Then today, I get another notice saying this post has also been placed behind a cautionary "adult content" screen. Bwuh? That one's even older--it's from 2010!
What's going on??
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
17 April, 2023
she's a big boy now, she's a big boy
Huh. Yesterday I got a notice from Blogger, saying that one of my entries has been placed behind a content warning. It's from 2018--I think whatever damage it may have caused, it's caused it already.
Then today, I get another notice saying this post has also been placed behind a cautionary "adult content" screen. Bwuh? That one's even older--it's from 2010!
What's going on??
Then today, I get another notice saying this post has also been placed behind a cautionary "adult content" screen. Bwuh? That one's even older--it's from 2010!
What's going on??
17 May, 2021
and I'm more than willing to offer myself, who knows where that might lead
Just this little bit:
And...this:
Next year, I'm buying one for Alastair.
In radically different (and likely NSFW) news--a beloved story of the invention of vibrators may be wrong. Totally not kidding--apparently Rachel Maines thought she was onto something, or at least thought she could get a book out of it, but her "research" into the origins of Victorian electrical stimulation devices utterly fails to hold up.
Maines says now that her book was intended merely to present a "hypothesis", and was never intended to be taken seriously, but--if one reads the book? She never once presents it as a working theory, she presents it as fact. Hmm.
On the other hand, now we do know there was a link between Victorian electrical stimulation devices and human sexuality--the catch is, the devices were marketed to men.
(That article also mentions another "myth", only one I'd never heard of--that Cleopatra "invented" the vibrator by filling a gourd with bees. Now, on the surface, this sounds patently ridiculous, but we live in an era where Gwyneth Paltrow suggested a beauty treatment that involves massive amounts of bee stings, and at least one woman has died from this recommendation, so...really, who knows?)
[07:33] Ithildin Telperion (mondi.beaumont): I promise - no, I swear ! - now I'm done with my "Fantasy Faire 2021" photos - at least for this year - Fantasy Faire 2021 is over, and all involved look back on the past 3 weeks with one laughing and one crying eye .Here, here.
So much fun, work, diligence, stress, laughing, crying, remembering, fundraising, supporting, broadening horizons - and much more. All this is and was only possible because everyone pulled and is pulling together.
The Fantasy Faire is actually an old-fashioned, outdated ideal concept - because what counts here is togetherness and responsibility towards others, and not, as is so often the case nowadays, just putting oneself in the right light. So Fairelanders are perhaps a little naïve, a little old-fashioned - but that's exactly what makes us so strong. Taking the extra step when the other person is already limping... reaching out when someone can't reach anymore, listening carefully when others become quiet, giving a smile even when we might feel like crying.
[07:33] Ithildin Telperion (mondi.beaumont): Many thanks to each and every one of you for everything you have done and achieved. From the organizers, the sponsors and idea providers, to the designers, world builders, the tirelessly working team on all different levels, the chroniclers, the photographers, the idea providers, the hidden surprise chickens - to every single visitor.
From the organizers, the sponsors and idea providers, to the designers, world builders, the tirelessly working team on all different levels, the chroniclers, the photographers, the idea providers, the hidden surprise chickens - to every single visitor.
Thank you for your donations, your criticism, your loving words, your compliments, your time, your energy - your help, your feedback and your straightforwardness.
Stay healthy and take good care of yourselves! All my love from the bottom of my heart, *Mondi* https://www.flickr.com/photos/28469653@N05/
And...this:
[11:48] Fantasy Faire 2021 ~ Memorial Candle: The inscription reads: Miss you so much, Sumie.I do. But the candle's in Steamopolis, now. That helps.
Next year, I'm buying one for Alastair.
In radically different (and likely NSFW) news--a beloved story of the invention of vibrators may be wrong. Totally not kidding--apparently Rachel Maines thought she was onto something, or at least thought she could get a book out of it, but her "research" into the origins of Victorian electrical stimulation devices utterly fails to hold up.
Maines says now that her book was intended merely to present a "hypothesis", and was never intended to be taken seriously, but--if one reads the book? She never once presents it as a working theory, she presents it as fact. Hmm.
On the other hand, now we do know there was a link between Victorian electrical stimulation devices and human sexuality--the catch is, the devices were marketed to men.
(That article also mentions another "myth", only one I'd never heard of--that Cleopatra "invented" the vibrator by filling a gourd with bees. Now, on the surface, this sounds patently ridiculous, but we live in an era where Gwyneth Paltrow suggested a beauty treatment that involves massive amounts of bee stings, and at least one woman has died from this recommendation, so...really, who knows?)
03 November, 2020
my coffin cannot be that dark, it's cramped and I can't even hear songs
This is pulled from another chat service, not SL:
At all.
Both of them.
Next, this one's a doozy.
[11:53 PM] Wxxxxxxxx: So I checked out what I could of the Halloweeny stuff last night, and before going to the Haunted Mansion I spent like, 20 minutes trying to find some underwear that would fit under my skirt without clipping since it was a G sim and Disney related event, so just kinda felt like it was what I should do to follow the rules this time.Apparently, not G content:
[11:53 PM] Wxxxxxxxx: What do I find when I get there?
At all.
[11:54 PM] Ixxxxx: You took the effort to check.And find out she did.
[11:54 PM] Wxxxxxxxx: Well, yes. I was curious. How else was I gonna find out?
Both of them.
[6:59 PM] Emilly: Wait, the MAIDS?!??Because...that makes sense on a G sim, right?
[7:58 PM] Wxxxxxxxx: Yep! The NPC ones around the area that the sim makers set up.
[10:47 AM] Emilly rolls her eyesBecause seriously. How dumb is that? G rated sim. Come on, guys, I know they're props, but think about these things.
Next, this one's a doozy.
[14:20] jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: My bf/pimp says that I seem to be addicted to [c*cks]. I'm not sure how he gets this idea...And she included a picture, which I am NOT going to link here. Let's just say both she, and the gentle in question, were very nude.
[14:21] axxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: [Mxxxx] this is not the place for that!It's really not. Also, Ms. J at the start, and Ms. M above? Same person.
[14:21] axxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Please read the rulesThis is what I never get. Like, are these all people seeking public humiliation? Because most of the time they don't even get that when they post one of these wrong windows, they just get bounced out of the group--because nine times out of ten, it's a completely non-sensual group in any way. So why?
[14:21] sxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I don't know if I should laugh or be shocked haha
[14:24] Emilly Shatner-Orr (emilly.orr): Well. That's bold AND stupid, congratulations, [Mxxxx]!
30 October, 2020
deathblow, look at you go, brought a T-62 to a Rodeo
The Duke found an interesting little take on the three approaches to virtual experience. From this, I've pretty much always been an immersive player, with touches of augmentative. He started out dissociative and is now immersive for the most part. That explains a lot of things about a lot of people, though.
Onward through the haunts. So, first strike against this one is, they misspelled "poltergeist" on the event name. Second strike, the blurb for the place is in all caps:
I'm not holding out much hope for this.
Step in to a lightning crash and a man's fever-pitch, constant screaming. That's annoying.
Oh, look. Orbs. Great.
Gremlins. Just...why.
Upstairs, the first bedroom had an inset gif in one window, the back wall covered with a picture of a room that made no sense at the angle it was at, and...I'm done here.
Zero out of five skulls.
What else sounds interesting....How about Karma's Haunted Manor and Saint Sadist Cathedral? It's on Adult land, so I'm assuming either Adult content or gore. Their blurb says:
Guess I'll find something else tomorrow.
Onward through the haunts. So, first strike against this one is, they misspelled "poltergeist" on the event name. Second strike, the blurb for the place is in all caps:
HAPPY HALLOWEEN , HAUNTED HOUSE SCARY HORROR MOVIESRiiiight. Okay. Let's go see, I guess.
STEP RIGHT IN .THE TV IS ON THE FRIZZ AGAIN LETTING OUT ALL KINDS OF GHASTLY GHOULS TO TERRORIZER YALLS NEIGHBORHOODS
I'm not holding out much hope for this.
Step in to a lightning crash and a man's fever-pitch, constant screaming. That's annoying.
Oh, look. Orbs. Great.
Gremlins. Just...why.
Upstairs, the first bedroom had an inset gif in one window, the back wall covered with a picture of a room that made no sense at the angle it was at, and...I'm done here.
Zero out of five skulls.
What else sounds interesting....How about Karma's Haunted Manor and Saint Sadist Cathedral? It's on Adult land, so I'm assuming either Adult content or gore. Their blurb says:
"Welcome to the Haunted Manor And Saint Sadist Cathedral in the sky. Come stay the night.. if you dare.. Beware of Blood Thirsty Rape Zombies.."Uh, you know what? No. Never mind.
Guess I'll find something else tomorrow.
09 October, 2020
and in its wake, a market erected; an entire industry built on the dead
Seen on a random profile:
~Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam (Dune) Mm. Pretty much.
Anyway, back to the Belasco Mansion. AKA, Hell House. Ostensibly to see if I can track down a good pose, or setting, for this years Fallen Gods' photography contest...
As it turns out, I did (one of those pictures I'll include after the ones shot for this entry), but for this run, as I've covered the Belasco Mansion before, I wanted to concentrate on things I've managed to miss over the years, or new things, and...I think I found a few.
First, I don't think I've ever just looked at the exterior of the build before. It is really, really close to the house used in the film in 1973.
(Gif courtesy of the Final Girl's Tumblr.)
See? The builder did a great job here.
Over to the far right of the mansion, I found this. It's just a cutout propped against the wall, but it's interesting. The dim, glowing red lights fade in and out, it's a neat effect.
Further down, still on the right side, there's this little greenhouse. Floating eyes in the center of a spiraling vortex of energy. (Some of the details blurred out on the image cutouts, though, because this haunt is still VERY NSFW, start to finish.)
And this lovely little fountain, which I had to capture very carefully, as it sits between a fully erect satyr on one side, and an elf-human couple having energetic sex on the other.
Inside the house now, and...did I know there was a little interior (quite dead) garden spot, on the second floor? I don't think I did.
Everything else seemed substantially the same, save for this little attic loft. There's a ring of chairs around a large, circular table topped in red velvet. I'll leave any intrepid explorers to discover the pictures on that table, and the...menu...of a certain night's events...but in the meantime, I found this statue interesting. This had a 'touch' sign, too, and when it was touched, lightning flared, rain began pouring down, and the statue's face changed from verdigris to Vincent Price:
Another neat effect.
And finally, this was this year's entry for the Fallen Gods' Gods and Goddesses photography contest. Taken in the haunted chapel of Belasco, naturally. I liked the way it came out.
As always, this comes with five out of five skulls, BUT a significant caution--if you're not wanting to see adult content, DO NOT GO, because you practically can't take two steps without tripping over a nude body or a few nude bodies, most of them very actively engaged, let's say. For those willing to take the risk, it's starting to show its age, definitely, but it still has some power to it.
(For those curious: The 2019 visit, the 2018 visit, and I could have sworn that there were other visits between those two and the 2012 one, but...there you go.)
"That which submits rules...The willow submits to the wind and prospers until one day it is many willows--a wall against the wind. This is the willow's purpose."
Anyway, back to the Belasco Mansion. AKA, Hell House. Ostensibly to see if I can track down a good pose, or setting, for this years Fallen Gods' photography contest...
As it turns out, I did (one of those pictures I'll include after the ones shot for this entry), but for this run, as I've covered the Belasco Mansion before, I wanted to concentrate on things I've managed to miss over the years, or new things, and...I think I found a few.
First, I don't think I've ever just looked at the exterior of the build before. It is really, really close to the house used in the film in 1973.
(Gif courtesy of the Final Girl's Tumblr.)
See? The builder did a great job here.
Over to the far right of the mansion, I found this. It's just a cutout propped against the wall, but it's interesting. The dim, glowing red lights fade in and out, it's a neat effect.
Further down, still on the right side, there's this little greenhouse. Floating eyes in the center of a spiraling vortex of energy. (Some of the details blurred out on the image cutouts, though, because this haunt is still VERY NSFW, start to finish.)
And this lovely little fountain, which I had to capture very carefully, as it sits between a fully erect satyr on one side, and an elf-human couple having energetic sex on the other.
Inside the house now, and...did I know there was a little interior (quite dead) garden spot, on the second floor? I don't think I did.
Everything else seemed substantially the same, save for this little attic loft. There's a ring of chairs around a large, circular table topped in red velvet. I'll leave any intrepid explorers to discover the pictures on that table, and the...menu...of a certain night's events...but in the meantime, I found this statue interesting. This had a 'touch' sign, too, and when it was touched, lightning flared, rain began pouring down, and the statue's face changed from verdigris to Vincent Price:
Another neat effect.
And finally, this was this year's entry for the Fallen Gods' Gods and Goddesses photography contest. Taken in the haunted chapel of Belasco, naturally. I liked the way it came out.
As always, this comes with five out of five skulls, BUT a significant caution--if you're not wanting to see adult content, DO NOT GO, because you practically can't take two steps without tripping over a nude body or a few nude bodies, most of them very actively engaged, let's say. For those willing to take the risk, it's starting to show its age, definitely, but it still has some power to it.
(For those curious: The 2019 visit, the 2018 visit, and I could have sworn that there were other visits between those two and the 2012 one, but...there you go.)
22 September, 2020
can you help me to see it? because I want to believe in the magic
This is psychotically NSFW, but also hysterically funny and, in a rare bonus to the filthy-minded STEM community, just PACKED with information on geology, science, mineralization, pest control, and water systems! Just amazing.
In the meantime, I usually don't find storylines in .gifs (or memes), but apparently, I accidentally ran across one! And I must share. So here you go:
Near as I can figure, this is the first one? Everything else is maybe not in order of release, but made sense to me. More or less.
Same as the above, but with words...
And then...the painting inserts began.
Spreading love and bones everywhere!
And now pets!
And birds!
And back to people...
And finally, YOU! Now everyone's happy. And bones. And always remember--your skull is always smiling, underneath your skin.
(Apparently, there's even more of these joyous things, all done by an artist named Kiszkiloszki, and further oddity besides. I think I'm in love.)
Thirty-nine days until Hallowe'en!
In the meantime, I usually don't find storylines in .gifs (or memes), but apparently, I accidentally ran across one! And I must share. So here you go:
Near as I can figure, this is the first one? Everything else is maybe not in order of release, but made sense to me. More or less.
Same as the above, but with words...
And then...the painting inserts began.
Spreading love and bones everywhere!
And now pets!
And birds!
And back to people...
And finally, YOU! Now everyone's happy. And bones. And always remember--your skull is always smiling, underneath your skin.
(Apparently, there's even more of these joyous things, all done by an artist named Kiszkiloszki, and further oddity besides. I think I'm in love.)
Thirty-nine days until Hallowe'en!
25 July, 2020
things ain't what they used to be
(Note from the Editrix: obviously, now, this is one of the entries that was written before the one posted on the 21st. Just FYI.)
~Katja Luminos
deserves investigation
underestimation
against our inclinations
let ourselves in for it
That is one huge drum.
ignore the provocation
ignore the implications
ignore the obligations
let ourselves in for it
And back to wandering. What else is there?
are you gonna fall for this
we're gonna pay hell for it
now we can't wait for it
we let ourselves in for it
Another day, another sim, another struggle to process. I'm just rehashing everything at this stage. Maybe I need to go back and read the chat logs. Because I need that level of gut punch this week.
wild calculations
exert a fascination
tame speculation
we let ourselves in for it
But it may need to be done. The why is still bugging me. Or the when. Or...both.
wild calculations
exert a fascination
tame speculation
we let ourselves in for it
Right. Never come to the Sanctuary without heels; I apparently won't be tall enough.
are we sittin' still for this
we're gonna pay hell for it
now we can't win for it
we let ourselves in for it
Heightists.
we were bound to make the most of it
yes here's the best of it
I do find it vaguely interesting that most of the serious femdom places on the grid, especially the entirely women-centered ones, all seem to share the same template of sprawling manor house/castle, and carefully sculpted grounds. Is that just a thing every lesbian domme desires? Am I missing something?
let yourself in
any way that you figure it
got it at our fingertips
got to give in
Though this would explain why Sakura gets so many lesbians looking for other lesbians wandering through, if nearly every other manor house with a flower name is geared towards women-on-women domination.
wild calculations
exert a fascination
tame speculation
let ourselves in for it
I do wonder why the garden has tentacles. Not sure I'm up to finding out if they're active ones or just decoration, to be honest. Still far too jangled.
let's disprove the allegation
no longer occupation
this is recreation
get yourself into it
But it's a very pretty garden, nonetheless.
you're gonna fall for this
we're gonna pay hell for it
Don't we always? Someone pays for everything. Usually it's me, this time it seems to be both of us. And the coin is becoming very dear.
And my fingers are already starting to itch again. Not even one day in fur, and the skin hunger's back. Damn it.
now we can't win for it
we let ourselves in for it
If it was a rigged game from the start, would we have refused to play? Could we have seen this coming? I maintain no, because it was completely out of the blue for me the night it happened. And I'm usually the one reacting to conscious, subconscious, and unconscious motivations for everything.
let's disprove the allegation
no longer recreation
this is occupation
get yourself into it
I'm just so tired.
(Photos taken at Gaia Rising, Sanctuary of the Rose [very adult playspace], Thrall [also very adult], Auld Lang Syne on the Isle of Scotland, Fracture and Malal's Spring. Lyrics from Robert Palmer's Let Yourself In For It)
"Love fiercely. Because this all ends."
deserves investigation
underestimation
against our inclinations
let ourselves in for it
That is one huge drum.
ignore the provocation
ignore the implications
ignore the obligations
let ourselves in for it
And back to wandering. What else is there?
are you gonna fall for this
we're gonna pay hell for it
now we can't wait for it
we let ourselves in for it
Another day, another sim, another struggle to process. I'm just rehashing everything at this stage. Maybe I need to go back and read the chat logs. Because I need that level of gut punch this week.
wild calculations
exert a fascination
tame speculation
we let ourselves in for it
But it may need to be done. The why is still bugging me. Or the when. Or...both.
wild calculations
exert a fascination
tame speculation
we let ourselves in for it
Right. Never come to the Sanctuary without heels; I apparently won't be tall enough.
are we sittin' still for this
we're gonna pay hell for it
now we can't win for it
we let ourselves in for it
Heightists.
we were bound to make the most of it
yes here's the best of it
I do find it vaguely interesting that most of the serious femdom places on the grid, especially the entirely women-centered ones, all seem to share the same template of sprawling manor house/castle, and carefully sculpted grounds. Is that just a thing every lesbian domme desires? Am I missing something?
let yourself in
any way that you figure it
got it at our fingertips
got to give in
Though this would explain why Sakura gets so many lesbians looking for other lesbians wandering through, if nearly every other manor house with a flower name is geared towards women-on-women domination.
wild calculations
exert a fascination
tame speculation
let ourselves in for it
I do wonder why the garden has tentacles. Not sure I'm up to finding out if they're active ones or just decoration, to be honest. Still far too jangled.
let's disprove the allegation
no longer occupation
this is recreation
get yourself into it
But it's a very pretty garden, nonetheless.
you're gonna fall for this
we're gonna pay hell for it
Don't we always? Someone pays for everything. Usually it's me, this time it seems to be both of us. And the coin is becoming very dear.
And my fingers are already starting to itch again. Not even one day in fur, and the skin hunger's back. Damn it.
now we can't win for it
we let ourselves in for it
If it was a rigged game from the start, would we have refused to play? Could we have seen this coming? I maintain no, because it was completely out of the blue for me the night it happened. And I'm usually the one reacting to conscious, subconscious, and unconscious motivations for everything.
let's disprove the allegation
no longer recreation
this is occupation
get yourself into it
I'm just so tired.
(Photos taken at Gaia Rising, Sanctuary of the Rose [very adult playspace], Thrall [also very adult], Auld Lang Syne on the Isle of Scotland, Fracture and Malal's Spring. Lyrics from Robert Palmer's Let Yourself In For It)
24 July, 2020
help me get away from myself
(Note from the Editrix: obviously, now, this is one of the entries that was written before the one posted on the 21st. Just FYI.)
when I get home from my job I turn on my TV
but I can't keep my mind on the show
when I lay down at night, oh I can't get no sleep
so I turn on my radio--
Another night, another frantic search for things to distract. It's becoming a habit. Not sure if it's a good one, yet, or if it's just what I've got right now.
but the only sound I hear is you whisperin' in my ear
the words that you used to say--
Yeah, I'm obsessing. Every time I think I'm out of the spin cycle and back on even ground...And the dreams are just getting worse. Or better. Not sure which, honestly... Only that they're making me want to itch out of my skin.
now my days grow longer
'cause my love grows stronger
and the fever gets worse
and I've got the fever for this guy
It's not...precisely love, is the issue. It's more...trying to think through hormones. And I must be putting out some very odd ones, because the same thing that's keeping the casuals away when I wander through 'girls in danger' sims are pulling other guys out of the trees with offers. I'm so confused.
got the fever, oh I've got the fever
nothing that a poor girl can do
And no, it hasn't escaped my attention that the offers I'm trying for, I'm not getting, where the offers I hadn't anticipated at all are the ones drifting past my startled gaze.
when she's got the fever for this guy
got the fever, oh, I've got the fever
left this little girl blue
Especially the last one, the fellow who spent over an hour talking with me out of the blue. No, I'm not saying which one. Though yes, he has come up on the blog. (That is not a small list, which is why I feel relatively safe mentioning it.) Let's just say it's not someone I ever expected to get an offer from again...
And...it's not helping...because right now, I could so see giving in, just out of general--frustration? Need? Psychosis? All three?--and...that might be very bad.
I can remember comin' home, I see you standin' at the stove
with the dishes on the table, dinner ready to go
we'll maybe go out to a movie show
something that you like to see
I think it was at this point I just gave up for the night and put panties back on. Why yes, I have reached that stage. Joy and rapture. I swear, the next week I'm going to wear full Victorian morning dresses with all the under-layers, a veil, and button-up boots that take half an hour of persistence and a buttonhook to get out of again. Or find something else to do that takes the bulk of my brain power. Try to learn Russian again. Or quantum physics. Something, anything, that is less damaging to my self-esteem and general sense of self.
well, now, you are my sun in the morning
and my moon at night
I think about you baby, I feel all right
now my days grow longer
'cause my love grows stronger
and the fever gets worse--
On the one hand, I've finally broken free of the Matchbox Twenty obsession, but now I've just got this playlist on repeat. I keep adding songs to it, too, whenever I remember one that made my breath catch.
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW, RIGHT??
(Insert from the Editrix: That list now has a few 'this is hell' songs mixed in, and I refuse to apologize for those. They're all meaningful for where I am, and it's my playlist, so that's that.)
got the fever, oh I've got the fever
nothing that a poor girl can do
when she's got the fever for this guy
got the fever, oh, I've got the fever
left this little girl blue
I'll come up with something. I have to come up with something, because I'm going out of my mind. Gods, you'd think someone had noticed all this sensuality and desire pointed towards one person and decided to cut that person off from me. Go figure.
But there has to be a way out. I am not a ferret, I do not die from lack of sex. Or touch. I can do this. People do this every day.
(Of course the ultimate irony in all this is--my current employment is somewhat tailor-made for the solution, save for...no, for a variety of odd reasons. Maybe it's time to lower my standards.)
(Pictures taken at Avalon Park, Greystone Harbor, Kingdom of Agraba, Bay of Dreams, The Labyrinth and Mirage Motel 66. Lyrics from She's Got the Fever by the Pointer Sisters.)
when I get home from my job I turn on my TV
but I can't keep my mind on the show
when I lay down at night, oh I can't get no sleep
so I turn on my radio--
Another night, another frantic search for things to distract. It's becoming a habit. Not sure if it's a good one, yet, or if it's just what I've got right now.
but the only sound I hear is you whisperin' in my ear
the words that you used to say--
Yeah, I'm obsessing. Every time I think I'm out of the spin cycle and back on even ground...And the dreams are just getting worse. Or better. Not sure which, honestly... Only that they're making me want to itch out of my skin.
now my days grow longer
'cause my love grows stronger
and the fever gets worse
and I've got the fever for this guy
It's not...precisely love, is the issue. It's more...trying to think through hormones. And I must be putting out some very odd ones, because the same thing that's keeping the casuals away when I wander through 'girls in danger' sims are pulling other guys out of the trees with offers. I'm so confused.
got the fever, oh I've got the fever
nothing that a poor girl can do
And no, it hasn't escaped my attention that the offers I'm trying for, I'm not getting, where the offers I hadn't anticipated at all are the ones drifting past my startled gaze.
when she's got the fever for this guy
got the fever, oh, I've got the fever
left this little girl blue
Especially the last one, the fellow who spent over an hour talking with me out of the blue. No, I'm not saying which one. Though yes, he has come up on the blog. (That is not a small list, which is why I feel relatively safe mentioning it.) Let's just say it's not someone I ever expected to get an offer from again...
And...it's not helping...because right now, I could so see giving in, just out of general--frustration? Need? Psychosis? All three?--and...that might be very bad.
I can remember comin' home, I see you standin' at the stove
with the dishes on the table, dinner ready to go
we'll maybe go out to a movie show
something that you like to see
I think it was at this point I just gave up for the night and put panties back on. Why yes, I have reached that stage. Joy and rapture. I swear, the next week I'm going to wear full Victorian morning dresses with all the under-layers, a veil, and button-up boots that take half an hour of persistence and a buttonhook to get out of again. Or find something else to do that takes the bulk of my brain power. Try to learn Russian again. Or quantum physics. Something, anything, that is less damaging to my self-esteem and general sense of self.
well, now, you are my sun in the morning
and my moon at night
I think about you baby, I feel all right
now my days grow longer
'cause my love grows stronger
and the fever gets worse--
On the one hand, I've finally broken free of the Matchbox Twenty obsession, but now I've just got this playlist on repeat. I keep adding songs to it, too, whenever I remember one that made my breath catch.
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW, RIGHT??
(Insert from the Editrix: That list now has a few 'this is hell' songs mixed in, and I refuse to apologize for those. They're all meaningful for where I am, and it's my playlist, so that's that.)
got the fever, oh I've got the fever
nothing that a poor girl can do
when she's got the fever for this guy
got the fever, oh, I've got the fever
left this little girl blue
I'll come up with something. I have to come up with something, because I'm going out of my mind. Gods, you'd think someone had noticed all this sensuality and desire pointed towards one person and decided to cut that person off from me. Go figure.
But there has to be a way out. I am not a ferret, I do not die from lack of sex. Or touch. I can do this. People do this every day.
(Of course the ultimate irony in all this is--my current employment is somewhat tailor-made for the solution, save for...no, for a variety of odd reasons. Maybe it's time to lower my standards.)
(Pictures taken at Avalon Park, Greystone Harbor, Kingdom of Agraba, Bay of Dreams, The Labyrinth and Mirage Motel 66. Lyrics from She's Got the Fever by the Pointer Sisters.)
23 July, 2020
might as well face it, you're addicted to love
(Note from the Editrix: obviously, now, this is one of the entries that was written before the one posted on the 21st. Just FYI.)
day by day and night by night
I feel you in my mind
it happens all the time
Some days, definitely. These days, nearly always. And the search for distraction ever goes on.
you know the day dreams stop
my heart beats on
I can't take it any more
it's you I live for
Which is not exactly true, but...there's an echo. I'll be honest, I've never wanted to be someone's one and only. I never wanted to be the one and only of the people I married off the screen, so why would I want that in SL? And compersion is part of my reality; I have never been wired to see two people I love, in love with each other, and feel the insecure stab of pain at the sight. Compersion is the suffusing joy at seeing them happy.
you are in my system
you are in my system
I just want you to know that,
you are in my system
But I can't shake the thoughts. I shook the nightmares, thank the universe, but I can't shake the dreams. They come and go, but every time they return, they're stronger. Richer. More detailed.
More demanding.
don't you, don't you, don't you know that, babe
I will keep on pushing, pushing, pushing
until I get through
Which...is again, not precisely true, or rather, it's true, but not in the expected direction. I'm told there's hope in this situation, and I'm happy they think so, but for me, the hope is not to live here, embracing my feelings, and quietly hope things change. This much sweeping desire, this much gnawing need...it's verging on damaging.
my main objective baby is to get to you
to turn your mind around
I know will take time
No, my path has to be to chip it out of me, while trying to scar as little of the surrounding tissue as possible. Which...may well be impossible, but when have I let impossibility stop me? (Don't answer that.)
but you know I can wait, now
you're on my mind
you are in my system
I just want you to know that,
you are in my system
It's been a tiring few days, though, in and out of world. In world the spin cycle has hit serious turbulence; off the screen the world is not only on fire, but screaming. There is very little surcease, outside of those moments when I can't stop myself from asking to be held.
it happens all the time
my dreams are filled with you
there's no doubt in my mind
that I'll be true baby
Which yes I know is defeating the purpose and yes I know is giving in and not detaching further and yes, YES, I KNOW, is just feeding the addiction for touch in the first place...
...and yes, also yes, I know it was what I asked for at the start of this because I knew I did not have it in me to stay away...
you know I'll take you out
and I'll keep lovin' you
oh baby, you are in my system,
I just want you to know that
you are in my system
cut me right down to the wire
you, ooohh, you're in my system
But. It helps as much as it hurts. It heals as much as it reinforces. The down side, though, is that along with the healing, along with the helping, along with being able to goddamn breathe, still...it's also further addicting me.
This is why we can't have nice things.
got me burning I'm on fire
you, you're in my system
can't make believe
And I thought I was facing two roads, but it turns out, I'm only facing one, and it's not the one I want to take. Maybe it's time to take Amtrak's advice...
...on second thought, he's right, that's terrible advice for trains.
(Pictures taken at Alternate Reality, Sinful Retreat, Summer House and Dreamshire. Lyrics from Robert Palmer's You Are in My System.)
day by day and night by night
I feel you in my mind
it happens all the time
Some days, definitely. These days, nearly always. And the search for distraction ever goes on.
you know the day dreams stop
my heart beats on
I can't take it any more
it's you I live for
Which is not exactly true, but...there's an echo. I'll be honest, I've never wanted to be someone's one and only. I never wanted to be the one and only of the people I married off the screen, so why would I want that in SL? And compersion is part of my reality; I have never been wired to see two people I love, in love with each other, and feel the insecure stab of pain at the sight. Compersion is the suffusing joy at seeing them happy.
you are in my system
you are in my system
I just want you to know that,
you are in my system
But I can't shake the thoughts. I shook the nightmares, thank the universe, but I can't shake the dreams. They come and go, but every time they return, they're stronger. Richer. More detailed.
More demanding.
don't you, don't you, don't you know that, babe
I will keep on pushing, pushing, pushing
until I get through
Which...is again, not precisely true, or rather, it's true, but not in the expected direction. I'm told there's hope in this situation, and I'm happy they think so, but for me, the hope is not to live here, embracing my feelings, and quietly hope things change. This much sweeping desire, this much gnawing need...it's verging on damaging.
my main objective baby is to get to you
to turn your mind around
I know will take time
No, my path has to be to chip it out of me, while trying to scar as little of the surrounding tissue as possible. Which...may well be impossible, but when have I let impossibility stop me? (Don't answer that.)
but you know I can wait, now
you're on my mind
you are in my system
I just want you to know that,
you are in my system
It's been a tiring few days, though, in and out of world. In world the spin cycle has hit serious turbulence; off the screen the world is not only on fire, but screaming. There is very little surcease, outside of those moments when I can't stop myself from asking to be held.
it happens all the time
my dreams are filled with you
there's no doubt in my mind
that I'll be true baby
Which yes I know is defeating the purpose and yes I know is giving in and not detaching further and yes, YES, I KNOW, is just feeding the addiction for touch in the first place...
...and yes, also yes, I know it was what I asked for at the start of this because I knew I did not have it in me to stay away...
you know I'll take you out
and I'll keep lovin' you
oh baby, you are in my system,
I just want you to know that
you are in my system
cut me right down to the wire
you, ooohh, you're in my system
But. It helps as much as it hurts. It heals as much as it reinforces. The down side, though, is that along with the healing, along with the helping, along with being able to goddamn breathe, still...it's also further addicting me.
This is why we can't have nice things.
got me burning I'm on fire
you, you're in my system
can't make believe
And I thought I was facing two roads, but it turns out, I'm only facing one, and it's not the one I want to take. Maybe it's time to take Amtrak's advice...
...on second thought, he's right, that's terrible advice for trains.
(Pictures taken at Alternate Reality, Sinful Retreat, Summer House and Dreamshire. Lyrics from Robert Palmer's You Are in My System.)
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