heart full of blues, space and time

While I decide if it's too late to back-date posts that contain the last of the Hair Fair pics, I got hit with this when I was listening to the Wednesday lives at the Slippy Ship:

[18:16] Toni Axel (tonharu): Hey hi, how are you? Im wondering if i may ask you a question if im not bothering you? If i cant its ok i can leave then. Many people in Second Life are unnecessarily rude, and if that's the case, I can leave.
[18:17] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): I mean, I can be unnecessarily rude if you want, but what's up?
[18:17] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr) also braces for the do I have some amount of Lindens line

I mean, because it's constant in nearly all social media sites now. Bots everywhere.

[18:18] Toni Axel (tonharu): Its cause i want to know if you can look my photography work? The photo is like the one i am using on my profile, i have made. Can i make one professional photo for you? im sure you will like the result. I need a client now cause i need pay my rent studio, If I lose my studio, I lose my job. D: 🥲 I make custom tattoos too. The price of my work is 3,950L$ and its the value i need. Feel free to say no though.
[18:19] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): I can, though I generally take my own photographs. I am in no way professional, but I'm always there. :D

So I looked his work over. He's up on Flickr, and I swear I've seen some of it before, especially this guy. (Which is not me saying he's fake, I may have looked it over because of some sales event or other.

Here's the main problem, though--he doesn't have a LOT of work, get me? Especially as he joined Flickr in 2017, and he's got five years under his belt in SL. So...what, is photography a recent thing? Did someone hack the account? I don't have those answers.

I also don't have four thou to have a sideways headshot does, thank you but no. Still, they seem decent enough to recomend on a basic level, so...if you have four thousand Lindens burning a hole in your pocket, and you crave a sideways head shot, go ham. Kept his name in.

things are getting strange, I'm starting to worry

Hey, guess what I forgot? (I mean, apart from posting on the blog, finding a working layout for the blog, gutting inventory of at least 25,000 more items, getting more done in the Garden, decorating the mansion, and/or fixing the haunt...)



Yep. Hair Fair. Which, yes, is opening on the 30th, and also yes, was completely forgotten by the me. Void stars.

I only have half the demos pulled down, haven't unpacked a single one, and why yes, am adding emotional panic over not having all the demos open and sorted before now--



Yeah, well...I'll just have to get on that, I suppose.

RULES FOR THIS YEAR SINCE I'M ALREADY STARTING OFF BEHIND:

• I'm not covering all of the offerings. There is not enough time with a fully working brain.
• I'm only posting the ones that I a) think look good on ME, or b) are really innovative and different from the rest.
• If I run out of time/get tired/get overly stressed for other reasons, I may just grab the stylist's product image and post that.
• To avoid any more event stress, I'll link to coverage of the gifts available rather than try on everything myself.

And I'll try not to completely lose my mind in the meantime. Aaaaaagh.


{{Very belated note from the Editrix: this was the announcement of Hair Fair launching, and I managed...all of one post on hair demos. Go, me. Woo.}}

drowning in the silence

Second post of the day, because I have been gone a WHILE--

And this one's more random. From a message I just sent my partner:

[3:57 PM] 26 April, 2026: Emilly [VOID]: I so want to ask for a land forms kit from Fanatik that now has PBR textures, but I'm still in a tailspin after coming back, things haven't evened out, and that was AFTER I apologized for going radio silent months before.

[3:59 PM] 26 April, 2026: Emilly [VOID]: The animal wounded retreats for imagined safety, and it never works out, and I do it anyway. 50% getting tired of saying the same things, 50% not wanting to "burden" other people (and yes, gosh, THANK you for that one, mother, you've been dead a third of my life now, get the F̸̥͍̭̮͛̉̈́̏̒̑̕͜#̶̧̳̦̤̩̥̮̳̖͈͑͠C̸͇̹̺͓͎̦̘̳̼̭͇̫̳͕̋̅́̆͐͛̅̒̄̌͗̆̕ͅK̸͓̜̘̤̼̮͎̜̠͙̈́͝ out of my brain, thx). I am bad at all the things.

[4:00 PM] 26 April, 2026: Emilly [VOID]: I love you still. I will try to be in touch more often, it's just...hard. Everything is hard right now. But I will perservere.

I will, it's just...still a bit thrown from life in general at present. Pain levels spiking, check, still struggling to get ONE new prescription since my optometrist changed his policies from "grudgingly updating my prescription to one new pair of glasses" to "Sorry, no, we don't give out pupillary distance unless you purchase at least one frame through us"...

How much are those frames? Well, the "cheap" trays start at $120 per pair...



Oh, and for the gut-punch vicious irony, if I hadn't mentioned it before: lost my last client back in February, didn't know it until I fixed the comp enough to log back in. And I am using "lost" in its full sense, here--the motiver behind the screen passed away. Meeting nearly every week for eleven years...I miss him. I didn't expect his passing to be so destabilizing...but grief's like that at times, it sneaks up on us.

And with that, I think my courtesan days are finally over. My heart's just not in it. I guess I'm a Duchess full-time now, which won't be much of a shift, honestly--I pretty much am done, at least this year, with casual romps, I'm just keeping to the core group of loves. Three of which are pretty much perpetually offline...

RIGHT, this is getting dire. ANYWAY. I'll likely finish the post before this later tonight, 'cos I just crashed for the SEVENTH GORRAM TIME--

So that's it for now. Working on making OBS mah bish, because it's currently drop-kicked me into the basement, cackling maniacally. Bah. But I really want to do at least three vids, one of which should be for the upcoming five-year anniversary for Gearhaven.

(Did I not mention that? Yeah. Five years we've been on the grid. Time really flies when you're stressed beyond all comprehension, or something. But it's had its moments I would not exchange for all the perfumes of Arabia...

And I need to fix the blog layout. A-friggin'-gain...

All right, all right, that's it. Be well, be safe. Gearhaven out.

now there's a fire in the speakers and blood on the master tapes

I know. I know. The blog template still isn't fixed. I'm scattershot on answering messages. And yet, I'm asking for help to get my computer up and running, so I can finally get back to SL, because other options haven't panned out.

I'm cringing asking. But I'm asking anyway.

Help if you can. Pass it on if you can't. And thanks.

did you just say you're finished? didn't know we started

So...hey...

I still haven't fixed the blog, beginning to despair of that happening before 2027...and I might have enough images formatted and linkable from the "Lillith's Thorns" Medici Collar shoot; and I am going to review what I can long-distance, but...that will be the last with shots of me. (Though, won't lie, tempted to see if I can inveigle Justine and/or Lucifer as models. Haven't asked yet, it's just idle pondering for the moment.)

Why? Well, because my comp's power supply toasted. Rotten timing. We're trying to see if we have enough to get one this month; if we don't, it may mean February--or longer--



AND I AM ALREADY LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND--

But it's okay. I will get through this.It is going to be mental updating every thing from my phone, though.
Oh, and for all the (non-American) friends who've asked:



All caught up? Fab. Because 2026 is shaping up to be a razorblade rollercoaster of psychopathy!



Indeed.

it's just your shadow on the floor

(This section was written on July 11th...)

Great. Sat myself down today after oversleeping, and told myself sternly I was not going to log into SL until I did at least one of two things:

1. I get the blog template fixed; or
2. I finish coding the Lucent horns entry.

(Ended up never finishing either one and logged in anyway...but the below few frustrating days did NOT help, to be sure.)

And guess what happened? I learned imgbb was BROKEN!!

Won't deliver any linking codes, and I can work with a lot, gang, but if I can't even get the direct image links to code by hand, I'm dead. Dead dead.



(Which I had to upload using a NEW linking service and just MORE OF ALL THE WHY--)

So, hey, how about some links while I wait? Scientists have discovered a way to recreate Egyptian blue pigment.

And this drummer is so amazing, I had to look him up. He's Timothy Fletcher_ on TikTok. Just phenomenal.

And I think her name's WhyJordie on both TikTok and YouTube, but she has a semi-crippling (and real) set of phobias, among them thassalophobia (fear of the deep sea and creatures therein), megalophobia (fear of large structures anywhere, above or below water), automatonophobia (fear of animatronics, or it can also cover statues and mannequins), and let's not forget her deep, abiding terror regarding submechanophobia (fear of submerged anything, but traditionally large sunken ships, buildings, or flightcraft), and she's added the quirk of also being traumatized by large ship chains, and large ship propellers).

I seriously don't have space to link everything. Thing is, she is a deeply terrified person, this is true--but she's also a fan of horror, and likes being afraid. (Totally get that, it's why I specifically pay for a monthly Shudder subscription.) She's engaging to watch, funny, witty--there can be worse things than someone virtually holding your hand while you both freak out at a shared visual.

(And that's as far as I got before leaving in in drafts f o r e e e v e r r r ...Oh, and let's not forget yesterday's joy, on the first of Septus '25, illustrated below:



(So yeah. Apologies for worrying m'friends [and loves] over the past, uh...FIVE MONTHS?!??...I'm working on it.)

(And the blog template's still not fixed. I may give up.)

the ruins of the day painted with a scar

I didn't go through a single haunt this year. It's strange to say that. I have so many things to review, and I've missed the events they were at for all of them. I regret that. And I have so many drafts I wanted to go through and post. I still might, but...there are more important things to do.



Listen. If nothing else, this has proved unequivocally that half of the United States still thinks women aren't people.

The forced-birthers won. The COVID deniers won.
The religious extremists won. The anti-vaxxers won. The anti-maskers won.
The climate-change deniers won. The prosperity gospel churches won.
The QAnon conspiracists won. The MAGAt cultists won.
The tech bros with frat-boy mentalities won. The NRA won.
The anti-feminists won. The Trump-as-Messiah worshippers won.
The neo-Nazis won.

It's morning in Gilead. This is who we are. But this is not who we have to be. I do not intend to subside quietly until the jackbooted thugs come to carry us away to the camps. I am who I am yesterday, who I am today--bisexual, Rökkatruar heathen, polyamorous--and I am not going to hide.

And if you're friends with me, or if you're one of my loves, and you voted for Trump--don't tell me. Or do, so we can break it off clean and walk away from each other. That is my line in the sand. Because if you voted for him, you voted for dozens of hate groups behind him that want to make this a theocratic dictatorship. You voted against every LGBT+ person in your life. You voted against anyone who's trans in your life, whether they've come out to you or not. And ultimately, you voted against everyone who shares my gender.

Is it sinking in yet? More women will die with a locked-in federal ban on abortive and prenatal care. Anyone who's not white has a very good chance of being attacked in the streets, arrested, deported, whether they were born here or not. Separating children from their parents at the border will likely start up again..not that it actually ever stopped, but there has at least been an attempt to reunite families post-Trump...Mandated church attendance? They could do that. I know when we were living in a very frightening small town, we were told to pick a church and go to it faithfully--because otherwise, we'd be considered Satanists and they'd shoot us.

These were cops saying that, by the way. I believe the exact quote was, "Well, ma'am, then we'll come back, help you both into a truck, drive into the scrub, and put you to sleep."

Is it sinking in yet? Trump is talking about putting a man with a partially-devoured brain in charge of women's health. Musk he's lined up for a new department, one called "Efficiency", where he'll kill any program he deems as wasting too much money. You know, like he did with Twitter--oh, sorry, I mean X--when he fired the entire coding department and suddenly, things started breaking down. Such a mystery.

He's talked about removing the FDA, the Bureau of Education, killing school lunch programs, loosening the clean-air restrictions so factories and corporations don't have to go by the keeping-people-alive programs. He says he'll fire every civil servant on the government's payroll, and replace them with his hand-picked people. He's enslaved now to special-interest churches who seriously believe that Jesus won't return until every tree is cut down. He wants no separation between church and state. The Supreme Court, formerly a panel with--at least supposedly--the most well-educated, well-versed in law, judges and lawyers...is essentially in his pocket.

And all of that is assuming he lives for the next four years. It would be so easy to be one of those "best people" close to him and just--help him to stop breathing. And then we'd have President Vance.

Trump is the first convicted felon to hold a high office. He's been convicted for fraud, embezzling, sexual assault, attempting to overturn the government...Is this really the caliber of man we want leading the country? Essentially an emotionally stunted sociopath, clearly and obviously sliding into Alzheimer's, who golfs more than Obama did, who keeps a list of people and groups that were mean to him so he can penalize them directly...this man is not presidential material.

"But oh, she supports Israel...oh, she isn't left enough...oh, it's not the time for a woman president...oh, as a prosecutor she put a lot of people of color away..." Okay. Compare and contrast--someone who might reconsider at least part of her position if enough voters asked for it, versus...Trump. Who WILL further arm Israel, who plans to cut off any future aid to Ukraine, and may in fact start shipping ammo and arms TO Russia, for all we know.

IS IT SINKING IN YET??

I'm not hiding. And echo chamber or not, I'm just porting away from anyone who starts talking about how great it's going to be under Trump again. Or bouncing people from the Gearhaven estate if I'm there. I am done with tolerating the fools who think the next four years will be anything but greater chaos than he managed during his first four years.

I don't often talk politics on this blog, because I don't want to. I left Twitter a month after Musk took over, because I could already see it becoming a haven for every right-wing nut-job still gunning for the Obamas and the Clintons for being part of the huge underground child trafficking ring...which doesn't exist, which never existed, but hey, I could pull up a double dozen articles on Republican senators, preachers and business owners who were caught doing that exact thing. May I refer you to Matt Gaetz, for example? The DOJ was told to drop the case, but the civil and criminal charges are still pending. And he's far from the only one.



But that's it. You can go home now. Everybody out of the pool.

Or go here and do some good.

NOW that's it.

and the engine's failed again, all limits of disguise

It's October already, and no haunts have been visited in September. At all. I have no explanation. Also a lack of updating, there's that. To the point that I might have to reintroduce myself to anyone reading along.

So, hi, I'm dy--I mean, I'm increasingly impair--I meant to say, hi, I'm locked in a pitched battle with my goddamn neurologis--

Errr. Let's try again. I'm Em. Hi. The rest is flavor text.

Aaaaaanyway...I had decided to do something potentially ill-advised, namely--the 21 in 31 Challenge. Now, there are existing 31 Days of Horror challenges. I know that. This felt more my speed, though.

For example, here's HordesofHorror's list:



She's following down her curated list, and even managed an explanation for each one. And I've seen both "You have to make your list on day one and stick to it!" and "Pick a movie a day you haven't seen!" camps for the usual 31 Days Challenges. I planned to fall in the middle of the road: I wasn't making a list beforehand, but I would watch each film all the way down. No five-minute "this is too terrible to continue watching" waffling.

And I'd do my best to pick things I haven't seen.

And then...several days more went by, and...here we are. So we're starting with "The Last Ghost Hunters", filmed in 2021, currently on Tubi--because it may be the only one I have energy to cover. Their capsule description says:

"Terror is about to break loose when a team of ghost hunters get hired to explore a vacant country house where several people have disappeared forever."

Okay then!



Now, I could have sworn the house used in this film was one I'd seen before, and my mind was saying Black Mirror. I checked, but as far as I can tell, it's not that. Maybe it's just similar to a lot of other houses I've seen, that were built in the same era.



So first off the bat: they do the best they can. I think all the actors did the very best they could, trapped between poorly-green-screened ghosts and the Big Evil of the piece...essentially some dude in a gas mask. There was a lot of gritting my teeth to get through the runtime.



And I'm not great at giving reviews without spoilers, so let me tell you this was the best shot I could get of the green screen, and even here, it's pretty bad. Add in special effects--smoke, fog, fire, ACTORS MOVING, whatever--and the believability sinks like a flan in a cupboard. I'm not sure, had it not been a challenge, I would have bothered to finish it, frankly.

Adding in to the "not bothering" camp: I saw Platform 2 had arrived, so I figured, I should probably try to finish the first one...and I made it twenty minutes farther in and stopped. Nope. Just couldn't do it.

Same thing with Terrifier--I liked the original anthology film that spawned Art the Clown, but not so much his segment of it. Then the first Terrifier film came out, and I tried to get through it, and...Look. I don't mind slashers. I don't mind gore. But I do have to have some greater sense of character than "woke up this morning and decided to saw into people". I don't need much of a why past that, but I do need at least that.

I even figured, hey, if I'm lost, I'll go back, but let's jump directly to Terrifier 2, since Terrifier 3 had just dropped.

Big huge nope. I just don't like the character. And this is likely the year that cements not wanting to push my brain, because...it's dealing with enough.

Is it Halloween yet?

running out of time, better get out or get in

So, remember forever ago, when I said I'd be following up the /Vae Victis\ geta post with the rest of the shoes...that I've still been collecting, because I am an obsessive muffin...? Anyway, yeah, that's now starting to happen, but it'll be a while before it's all graphicked up for posting.

Something else did happen, though:



Ah, right. That thing I never celebrate came up. But this year I actually received an email from the Lindens?

And, of course, to follow that:



Yeah...For some reason the email, and in particular the image above, completely kicked the stuffing out of me for three weeks. No idea why. Maybe that I found myself appalled that the "average" SL resident visits 100 regions. That's almost criminal, the grid is WIDE. Same thing with the teleports.

But the last thing, I just do not believe. There have been times I thought I logged out, and didn't, and I come back to lots of blinking IM windows. Totally my bad. But I have never, not even once, left my computer on, running, and logged in 135 days. Not. Possible.

But the bigger reason I sunk into the tarn was...761. That's the number that's been ringing in my head, and it's more advanced now than in July, when the actual rez day, and the "My Year in SL" pic, happened.

That's over two years. I've had the Eternal Headache (and that name is comically apt at this point) for over two years.

And...that...that was kind of a lot.

So I'm working on remantling, and working--harder--on accepting the Headache is now a feature, not a bug. So goes all flesh, et cetera.



But hey! The Garden's been revised in Tannhauser Gate Station! That's good news, right?



Yep. Just peachy.

everything falls out of focus, you walk through the door

So I'm frantically trying to get through as much as possible of the Shop and Hop before I fold up for the time being (and yes, I know, I KNOW, I should have been done by now!) and finally reached Aluveaux Technologies. And their gift--shown below--is a universal door plug-in:



And I got all excited. Granted, Tannhauser Gate Stations has iris doors, but still! Sounded potentially neat!



Okay! They put up a build, showing how the doors work! Though, come to think...this one doesn't seem to have doors in it...



Oh. ...Oh. Well, that's...unfortunate...

So some bugs in the system yet. Pity.

race to slip into whatever fits you

I know. I KNOW. It's a problem. I get it. I think I've worn a hollow in my back from the amount of times Ive been kicking myself.

Also, you ever have one of those moments where you suddenly realize why your online aesthetic (and, occasionally, RL aesthetic) is the way it is?



Ohhhh. That explains some things.

For the rest...still working on some things in the background, and trying to muscle the brain into the slightly less well-worn tracks of "this is what we're dealing with now" instead of staying on the very well-worn tracks of "if the train's going, then we're going to be just fine".

Nobody ever said you couldn't lie to yourself.

Which leaves us with the image I created, to use...somewhere. Might as well be here.

Let me preface this by saying, I'm not Christian. I don't care if people are; if people aren't; if people discard the whole faith question entirely. "Live your life the best way you know how, and don't hurt people when you can avoid it" has been my daily struggle for years now.

But, there is a point where my tolerance ends.



If any reader recognizes the notecards this maker is including in all products sold, or the text over the angle on the draped cross shot (seriously--are we supposed to buy that whomever shot this, shot it on their knees? Or that we're on our knees looking up?) with more exhortations to repent--well, I did my best to anonymize. But I have a huge problem with this.

And if this maker happens to notice this--hi, there. Happy you're happy and all, but getting the notecards and the cross photo in every single goddamn product box is draining to the extreme. Stop.

Because this? This is against your own friggin' religion, what is WRONG with you??

Think I'm kidding?

But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly. And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do. For they think that they will be heard for their many words.
~~Matthew 6:6-7, New King James Version

There are other passages, and there are some who say the four named "follower" chapters (plus the fifth, generally unacknowledged) are closer to fiction than "reality" (and...I'm sorry, that's just comedic gold there), and sure, there are points to be made. And I'm not even that fond of the New King James version, but what it lacks in congeniality, it usually makes up for with (at least fairly) unambiguous language at times.

This is why I make the distinction between Christianity and Churchianity. This is why I make the distinction between the faithful seeking fellowship, doing the best they can, and...well. EVERY SINGLE EVANGELICAL MORON OUT THERE. And yes, I did--and do--mean every single one, and a large segment of their congregations as well. If you're a preacher on stage, and you need a rock-arena level sound system so you can broadcast to the people one entire football field away from you--I'm talking to you. If you're a pastor who's exhorting your followers to buy you a private jet--I'm talking to you. If you're a mega-pastor who wants your congregation to front the bill for two, no, three, no, four private jets--I'm talking to you. If you're the guy onstage saying that "someone" should just round up all the gays and the transsexuals and put them in camps, or better yet, in graves, oh, you had best BELIEVE I'm talking to your ass.

And I have hit my limit. Do I like a lot of her designs? Yes. But they're all going into the trash, and from now, not going back to her store. If I have to make notes and buy the mesh templates and make my own to wear, I WILL DO THAT rather than deal with YOUR PUERILE BLEATING ON YOUR NEOPHYTE FAITH.

Or, to put it another way--if we're talking, and religion comes up, sure. Feel free to tell me. But if I'm just wandering through your store and you scream and tape a flyer on how cool Jesus is to my face--at the very least I'm walking out, if not walking away from the smoking hull of your firebombed parcel.

Done with it. Just done. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

I've got a three day headache and it's all in my head

It's the 30th of March. One day before Ostara. And there's been a lot of...well.



Conversations like the one below.

[18:43] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr) hugs you
[18:44] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): I was just starting to pack things up for dinner. Though I don't know if I'm going to be in tonight--the pain of head and the head pain and did I mention the head? It's kind of distracting.

Which was followed soon by:

[18:43] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr) smiles, tilting up her face for a kiss. Dinner's dragging its feet--or, well, his or her feet, depending on driver. I was going to go check on progress.
[18:46] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr) will see how she feels, she may be taking the night off. The head is...bad. I feel like I should tuck a "Bridge out" sign behind one ear.

Yeah. It's been...it's been a day.


All of it, all the mysterious fatigue, the odd tremors, the patches of growing nerve damage...the headache that occasionally tries to kill me for funsies...it doesn't look great.

Though, I should say, anyone new pops up with a diagnosis of somatoform disorder, I'm just going to full-scale bite people.



At SOME POINT, which I'm hoping is today, but may need to be tomorrow--I'm putting out the rabbit monster from Ever Green. Even if it stays out after Ostara, because damn it, I bought it to put out, I AM GOING TO PUT IT OUT.

And...then decide on the rest of the night.

Time for Em to faw down again, maybe.



No, not really.


(And why yes, Noah Finnce's "3 Day Headache" was the song playing...very, very, *very* low as the background for writing this. Why do you ask?"

he cried and said, "She's crazy", and showed off all his burns

I may, in fact, have too much color for the ShuǐMò Gallery, but they're very inviting:

[21:37] Shui Mo Entrance: Welcome to ShuǐMò Gallery! This space is an art installation created in the style of Chinese ink brush (ShuǐMò) painting by FionaFei. Initially designed as a stand-alone art installation is now also used to house Fiona's other artworks. Follow the scrolls to the giant red double doors to head inside! Please feel free to roam around the space and sit on the artwork. :-) Enjoy your visit Emilly Orr!

And then six days pass...(Also the above was written six days ago...)



Four of those days were spent unpacking shoe demos. I wish I was kidding, that's how many I pulled down. (Never let it be said I don't commit fully to the bit.) One day was spent starting to pick the best ones to compare with the geta set, so I wouldn't have to stand around at the gallery forever going through things.

And yesterday...all hell broke loose.



And then today, I find out that essay is under "official review" for violation of the site's rules. Which strikes me as shutting the office after the whistle-blower's gone...

Unfortunately, the problem's not going to just disappear, and while I fully grant, fracturing a leg--after passing the year mark on the Never-Ending Headache--distracted me enough not to notice last November that this was starting to become known, and folks were scrambling to invent stopgaps to prevent child avatars from accessing their adult sims...

The mere fact that I have to type that should be enough to give us all pause. Because...why would a child avatar want access to adult sims? But also, at least one of the SL children I know--and for the other three, one's deceased and one's mentioned in that article and one went to Zindra opening day...only spends part of time in SL as a child, and the other part as an adult avatar. So--how do we deal with those cases?

Plus, the Gearhaven estate comprising sims who want to fully lean in to that adult branding...discussion arose on the essay, and what we, as an estate, wanted to do, and Hiro said--at least for a while--zero tolerance. If it's even slightly iffy, bounce.

Considering the Duchess of Gearhaven had the habit of running around as a Dinkie, or in the Kemono avatar, to build or landscape...that zero tolerance policy means I can't. Which means we have to give severe side-eye looks to Tinies who wander in, or anyone wearing the Tweenster avatar...it's going to be a mess. It already is a mess, considering the Linden accused was responsible for firing a well-known security specialist...and the optics on that are so, so bad. Because even holding the assumption that that particular Linden is innocent of all charges, he did, essentially, fire a security specialist for asking questions. AKA, you know, doing her job.



Ooh, yeah. Get ready for forty-seven miles of barbed wire. Soooo much fun.

made your mistakes and make me hurt

yes it's been forever since I've updated and my blog has been broken longer and I GAVE UP finally and went back to the old layout and I'll probably change my mind again and aaaaaaaahhh--

Reviews coming of very many things. No, really.

Stop laughing.

In injury news...



The orthopedist tells me the bone healed clean. Now, I just have to deal with the double hamstring injuries, which...now that we know what's going on...are s l o w l y starting to heal.

(I, of course, am being my usual relaxed, accepting, fully meditatively serene sort...which means I'm not resting as often as I should, pushing to walk more often than I should, and only elevating the legs at night, so...THAT'S going to work, yeah. Go me.)

So--things are going well! Or horribly. Maybe horribly well! Who knows?

lock it safe in an urnful of summer

Wanted to push to get at least ONE post out, and whilst doing that, decided to wander an event I hadn't finished yet, and whilst doing THAT, decided to say hello to a dear friend...

Three days ago, things were terrible. Two days ago, things were terrible. Yesterday, things were grindingly awful but for a couple bright spots--talking to you being one of them. And today my system is still reeling from the past three days of leading-up-to, and then actually-having, a crushing migraine, to the point that my entire system fought getting out of bed due to ow. I'm hoping it's going to get better from here?

...and then backspaced ALL of that to say

[15:20] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr) says hello as she's wandering a random event.

I mean...I'm not outright lying,exactly, I'm just not...going into everything?



I know. I KNOW. But...it gets tiring answering The Question some days. I'm trying to be accurate while also not dragging everyone's mood down, y'know?

AKA, Em is Trying to Find the Balance. Or maybe balance in general.

"There's no right way to forgive a person who hurt you." Also known as Ladyknighthebrave's take on Mike Flanagan's A Haunting of Hill House. And it's a miniseries that has a lot to say, on a lot of topics, but Ladyknight's take on it, I think, is sound for the material. It's an hour of how we, as individual beings, process trauma, but also...how we, as families, process trauma.

And in the meantime, processing through new realities and new issues and trying to sort everything out. And still only a couple haunts for the year under my belt. Agh.

the headline read in black and white, "An angel falls from grace"

Oh! Hi there! It seems to be September.

And (who's surprised, really?) I'm still counting, so--welcome to Day 378!

Caught on a random profile:

Single. Poly. Don't want a relationship but I do want a bunch of friends I'm in love with. We can all live on a commune, take care of each other, and watch horror movies every night.

That's so sweet.

(Also, OMG OMG Wally Darling has a Makeship plush out AAAAAAH--)

Excuse me. What I meant to say is...the not-me aspect of the mesh head business? Is even more not-me than usual, because I forgot this planned EvoX-based avatar had a different base shape (Why? No idea. No, I'm serious, I didn't leave me notes explaining things), so apologies for that.

However. I needed to post about some new/revised items from /Vae Victis\! And Sonder called, in the meantime, so to Sonder I went.



The "Sanguis" Hemophage collar you can see in the above picture, but not really sure how the rest of it is coming across...



...and the other tattoo work may interfere, as well. Argh.

[[Ahem. Insert from the Editrix before publishing, WHY IS IT FIVE DAYS LATER, but also, fairly sure I had another tattoo under the Cultist wristlets? Go me. I THINK it's also Vae Victis, from the Zealot set of things, but...coming back to this later, no idea.]]



...okay. So those are the tears from the "Veritas" Cultist set along with the crest (which, I, um, forgot to put on before starting to take pics). Let's see if I can get a good pic of the "Veritas" Cultist cuffs.



There we go. Everything's in Old Gold, by the way, if I forgot to mention that.

[[Insert from the Editrix, again--see what I mean? I'm fairly sure the eyes belong to the Cultist set, but the hatching, not as confident. Or maybe it's the other way around...]]



Okay, best picture I can get of everything. Let's run it down, there's a lot:

• the "Sanguis" Hemophage collar, BOM layer, in "Blood" on the LeLutka EvoX "Kaya" head
• the bonus 'shadow' cover for the lower body, on Maitreya
• the "Veritas" Cultist crest and tears, BOM layer, in "Blood" on the Lelutka EvoX "Kaya" head
• the "Veritas" Cultist cuffs, BOM layer, in "Blood" on Maitreya

...and I've just now remembered the wrist cuffs were a gift for the event which I think I missed by a handful of days...

[[Great, I mentioned it in the blog. So much argh. Malfunction am me.]]

Onward through the frogs, I guess.



And this is everything listed above, only in "Void".

There are fifteen colors total in the "Sanguis" Hemophage collar, which also comes with the bonus 'shadow' layer for the lower body; fifteen combination crest-and-tears for the "Veritas" Cultist set, with an additional fifteen layers for the crest alone, the tears alone, and another fifteen SLUV layers in all the shades; and fifteen shades, BOM, for the "Veritas" Cultist wrist cuffs.

That is...a lot. Incredible.



(And, since I've done all that, let's do the rest of the rundown. I'm wearing:

• the "Sanguis" Hemophage collar in "Rosedust"
• the "Veritas" Cultist Tears and Crest in "Rosedust"
• the "Veritas" Cultist Tears and Crest in "Rosedust"
• the Wicca's Wardrobe "Laerlorn" tiara in "Black/Gold" [it was a gift from something, but damned if I remember where]
• Olive's "High Priestess" hair, Split 4 RARE variation [from a gacha, so maybe still available on Marketplace?]
• !deviantMind's "Falena" set [just Bra/Skirt] in "Blood"
• IDEALIA's "RAINA" ankle wraps [linking the Marketplace because the in-world store appears absent]
• the Lelutka EvoX skin in "Porcelain" from Enfer Sombre [with additional BOM layering for the elf ears]
• the Lelutka EvoX "Kaya" head
• TREND's Witch Eyeshadow [BOM 10] and Witch Lip [the orange one] from the Halloween Collection 2020 [purchased both on their recent half-off-the-things sale, but honestly, I would have been comfortable paying full price. Lovely set of lip tints and 'witchy' shadows]

...and pretty sure the eyes come with the "Kaya" head.

[[Last insert, I promise--somehow it's EVEN LATER STILL, so going with the 15th as the publish date and AAAAAAAGH and WHY DOES MY BRAIN HATE ME???



[[Past five days. Gah, six days now. Whyyyyy.]]

(And you've seen the pic that this was directing you down here to explain, but nonetheless: the little insert was doing as much as I could to highlight the Rosedust tone. It's like frosted, melted, then refrozen rose gold. Very subtle. Perfect for the Biblically accurate angel in your life. So--hope that worked!)

and you better start swimmin', or you'll sink like a stone

for the times they are a-changin'...

Yeah. Sometimes it do be like that.

come gather ’round, people
wherever you roam
and admit that the waters
around you have grown...

August 28th, 2023, fell on a Monday, at least in the northern hemisphere. Monday was also family dinner at the mansion. The family knew it was the anniversary. It was...an uneven night, not unsurprisingly. How does one celebrate having an unending tension headache for a full solar year?

I'm the one on the end with the moths.

and accept it that soon
you’ll be drenched to the bone
if your time to you is worth savin’...

Dinner also featured a spritely vintage from Darkmere, and I was grateful for it.

I think even virtual wine goes to my head occasionally. I wasn't exactly effervescent, but I did seem more...open is not the word? Fluid, mayhap. Confessional. Something.

the line, it is drawn
the curse, it is cast
the slow one now
will later be fast

So, it's been a year, and what have we learned? I beyond the glass may have Celiac's, and if not, then a fairly unstable version of gluten intolerance. No one knows why the headache persists. Half my doctors are treating me as if I am diabetic, and the other half aren't--and meanwhile, my pursuit for a diagnosis of SOME kind keeps driving off the cliff, the latest being my (new resident) doctor's confidence in the latest A1C being "fine" (even with some other symptoms and readings in other tests).

Let's not forget that in the course of one month (with blood tests at either end) I went from some issues we needed to work on to HOLY FARKING DUCKLINGS YOU HAVE THIRD-STAGE KIDNEY DISEASE...which, by the way, disappeared with the next blood test...



Oh, and my neurologist's officially thrown me away, because there's "nothing neurological" she can fix. But if I develop something...something that's not migraines, headache, nerve pain, and a kicky little tremor, apparently...she says I should feel free to call her.

Sure. Let me just make a note about that....how does the 32nd of February next year work for you?

But that...admittedly, adapting to that led to some very dark days.

Witness this was supposed to be shot, and framed, and written, and posted, on the 28th...and I slipped a couple days due to sudden depression slogging through the mire.

as the present now
will later be past
the order is rapidly fadin'...

Stone-home truth, here: I started wondering what was the point. Now, no one call in wellness checks, guys, I am not in danger, believe me. But there was some staring into the abyss, namely...Should I still keep counting? Should I stop? If I stop, what do I replace it with? If I keep counting, when does it become another obsession? When do I get to pick up the threads of my life and get back to reality, fractured as it was?

And the deep, midnight-in-sealed-crypts dark question: is this the new baseline, and I just have to suck it up from here?

So, yeah. Took a couple days to catch up with everything.

and the first one now
will later be last
for the times they are a-changin'...

If nothing else, I have the garden. It keeps me occupied when I have spare non-hurty time. I stay in touch with friends and loves as I can. It's not a terrible life. I may have to ask Aiko where she gets her running-in-circles animation from, because I bet it would be mad frenetic on a Dinkie.

I will admit, it is a struggle some days NOT to go huge (like, giant thorn vines huge, mysterious earth portals that fling folks in a random direction huge), but so far I'm constraining things. I'm working on changing out all the no-copy flora (and the non-seasonal flora), so it will be easier to change from season to season...

...because WHY YES I have noticed the lack of seasons on the land and I miss it, and that, at least, I can start pushing out in Tannhauser and Gearhaven.

For the rest of it...well, I am a very stubborn muffin. I may be bruised, battered, staggering and broken, and it may take me longer to stand up...but I intend to keep standing up for some time yet. This weekend I may spend more time with the offworld partners, and idly make new things out of old things while we watch the next episode of Mentopolis on Dropout. (I am still convinced that Hank Green is just playing himself in that season...or, at least, Hank Green if he was bright red, in a weird 40s noir mystery, and of his hands were bigger than his head...but otherwise, yeah, that's my working theory.)

And life will move on, as is the way of such things. And I'll get back to product reviews soon, because I do like them, first, and second, for baffling reasons they haven't slapped my wrist for going past some event times, so if nothing else, they're building up unswerving brand loyalty from me. It helps that I adore Grim and Mesmer to death, too, it must be said.

But now it's late, and it's been a long day, some of it spent dashing between transport and clinic doors with ice-cold rain in between, so I suppose this is as 'done' as it gets, right now. G'night.