it's just your shadow on the floor

(This section was written on July 11th...)

Great. Sat myself down today after oversleeping, and told myself sternly I was not going to log into SL until I did at least one of two things:

1. I get the blog template fixed; or
2. I finish coding the Lucent horns entry.

(Ended up never finishing either one and logged in anyway...but the below few frustrating days did NOT help, to be sure.)

And guess what happened? I learned imgbb was BROKEN!!

Won't deliver any linking codes, and I can work with a lot, gang, but if I can't even get the direct image links to code by hand, I'm dead. Dead dead.



(Which I had to upload using a NEW linking service and just MORE OF ALL THE WHY--)

So, hey, how about some links while I wait? Scientists have discovered a way to recreate Egyptian blue pigment.

And this drummer is so amazing, I had to look him up. He's Timothy Fletcher_ on TikTok. Just phenomenal.

And I think her name's WhyJordie on both TikTok and YouTube, but she has a semi-crippling (and real) set of phobias, among them thassalophobia (fear of the deep sea and creatures therein), megalophobia (fear of large structures anywhere, above or below water), automatonophobia (fear of animatronics, or it can also cover statues and mannequins), and let's not forget her deep, abiding terror regarding submechanophobia (fear of submerged anything, but traditionally large sunken ships, buildings, or flightcraft), and she's added the quirk of also being traumatized by large ship chains, and large ship propellers).

I seriously don't have space to link everything. Thing is, she is a deeply terrified person, this is true--but she's also a fan of horror, and likes being afraid. (Totally get that, it's why I specifically pay for a monthly Shudder subscription.) She's engaging to watch, funny, witty--there can be worse things than someone virtually holding your hand while you both freak out at a shared visual.

(And that's as far as I got before leaving in in drafts f o r e e e v e r r r ...Oh, and let's not forget yesterday's joy, on the first of Septus '25, illustrated below:



(So yeah. Apologies for worrying m'friends [and loves] over the past, uh...FIVE MONTHS?!??...I'm working on it.)

(And the blog template's still not fixed. I may give up.)

but my dreams, they aren't as empty, as my conscience seems to be

There are nights where I want to start screaming and just...get everything out. I don't, because first, I'd have to explain why, if I wasn't around people familiar with everything, and second, I might not stop. And I have to stop.

Or not start. It's easier just not to start.

All right. Breathe. Breathe. You can do this. Just relax.

Too much instruction in how to sing a scream, I think. I can't just yell myself hoarse. I'm not performing anymore and it's still there in the back brain--must never damage the voice. It takes too long to heal.

Of course, so do other things, and that never stopped me...Girl has a brand after all, I didn't get that accidentally.



I'm watching myself make all the right moves and all the wrong moves and my hands itch from wanting to seize my own shoulders and shake some sense back into me.

You haven't needed gills to breathe for a long time now. Just calm down.

I can't keep insisting nothing's wrong. I can't keep insisting everything's wrong. There's a middle ground, damn it. Somewhere, there's a center point. I need to find that, figure out where it is. Figure out why it is.

Figure out how to keep it in view.



Past pattern reflective and back again, and I can't even say this is a new situation, that's the utterly galling thing. I have been here before, damn it. I have stood on these shores. The bones in these sands are not recent, and they're not all mine.

I have been the one deciding the relationship can't continue and I've been the one who's told the relationship can't continue, and no, I don't mean ending things, I mean, the choice to end one aspect and retain just the friendship.

Though I will say, of the times it's happened before...I don't have those friendships anymore, either. Something else always got in the way.



Breathe. Breathe. You have space now. You have time. Everything is not on fire.

Are you sure?

And the tender car's been full of coal and it's been full of cavorite and at least once it was blood frozen stiff and solid and now, now, I think we're on charnel bones and fractured bits of personal history--

The whole point of the exercise is to stop making the same mistakes. Why am I making the same mistakes?



And I'm still getting it wrong, and I have no clue if there's a way to get it right, and the shards are poking through the bandages...

In. Out. Count if that's all you've got. If you control nothing else, you always control this. Over-control this on occasion, far too often. Slow it down and concentrate. Live second by second if you have to. Get. A damned. Grip.

I feel too much when it doesn't matter, and when it does I'm confused on what I feel at all, and this is drowning, not waving, but maybe I just need to sink...Maybe I forgot something on the ocean floor.

Maybe I brought the train up too soon. Maybe I should have stayed in the sea.



Ultimately, it's simple. Complicated and frustrating and obvious and stunningly arduous, but...simple. I have. To stop. Using people. Just because I'm flailing, just because I'm confused, just because I'm in freefall again because I'm trying to overcompensate...I need to stop. I have to stop.

Because it's not fair to them, it's not fair to me, and it won't help, and it needs to help. I need to help.

I need help.



And ring the changes rung before, again again again and for what? I left the doll long ago and she's back watching me, I never had the little to leave, and I've never felt smaller when anyone holds me now. I've walked away from everything so many times, did I just drag it all with me? Don't I know how to let anything go?

Just breathe. Just breathe. You bypassed easy mode a long time ago because you didn't learn the lesson. It's not one and done yet but it's getting close. Just. Calm. Down.

It's not even that there are no second chances left, it's that there are too many second chances and too many choices and too much could go wrong and too much did go wrong and it's too big. I can't contain this.

You're not supposed to.

I'm supposed to let it go and pick up the pieces later, but there are too many pieces--



I'm not okay.

You're not supposed to be.

I'm trying to be.

Too soon.

And I'm existing in a vacuum on top of everything else, all raw nerve endings and exposed organs and shatterglass eyes, and I did this to myself, damn it, and--

I need to stop.



--I need to rely on other people, and--

It's terrifying. It will never not be terrifying. It will never stop being necessary. It will never stop being hard.

There are too many directions to go and not enough of me to path them all out and I can't move, I can't MOVE--

And when one holds me I can breathe...And when the other holds me I can start to put the pieces back together...

Okay. Okay. I'm breathing. I'm not good at it, but I am breathing. I'm not good at trusting other people, either. I do trust, I do, but...I'm not good at it.

Time to learn.

And far past time to move forward.

Move forward.

I know right now you can't tell

This has more potential than I want to admit. (And yes, NSFW. Pretty, but NSFW.)



all day staring at the ceiling
making friends with shadows on my wall
all night hearing voices telling me
that I should get some sleep
because tomorrow might be good for something

So, what have I learned on the other side of all this intensity? One thing I knew already--I tend to only properly know a thing (or, more precisely, know that I know a thing) if I say it or write it down. Now, this doesn't paint me in the most favorable light, as it presupposes a great deal of unconsciousness about the whole procedure, if not sublime indifference. I can only say I'm not indifferent...but I may well be profoundly unconscious at times.

But some things at the end of the journey have become inescapable. First, I was right when I told the current that this was not the Grand Epic Love of my life, though there's more than a touch of Romeo and Juliet (or Hamlet and Ophelia if you prefer, though neither comparison is perfectly apt) to everything. But...and yeah, I circled around this one a lot to make sure I was right, and hadn't just gotten waylaid by disaster magnetics...it looks like love was there. Not deep, yet, not abiding, per se, but...there. If I had to put a name to it, it's one of the on-the-way stages. It's less of that first, heady rush of infatuation, and not yet the deep comfort of the lived-in love, but--I had begun to care, and care deeply. I care still. I don't think I've given my heart a reason not to care, so...that will likely continue. (And continue to be annoying.)



hold on
feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
and I don't know why

It's another core truth of me--unless there's a whole lot of damage on the other end, I tend not to fall out of love. I think that's one reason I fight falling in love so much, because I know I'm likely to keep being there, even if the other party leaves, or I do.

The flip side of that is, I think the one that laid down the separation in the first place took it as dismissal when I told him that. So, now I have to figure out how I correct that, because first, I didn't mean to be dismissive, just honest, and second, it might have made it easier for him to declare it was done, over, no more.



but I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
but stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
a different side of me

I'm not a robot. I can't just switch off being a thing, feeling a thing. It's not on and humming, then *click* and null state. I can try to learn, I can try to integrate, I can try to find the balance after the change of state, but...that's always more of a long-term thing. (Do I say that thinking the ban will be reversed? No. But the attempt at understanding is always worthwhile.)

The second thing...and this is another one where I backed up and looked at it from multiple angles...is that, at least right now, I am very willing to cheat. And understand, that's not typical, traditional infidelity I'm discussing, here--I'm in a polyamorous relationship in both worlds, that's not going to change, so by some of those traditional definitions, I'm already cheating. No, it's more...hmm. Maybe an example will help.



I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
but soon enough you're gonna think of me
and how I used to be...me

One of my first major relationships in SL was with someone who was chronically unable to be faithful, on multiple levels. Being poly, being in an open marriage RL besides, I never got irked that he was seeing other people, whether he told me or not. I had only a theoretical understanding of jealousy anyway, so I had blithely convinced myself for years that I just didn't get jealous.

This fellow proved me wrong. This fellow taught me about jealousy in spades, and how it's based entirely in the fear of loss, and the hurt of potential loss, and the anger at feeling hurt in general. Suddenly, after years of not getting it, I got it. I did not want to get it..but without a doubt, I UNDERSTOOD.



I'm talking to myself in public
dodging glances on the train

Similarly, I've always had a theoretical understanding of infidelity. My brain keeps tracking back to, why bother going behind someone's back? Why not just talk to them, explain the situation? Moreover, why get in that situation in the first place? Communication is valid, communication is essential, communication will solve these issues more easily than cheating and hurting everyone involved.

Another lightning bolt from the universe, gee, thanks--I get why people cheat now. (I have a thick skull, it's bound to happen, but I have the right to be cranky about it.) It still comes down to the lines of communication being broken, or at least severely bent; of being unhappy in one place so we find another; of falling out of love, even, with the first love.



and I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
and it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
out of all the hours thinking
somehow, I've lost my mind

I'm not out of love, in the least. I'm not abidingly unhappy, though I did have some distress for longer than I should have, and yes, that does come down to my not communicating that to those I care for. That's on me, as I said in the beginning. And it doesn't factor in to anything that happened before now, because that was known, that was open, that was fine.

It's the from here part that concerns me. Because I could easily see justifying things--to myself, if not to anyone else. "One kiss won't hurt, friends kiss...a cuddle won't hurt, friends cuddle...Maybe sex isn't that bad, it doesn't have to mean anything..."

Yeah. Like that.



but I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
but stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me

Because--well, there's a lot of reasons, but the main one is me. I can have sex with anyone, casual acquaintance or not, and if I had fun, I have no issues doing it again. But once I care...once I care, even if I do everything I can not to string along anyone else, the strings are there on my side. Once I care, I care, damn it. So, yes, yes it does, because it can't not, at that point. Sex with someone I care for means more--it just does. And even caring is not the proverbial straw for the camel in this case--it would be sleeping with him again. Those are the terms. I can be his friend, I have been told. He's fine with me being friends. He's not fine with me having sex with that other bruised heart again.

And I do not get to convince myself he's wrong; he's entitled to his feelings. And, this is key, I do not get to talk myself into this because it won't hurt other people. Because it will do that as well.

And I'm not saying anything's happened. By some quirk of timing, we really haven't spent that much time together, in person, so....

What I'm saying is, it could. At least, it could were I not surrounded by adults. I'm the one playing the petulant child in this. Which is galling on all the levels.



I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
but soon enough you're gonna think of me
and how I used to be

So, this leaves me in a quandary. Not an unsolvable one, by any means, but it's definitely there. I like myself a little less, I have that self-knowledge now. I'm irked that I let everything get off-track so stunningly in the first place, because if I'd just stopped for even a goddamn second and thought things through, I would have talked to people, and maybe this entire thing wouldn't have happened. And I'm utterly miserable that I've hurt people beyond just me with everything. (I get to hurt me, is the internal bargain, as long as I don't hurt anyone else. I'm not important; others are. See how easy the justifying begins?)

I think...it's going to come down to very careful pathing at this point. There's still going to be some excavation, it's unavoidable--but it's now more vital, as any shred of justification I find in me has to be stamped out. Or at least, I have to sit myself down and talk very sternly to my hormones, because this is the nature of things: physically, there's no issue; mentally, there's only a few more issues; but emotionally, oh dear gods, that is a set of depth charges potentially big enough to level an island.

I do not want to be leveled. But more importantly, I don't want anyone I care for to be leveled.



I've been talking in my sleep
pretty soon they'll come to get me
yeah, they're taking me away

And ultimately, if I'm careful, if I'm aware (that's always a tricky one), and if I'm open (which yes, is also tricky, considering), then...I get through this. They get through this. No one dies.

At least...I think. I mean, there's no guarantees, but I am sincerely hoping that's how it works.

Anything else is...unworthy of them, imbalanced of me, and unconscionable in any case. It's just...going to take a lot of work. A LOT of work. And much of it work I really don't want to do in the first place, but...really, what's new? I thought it was time to pull the train above water, so I did, but apparently that was just so it could burn. Rust is fire in slow motion, after all, but...this doesn't feel slow.

It does feel permanent, though. I guess I'll get used to it, eventually. It's not like I have another choice...Still have to keep the train moving, after all. And it's far too soon to go off the tracks again.

(Pictures taken at the Moya Hospital, K Group's Orthopedic Hospital, Lost Haven, Lost Mesa, Hambone Slough, Finian's Dream, Eris Isle, Castaway Haven, SPELL, Bay City's Rainy Alley, Memorial of the Lost, Cocoon and DewXon. Lyrics from Matchbox Twenty's "Unwell".)

you don't wanna be me when it all goes wrong

I'll stick around, see how bad it gets
I'll settle down and deal with old regrets
You know I, I adore you

The adoring? It's not the problem. I adore a lot of people. I even, not to put too fine a point on it, love a lot of people, though in all fairness, there's vastly more kinds of love than most understand.



I can't let you go
can't let you go
you're part of my soul
you're all that I know
I can't let you go

And that is proving to be the hitch.



is it better now
do you feel like all is fair
can we work it out
so that it's easier for me to bare
because life, it can blind you

Do I feel like it's fair? No. Do I feel it was necessary? I'm working on that. Signs are leading towards yes, but...with reservations.



down from the edge I can see you where we end
and I'd give up all of my days to go back

You can't go home again, right? Because the second you do, you realize, you're not the same as you were when you were there, and neither is there. So visits are nice, if you're prepared for the shock, but don't go expecting everything to be unchanged.

And, to change the outlook slightly:

"Child, child, have patience and belief, for life is many days, and each present hour will pass away."
~Thomas Wolfe

there was all this wonder
and all this magic
has all this wonder, over and done

Maybe. Probably. Is there wonder yet? Maybe. I need to pull away from the shadows long enough to check.



if love were a whisper
what could I give you to speak
maybe you're out of my reach

Ah, but that's not the problem either, is it? That, in fact, is the crux of the dilemma, being very, very within reach. And oh, what to do about that...Close the distance? Keep the distance? What's safe? What's necessary?

Remember, 'fair' isn't a consideration here. Life isn't fair, after all. Life is pain; anyone who tells you different is selling something.



I can't let you go
can't let you go
can't let you go

Does it ever get easier? Don't answer that--I already know.

(Pictures taken at the House of Paine. Lyrics from Matchbox Twenty's "Can't Let You Go".)

when the whole thing drops, you lose your nerve; I hope you get what you deserve

Well, this doesn't fill me with confidence. (This article on New World Notes filled in some of the details, but is still not thrilling me.)

And past Linden Lab's internal difficulties, if you're around people who are asking why they need to wear masks, drop one of seventy scientific papers on them. May not convince them, but they will look more foolish claiming the science isn't there.



you're on your own
in a world you've grown

Yeah, I know. Still in the mists. What's new?



few more years to go
don't let the hurdle fall
so be the girl you loved
be the girl you loved

And the storm still rages outside. It probably will until I can view everything dispassionately. And that, my dears, may take a very long time.



I'll wait
so show me why you’re strong
ignore everybody else
we're alone now
I'll wait

So, what's the point of dissection, anyway? It's supposed to teach us things about how that thing operates. All I seem to be learning is why things hurt. That's not the best lesson, right now, I already know there's pain. I just haven't figured out how to best heal it.



suddenly I'm hit
it's the starkness of the dawn

At least the alligators don't need to be fed right now. I spent most of the first months of quarantine feeding my brain horror films. And I am (slightly) reassured that last night, I didn't wake up gasping from nightmares.

The down side of that is, I didn't wake up from any particularly...pleasant...dreams, either, but then...right now those are sort of a multi-edged sword anyway. Some part of me wants them, wants to cling to the past and relieve every detail, and the rest of me is just glad I get the occasional reprieve.



and your friends are gone
and your friends won't come

And no amount of prayer to any form of deity staves off self-knowledge. It only delays it. The reckoning is coming.



so show me where you fit
show me where you fit

And I still don't know. I want there to be a nice, neat, easily detached box to fit this in. Something I can set aside on a shelf and move on with the life. Nothing about this is neat, though. It's messy and painful and confusing and constricting and, I can admit this now, desperately unwanted...but it's what we have.

For whatever value that has.

(Pictures taken at Bitterwick Harbor, Sooden Store, Final Refuge and Innsmouth. Lyrics from James Blake's "Retrograde".)

are you on the square? are you on the level? are you ready to swear right here, right now?

This comes from a Discord server for an SL business, on March 14th. Some information given is now out of date, I've tried to correct that where I can. But also due to being from Discord, I've anonymized names, because Discord is technically a private service. Also, because it's from Discord, not SL group chat, the naming conventions will be very different.

[8:40 AM] Qxxx: THE VOICES FORETOLD THIS EONS AGO!
[8:41 AM] Qxxx: ain't no god preventing this [s**t], yo!
[8:42 AM] Qxxx: stay away from me you freak! you too, you sicko!
[8:43 AM] Qxxx: You made them do it! It's fact! Fact? Fact this, you weirdo!
[8:44 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: #justaflubro

I know it's meant as a joke here, but I swear, any time someone says this or a variation of this, I just cringe.

[8:44 AM] Exxxx Sxxxxx: using this [jxxxx]
[8:44 AM] Qxxx: Not much cause mental decline like a pandemic... or any kind of apocalyptic scenario.... many feel apocalyptic panic now, so.. lol

Pretty much, yeah. And as we've seen, it doesn't seem to take much to panic a double truckload of folks, does it?

[8:47 AM] Lxxx Pxxx: DON'T PANIC (with the "don't" crossed out)

Variations on this concept already exist.

[8:47 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: "i don't mean to brag but, This is like the tenth end of the world i've survived"
[8:47 AM] Mxxxxxxx: "NO coughing"
[8:48 AM] Lxxx Pxxx: I survived the pandemic, and all I got was this crappy t-shirt
[8:49 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: thats more for a shirt not a wall XD
[8:49 AM] Lzzz Pzzz: Haha, true
[8:49 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: #blamegenZ is a good one tho lol
[8:50 AM] Lzzz Pzzz: And, of course, "OK, Boomer"
[8:51 AM] Mzz: lol
[8:57 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: xD
[9:04 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: wow even TP online is sold out or cant be delivered

Amazon emptied of all stock the first day that seclusion was announced, even.

[9:04 AM] Mzz: yep
[9:04 AM] Mzz: restocking in April
[9:04 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx:
[9:05 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: its cookoo
[9:08 AM] Txxx: That is friggin nutts
[9:08 AM] Txxx: So glad my daughter hid two 9 packs months ago so I bought another mega pack lol
[9:09 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: i dont hvae a tp issue myself but some friends do lol
[9:09 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: i do have a bread issue
[9:09 AM] Txxx: I have family that does

Most of the shortages, though not all, at least in the states, have resolved. It was strange to hear what was short state by state, though. Most states were gutted of paper goods, hand sanitizer, fresh meat, milk, butter--and ramenm of all things. Stores in my locality lacked the above (barring baked goods) for four days, but ramen stores were fine. Ironically, while no state seemed to have a run on fresh vegetables, I saw a lot of images of fully stocked vegan products (with the commensurate sneering about no one wants to eat them even during a pandemic)--by in my local stores? Maybe it's a measure of how heavily tilted we may be towards vegetarians, but most of the vegan/vegetarian foods were gutted as well.

[9:10 AM] Txxx: awwwwww I got two loaves yesterday, they are cheap bread but they are bread lol. That was honestly my last worry, my grandmother gave me a bread machine so I can make my own lol. I bought yeast like last month to start giving it a try on making it
[9:10 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: well that was my other option, getting breadmix
[9:10 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: but its sold out everywhere
[9:11 AM] Qxxx: i have a ton of TP... i always buy a 24 pack when i have 5 or so left... i had like 20 left and decided to buy a pack so now i have like 40+
[9:11 AM] Txxx: Seriously, people are off their rockers. I am down to one pack of meat. So I have to go when I get paid tomorrow and try to grab some things. But I finally found ramen noodles so the kids can live off of those.
[9:12 AM] Txxx: My fingers are crossed that these crazy folks back off and the stores get restocked quickly lol
[9:13 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: i mean i get over here, when they impliment the same rules as italy that u cant go outside for like 2-3 weeks ( which they plan on doing tomorrow ) , that u want enough stuff for 2 weeks but ppl are buying stuff to last them 6 momths lol
[9:13 AM] Qxxx: i have 2 smallish freezers full of stuff... my parents have 3 huge freezers full so we dont need to worry for ages.... just restocked some dry stuff yesterday

We spend a few hours resenting our building's edict against chest freezers. Considering our freezer space in the refrigerator is about the size of two 1940's-style bread boxes side by side, we would have had no issues at all if we'd been able to have small chest freezer to store plan-ahead meal kits, meats, cheese, and whatever else. But no, they are disallowed, along with waterbeds, all sources of flame, and even medically prescribed cannabis. (I am not prescribed cannabis, I'm allergic, but it has come up in conversations with other residents.)

[9:15 AM] Txxx: My oldest son called me last night and said something about the state shutting down. I'm like they gave schools until the end of day on Wednesday to shut down so hopefully stores will wait until then. I am still fighting with my boss about the work schedule. I told her we shouldn't extend our hours. We should just keep normal hours and only do to-go orders
[9:15 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: where are you abouts ?
[9:15 AM] Txxx: Our business was cut in half this past weekend
[9:15 AM] Txxx: Alabama
[9:15 AM] Txxx: we went from zero to 1 case to now 22 and 2 confirmed near me. One in Alabama and one in Georgia

Unfortunately, I'm quite close to an epicenter of outbreak. Our first case was a whining elderly dowager who just could not believe she couldn't be released to go home from the Diamond Princess. I guess the quarantine officials tired of her noise and sent her on. So she was our first official case, diagnosed before she left (before anyone realized how bad this was going to get). Within a week we had at least one case in every county of the state; no one's entirely sure how it's tracing out, but the general impression is people coming down from a state harder hit, above us. And recently we went up from 24 cases total, in-state, to 114 cases total, in-state, and I expect it to spiral up from there.

[9:16 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: ahhhh ok , I havent been following the US situation that much , i just hear bits n bobs from ppl
[9:16 AM] Txxx: its just as crazy over here
[9:16 AM] Txxx: I assure you
[9:16 AM] Exxxx Sxxxxx: its all over the world now and not stopping
[9:16 AM] Exxxx Sxxxxx: my wedding.......
[9:16 AM] Txxx: I was out all week last week with the flu, well the kiddo had the flu and then I caught his cooties because well people are hoarders
[9:17 AM] Qxxx: a woman from my town has died... 6 total in the country.... 1000+ sick

We just hit five hundred deaths in the US.

[9:17 AM] Exxxx Sxxxxx: its so frustrating....come with a CURE finally!!

Still a year out for a vaccine, if that soon. A cure is going to take far longer, if it's ever found.

[9:17 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: well if u look at the stats it really is like a flu but its just i think more contagious and a tad more deadly

It's....not, though. I know a lot of leaders tried to downplay this around the world, by saying 'Hey, the flu is worse, don't worry!"...but that was pretty high up in the stupidsphere as an idea to comfort worried people. Because now a lot of them believe it. And because they've had the flu before, and it's been no big deal, then hey, everyone's just blowing this out of proportion, right?

Wrong. Does this sound like flu? In point of fact, the way the virus attacks cells is closer to how HIV is transmitted--it's not HIV, far from it, but both this strain of coronavirus and HIV target T-cells, one of the few cells in the body that have no natural defenses against intrusion, largely because there's so many other lines of defense to pass through before reaching them. But if there's a new virus who's able to slip by the usual defenders, and target T cells directly? Very very bad things happen. Which is what we're seeing.

And don't think drinking bleach or rubbing alcohol will eliminate the virus either. In fact, have an excellent list of myths about the virus, and ways to protect from the same. Please stay safe. Please keep up hand-washing protocols.

[9:17 AM] Txxx: awwwwwwwwwwwww [Exxxx] may you can have a nice summer wedding
[9:17 AM] Qxxx: yeah
[9:18 AM] Txxx: yeah the stats are pretty comparable.
[9:18 AM] Exxxx Sxxxxx: no not if this getting worse
[9:18 AM] Qxxx: far deadlier for the old ones

Yes, as the second video linked above points out, this strain of coronavirus is actually savagely inventive--by essentially 'hacking into' lung-tissue cells, and taking over the mini-factories producing cell components, rewiring them to pump out more virus particles--our own antibodies go on alert and attack the danger in the body--which is part of our body. It doesn't kill the virus in us, but it does a slam bang job of killing our lung cells. Which can, and has, left people with permanent breathing impairments. Joy.

[9:18 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: [Exxxx] was planning on getting married in the US, the travel agency doesnt kow what will happen to the flights etc , the whole family booked including me xD
[9:18 AM] Txxx: Only this one kills more older folks and the flu has killed more kids

Yeah, again...no. This strain of coronavirus has a good chance to kill everyone. We have deaths of elderly people, yes. We've also had 12-year-olds struggling to breathe on ventilators in hospitals. And the population of 24-to-40-year-olds who think they're immune aren't either; we're seeing them hit hospitals in full respiratory distress.

NO one is safe from this. Please keep that in mind.

[9:18 AM] Txxx: oh goodness
[9:18 AM] Exxxx Sxxxxx: its a [s**t] show
[9:18 AM] Txxx: I can imagine it is
[9:18 AM] Qxxx: we shall wed you online at [the store] if we have to!!!
[9:18 AM] Txxx: Thats why I am arguing with my boss
[9:18 AM] Txxx: I make the schedule
[9:19 AM] Txxx: So I have been dragging my feet on the schedule lol
[9:19 AM] Exxxx Sxxxxx: no Q!! thats not the same
[9:19 AM] Exxxx Sxxxxx: cant wear my dress lol
[9:19 AM] Txxx: Yeah totally not the same she needs that dress dang it
[9:19 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: shes already partnered to her partner inworld
[9:19 AM] Qxxx: you can wear it... just make it in mesh too
[9:20 AM] Txxx: An SL wedding can not replace an RL wedding sadly
[9:20 AM] Txxx: My son said Canada seems to have the best handle on it so far
[9:21 AM] Txxx: So hopefully someone will come up with a cure or vaccine.
[9:21 AM] Cxxxxxxxx Bx Ixxxxx Fxxxxxx: Or people's common sense will kick in

In point of fact, we need both--common sense, that ounce of prevention everyone's supposed to have, and a working vaccine. Chances are good, though, we'll have neither.

[9:21 AM] Txxx: Pfft I am surrounded by army wives
[9:21 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: i dont get why ppl are buying so much to last them months
[9:22 AM] Txxx: These people have no common sense
[9:22 AM] Txxx: they are bitching about Disney shutting down

Sure, why not? Because nothing should shut down if it's just the flu, right? There are reasons these precautions have been taken. Disney has recognized this. Most bars and restaurants have recognized this. The CDC knows this full well. GameStop seems a little lost, but hey, let's hope some public shunning works in their case too.

[9:22 AM] Txxx: Yet they are hoarding like a mofo
[9:22 AM] Txxx: Because they think its the end of the world
[9:23 AM] Cxxxxxxxx Bx Ixxxxx Fxxxxxx: Shop for 2 weeks is not shopping for 2 centuries
[9:23 AM] Txxx: Right, I mean I typically shop for a month at a time because of the way I get paid
[9:23 AM] Txxx: and work

Sure, that makes sense. We were caught somewhat unprepared, as we've grown accustomed to shopping for small amounts every two or three days, but we're slowly adjusting.

[9:24 AM] Txxx: I just got a deep freezer so I am gonna make sure the kids have tons to eat while I am working.
[9:24 AM] Mxxxxxxx: You should make the sturdy shelter that people will survive the virus outbreak, and then a dummy shelter made entirely of tp where people inside surely did not make it.
[9:24 AM] Txxx: Not a year supply but enough for the three weeks they are stuck here
[9:25 AM] Txxx: at home
[9:25 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: i just got my food delivery , dude staying a kilometer away from me "can u grab ur [s**t] out the fridgebox yourself" lol theyre not allowed to get close to ppl
[9:25 AM] Mxx: lol
[9:25 AM] Mxx: i mean it's smart.
[9:25 AM] Mxx: but
[9:25 AM] Exxxx Sxxxxx: #blamechina

Don't blame China. This could have happened anywhere live animals are being kept close to dead ones.

[9:26 AM] Txxx: Yeah here everyone is wearing gloves and stuff
[9:26 AM] Mxx: it's just so silly looking/sounding
[9:26 AM] Mxx: yeah but see
[9:26 AM] Mxx: if you still touch your face
[9:26 AM] Mxx: gloves don't do [s**t].

Now, in M's defense, they're not wrong, per se. Gloves can help, but only if we treat them as the thin protective layer they are. Touch an uncleansed surface, then touch our faces, the glove is now a carrier of whatever was on the surface to us. Treat them as a thin protective layer, and change when we touch our face or hair, or when we touch uncleansed surfaces, and then change gloves, and they'll continue to lower the chances of transmission.

[9:26 AM] Txxx: Righttttttttttttt
[9:26 AM] Txxx: But I work with food
[9:26 AM] Mxx: it's droplet based
[9:26 AM] Txxx: Soooooooooo
[9:26 AM] Mxx: so mucus membranes... lol

Exactly.

[9:26 AM] Txxx: I am constantly yelling at people to change their gloves
[9:26 AM] Exxxx Sxxxxx: i am staying inside for the first 3 weeks!!!!
[9:26 AM] Txxx: Because for some reason I am the only food safety certified person besides the owner
[9:27 AM] Txxx: The others are afraid to take the class
[9:27 AM] Txxx: So I just get to call them idiots
[9:27 AM] Txxx: and tell them how to properly handle stuff.
[9:28 AM] Txxx: So I am used to the whole wash your hands, don't touch your face, cover your cough, wash your hands after covering your cough
[9:28 AM] Txxx: and for the love of god wash your hair lol
[9:28 AM] Txxx: Hair holds the most germs
[9:28 AM] Txxx:
[9:30 AM] Txxx: I want to [Exxxx], I really want to just stay home with my kids. I was hoping since we are a little restaurant in the middle of no where that we would close. But she seems to think because people are hitting up steak houses and clubs that her little cafe is gonna see business.

Depending on where this cafe owner is, this is either a terrible idea, or a psychotically terrible idea, and either way, she'll likely recieve official state/government/province orders to shut down.

[9:33 AM] Exxxx Sxxxxx: here in belgium all the restaurants have to be closed, police are checking constantly
[9:34 AM] Exxxx Sxxxxx: but in europe i think its worse then in the US
[9:35 AM] Txxx: If cases move any closer to us they may. I know a lot of states are limiting hours of operation and making them cut their typical capacity in half . Fast Food places have closed their dining areas and only have the drive thru opened
[9:36 AM] Exxxx Sxxxxx: i feel like i am in a movie...
[9:36 AM] Exxxx Sxxxxx:
[9:36 AM] Exxxx Sxxxxx: worldwar z and stuff....i hope the end credits come soon

I don't! I don't want the end credits to my movie for a long time, thanks anyway!

[9:37 AM] Cxxxxxxxx Bx Ixxxxx Fxxxxxx: Banks here have stopped doing lobby service, just drive through
[9:37 AM] Cxxxxxxxx Bx Ixxxxx Fxxxxxx: And closed branches at the collages
[9:38 AM] Txxx: Yeah colleges have closed and banks here are closing the lobbies which I don't blame them
[9:38 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx:
[9:38 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: -dead
[9:39 AM] Txxx: It is hard to believe all this started because folks eat some weird [s**t].

That's not why all this started.

[9:40 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: that is so going on the wall
[9:42 AM] Txxx: lol
[9:44 AM] Txxx: I can't wait to see this dang wall
[9:44 AM] Txxx: I have a feeling it will be sooooooooooooo awesome
[9:49 AM] Qxxx: bats are delicious.... not.... ewww ... why do peole eat weird [s**t]
[9:49 AM] Qxxx:
[9:51 AM] Txxx: Idk I'm sure some of the stuff we eat is weird to others
[9:52 AM] Txxx: Like asparagus
[9:52 AM] Txxx: Okay that's not exactly bat weird
[9:58 AM] Qxxx: i love that
[10:10 AM] Txxx: All the crap Americans deep fry is weird to me and I live here lol

Be fair, the American midwest invented deep-fried butter. As a nation we cannot be trusted with hot oil.

[10:12 AM] Moon: I knew I should have hoarded those twinkies
[10:12 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: zombieland
[10:12 AM] Mxxx: Lol
[10:13 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx:
[10:13 AM] Mxxx: Hahaha
[10:13 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: going on the wall
[10:13 AM] Mxxx: Woot!
[10:13 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: im gonne run out of wall space lol
[10:14 AM] Mxxx: Ikr lol
[10:15 AM] Txxx: You will need a bigger wall lol
[10:16 AM] Txxx: I wonder if the stores still have chips
[10:16 AM] Txxx: I need chips to go with my pb&j

At least where I am, snack foods didn't undergo the shelf-stripping that other foods did. Not sure why, and really, have no idea if it was different in other places.

[10:16 AM] Txxx: Also just had a work conference call and we may shut down for two weeks or close our lobby
[10:19 AM] Qxxx: you know those extreme couponing hoarders? I bet some of them will be robbed during this hysteria
[10:20 AM] Qxxx:
[10:20 AM] Exxxx Sxxxxx: i made a spot for wall art but yeah...maybe too small for all of this
[10:21 AM] Qxxx:
[10:23 AM] Exxxx Sxxxxx: i thought i made it big enough well [jxxxx] can do wonders with textures so...im not worried
[10:27 AM] Qxxx:
[10:30 AM] Qxxx:
[11:04 AM] Mxx:
[11:09 AM] Txxx: yall the pollen count is insane here right now. I cleared my throat as I got out of my car at the store and this woman looked me all crazy and ran to the door before me but then blocked me from going in until her husband came out.
[11:10 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: i think i have corona, i'm coughing my lungs out
[11:11 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: im not kidding ...
[11:11 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: been coughing all day none stop

That's not a good sign, especially now. But I am hoping the best for him.

[11:11 AM] Txxx: Nooooooooooo, hopefully its just a cold. Though if you have healthy lungs you should be able to kick its butt as long as you stay hydrated and monitor your tempurture
[11:12 AM] Txxx: They gave me pills to relax my junk so I don't get the urge to cough because of the flu and my allergies
[11:13 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: if i die , [store] dies with it
[11:13 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: idk i got some cough syrup today from the pharmacy
[11:13 AM] Txxx: You can't die, you won't die. You will live forever, or at least another 50 years
[11:14 AM] Txxx: Its such an awkward time for this corona crap. Because Flu season is still active and now allergy season in some places.

Yeah, that's going to cause minor panics, I'm sure. The arrival of heavy pollen + the actual flu season winding down + COVID-19? It is a fervid, toxic stew of badly-timed confluences.

[11:15 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: i know im sure i just have a mild bronchite or something
[11:15 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: no fever etc
[11:15 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: just coughin'

Once it's fully set in, to the point that breathing becomes difficult, yes, there is always fever, as far as I understand.

[11:18 AM] Cxxxxxxxx Bx Ixxxxx Fxxxxxx: If it is a tickle any hard candy helps sooth that. Will burn a candle for you [Jxxxx]
[11:22 AM] Txxx: Regardless coughs suck big time
[11:23 AM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: suckin on ricola candies
[11:24 AM] Mxx: Flu is hitting our region HARD and pollen has started dropping so it's REALLY awkward for a lot of folks here.

I bet. Lots of dagger glances and shocked inhales.

[11:24 AM] Mxx: it doesn't help that you have idiots that go out in public with zero consideration for others and just cough and spit everywhere uncovered.

Because no matter what we do, the foolish people remain foolish.

[11:26 AM] Mxx: we had 1 confirmed case in our county last week, who was told to "self isolate" and now we have 3, and who knows how many more who either aren't going to the doctor or aren't getting tested.
[11:27 AM] Mxx: someone had said that a healthcare professional they spoke with is suspicious that the COVID-19 was the mystery virus that ran through our area last fall that kept testing negative for all flu tests but had the same symptoms.
[11:27 AM] Mxx: So it's likely been in the states long before now... it's just spreading

That is really interesting. If so, then it's never been the "China virus", it's just been a coronavirus mutation. And could have started anywhere.

[11:33 AM] Txxx: Mai it sounds like you are near me lmao
[11:33 AM] Txxx: as far as the pollen
[11:34 AM] Txxx: Heck we had nooooo cases in my state last week
[11:34 AM] Txxx: friday we had one and as of last night we had 22

From the vectors I've been watching, that seems to be how it goes. This is something that spreads exponentially. It's not one infected to two, to three, and so on, it's one infected, to two, to eight, to sixteen, and so on.

[11:35 AM] Txxx: Yeah I am wondering if this has been going around far longer. There was an older lady who passed away a few weeks ago from an Asthma attack. But she had had a cough since late December and they couldn't find anything wrong with her
[11:35 AM] Mxx: I just find it funny it's correlating right along with another flu run.
[11:36 AM] Mxx: I think it's definitely connected since they are basically the same family of virus.
[11:36 AM] Txxx: I had something in the fall that kept me coughing with a slightly sore throat
[11:36 AM] Mxx: yep, I also had it
[11:36 AM] Txxx: and they swapped me for strep
[11:36 AM] Mxx: and got labeled as "mystery respiratory infection"

To be fair, there are other strains of flu, and viruses in general, that hit the lungs. Like knees, lungs are not a sturdy design feature.

[11:36 AM] Txxx: and it was negative
[11:37 AM] Txxx: and then I got labeled as a mystery strain of infection
[11:37 AM] Txxx: Nothing helped me get better just rest
[11:37 AM] Txxx: and finally my symptoms went away
[11:37 AM] Txxx: Meds seemed to make it worse as far as them trying to treat it with anti virals and antibiotics
[11:38 AM] Txxx: they were at a loss, it was so bad I went to see about having my tonsils taken out to see if it would reduce my issues
[11:39 AM] Mxx: yeah rest and clear fluids was the only thing that helped... that and some MAJOR sudafed stuff that I had hoarded away... heh
[11:42 AM] Txxx: lol
[11:42 AM] Txxx: im trying to figure out why West Virginia hasn't had a case

There's twenty cases as of this moment, so whatever protections West Virginia had, they don't now.

[11:54 AM] Mxx:
[11:55 AM] Mxx: I could say something but I wouldn't want to offend anyone from the W.Va area
[11:55 AM] Mxx: lol
[11:55 AM] Mal: or were you making the joke, just not as obvious as I was, [@Txxx]
[11:56 AM] Txxx: Oh I probably know where your head is at on that one, I have been giving my friends there a hard time about all the Blue People in the hills
[11:57 AM] Mxx: hahaha
[11:57 AM] Txxx: Mean I knowwwwwwwwwwwww and its not to offend anyone but they admit that there are creepy things going on there. They have all made the joke themselves too.
[11:57 AM] Mxx: i mean sudafed DOES contain a key element for making meth
[11:57 AM] Txxx: haha there is that too
[11:58 AM] Txxx: But Alabama wasn't safe and we have tons of those too
[11:58 AM] Txxx: Just more spread out
[11:58 AM] Mxx: pff Louisiana isn't much better.

Loisiana is very hard hit now. It's becoming another epicenter of mass infection, like New York and Washington.

[11:58 AM] Txxx: oh i know
[11:58 AM] Txxx: I was there a few winters ago
[11:58 AM] Mxx: although we have an influx of more cannabis heads now than previously
[11:58 AM] Txxx: when it snowed in December and then again in January
[11:58 AM] Mxx: so meth has seen a downturn I think
[11:58 AM] Mxx: oh yeah
[11:58 AM] Mxx: that was fun
[11:58 AM] Mxx: lol
[11:59 AM] Txxx: I was stuck there because I was testifying in a trial
[11:59 AM] Txxx: lol
[11:59 AM] Txxx: So I couldn't even come back home for my appointments I had to stay my butt there. They did let me go down to NOLA for the weekend though
[11:59 AM] Txxx: and damn it smelled awful
[12:01 PM] Mxx: hahahaha
[12:01 PM] Mxx: you get used to it (if you drink enough)
[12:01 PM] Txxx: haha
[12:01 PM] Mxx: I don't live in NOLA tho
[12:01 PM] Mxx: you couldn't pay me to
[12:01 PM] Mxx: the traffic and tourists would kill me.
[12:01 PM] Txxx: Yeah that is one place I couldn't live
[12:01 PM] Qxxx: 1119 Swedes now infected

That's fairly grim, too.

[12:02 PM] Txxx: I love it down there it is pretty to look at
[12:02 PM] Mxx: Q I'm ignorant on Sweden's population...
[12:02 PM] Txxx: I was staying Baton Rouge
[12:02 PM] Txxx: and my ass got lost trying to find a restaurant right off of LSU's campus
[12:02 PM] Txxx: and had all my Auburn stickers on my car and ended up on campus
[12:03 PM] Txxx: I was yelling at my son who was 16 at the time that we needed to abort mission
[12:03 PM] Txxx: lol
[12:03 PM] Qxxx: 7 dead now
[12:04 PM] Qxxx: we're just above 10 million
[12:04 PM] Mxx: just looked it up lol
[12:29 PM] Qxxx: this virus is a big virus... there's 2 types of virus, one kind have no shield around the center and the other has a shield around the center.... corona has a shield... this is a good thing. It makes it easier to kill with soap, so wash your hands a lot.... also, it is heavy.... if you stay 6+ feet from people, you are less likely to get infected... touching contaminated areas is not good, so wash wash wash.... but it is not an airborne virus really, it falls to the ground pretty fast since it is so big
[5:01 PM] Mxxxxxxx: I think you guys broke Discord earlier.
[5:02 PM] Cxxxxxxxx Bx Ixxxxx Fxxxxxx: Oh?
[5:34 PM] Txxx: i have that effect on discord
[5:34 PM] Txxx: lol
[8:59 PM] Qxxx: I am so bored .... SL doesn't want to work on this laptop today for some reason, all the corona aaaall over TV nonstop, and 5am so can't really do anything at all... gah
[9:00 PM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: Play some steam games
[9:00 PM] Jxxxx hxxxxxxx: I’m off back to bed
[9:00 PM] Qxxx: i would.... my connection keeps dropping though
[9:00 PM] Qxxx: sweet dreams
[11:13 PM] Qxxx:

And there we end. Stay safe, everyone.