the thunder before the lightning and the breath before the phrase

The Not So Awesome document hit the web three days ago, and I still haven't finished reading through it. In the process, I found a fellow going by Social Injustice Warrior (a clever, if cringeworthy, name) who has put out part one and part two (so far) of a planned multi-part video series on where things went wrong behind first That Guy With the Glasses, and then Channel Awesome, after the rename.

While those two videos are quite the rant-filled exposition themselves, some of this I knew--I knew about Obscurus Lupa's departure from the channel (for another perspective, more forum-post based, try this one from Videogames Awesome) back in 2015, and around the same time, Lindsay Ellis' departure, along with Todd in the Shadows.

I suspect this is simply because I didn't follow that many people from Channel Awesome--the Nostalgia Critic (more these days than in the past, because I really love the work of Tamara Chambers and Malcolm Ray), the Cinema Snob (who has his own hosting domain), Linkara who has his own domain, Todd in the Shadows (who's working on collating all work, new and old, onto Youtube), and the Nostalgia Chick (who's now also doing her own work on YouTube and on and for Chez Apocalypse). I feel like I should be embarrassed about this, but I really didn't follow anyone else's work on the channel, beyond Spoony. And Spoony...oh, boy, that's a whole other can of sea lampreys, seriously.

(Along the way through the #ChangetheChannel video rants, I ran into a few videos, some with entirely reasonable complaints about, Noah Antwiler, AKA Spoony. And I've talked about Spoony before on the blog, as I was a stronger fan, and am now sort of a resigned fan, following his bizarre screeds on Twitter and seriously contemplating just burning off his videos that I do like to a disc I can label and take out once or twice a year.)

But getting back to Channel Awesome..I think it's relatively impossible for someone who's not more involved with all the channel's content producers to follow where, when and why the drama started--and some of it, as witnessed by the Not So Awesome doc, just never came to light publically before.

There's more than a hint of #MeToo running through the document, as well.

The document itself is sixty-nine pages of personal testimony plus accompanying captures of Tweets, emails, Skype transcripts or screen captures, and at least one recording of a voiced Skype call. What it all seems to come down to, largely, is that the mismanagement started from the top, with either Mike Michaud's utter bullying and and aggressive refusal to accept input of any kind, and a bit of sexual harassment. Both men come off as the worst type of boss in the pages, with another boss adding an extra sauce of Harvey Weinstein-in-miniature disgust.

I don't know if I intend to, or want to, cover everything. But I am going to cover some of the complaints.

Before that, though, as RetroReprise mentioned doing in a clip from a longer podcast, I went to Twitter to read through some of the #ChangetheChannel tweets. I got tired of scrolling to "the bottom", because the tweets never seemed to end, so quite likely I missed a ton. I will also say there seems to be a greater than average proportion of noise to signal on this one--rabid fans on both sides screaming at each other. I'm going to try and skip most of that, too.

March 22nd, 2018
"Hey @thecinemasnob why don't you just quit CA? They clearly don't deserve you."
~~Marc-Andre Lamothe (@Malbeth81), asking about Brad Jones' position on #ChangetheChannel

"No. Doug, Rob and I have been great friends for nearly 10 years, and I still love being on the site."
~~Brad Jones (@thecinemasnob), refuting the controversy 

March 24th, 2018:"Today @SuedeBlade resigned after nearly 10 years of being on TGWTG/CA, and was instantly erased from #channelawesome website and archive and their admin chat without even a thank you. Just letting you all know. #ChangeTheChannel~~Jessica DuFresne (@anakuroma), remarking on the departure of William DuFresne (Suede) and Lewis Lovhaug (Linkara)

March 25th, 2018:
"Suede was one of the earliest members of CA, Linkara one of the most popular, and both got unpersoned. #ChangeTheChannel
~~Tao Jones (@themetrobolist), replying to @anakuroma's comment earlier

"Things that Channel Awesome’s Management has pulled according to the #ChangetheChannel folks coming out..."
~~Kaylyn Saucedo (MarzGurl)

"#ChangeTheChannel? I turned the damn channel off years ago... I'm actually surprised @ChannelAwesome is still around. But the fact they're just blocking people rather than actually answering to these claims is... pretty telling. #LetChannelAwesomeDieAlready"
~~Sean Strife (@strife_sean), commenting on the #ChangetheChannel hashtag

Later:

"Either give a statement about the controversy of #changethechannel. This problem is NOT going to go away, no matter how much you ignore it. Your silence says more than you think."
~~Sean Strife (@strife_sean) again

"[the forum thread is now deleted], my contribution to #changethechannel also apparently there is no way to delete your channel awesome account. Permaban here I come!"
~~Sarah M (@IvoryOkami), commenting on the Channel Awesome forums

"@Obscurus_Lupa @MarzGurl Do you know of any complaints Justin Carmical had about CA? I just think since he can't speak for himself someone could add his complaints to the google doc if you think it's appropriate #ChangeTheChannel"~~Christos (@grkpektis3), commenting about JewWario, or Justin Carmical, who died in 2014.

"Did Diamanda Hagan just #ChangeTheChannel? You guys should read "The Magfest Incident" on her blog."Jeremy O'Kelley (@JeremyOkelley), wondering if Diamanda will be the next to leave.

"One can only hope #ChangeTheChannel will lead to dire consequences for Channel Awesome.
Would also help, if @AngryJoeShow would finally speak up about it. He has been surprisingly silent until now."~~Christian Mutig (@Ductos), commenting on another content producer on the channel.

"I won't be adding anything to the #ChangetheChannel document. Compared to PME my experience on CA was a walk in the sun."~~Diamanda Hagan (@Diamandahagan), commenting on the controversy

"#ChangeTheChannel MikeJ has also left CA!!"~~Slice (@TheSliceMusic), commenting on Mike Jeavons' departure from Channel Awesome

"If there's a sequel to the disaster artist would it be about #channelawesome specifically the filming of To Boldly Flee? #ChangeTheChannel"

~~John Snyder (@Jman1995100), commenting on the all-cast movies

"An interesting thing happens if you apply this passage to Channel Awesome: it sticks.
#changethechannel

"Grown to really cherish reading the melancholic elegies of Joseph Roth."
~~Darran Anderson (@Oniropolis), about this passage from Roth:

~~Kladdagh_reviews (@KladdaghYT), commenting on another controversy altogether

And...I think that's it for now. I'll keep collating, but this has grown rather large just with the back and forth. It will be...interesting, in the 'Chinese proverb' sense of the word, to see what happens next.

Came across another video, this one by Kim Justice, who reads a bit from the document with commentary, wherein she makes some valid points. And lastly, when listening to a list of #ChangetheChannel media, I came across Hopewithinchaos' commentary on his years with Channel Awesome. It's a bit rambling but very cogent on the points he does make.

it is gone like something large, hovering high, has covered up the sun (part III)

(continuing from part II)

So, where were we?

I'm not apologizing for who I am anymore. I certainly don't need your help. And I don't give a damn if you approve.

Right, the 21st of June. Still.

Spoony, at this point, was at the eye of quite the little storm of drama, rivaling me at my best. Or, well, worst. During this time, he did manage to put out four--four? Maybe six--E3-based video logs onto his site (but not onto That Guy With the Glasses, where his videos are now pretty conspicuously absent). Even with that, the comments kept flying in on his feed. From @MaffewGregg on the 22nd:

You'd think @TheSpoonyOne would know how netiquette works by now.

Spoony's response:

@Maffewgregg you'd think you'd know how to mind your own goddamn business by now.

From Karkat Vantas:

@TheSpoonyOne No wonder Scarlett left you, you disgusting shit stain. I'd tell you to die, but living would make you suffer much more.

Spoony retweeted that, followed by this:

You see the kind of thin-skinned, ignorant, cunts I gotta deal with on a daily basis?

Obscurus Lupa responded:

@TheSpoonyOne Is this the part where you call everyone lesbians for not wanting to go out with you?

Spoony replied back:

@Obscurus_Lupa Case in point.

Lupa back:

@TheSpoonyOne Has Oreo found you a new "mommeh" yet?

Spoony retorted:

@Obscurus_Lupa Well now, look who's sunk to my level. Welcome to Thunderdome, kid.

Kaite said:

@TheSpoonyOne Noah, you are the only one responsible for letting this continue with yourself. Seriously, google narcisstic traits. :(

The response?

@KaiteEmm Seriously, google "shut the fuck up."

From Romaku:

@TheSpoonyOne I'm ashamed I used to look up to you.

The response:

@Romaku1 You will be missed. By someone, I'm sure.

David Key:

@TheSpoonyOne Noah. Calm down, man. Just relax. I know you got over by being sarcastic and angry, but you're not doing a video. Just chill.

Spoony:

@LvOverRide I'm perfectly calm, dude.

I'd hazard a guess to say he really is, or at least, thinks he really is--that all this has been cathartic for him, allowing him to vent against someone that's not himself. And we've all done it, I think, because we still haven't completely socialized the difference between speaking to ourselves/our local family/friends and speaking to the wider world. In part, services like Twitter compound this lack of comprehension because first, it's so easy to send out 140 characters or less on practically anything, but second, because it's very easy to equate "followers" (who may not share even common likes/dislikes with us or our local social sets) with "friends" (people we believe can be trusted when we need to share our experiences).

From Spoony earlier today:

There's nothing more boring than people who love you.

That's possibly true, but I'm more on the side of Jim Bevan, who said a few hours past that:

Freakin' train wreck happening here. And I am seriously concerned that the person at the center of it all is going to do physical harm next.

As a denizen of the net myself, it's not my place--or anyone's--to try to constrain behavior. We can advise, we can recommend, we can suggest, but at the end of the day, we as netizens do not have individual power for anything other than choosing to intake (or not to intake) what we see.

That being said, there's a lot of worry currently about Spoony, partly based on how completely he seemed to fall apart on Twitter. I would be the first to tell you that posted behavior may have nothing to do with actual feelings--but on the other hand, anyone still reading likely also read the recent storm of drama on this blog. While both Spoony and I have the capacity to exercise restraint, we both chose in our own ways not to exercise that restraint.

The result in my case was a lot of worry from my friends. I've answered a lot of IMs and emails reassuring people, and I'm trying to think as clearly as I can and let venting on the blog go for now. It's not always easy, because the automatic turn in my case is to dwell on what's gone wrong, what could go wrong in future. I'm a cheerful pessimist in the best of times.

Spoony, well, as he pointed out himself, he tends to turn to Byron in times of deep pain, and...as he also pointed out, that's not the best thing. And from there, he turns to anger as a cover for that pain. At this point, he may well be happily spinning off froth with no greater emotional weight than a glasswing--but when he started, that anger, that pain, that rage was clearly visible.

I think the best thing to take away from this--and part of the reason I turned this into three separate entries in the first place--is that we have a long, hard road to travel to get to the place where we can separate ourselves and our intimates from our social media contacts. Cases like this show the potential danger of forgetting that--due nearly entirely to what he said on his Twitter feed publically, he lost a rehosting gig, all the other Channel Awesome contributors who were working with him into meta storylines likely lost the ability to continue those storylines, and at the other end of this observation, I'm still thinking Spoony has a long way to go before he really accepts what's happened in the first place.

Train wreck? Meet the Train Wreck.

it is gone like something large, hovering high, has covered up the sun (part II)

(continuing from part I)

Through most of the 16th of June, Spoony thought about moving, pondering if relocating would help him get through the emotional storm. Ultimately, he decided against it, citing family issues and, well, general apathy. At this point he was also the target of a lot of misdirected ire, I think, from both fans and random strangers--and to be fair, more random strangers than fans. His response to most of these comments was sarcastic, edging into generally bitchy, but then The Invitation went out:

Anyone else want to publicly denounce me? C'mon, it's fun.

What followed, especially where one Twitterer was concerned, was an anger-laced, invective-laden diatribe against meaningless platitudes. When called on the several tweets he sent out (in an extraordinarily mild fashion), this was his response:

@0dge A bit harsh? No, it's extremely harsh, and I'm beyond giving a shit at this point.

Most of June 17th, he spent going on a diatribe against partially-finished basements:

You think Bilbo Baggins partially-finished Bag End? No, you shithead. Bilbo finished that fucker.

HopeWithinChaos tried again:

@TheSpoonyOne You realize you're going off about shit that is seriously insignificant now, right? You're just mad to be mad.

His response, as expected:

@HopeWithinChaos Fuck you, I'mma be mad at what I want.

He seemed to realize around this time that things were veering off the rails:

Hopefully will have a couple of videos up tomorrow, if I have any fans left.

Someone else got involved at this point. Spoony (of course) answered:

@Takahata101 Dude I will mess you up. You seen me lately? I'm a crazy motherfucker. You ever fight someone who's out of his fucking mind?

On the 18th of June, the folks behind Channel Awesome put Spoony on a four-week suspension from the site. You won't be overly surprised at his answer:

The accumulated filth of all their shit games and comics will foam up about your waists, and in agony youll look up screaming "review this!"

And I'll look down and whisper, "No."

Though he more directly referred to it on the 19th:

My videos will not be on TGWTG for a while. I've been suspended for 4 weeks for misconduct. I agree with the decision.

On the 20th, things continued to go downhill:

I should be whipped. I should be flogged. I am an evil, offensive excuse for a man worthy only of your spit and ridicule. Purge me.

He continued:

I am also not allowed to threaten fans or tell them to go fuck themselves anymore. Hopefully you've internalized my voice so it's automatic

And continued:

Perhaps I can come up with a code which adequately conveys my disgust and hatred towards you and the human race in general.

And continued:

Your concern is all very touching, but um, I think you're forgetting that I'm gonna say whatever the fuck I damn well please. kthx.

On the 21st, he kept going:

I don't really see the cause for outrage here. I've always been a hostile bastard. I've always ranted and screamed. Wear a fucking helmet

And kept going:

I'm just being myself. I'm simply enlightened enough to know that I am an angry, crazy motherfucker. I can't help if you don't like it.

And kept going:

I'm being honest and open. Last I heard, those were good qualities. Do you need help finding the "unfollow" button?

Suzanne Eldredge asked a question:

@TheSpoonyOne So, what do you want? I ask in all sincerity.

He answered:

@Ampersand07 I want a rebirth of glory, a renaissance of power!

And answered:

@Ampersand07 I want to stop running through my life like a man late for an appointment, afraid to look back or look forward.

And answered:

@Ampersand07 I want us to be what we used to be! I want... I want it all back the way it was. Does that answer your question?

I'd say so.

On the 21st, partially in response to these tweets, and, I'd be willing to hazard a good guess, in response to email and/or telephone conversation with Spoony directly, the Channel Awesome staff sent out a notice saying Spoony had left the building:

After recent events, Noah "The Spoony One" Antwiler and Channel Awesome have decided to part ways. Noah has made it clear that he wishes to pursue a course that is different from our own. We feel that with these different aims, it is better for Noah to be free to pursue his own goals unhindered by us.

Noah has been an immense talent on the site and we thank him for his years of hard service, both in numerous episodes of The Spoony Experiment and in the Channel Awesome Anniversary films.

We sincerely wish him the best in all future endeavors, and hope he continues to put out great quality work.

The four-week suspension, in this case, became permanent.

More to come in part III.

it is gone like something large, hovering high, has covered up the sun (part I)

How shall I gaze on my mistress’ eyes?
My thoughts must have some vent: else heart will break.
My tongue would rust as in my mouth it lies,
If eyes and thoughts were free, and that not speak.
Speak then, and tell the passions of desire;
Which turns mine eyes to floods, my thoughts to fire.

So...this one's going to be a little different than my usual. Also, there will be cursing. I'm reasonably sure that none of it will be mine.

I've been following the work of an online game reviewer named Spoony for some time now. (This is part of why; this was one of the first things I saw from him, and was fascinated--partially because we own the game.)

Spoony has a Twitter account, as do most web reviewers, and he also worked (note the past tense) for Channel Awesome/That Guy With the Glasses, and...yeah. That's where things start to go downhill.

Sometime around the end of May, beginning of June, his personal relationship suffered a fatal blow. I don't know what or why; I know there's been a great deal of mud-slinging on either side, which is, frankly, typical with any breakup. I'm not going to go into exactly what went wrong, when--both because I don't know, and because that's not really the point, here. The main thing to take away from this paragraph: Spoony and his lady broke up. Hijinks ensue.

I know that back on the tenth of June this wandered across my dash:

RT @HopeWithinChaos can you actually miss someone so much it physically hurts? // Quoting Byron helps. A little.

Three days later, he'd descended a bit emotionally:

I am filled with self-loathing and a seething disdain for the human race, thanks for asking.

and turned to alcohol:

Lonely. Send booze.

On the 14th, he heard of an internet petition telling him he should cut his hair:

Why? Because that might make me attractive and appealing to women, and we can't very well have that, fucking can we??

He'd also taken to quoting the classics again:

There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy. --Dante Alighieri

Then he apologized:

@HopeWithinChaos Sorry, man. I just don't even know what would make me feel better anymore, and that's where I'm really despairing.

At this point other people started chiming in (that one, particularly, recommended getting a Lego set to help with mental/emotional pain. Nope, not kidding.) This was his answer:

@Whaddageek @HopeWithinChaos Legos. Legos are going to help me get over the most crushing thing to ever happen to me. Fuck you. Fuck Legos.

He was still fairly depressed (understandably):

Need to find some way to pull myself together. Meditation or some zen shit.

Which he then immediately discards:

Screw it. Too much effort.

Jim Bevan commented on the 15th:

@TheSpoonyOne Noah, if it's that bad, consider seeing someone for therapy.

Spoony's reply:

@jbevan70 I went to a therapist. She told me to express my feelings, air it out. Trust me, no good can come of that.

Considering what followed, that seemed oddly prescient.

On the 15th (still), another Channel Awesome contributor, Obscurus Lupa, chimed in:

@TheSpoonyOne Seriously, I can't follow you anymore, dude.

This, from my perspective, seemed somewhat out of the blue--but at this point I was still skimming and tuning in only occasionally.

Spoony responded:

Aw, @Obscurus_Lupa hates me now, too. Gonna have to bust out the Adele playlist for this breakup.

Lupa responded:

@TheSpoonyOne You joked about chaining Hope up in your basement and raping her. I got no sympathy for you.

While I wasn't able to track down that actual tweet, I'm sure that--at least at one point--it existed. Spoony's response?

@Obscurus_Lupa And I apologized to her, because I was out of line.

Okay. Seems fair.

But he wasn't even close to done. Go to part II for the continuation.