Thursday, September 15, 2016

but just because it burns doesn't mean you're gonna die

At After the Fall, I found a supposedly "Spooky interactive" haunted house. Sure, why not?

And of course it starts off with a haunted TV. On the floor. Just...on the floor.


The chair is eating me! Well, to be fair, I should have known, it said it was a Hungry Chair...

And now I am a salad.

"This way"...complete with black-as-pitch corridor, ridiculously bright bloody footprints, and drippy letters written in blood.

"Come if you dare"...because the first set of bloody footprints didn't scare off intruders, so the second one would, of course. Right?

And now it's simply "Beware" the dark, more nearly glowing footprints, oooh, scaaaary.

And, of course, there's a basement lab for mad science. Sure.

Because everyone stores barrels of toxic waste in their basements. Happens all the time.

So, here's my question after all of that: where are all the original ideas? At this point, it feels like it's all been done--multi-floor mansion for no apparent reason, unexplained random spooks, the cannibal kitchens, the destroyed nurseries, the mad scientist in the basement or the Thing in the Cage somewhere...Is it just me? I want backstories. I want to know why the haunts are there. I don't want the evil Satanic ritual in the childrens' wing, I don't want carnivorous cooks, I don't want haunted TVs, we've done this. Done it to, you'll pardon the phrasing, to death.

There were a few cute touches, for which I was glad. The wheelchair in the nursery, child-sized: that was a neat touch. The static ball, that was pretty neat, too. While dated, the head-on-the-platter table, that was actually pretty cool. And the grounds were attractive and atmospheric.

But along with that, the sheer randomness of the rest was slightly irritating. Why did the bathroom mirror say "Redrum"? What does it refer to, because there's no other trace of The Shining in the entire place? Why the mad science in the basement? Why the toxic waste? There's no point to any of it.

At least give me haunted spaces with some attempt at a backstory, or failing that, some sense of unity. That's all I ask.

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