] Xxxxx Mxxxx: simply accept rules, and stop
[20:18] Xxxxx Mxxxx: goodness
[20:18] Axxxxxxxxxxxx Sxxxxxxx: Time to move on everyone. It's been taken care of

Which means Ms. R has been bounced for being an idiot. Okay.

[20:19] dxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: They make thier oen "rules" and circumvent them whenever its vonmvienient for them? lol

No, actually, they don't. What groups are you thinking of? Because that doesn't happen here. Their rules ARE frequently overly restrictive and irritating, but they don't haphazardly violate them on a whim.

[20:19] mxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxx: gues what! they can do that! its their group

Sure, but they don't.

[20:19] Xxxxx Mxxxx: its their group, their rules, and now thats it for me, buy everyone
[20:19] dxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yeah, Its Called hypocrisy
[20:19] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr) sits back with popcorn.
[20:20] mxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxx: no its called their rights

What? Whose rights, the group owners/mods or the people in the group? I don't understand.

[20:20] dxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: If rhey make Rules even THEM hould follow them or why have them at all
[20:20] Exxxxxxx Sxxxxxxx: i smell an alt
[20:20] mxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxx: you dont have to join
[20:20] dxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I'm Not an Alt. and ive wintnessed thia behavior for YEARS

Really? Because I've been in this group for a solid six, seven years now. And I can guarantee you, they don't blindly break their own rules. Disagree with those rules all you want, but if you see people breaking the rules in the group chat, it's not the mods.

[20:20] mxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxx: no one is forcing youi to be here
[20:21] Exxxxxxx Sxxxxxxx: if it disturbs you, why stay in the group?
[20:21] mxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxx: but if you want to be here theres code of conduct
[20:21] mxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxx: you signed up for it
[20:21] Jxxxxx Dxxxxx shakes her head
[20:22] dxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yes but there is Nothing saying i cannoit voice an Opinion if i think things are Being overly enforced and taken advantage of.

Well, yes and no. You can always raise a POLITE query, and see if you can get a better answer as to why a mod is doing a given thing, and this can be done in main chat or in IM. I've done both. But once you get an answer, it's generally a good idea to move on. If you harp on the point and blather about how unfair it is, the mods will just bounce you.

[20:22] ixxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: one can still always say what they think. And complain if they consider that they have to.
[20:23] mxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxx: i think it says no weenie whinning
[20:23] dxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Yep. and what i said was an Observation, If people find it offending then thats on them ?

Well, I'd say again that's up to interpretation. If a mod takes it the wrong way, gods help you.

[20:24] mxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxx:

[Group name] is an international shopping group for daily notices about news, sales and nice gifts!
Our blog: [their blog]
Our flickr: [their Flickr]

NOT ALLOWED in chat:
Store ads/spam/self-promotion
post more than 3 lines
MP and most outside links
Drama/rudeness
Criticizing stores/gifts
Malls-Franchises
Disco/Club/DJ ads
Breedables
Rental/sale
Most Adult sims/items
Gambling
Pay MM/LBs/gifts
RP: OOC only
AO with adult anim
Vehicles
Question? contact [someone who's no longer in SL, but is still listed in the group description] or [someone else who's never in SL these days, but is still listed]

[20:24] mxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxx: drama / rudeness = weenie whining
[20:25] Sxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxx: weenie whining? ... get that often? .. most try to make it be bigger than it really is ....
[20:25] ixxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I mean, I'm late to the party, but you're all being rude with her
[20:25] mxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxx: so stop it

Which her, though? The idiot R, who's going to get bounced out on her pointy little head any moment, or the mod the idiot R is being rude to?

[20:25] ixxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: "no talk, just leave"

Ah, so you mean the idiot R, then.

[20:25] Axxxxxxxxxxxx Sxxxxxxx: This is SL and gorups in SL does not have to be Democratic. We have rules. I warned about keeping up with arguing with a mod about what a mall is and is not, would not stop. She got what was comng. Now, it's time for everyone to drop it.
[20:25] mxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxx: amen
[20:25] Axxxxxxxxxxxx Sxxxxxxx: If you don't like the rules and how mods and owners runa group, you do not have to stay.
[20:26] ixxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: DEMOCRATIC? WOW
[20:26] mxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxx: amen
[20:26] ixxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: NOW ITS POLITCAL
[20:26] Exxxxxxx Sxxxxxxx: democratic is a general term

Yeah, so, there are a few definitions for democratic. One is political, true. The others are all some variety pertaining to equality and level playing fields more or less.

[20:26] Exxxxxxx Sxxxxxxx: as it was used by [Axxxx]
[20:26] mxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxx: it is not political in this form of the meanning
[20:27] mxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxx: context

Which should have been enough, but...

[20:27] ixxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: which is basic human rights in here and everywhere

Yeah, you're wrong here.

[20:27] Exxxxxxx Sxxxxxxx: small d not big D
[20:27] Exxxxxxx Sxxxxxxx: noooo democracy is a form of government created by humans, it's not a divinely bestowed thing

Now you're really wrong.

[20:28] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Sorry in private clubs and groups WE make the rules.
[20:28] lxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: omg you talk so much yet you know so little, go educate yourself [Txxxx]
[20:28] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Someone completely misunderstands democracy. And politics.
[20:28] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Only the government can be accused of violating your rights.

Again, not true.

[20:28] ixxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: You sure bout that

Pretty sure, yeah.

[20:28] mxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxx: when youi signwed up you read the rules and agred to it
[20:28] qxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: eeeeeeeeek hands out cheese coated chill pills, lots of groups in sl, some to suit everyone
[20:28] ixxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: It is a bit ridiculous come on everyone
[20:29] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Hey, not the group's fault if you didn't read the rules when you joined. Or the about once a week when they're reposted.
[20:29] ixxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Lol.
[20:29] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: we be sliding haha
[20:29] Axxxxxxxxx Lxxxxxxxx closes the window for a while until everyone might have calmed down or eaten some of [Mxxxxx]'s chill pills...laters guys 'sighs'
[20:30] mxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxx: its not. i see these people log in and bless us with kindness constantly and then folks pit in their eyes for doing their job which is to enforce the rules

Well, not constantly, but I will say I've posted more Scenes from Chats where it's this group, than any other group I'm in.

[20:30] qxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: anyone badmouthes [Dxxxxx] is getting raisin toast from a mouse, and heres a clue...theres no raisins
[20:30] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: also closes chat and enjoys her home
[20:30] mxxxxxxxxx Cxxxxxx: so no not ridiculous
[20:31] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): For the record, I'm not upset, I'm just amused.
[20:32] sxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Did I miss drama? I just logged in.
[20:32] ixxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I mean how you're handling it, but ok. Still, nobody is perfect.
[20:33] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Mass drama, [Rxxxxx], but it's probably for the best. It's 50/50 going to calm down, or going to get out of hand.
[20:34] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Maybe 60/40 going to calm down.
[20:34] sxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Okay. I'll keep my eyes open while I'm on then. Try to keep things from going bad.
[20:35] Exxxxxxx Sxxxxxxx: something nasty crawled into my ims but it's gone now

I love this reference to the person bounced whining in IMs.

[20:35] Exxxxxxx Sxxxxxxx: be careful out there, lovelies :)
[20:35] sxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Okay.
[20:35] Exxxxxxx Sxxxxxxx: time to write some notices! LOL
[20:36] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr) snerks at 'something nasty'. She suspects the something has now been bounced from the group.
[20:36] lxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: it crawled into mine too, twice, even though I didn't even reply
[20:36] Jxxx Mxxxxxxxx: Send complete information, bail money, and disavow all knowledge of this conversation, and all will be taken care of.
[20:36] sxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Wow

From here, the conversation turned normal, and I was very glad for it, but damn. Talk about entitlement. "Why can't I do whatever I want in someone else's group, this is undemocratic and a violation of my rights!" Dream on, chicklet. It's so not.

Though I will list one more comment, of mine:

[20:37] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): They could've crawled into mine, I can tell them *exactly* how effective arguing with [Dxxxxx] is. :D

this is how the world ends, not with a bang but with a whimper

Title, of course, taken from T.S. Eliot's The Hollow Men.

Seen on a random profile:

"I feel a good submissive should be like an Italian Courtesan of the middle Ages. Loyal, obedient, subservient, and if you mistreat them they slit your throat before you have a chance to apologize."

Sadly, no author was listed, and Google isn't saying.

But I do tend to agree.

And I try to stay away from direct copyright violation, but this seems enough different...I think I've found this year's Halloween costume for the Sakura ball. Sadly, Salt and Pepper sells each dress separately from the gloves, but I was able to pick up the red dress, and the purple gloves, so...that will be fun.

Now to other matters, and I'll make this brief. It has been a day. Sniping, accusations, insane misbehavior on the part of more than one person at many times during the day, all of it accusing me or mine of things we've never done, wouldn't do, and don't intend to do. The last straw was someone's alt coming after my partner for something I've written on here, so...that's it. That's all, I'm done.

Observant readers will find one singular mention of a particular roleplay sim in tags. That is the only entry that now links to that particular roleplay sim, and that is only left intact because that sim's blog linked to it in an entry there. If they wish to let me know they're taking down the link, I'll happily delete the entry. It's up to them.

All other entries have been edited to remove any references to places, sims, or people on them by name. The pictures are the same, but beyond that, nothing else directly points to a particular place.

And there will be NO further mention of this particular roleplay sim on this blog in future, because apparently, some people never made it out of junior high emotionally, and are getting snippy.

So. That's it. The blog's clear. Everyone happy now? We are most decidedly moving on.

I lost my power in this world, and the rumors are flying

(This is the first entry that was intended to be read after this one, published on the 20th, but it was written on the 19th.)

I wonder if I have an all-black Kemono skin. This feels like an all-black growing mood.



listen to the wind blow
watch the sun rise

Turns out I do. So...here we are.

The sweeping joy, then the jagged, crushing descent...and the stunned question circling through the sharks by the shore.

"That's it?"

I am still so screwed here. Or...not, as the case may be.

Dark desert highway, skin still itching for touch no matter what skin it is, and still feeling very, very small. Waiting for these things to change. Not sure when they will.

Not sure if they will.



run in the shadows
damn your love, damn your lies

On the far end of the rift I have more understanding, more frustration, more pain, more confusion. More more more when ideally, I want less. Ah, but a constant truth of the universe is we don't always get what we want.



and if you don't love me now
you will never love me again
I can still hear you saying
you would never break the chain

And there is a large part of my heart that's still raging. I was promised two weeks. I was given two days. Two days to force adaptation of any kind, at least enough to continue to function.

Is that breaking a promise, or reconsidering the timeline? Does it matter at this point? Did it matter before?

Am I just needlessly brooding?



listen to the wind blow
down comes the night
run in the shadows
damn your love, damn your lies

Because yes, part of that is my brain trying to find a way for that prototypical last time, hated though such things are, just in case it would be, and...then there was no time left. There were no days left. There were going to be no times, last or otherwise, again.

And did that break a promise, or just break me?

After all, doesn't matter how many corners I can think around if the building was demolished. No corners left.



break the silence
damn the dark, damn the light

You know, it's somewhat ironic. The last serious rift I had with someone--well, all right, the last before the actual last, but the last shocked more people than just me--I was instantaneously blamed by the other party. That was a situation where I knew I'd been in the wrong for not speaking up, but everything else could, and still can, absolutely be laid at his door. It took some back and forth recriminations, and far more angry words than probably either of us wished for, to finally convince him of that. I bear part of the blame, I accepted that, accept that; but he bore the brunt of it.

Which, in all honesty, he probably didn't want to hear, but...it was true. Though it's also true that he was hurting, he was confused, he was angry...and no one's at their best in that state. Trust me, I know.



and if you don't love me now
you will never love me again
I can still hear you saying
you would never break the chain

And...now here. I have gone from thinking that it was mostly that other heart's fault, to seeing we were equally at fault, to thinking it was entirely my fault, and each place I've stopped to decide has felt like the "real" truth of the situation. I look back on the past few weeks that feel very much like railing at fate, with a strong coat of unfairness, injustice, and general unkindness, save...I was there when all this went down. No, I didn't come up with the idea, that was someone else, and I was, still am, shocked to my core when the ban was proposed, but--I was aware of it. I didn't like it, I was hurt by it, I was confused, and baffled, and horrified...but--at least as explained to me then--I agreed.

Maybe I was wrong to agree. But I honestly do not believe, wrong or right, that there was ever a chance to say, hey, sleep on this a bit, okay, decide tomorrow, decide the next day, because...that is not my place here. I did ask why several times, but I knew the answer wouldn't change.



you would never break the chain
(never break the chain)

So my choices now seem to be...apart from very, very limited...very conflicting. Can't have the man, can't stand to walk away, and the indecision is killing me. This is perfect crazy-making territory, I know it, I do realize, but it seems like that's the only choice left too. So I guess I just accept I'll be crazy for a while?

How do I accept that?

Did this break me, or was I already broken and only thought I healed?



(chain, keep us together)
run in the shadow

And it's not the sex. That's not the issue. There are those in my life who thought it was--there's one who is still loudly proclaiming I'm a sex addict--but in any iteration of reality, sex is not that difficult to find.

That sense of connection, though, for lack of a better term. That's the difficult bit. I can sleep with people I just like, it's fun--and occasionally pays rent--but that...click...that's more rare.

(chain, keep us together)
run in the shadow

It took me a while to turn down enough static around everything to hear it, but that is what I miss. And I say that even knowing that's still there, because--it's not the same. It's still that half-recognition, half-novelty of feeling personalities mesh, only now, one side's strained, and limping, and flinching every time that click kicks in.

And it's not him. No, no, it's still clearly me.

(chain, keep us together)
run in the shadow...

And I'm back to feeling like I'm standing in the center of all commotion, screaming until my vocal cords strip, bleeding because I can't figure out how to stop it, and as goddamned usual everyone around me thinks I'm asking if they prefer Earl Grey or Darjeeling.

I hate it and I can't stop it and I have been here too many times and why again? Why again?

I know why, and I don't know why, quixotically. But neither the knowledge nor the confusion resolves anything. All I know is, I can't do what I want in either direction, and I don't know where to go from here.

I just...don't.



And the one new piece of information that was gently impressed upon me is that I am not alone in this. Which is both balm and bane, frankly. I don't want to be alone, and I have felt very alone most of the time, these past few weeks, and I desperately do not want to feel that alone, but...I don't want anyone else I care for to feel this, either.

The lifeline is made of braided silk and nettles, and I can't figure out if I should hold on tighter or let go and run away. Either action will hurt.

*sighs*

These things I know. These things are inviolate. If nothing else can be relied upon, I can rely on these, for whatever value they hold.

• I am still on my dominant's collar. There has been zero indication that that is ending.
• I am still trusted. Gods alone know why, but when absolutely everything goes dark, that has been the sole, distant flicker of light. I am still trusted.
• I refuse to give myself new scars over this. I am done with that.
• I have love in my life, from more than one direction, and if I stop spinning long enough, I will see it.
• I haven't done anything else irretrievably stupid beyond what caused the ban in the first place.

Some of these things are...very small things. But when the Tower collapses, sometimes you build it back up stone by stone, or pebble by pebble if that's all that can be found.

So. I've said this before, but now I need to rebuild. Not completely, in this case; lightning didn't strike the entire structure. It's just a matter of repairing the burn scores, patching the few places that cracked and fell, find a workable emulsion to seal the rest until it can stand on its own again. It's bad, it is bad, from any direction it's damaging; but it's not fatal. I do not die from this. Nothing is that extreme.

I just wish I knew with surety that both sides of this--that aren't me--understand as well, and...I'm only sure of one. And it's not the one that owns the collar.

(Insert from the Editrix: And as long as we're here:)



(Pictures taken at Obsidian Apocalypse, Deathlands, MOTHERLAND, ATMOS Foundry and Virtual Decay. Lyrics from Fleetwood Mac's The Chain.)

we are lost and we're falling

Before we get into today's patch of sturm und drang, something Mr. Ormstein put together, which is very, very useful--a .pdf tracking Linden fluctuations from 2009 to 2020. This data is going to be very, very helpful indeed.

Now then.



feels like you made a mistake
you made somebody's heart break
but now I have to let you go
I have to let you go

You know, it's bad enough when I'm the one crushing hearts; it's really beyond the pale when I have help.


you left a stain
on every one of my good days
but I am stronger than you know
I have to let you go
no one's ever turned you over
no one's tried
to ever let you down

And I know I get through this. I do, because that's kind of my nature--bleeding, battered, broken, doesn't matter, I fall down, I get back up again. Outside of one incident with a semi-truck RL, I'm too stubborn to stay in place.



beautiful girl, bless your heart
I got a disease, deep inside me
makes me feel uneasy, baby
I can't live without you

This one's bidding fair to keep me staggered for a while though. It's not a compliment to me, or to my love life, that I've been staggered longer, but...this is starting to get up there.



tell me what I am supposed to do about it
keep your distance from it
don't pay no attention to me
I got a disease

And I still can't, I can't, I don't trust myself, seeing him again. Just that. Just seeing the man. I am not some ravening feral animal, damn it, I have standards, but the temptation to do more is making my skin itch.



feels like you're making a mess
you're hell on wheels in a black dress
you drove me to the fire
and left me there to burn

Was it the abruptness of everything? From 'Let's take some time to talk about this' to 'You're done'? No time to say goodbye. No time to have one last date, so to speak, though I've always hated farewell sex. It's so depressing.



every little thing you do is tragic
all my life before was magic
beautiful girl, I can't breathe

And I'm fairly sure I stumbled on the explanation, I'm not sure the other involved in all this helped, and of course the third in this uneven, hitching contraption was justifiably, understandably, upset.



I got a disease, deep inside me
Makes me feel uneasy baby...

Well. So was I. I am still. I am starting to give up on finding a workable way out, though, and crowbarring it into my brain that this is the new normal, and I'd damn well start to adjust to it.

I have never wanted to adjust to a thing less, in the whole of my life, but...this is what I have to work with.

Damn it.

(All photos taken at Vale Arcadia. Turns out if you go to the side of the AEnigma event, there's a whole half-buried dune outside with wrecks. Who knew? Lyrics from Matchbox Twenty's "Disease".)