when I get home from my job I turn on my TV
but I can't keep my mind on the show
when I lay down at night, oh I can't get no sleep
so I turn on my radio--
Another night, another frantic search for things to distract. It's becoming a habit. Not sure if it's a good one, yet, or if it's just what I've got right now.
but the only sound I hear is you whisperin' in my ear
the words that you used to say--
Yeah, I'm obsessing. Every time I think I'm out of the spin cycle and back on even ground...And the dreams are just getting worse. Or better. Not sure which, honestly... Only that they're making me want to itch out of my skin.
now my days grow longer
'cause my love grows stronger
and the fever gets worse
and I've got the fever for this guy
It's not...precisely love, is the issue. It's more...trying to think through hormones. And I must be putting out some very odd ones, because the same thing that's keeping the casuals away when I wander through 'girls in danger' sims are pulling other guys out of the trees with offers. I'm so confused.
got the fever, oh I've got the fever
nothing that a poor girl can do
And no, it hasn't escaped my attention that the offers I'm trying for, I'm not getting, where the offers I hadn't anticipated at all are the ones drifting past my startled gaze.
when she's got the fever for this guy
got the fever, oh, I've got the fever
left this little girl blue
Especially the last one, the fellow who spent over an hour talking with me out of the blue. No, I'm not saying which one. Though yes, he has come up on the blog. (That is not a small list, which is why I feel relatively safe mentioning it.) Let's just say it's not someone I ever expected to get an offer from again...
And...it's not helping...because right now, I could so see giving in, just out of general--frustration? Need? Psychosis? All three?--and...that might be very bad.
I can remember comin' home, I see you standin' at the stove
with the dishes on the table, dinner ready to go
we'll maybe go out to a movie show
something that you like to see
I think it was at this point I just gave up for the night and put panties back on. Why yes, I have reached that stage. Joy and rapture. I swear, the next week I'm going to wear full Victorian morning dresses with all the under-layers, a veil, and button-up boots that take half an hour of persistence and a buttonhook to get out of again. Or find something else to do that takes the bulk of my brain power. Try to learn Russian again. Or quantum physics. Something, anything, that is less damaging to my self-esteem and general sense of self.
well, now, you are my sun in the morning
and my moon at night
I think about you baby, I feel all right
now my days grow longer
'cause my love grows stronger
and the fever gets worse--
On the one hand, I've finally broken free of the Matchbox Twenty obsession, but now I've just got this playlist on repeat. I keep adding songs to it, too, whenever I remember one that made my breath catch.
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW, RIGHT??
(Insert from the Editrix: That list now has a few 'this is hell' songs mixed in, and I refuse to apologize for those. They're all meaningful for where I am, and it's my playlist, so that's that.)
got the fever, oh I've got the fever
nothing that a poor girl can do
when she's got the fever for this guy
got the fever, oh, I've got the fever
left this little girl blue
I'll come up with something. I have to come up with something, because I'm going out of my mind. Gods, you'd think someone had noticed all this sensuality and desire pointed towards one person and decided to cut that person off from me. Go figure.
But there has to be a way out. I am not a ferret, I do not die from lack of sex. Or touch. I can do this. People do this every day.
(Of course the ultimate irony in all this is--my current employment is somewhat tailor-made for the solution, save for...no, for a variety of odd reasons. Maybe it's time to lower my standards.)
(Pictures taken at Avalon Park, Greystone Harbor, Kingdom of Agraba, Bay of Dreams, The Labyrinth and Mirage Motel 66. Lyrics from She's Got the Fever by the Pointer Sisters.)
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