any change from impossibility to the only way

(Note from the Editrix: obviously, now, this is one of the entries that was written before the one posted on the 21st. Just FYI.)

(Also from the Editrix: the 2020 Eisner Awards nominees have been announced, and on that list for this year is The Oatmeal's very relevant comic on cognitive bias and the backfire effect, You’re Not Going to Believe What I’m About to Tell You. It is brilliant, absolutely true, and still won't change some peoples' minds, but it is well worth reading anyway.)



baby, when our hearts awoke
think of all the rules we broke
in the name of love we hoped
little did we know

So, that's part of the problem too, isn't it? At first there were no rules to break. Or, those we knew about, we had accepted, and were easily working within.

That changed, later, but at first...everything was above board at first.



darling, all the time we spent
ignoring all the consequences
and hiding from big evidence
hoping things would change

At first.

I still can't pinpoint a single point where things went off the rails. And maybe it's just causing additional frustration to keep looking. But my mind seeks source points, and especially in this case, while I want to know when it happened, exactly, when it went wrong, and if I could have gathered any clues to head off the angst.



but the yearning grew like the loneliness of a castaway
to be near to you was the only thing in my heart each day
keeping me alive till your rescue came
honey, you mean everything to me

Eventually I'll fully realize the wagon is stuck in the mud, and get out to push it free...or give up and just wander off. 50/50 which will happen at this point.



you ought to know by now
love means everything
you ought to know by now
only love can bring happiness

Ironically, I just pulled a simple reading from one of my Tarot decks, and at this point pulled the Hermit under "fears". Which is interesting in itself, as the Hermit's generally, 'Relax, chicklet, you got this, just let everything go and it will work itself out.' And...that is so not what's happening.



wishful thinking spent in vain
what to lose and what to gain
all the guilt and all the pain
seemed to come away

Pulled again, and got the High Priestess as the next card, for the current situation. "Listen carefully and the secret you want revealed will be shared with you." REALLY? REALLY, it WILL? Void stars, WHEN?!

Because throwing intuition and a calm mind at this one is not only not working, but also, seems counter-intuitive.



and baby, when our hearts awoke, oh
think of all the rules we broke
in the name of love we spoke
little did we know

Yeah, but...I mean, still. Through all of this, and anything left out there that may jump up and flay me with nettles...I wouldn't have the months to this point erased. I'm still holding to that.



but the hope was there like a ray of sun on a cloudy day
any change from impossibility to the only way
love can conquer all and it's here to stay
honey, you mean everything to me

I said at one point he wasn't a touchstone point I come back to, wasn't a solid support for my structure.

I...may have been wrong.



you ought to know by now
love means everything, oh
you ought to know by now
only love can bring happiness
you ought to know by now...

Oh, I'm not so idealistic, a lot of things can bring happiness. One can even live life without love, it is possible, after all.

I just...I'd really rather not, if I have a choice in things.

(Photos taken at Fantasy Coast, Cinnamon Fantasy Textures & Mods, Barefoot Servants' Romantic Forest, Nocturne 2, Mystical City of Cathal and the Isle of Whispering Pines. Lyrics are Robert Palmer's Know By Now.)