heart is a storybook, a star burned out

Sometimes, love dies from abuse. Sometimes, love dies from neglect. Sometimes, love dies from absence.



And sometimes...love doesn't die at all, and we just wish it would...



I've been here before.

And it never gets easier.



I asked him today for a hug. Well, no, let me be precise--I said I would ask him for a hug, but I didn't know if that would offend him.

I got back the lines of severance sent by someone else, the new ban firmly nailed in place.

I guess that's his answer.



Maybe it's a good thing, knowing that another fracture in my heart won't destroy me. Maybe it's a good thing that I know how to shore up the weak spots, and continue on. Maybe it's a good thing I know how to operate under stress.

Or maybe these are all terrible things, and they're just familiar to me.

I don't know anymore.



But this is where we are, I guess. No repairing what's broken, ever. No discussion. No further contact. No...more. No more anything.

And I get to be the pillow over the face of love, quietly smothering it until it gives up and stops kicking...while my brain protests there has to be another way, and my heart screams it's not supposed to be this way at all.



Well, I agree. It's not. But here we are. And here, we unfortunately stay.

And the walls go up, and the gates within will be reinforced, and the list of those that have access to anything past the courtyard will be narrowed further...

But, to use a phrase I loathe...it is what it is. And I have to accept it for what it is. And find a way to move forward from here...

to wash off the dirt on the riverside

Couple quotes I nabbed from profiles to start:

"If my Master is lost, I'll find him. I'll lead him back to himself, because to serve doesn't always mean to follow."
~Joey W. Hill
"I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman."
~Anais Nin
I don't entirely agree with everything in Nin's statement, but I do like them both.

Moving on. Just to warn those who are interested in such things: SWANK'S Boho Chic Fair isn't. That is all.

Well, okay, I'll expand. Wild has one minidress in their booth. Glitter has one dress. K-tarsis maybe has one item, if you count peacock tattoos. Oh, and good gods, zfg just needs to pack up and go home; tie-dye is not "boho" anything. Vips Creations has two boho pieces, but one is in brown, yellow, turquoise and orange stripes, and the other is just...beyond comprehension. It's like a burlap sack with trim. EvoLove's dress offering is iffy, because of the chains; the template might work due to the draping, but the chains kill it.

On the other hand, Venge's booth actually has it together--four bits of jewelry, all appropriate. Was that so hard?? Oubliette has a lovely formal gown in a 1920's pattern. It's not bohemian in any way, unless you're thinking the actual, first Bohemian revival starting in 1910s Germany, and moving to France in the 1920s...but hey, it's pretty. Skindustrial Bodyworks has everything down pat, too--it's a strapless crop top and a long skirt embroidered with flowers, and a scarf as hip sash, in eight colors. Wild, in a separate booth for some reason, has one offering that's also pretty boho; I just wish the template fit me better.

And...that's it! Granted, I just went through the womens' fashion section, but...based just on that? I'm too depressed to continue.

So let's check in on What Not To Do With Avatars, part...I don't even know at this point. I present the latest exhibit:



Why. Just why. Okay, look, let's make one thing clear first. I have zero problem with the body, that is not the issue. That is the very least of my issues with her.

WHY IS HER TONGUE OUT??? That's the main one. WHY is she walking around a store just waving her tongue in the breeze? I don't get it.



Second, WHY DOES SHE HAVE NO FEET??? WHYYY???



And the last issue. I realize this is a perpetual complaint, but it's valid every time I say it. LOOK at those teensy little baby hands. Those completely nonfunctional child mannequin hands grafted onto an otherwise functional adult avatar. Why in the hell. Seriously, why in the hell.

There's obviously no explanation. And there's no excuse. I'm just disappointed.