I'm not looking for salvation, just a little faith in anyone or anything

From another messaging service, and maybe I'm the only one who found this funny:

[12:16 AM] Emilly: Okay, the Em is very confused. She had checked she wanted something. Came to about L$50? Went to the sheet to verify. Not there.
[12:16 AM] Emilly: I mean, I'm still willing to pay [@Sxxxx], but...how much do I owe if nothing's marked now??
[12:25 AM] Sxxxx: neither page shows you as being in on anything you haven't paid for yet
[12:25 AM] Sxxxx: so you owe nothing it would seem!
[12:25 AM] Emilly: I'm confused!
[12:25 AM] Emilly: What did I want!
[12:26 AM] Emilly reads that again. Truly, a question for the ages.
[12:26 AM] Emilly: But still!
[12:28 AM] Sxxxx: nothing, apparently
[12:28 AM] Sxxxx: you wanted nothing :p
[12:31 AM] Emilly: My life is a mystery
[12:32 AM] Sxxxx: and your past is history
[12:32 AM] Sxxxx: but your now, is a gift
[12:32 AM] Sxxxx: that's why they call it the present
[12:33 AM] Emilly: You went all this way just for that?

I'm surrounded by punsters.

This legitimately made me tear up. So many shelter cats need love. And the art is fantastic on that mini-comic, too.

"If I have learned anything in this long life of mine, it is this: in love we find out who we want to be; in war we find out who we are."
~Kristin Hannah, The Nightingale

For entirely separate reasons, I went through the rather inordinate amount of saved snippets of chat I have, things people have said, former things I've put on the SL bio, actual quotes from beyond the grid, et cetera...And some of them were too good not to share.

[12:58] Trin1 Resident: An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough

Always a point.

[4:55] Dannyboy Lightfoot: nice to see you can still say something that clearly makes complete sense in the world you inhabit, but is brilliantly meaningless to me

I raise confusion to a professional level.

[14:29] KlausWulfenbach Outlander: Chaos, destruction, death, agony, sinking, and an open bar.

Ah, St. Kitts...I still have pictures from the explosion, somewhere.

[12:56] Valerie Bluebird: My great uncle used to play the pangolin.
[13:02] Charlemagne Allen: Kinky

I still don't have a response for that.

[00:20] Sei Valentine (selectmemory): DON'T WAKE THE GAZEBO.

I'll try not to.

[20:05] Edward Pearse thinks Miss Cornelia has ODed on sugar again
[20:05] Cornelia Rothschild: What is this 'again' you speak of? 'Again' implies cessation.

She has a point.

[3:09] Ninja Tsiolkovsky: The fun part is finding out which parts of you are dangerous to touch.
[3:10] Emilly Orr: Wise words indeed.

Usually.

[23:12] Ninja Tsiolkovsky kisses your cheek sweetly
[23:12] Emilly Orr smiles
[23:12] Emilly Orr: And hello to you too.
[23:13] Ninja Tsiolkovsky: lips speak louder than words
[23:14] Emilly Orr: Sometimes.
[23:15] Ninja Tsiolkovsky: they do when they have gunpowder smeared over them
[23:15] Ninja Tsiolkovsky lights a match to your cheek
[23:15] Emilly Orr: Eep!

At times, I do particularly miss this demented madman.

[21:24] Desmond Shang: Kami, please stop drawing things on the caledon minicontinent map in downed regions. Thanks, Des
[21:25] Kamilah Hauptmann: And for my next performance, the Caledon Happyface in downed regions.
[21:25] Desmond Shang: shakes fist

And this is why I love Caledon.

[22:47] Emilly Orr: What did you roll in that made you sticky?
[22:47] Tanarian Davies: Bandwidth.

Isn't it always the way?

[21:06] Sahfur Silvera: if you sparkle in the sun...you are irradiated
[21:06] Oxana Vemo: Nothing quite says 'fear me' like glitter

Truth.

[02:52] narin Tomsen: whats that thingy called that ya toss your sculpts into and it makes them up all at once?
[02:52] Asadora (asadora.summers): sanity?

I...guess??

[19:24] Magdalena Outlander: Welcome to Caledon, where we beat the English language into shapes that can only be described with non-Euclidean geometry.

Frequently.

[11:32 PM] TriloByte Zanzibar: think of it as enblightenment

Okay.

[03:00] Fawkes Allen: "THE WATER IS NOW MADE OF BLOOD THAT IS ITSELF MADE OF FIRE, YES. EVERYTHING IS FINE, HOWEVER."

If you're sure.

[16:22] Nix Sands: How long does the Clockwork ball go to?
[16:22] Ilsa Munro: Till it winds down

*Ahem*.

[17:25] Xero Silverspar: Dog-drinking? This explains why someone salted the rim of my chihuahua.

If I remembered what conversation spawned this line, I would tell you.

[23:45] Magdalena Kamenev: Well, it was the 90s, after all.
[23:45] Magdalena Kamenev: Passe was big back then.

True.

[22:25] Frequency Picnic: War Linden, Pestilence Linden, Famine Linden...who's the 4th?
[22:25] Shalmendo Glineux: Torley

Probably.

[23:15] Kamilah Hauptmann: Des solves headaches with a six pack of Rock Stars. O_o
[23:15] Desmond Shang: sometimes you just gotta raaaawr through stuff.
[23:15] Desmond Shang: as they say, "git r dun"
[23:15] Emilly Orr: You did not just say that

Tch.

[3:00] Neome Graves: It is not my fault that the antelope are hard to steer.

Whose fault is it, then?

[17:26] Cornelia Rothschild follows her Coke with several lollipop chasers.
[17:27] Karsten Rutledge grins.
[17:27] Karsten Rutledge: Wired yet?
[17:27] Cornelia Rothschild: I can see forever. O_O

The sugar addiction, to be fair, is well known.

[20:09] Nite Page: "Not to be dinged, dented, crushed, bopped, or sniped in any way."
[20:09] DJ Buck Mellow (djbuck.mellow): who reads labels?

These days?

[22:55] Desmond Shang is trying to just be normal... which is insanely difficult
[22:55] Baron Klaus Wulfenbach (klauswulfenbach.outlander): Bah. Overrated.

Very much so.

[20:48] IsaDaft Trollop: I'm sitting still with my love and not camming around as the textures are taking forever to load.
[20:50] Emilly Orr: Mood.

Nearly always.

[16:44] Rudolfo Woodget: It's not the years, it's the mileage.

Forty-seven miles of barbed wire, mm-hmm.

[21:18] Tao Mistwalker: Just because I'm delusional doesn't mean I'm wrong.
[21:18] Emilly Orr: Well put

It is.

And some actual quotes:

"Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging."
~Joseph Campbell

"Love is a snowmobile racing across the frozen tundra until suddenly, it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come."
~Matt Groenig

"Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together."
~Vincent Van Gogh

And

"Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory."
~William Barclay

There you go, that's the lot.

I'm hungry, and I hope you feed me

[08:23] Ren 'Jinx' Flow (ren.float): (repost #1) All groups, regardless of the number of members, are being affected

Okay, fine, but...by what? Because that's the first message that's come through in any of my groups this morning...

Wise words from Wiseblood Wisent:

"We really need to rethink the way houses are built to minimize the cost of the damage done by tornadoes. If bone is stronger than concrete and very light, why don't we build houses and cars out of bones from dead people and animals? It would be considered recycling and the dead bodies would be more compact without the skeleton and take up less burial space. Also, we could use animal bones to build houses that could be more tornado proof. Our cars could be more protective. I'm surprised Volvo hasn't come up with that idea. "Soylent Green" could be my tornado-proof house and crash-proof car. I'm not joking. Someone really needs to study and explore this idea of using bone as a building material."

I think he's on to something.

So...been a significant change.



That happened on August 7th. It's been something of a whirlwind since--care, love, laughter, plans, redecorating, name changing, public displays of affection, goofy smiles, sentiment, and peace. I'm very happy he asked. I'm very happy I was able to accept.

That being said...the first "social event", I suppose, that I went to with my new title as Duchess Gearhaven (oh yes, I very much married up) was the Summer Ball at the Rose Theatre at Angel Manor, for the Bó'ài Hónglián Companion Guild House.



This place...just so impressive. Polished black marble floor so glossy I could see my face mirrored in it, huge columns reaching to the high arched ceilings overhead. Grand on a scale that was grand even for grand.

That's High Priestess and Goddess Varahi, by the way, at the base of the stairs on the right.



This angle shows a bit of the stage, with full-grown trees apparently growing from it, and the gilded chairs and small tables in front of the stage.



This is when I briefly snuck into one of the alcoves for a wide shot.



Part of the performance onstage, which is part of the training for new acolytes to the Guild house.



Another angle of the dance onstage. Very traditional, very formal, and though they were very nervous, they performed beautifully for the guests--and their Guild.

The lighting was so interesting, too. Near as I can tell, it wasn't a spotlit effect, it was just that overall, almost UV glow. Wild.



I had a surprisingly fun time. I hadn't expected much, to be honest, knowing only--I thought--two people there, but I discovered other friends, and yes, it tickled me immensely to be called Duchess. Oh, I know, it's not "real" peerage, I married up--I do comprehend that--but you know, when one is this sweepingly in love, does it truly matter?

And..I am. Genuinely. There are those beyond me who say this was on the whirlwind side, to which I say both yes and no. Yes, from the asking to the actual partnering was a bit less than 48 hours, in all seriousness, but...I have known the Duke since 2017, and he has always been in my thoughts. This felt more like...the right thing to do.

I like that.

nobody said it was easy

(Note from the Editrix: obviously, now, this is one of the entries that was written before the one posted on the 21st. Just FYI.)



come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
you don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you
tell you I need you
tell you I set you apart

Time to think is helping. The overthinking, not so much, but...I am doing my best to just be, and get out of my own way in this. It's not my best trait.



tell me your secrets
and ask me your questions
oh, let's go back to the start

It is helping, immeasurably, that I'm with people who are rolling with the punches far better than I am. It is helping me adapt, and return to that place of reliance and confidence.

running in circles
coming up tails
heads on a science apart

It's not helping the initial flinching fear to go away. That constant sense of waiting for the piano to fall.

What if this is the time one of them freaks out? What if this is the time one of them makes it worse? What if one of them is going to make another proclamation that's even more restrictive? What if this time I make ANOTHER mistake and EVERYTHING falls apart? What if--



nobody said it was easy
it's such a shame for us to part

I am beyond talented at dooming my future before I've ever lived it. It's not as facile a skill as it used to be--now, it takes me about five minutes to go from fine to utter destruction. It used to take me less than sixty seconds from 'here' to 'ball of radioactive glass'. As strange as this sounds, giving myself those five minutes before I figure we're all going to die is an improvement.

no one ever said it would be this hard
oh, take me back to the start

It also doesn't help that I'm a natural born pessimist, if not a dyed-in-the-wool nihilist. And, as far as that goes? Whoever said that if we expect the worst, we're never disappointed was wrong--I am frequently disappointed, even though the very worst didn't happen, because one or other of the stages before utter devastation was nearly as bad.



I was just guessing
at numbers and figures
pulling the puzzles apart

But...they know I'm a spiky fractured ball of issues. They know I bear the lion's share of the mistake in the first place, and they know why, and they accept. That is...an amazing balm on several still-unhealed spiritual wounds, you...you don't even know. I don't have the words, beyond that I am deeply, humbly grateful that I didn't destroy everything, that things didn't go to that ball of radioactive glass stage I so feared. They know that I caused the rift in the first place--but they're giving me the space needed to come back from it, and they are confident enough, secure enough, to admit they both bear a portion of the blame too. Responsibility all around, and how often does that happen?



questions of science
science and progress
do not speak as loud as my heart

Something even more astounding I learned tonight--I don't think I specifically mentioned, but this other heart, he's partnered. To one of the sweetest souls on the grid. And...she knows. She knows what happened, she knows how bad it got, and...she cares, too.

I don't know how I lucked into these marvelous, amazing people in my life.



tell me you love me
come back and haunt me--

I do know I finally found a coffeehouse with a decent-size cup of coffee.

running in circles
chasing our tails
coming back as we are

But, beyond that, I think I can relax back from DefCon 1. There's still work to do, there are still conversations to be had, there is still mending to be done, but...I think I can do it now.

I may still make mistakes, but I'm not viewing that, now, as an agonizing thing, just...human.



nobody said it was easy
no one ever said it would be so hard

Which is something I've been practicing for decades, but still feel I'm not that great at? Maybe everyone thinks that from time to time, though.



oh, and I rush to the start--
I'm going back to the start...

Maybe that's okay.

After all...if everyone's making it up as they go along...I don't feel quite so alone in all the flailing.

And when all else fails...return to Go. You won't always get the windfall every time, but you'll at least look back and know you made it around the board one more time.

That's not nothing. And some years, some months, some days...that's all we need.

(Pictures taken at the Ancient Ruins of Emerald Bay, Dove Goddess Romance Park, Brampton Island, Portals Coffee Shop and the Vintage Village in Verdigris. Lyrics are from Coldplay's The Scientist.)

I was so much younger yesterday

"Someone I once knew wrote that we walk away from our dreams afraid that we may fail or, worse yet, afraid that we may succeed."
~Mike Rich (screenwriter for Finding Forrester)

been looking forward to the future
but my eyesight is going bad
in these crystal balls
it's always cloudy except for
when you look into the past...

Down side of being a retrocog.

So, there is more processing to be done. Not only because there is, but because I still have a couple of these waiting to post, written in varying levels of AGH. Here, though, today, or, at least, earlier this morning...I think I hit a plateau. Of sorts.



consider this a sign
this is a train in the night
and now it's time for you to go
you know you've had a healthy life

End result of all the thinking: I am not now, nor in future, going to say my dominant was wrong in the ban. We all do what we believe is best, and wrong or right, we all must take responsibility for our own actions. And I am cognizant of the burden I place on anyone who attempts to care for me. I am the crucible that destroys as often as it purifies, and far more often than I'd prefer, I am my greatest enemy.



I had everything
opportunities for eternity
and I could belong to the night--

But what has become inescapable: it's backfired, and I'm not sure if that was anticipated or not. And I'm not sure how to bring that up without sounding crazed or desperate--both states I've experienced in the last week-plus, to be sure, but not relevant to the main.



yeah, I'm guilty
don't come near me
the one thing I'm good at is messing up somebody else

Which is: by removing sex from the equation, I was forced to move away from the steady state of unthinking desire—a desire I didn't have to over-analyze--and into figuring out what the rest of the feelings meant. What was left between us if we were only friends without the benefits? Was there anything beyond just physical enjoyment, a perhaps lightly perceived, at least at the time, emotional connection, a sense of shared bliss?

And...yes. By any metric, yes. What that means for the rest of my life is still unclear. In other words: oh, hello, potential depth charge. I have not missed you.



now floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound
like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
everything that freaks me out
the lighthouse beam has just run out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be

Oh, come ON! There's TWO of them now?? I SAID I GOT IT, LAY OFF.

Anyway...do I think that shaped charge is dangerous for my dominant? I don't think so, or at least, not completely. Do I think it’s dangerous for my RL? No; oddly, we feel more stable than we have been even over the last few years. And I don't think it's even intended for that other heart, or his love/s—the last thing I want, or intend, is any harm to them.



you think you have the best of intentions
I cannot shake the taste of blood in my mouth

No, I think it's meant for me, and I can't perceive the shape of the change entirely, at least at present. I do know that when--or if, but far more likely when--it does detonate, it's going to hurt. There's something in there about how I care, how I love, how unthinking I can be both with affections I hold and affections others hold for me. There's a bit about thinking through actions before blindly striding forward on whim alone. But that's just surface wrapping. There’s more underneath. And that more...scares me a little.



welcome to the room of people
who have rooms of people that they loved one day
docked away
just because we check the guns at the door
doesn't mean our brains will change from hand grenades

I don't honestly know where I go from here, or who I'm going with to which I'm not already strongly attached. But Sumie, I get the light now. I get the warning through the mental fog. I wish I didn't, but...yeah. I get it. I see it.

Nobody ever said we couldn't lie to ourselves. But we can only lie to ourselves so long. And I am not a simple enough creature that I move from one love to another and never look back. No, I just seem to add to the ones I have.



forgive, sounds good
forget, I'm not sure I could
they say time heals everything
but I'm still waiting

And now we're here. And here is...bleak.

Maybe I just need to look into courtly love. What did knights do if their objects of devotion didn't do anything else with them but hold hands, or dance, or hug? It's profoundly not my gig...obviously...but maybe I need to bring it back. Since the situation has been aptly instituted for me...

(Pictures taken at the City of Ithea [apparently...largely Gorean furs?? Which I didn't think was a thing?? So...let's just not mention that], Shallow Dream [part of the Bare Rose chain of sims], Enchanted Fantasy, Hex Orchid, Black Tulip and Grey's Mind Maze.

(In order, the song lyrics used: Fall Out Boy, Thnks fr th Mmrs; Remy Zero, Prophecy; The Pretty Reckless, Make Me Wanna Die; Paloma Faith, Guilty; Blue October, Into the Ocean; Seether, Country Song; twenty one pilots, Heathens; and The Chicks, Not Ready to Make Nice.)

spammers and self-reflection

This is impressive, sweeping, and nearly brought me to tears.

"'To thine own self be true.' Not sure how to do that? Make sure your actions back up your words. Manifest yourself through the things you say (no matter who you're saying them to) and the choices you make. Your actions prove your words to be true or false. If you can't be honest with yourself, how can you be honest with anybody else?" (Aisha Zamin)

There's truth in that. Nobody ever said we couldn't lie to ourselves, but we don't have to make it habitual.

Speaking of which...what have we learned from this latest exercise in self-indulgence?

Getting involved with people sucks. No, that's not it.

Trusting people sucks. That's not it, either.

Pretty boys are dangerous. Pish, that goes without saying.

People can be really stupid. Well, who doesn't know that?

I'll let you know when I figure it out. All I know is my gullibility meter is still way up there, and after all this time, it really shouldn't be.

Okay, okay, I might get the headpat thing now.

Meanwhile, in email hilarity...

Hello, I am John White of the U.S Army force

Of course you are. Do go on.

and one of the Commanding officers of the U.S Central Command here in Syria.

Am I wrong? Didn't the US pull out of Syria?

Please I urgently need you to help me safeguard the amount of money I have here in my possession which is worth the sum of eleven million five hundred thousand US Dollars (11.5 Million).

But of course you do. Interestingly, his email account is based off of eircom.net, which is an Irish email service. Running not a bad deal at the moment--thirty Euros a month gets you a full-access email account and hosting for a webpage. Such a deal.

I came across this mega cash while on the operation, as we were on the massive attack against the ISIS terrorist group

*cackles* "The massive attack". Suuuure.

and has made a private investigation and found out the money was left by the runaway terrorists so I decided to keep the money in my possession, but minding how horrible and risky it is here in this military camp, I deemed it necessary to look out for a trusted fellow whom would assist me in safeguarding the cash until I get out of this horrible zone.

Oh, honey. If you're looking for a guy you have come to the wrong place.

It was on this effect that I started search here online for an honest person whom I can trust to help me safeguard the cash and I came across your mail address and I want to know if you are willing to help me do this.

Short answer: no. Longer answer: Hell no, die on fire. But more pertinent, I'm now wondering which company sold a list to spammers that included my email address.

I want you to know that I am willing to offer you 35%-Percent of the total amount if you do help me safeguard this money and get it out of here Syria.

So generous. Gosh, thirty-five percent percent sounds like a lot. Also note "and get it out of here Syria". This is either a non-native English speaker, which with the name "John White" is somewhat surprising, or a spammer who's just really stupid.

I will email you the details on how I plan of moving the cash out of this place as soon as I receive your response

You'll be waiting a very long time.

Please get back to me ASAP

Not a chance in hell.

Thanks,

For nothing,

John White

I'll give him points for not being an African prince, but seriously, dude. Does this ever work on people?

i got a compass in my arm, I got a needle in my heart

Quote of the day:

"When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why they are poor, they call me a communist."
~Hélder Câmara

In other news, lady out of the blue offers to port me somewhere. This continually weirds me out, especially if I've never met the person in question.

[13:58] Emilly Orr: Whyforso? I'm at work.
[13:58] Emilly Orr: Now if you want to come to my work, great....
[13:58] lxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ok never mind i thought you were where you wanted the board to be slapped

Ah, I get it now. I'd been talking in one of my groups about a particular hair MM board, and the avatar who could not manage to link a simple SLUrl so any of us could actually get there.

And yes, even with my explaining in the simplest terms possible--namely, Open map. Find 'Copy SLUrl' button. Hit button. Go to group chat. Hit paste.

Is that hard?

[13:58] Emilly Orr: No, not at all. I'm hosting a dance at Sakura.
[13:58] lxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: np
[13:59] Emilly Orr smiles
[13:59] Emilly Orr: Sorry about that?
[13:59] lxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: didnt read properly

Reading incomprehension, it's apparently a thing.

Need a poster for something? I think Canva may have you covered, but they really, really want you to buy a pro account, so your choices on free seem to be "accept logo stamped on work" and "stare at it then leave", because...ya can't save. That's a problem.

In more personal news...I was finally able to listen to Carnival of Rust again. In tracking down the link to that song, I discovered I can also watch the video again, which used to be the most massive heart punch, and would reduce me to tears for several years after...well, after.

I don't know entirely what that says. I regained the ability to listen to VNV Nation about two years after that particular relationship imploded. Curiously, I was able to listen to Thrice's Artist in the Ambulance only six months after the vampire idiot died and was resurrected.

Does it speak to the intensity of the relationship? Perhaps. It's been seven years, after all, since I stopped being able to listen to Poets of the Fall. Or perhaps some things cut more deeply than others. And maybe it's the difference in musical tone--Thrice tends to write hard rock, VNV Nation writes chill electronica, by and large, and Poets...they write from a place of emotion, they always have. Usually strong emotion, and very rarely positive.

Perhaps that's why? I don't know. I'm not thinking that much on the whys, frankly, because that would lead me to a place of overthinking. Some things don't have clear answers. This may be one of those things.

to wash off the dirt on the riverside

Couple quotes I nabbed from profiles to start:

"If my Master is lost, I'll find him. I'll lead him back to himself, because to serve doesn't always mean to follow."
~Joey W. Hill
"I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman."
~Anais Nin
I don't entirely agree with everything in Nin's statement, but I do like them both.

Moving on. Just to warn those who are interested in such things: SWANK'S Boho Chic Fair isn't. That is all.

Well, okay, I'll expand. Wild has one minidress in their booth. Glitter has one dress. K-tarsis maybe has one item, if you count peacock tattoos. Oh, and good gods, zfg just needs to pack up and go home; tie-dye is not "boho" anything. Vips Creations has two boho pieces, but one is in brown, yellow, turquoise and orange stripes, and the other is just...beyond comprehension. It's like a burlap sack with trim. EvoLove's dress offering is iffy, because of the chains; the template might work due to the draping, but the chains kill it.

On the other hand, Venge's booth actually has it together--four bits of jewelry, all appropriate. Was that so hard?? Oubliette has a lovely formal gown in a 1920's pattern. It's not bohemian in any way, unless you're thinking the actual, first Bohemian revival starting in 1910s Germany, and moving to France in the 1920s...but hey, it's pretty. Skindustrial Bodyworks has everything down pat, too--it's a strapless crop top and a long skirt embroidered with flowers, and a scarf as hip sash, in eight colors. Wild, in a separate booth for some reason, has one offering that's also pretty boho; I just wish the template fit me better.

And...that's it! Granted, I just went through the womens' fashion section, but...based just on that? I'm too depressed to continue.

So let's check in on What Not To Do With Avatars, part...I don't even know at this point. I present the latest exhibit:



Why. Just why. Okay, look, let's make one thing clear first. I have zero problem with the body, that is not the issue. That is the very least of my issues with her.

WHY IS HER TONGUE OUT??? That's the main one. WHY is she walking around a store just waving her tongue in the breeze? I don't get it.



Second, WHY DOES SHE HAVE NO FEET??? WHYYY???



And the last issue. I realize this is a perpetual complaint, but it's valid every time I say it. LOOK at those teensy little baby hands. Those completely nonfunctional child mannequin hands grafted onto an otherwise functional adult avatar. Why in the hell. Seriously, why in the hell.

There's obviously no explanation. And there's no excuse. I'm just disappointed.

I really should have seen through the airwaves

Just...why? Seriously, if your breasts are so large you can't see anything beyond them but head and thighs? Give up, they're too big.

While we're on the subject...OMG WHYYY??? Same company, and those basically obscure you from shoulders to ankles! No. Just no. Go outside and get some air!

Quote I found on a profile:

"If you love a flower, don’t pick it up. Because if you pick it up it dies and it ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be. Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation."
~Osho

He has a definite point.

In the meantime...



It's been on life support for a while, but I'm officially declaring the Wednesday Bikini Bash at Sakura deceased. Now we have a week to figure out what else we're going to do. Sad.

but I opened up my wound, now my force depends on you

This is amazing, and, even though many of the models are in bodysuits to imitate the paintings more perfectly, I'd say they'd still qualify as NSFW. (Some people apparently are being asked to join that site, so this site doesn't ask people to join, and also has another couple of shots of the artwork.

"If you don't heal what hurt you, you'll bleed on people who didn't cut you".

I wish I could track down who said this; I found it on a random profile, and wanted to find who said it, and Google search just shrugged.

It did find me some other good quotes, though.

"The human race tends to remember the abuses to which it has been subjected rather than the endearments. What's left of kisses? Wounds, however, leave scars."
~Bertolt Brecht

"You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people, but until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them."
~Iyanla Vanzant, from Yesterday, I Cried

"Some memories never heal. Rather than fading with the passage of time, those memories become the only things that are left behind when all else is abraded. The world darkens, like electric bulbs going out one by one. I am aware that I am not a safe person."
~Han Kang, from Human Acts

"Hold her a little tighter, she's an introvert, she needs strength to open her wounds."
~Nitya Prakash

"We have to outgrow history. History is what keeps all the old wounds and grievances alive."
<~Marty Rubin

"She couldn't believe she had told him. Now she would forever be a broken pot in his eyes. And yet, speaking those words last night had been like digging shrapnel out of her flesh. She was sore, but the piercing weight of the deeply lodged shards was gone. The relief was indescribable."
~Sonali Dev, from A Change of Heart

"Every person is driven to self-deceive, simply to get out of the discomfort of the truth. The best relationships are with people who will not let you be blind. They reveal your hidden strengths and your concealed wounds."
~Vironika Tugaleva

"She wondered which wounds went deeper: the jagged wounds of reality, or the profound invisible bruises of the imagination?"
~Vita Sackville-West

"There's some wounds that run too deep to be seen. They're the most dangerous."
~Moira Young, from Rebel Heart

"Nothing supernatural has ever harmed me. My wounds and losses have all be at the hands of human beings..."
Dean Koontz, from Brother Odd

"If you keep picking at that scab on your heart, it won't heal."
~Antonia Perdu

"Stop holding on to the broken pieces of that mirror even after you are bleeding so badly, I agree that the reflections you had imagined or saw once before were beautiful but sometimes holding on to them with a hope will just continue to hurt you even more and it will never get any better."
~Akshay Vasu

"Art is the magical act of one bleeding heart healing another."
~Akash Mandal


~Akshay Vasu, from The Abandoned Paradise: Unraveling the beauty of untouched thoughts and dreams

"We're not getting out of this unscathed. You play with blades, somebody's gonna get cut. Sometimes, everybody bleeds."
~Bunn Cullen

"In the middle of the night, I saw chaos bleeding out of darkness and peace. Everything that was said and seen before seemed like a paradox. I saw the graves of lies breaking open and the truth crawling out silently into the cold hearts."
~Akshay Vasu

Obviously I need to track down Akshay Vasu.

"Writing has always been therapy for me. When life cuts me, I bleed on paper."
~Steve Maraboli
This has been a life motto for some time.