it's a question of not letting what we've built up crumble to dust

Fragile
Like a baby in your arms
Be gentle with me
I'd never willingly
Do you harm

I can see it in my mind's eye: the cracked tile floor, scratched and abraded from dragging equipment across the tiles, the spills of reagents, burn marks when things didn't quite go together as planned. Spots leached of all color when eye dissolution bubbled off the autoclavery.

Apologies
Are all you seem to get from me
But just like a child
You make me smile
When you care for me
And you know

I see it, I see it clearly: the walls, upstairs and down, covered in whatever we could find: copper, riveted steel, scraped hide, experiments in clockwork that didn't work, experiments in flesh we couldn't let continue, and everything, all of it, put to use.

Patchwork. Odd symbol of my soul. But I see it, I see it clearly.

It's a question of lust
It's a question of trust
It's a question of not letting
What we've built up
Crumble to dust
It is all of these things and more
That keep us together

Furniture? That doesn't come in as clear, but I'd take a stab at it and say...metal too, where it's not interesting twisted vines we found, somewhere; leftover gears and plush velvet cushions; machine parts draped in satin.

Independence
Is still important for us though (we realise)
It's easy to make
The stupid mistake
Of letting go (do you know what I mean)

And over everything, tucked in, sometimes straight, sometimes angled, shopping prims, vending prims, little squares of touchable commerce. Hanging sometimes, riveted on others, changeable displays on occasion, organized disorganization. Every single copper plate and pop rivet and bit of exotic wood, brought back from travels to strange lands, leather stretched over wires, muscle pulsing on its own attached to some strange power source, experiment in progress for no apparent reason...

I see it.

My weaknesses
You know each and every one (it frightens me)
But I need to drink
More than you seem to think
Before I'm anyone's
And you know

We're changing the shop. Rather completely.

When we're finished it will have the same shape, and it will have our objects, but...very little else is going to be recognizeable.

Which may be part of why we're doing it. We are more than we were. We are more than we seem. And our shop should reflect this.

It's a question of lust
It's a question of trust
It's a question of not letting
What we've built up
Crumble to dust
It is all of these things and more
That keep us together

The house is going to be changing too, but the shop first. The shop first, and then the house.

Maybe the house on stilts...ooh....and we wouldn't have to take it up and put it down, if true, we could just...have events under it, underneath the house proper. I'd have to go through and remake the house entirely, save as many prims as I could, but...

Ooh. I could do this.

Kiss me goodbye
When I'm on my own
But you know that I'd
Rather be home

Change. Change is necessary. War has been declared upon the House of Orr and this time, I feel like fighting back with art and whimsy. Confusion to my enemies, always, but more than that, to war properly, I must war from the centerpoint, where things are still.

And my soul is patchwork, and where's the center of a patchwork? The thread that binds it.

It's a question of lust
It's a question of trust
It's a question of not letting
What we've built up
Crumble to dust
It is all of these things and more
That keep us together

My thread, my center? My loves. Those who love me, those I love, those are my thread, my fixed center, my binding cord, my strength. I pull on one and they all draw in. And from this patchwork place I will fight, and I do not intend to lose.

We are here and we are strong and we will remain when our enemies are long gone. Reviresco--we will rise again. We cannot be brought down to stay. We eat life with shining teeth and we offer praise and distraction to those against us, and we move on, strewing flowers and razors in our wake.

They cannot sever the thing already cut to ribbons. But these ribbons have been plaited back together with expert hands. One hand fisted, one open hand over it, one graceful bow--we have accepted the challenge.

Come at us. But be prepared. Change or be changed, and the deeper one goes, the more one will alter. We are a house of shifters, after all. Come too close, no form remains fixed.

We are ready for you.

(Lyrics are Depeche Mode's "A Question of Lust".)

and I hate when things are over, when so much is left undone

And now, for me, the new year begins, and we are in the turbulence of change.

This year I'm listening. I'm giving myself up, letting change take me where it wills me to go.

You might have noticed some slight formatting changes. Background here, might change too. That's not yet been decided...

But the big thing is, I have decided I have a new goal--20,000 items of inventory. Or less.

By the end of November.

I'll let you know how it goes.

The life will be reconstructed. I will not wallow in pain and nostalgia, not as I have. I will go forward and I will endure. And I will change.

Welcome to the dark half of the year.

there's an awful lot of breathing room, but I can hardly move

((RP MODE))

Today, the demon's daughter was stalked by a somewhat seen presence. Panther, she said, but I wasn't sure. She heard paws behind her, seeing things out of the corners of her glowing eyes, and saw clawmarks on a rock she paused beside.

This is where things get odd.

It formed a rune, the clawmarks. A very specific rune. This rune, in fact:



Called Naudiz, Nied or Nauthiz, depending on translation, it's a sure sign of whitewater turbulence on its way. Many translations use "restraint" as the general descriptive, but more accurately, it's "constraint".

Restraint means simply that--the act of being bound or tied in place, the holding back, the limitation placed on self or others. Constraint, on the other hand, is a slightly different animal. There is always, always the implication of force, of enslavement, even, to ideals or goals. Subjugation of the self or others, by the self or others. Inherent repression. Caustic sense of denial.

Constraint.

Nauthiz.

I've spoken of whitewater turbulence; this rune says it's coming. But it also says, we're given the chance to prepare for it. Like, being given two weeks' warning on a major flood--you still may end up underwater, but you might have some time to get emergency supplies, and get away from ground zero, if you get yourself together and think things out.

Nauthiz is the crucible, the forge that can improve character, the impetus behind forcing great change, submission of spirit to will, submission of flesh to mastery. It tells you there is strength in such alteration, even though such alteration may bring destruction and misery in its wake.

It asks you, where have you limited yourself, and why? It asks you, to what goal, what god, what end have you given your power? It tells you to take it back, return to your center, heal outward.

It says, your hurt is worthless, your pain meaningless, if it does not cause you to improve. It says, have patience, know yourself, or goddamn learn over time. It says, nothing great comes without great effort, and great effort will be required to reforge your soul.

It says...consider the uses of adversity. Consider, your soul can only know light if it understands darkness. Concentrate on your shadow side, bring light and dark into balance, see what is going wrong within, and fix that. It says, patience, and wisdom, and self-understanding, will bring revelation, but constraint and caution are the bywords.

It says, ultimately...prepare yourself. 'Cause it's gonna get bad. And the universe is saying, it's gonna get worse before it gets better. And it's telling you, prepare for it NOW or be caught unawares and suffer, more than you ever imagined you could. Prepare, rethink, find your weaknesses, seek out your flaws...understand your nature...and you just might live through it.

It also says...it never appears without reason. So heed the reason, if you can listen intently enough to hear. The universe is saying, now you change. Or you fail. Live or die. Prevail or suffer.

It's saying, it's your choice.

It's saying...if you remain the same, you'll be destroyed. So learn what's made you the way you are, and remake yourself in a better image. It's saying, this may be your last chance.

...Haven't heard from the demon's daughter since. Hopefully, what little I got through helped. I won't know, I think, right away.

Current build: Spent more time developing the photography hobby again. Going to finally open a studio, I think