I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

So...it's been a while. Ms. Kalia Anatine sent this out today:

🌙 A gentle reminder from your neighborhood witch:
The tricksters are out causing chaos, tossing shady little links like cursed breadcrumbs. Please double‑check every name before you tap... only Melora, Kalia, Dreamsphere, Xartashah, and Yasmina will ever call things out safely in the group.

For now, no posting links in the circle while the mischief is high.
Stay safe, stay clever, and keep your wards up, my dears. ✨

In other quick news: guess what I didn't have from /Vae Victis\? And guess what's on sale today? The Lamashtu Armored Chestpiece! It's currently (as of 26 Aprille, 2026 at least) on sale for L$99 in the Marketplace. Run!

Me, well, I have other things I wanted to say, and I'll get to some, likely, but this needed to go out NOW--and I'd already started with Ms. Anatine's message for the Moss and Luna Group. (Which, btw, if any of you aren't in--and you like the things I've posted, mentioned, or had out from places like Noctis, STATIC and Candle and Cauldron, among others--then you really should join Moss and Luna's in-world group, for their weekend sales, their group gifts, their whimsical and marvelous hunts, and their aesthetics. Just sayin'.

drowning in the silence

Second post of the day, because I have been gone a WHILE--

And this one's more random. From a message I just sent my partner:

[3:57 PM] 26 April, 2026: Emilly [VOID]: I so want to ask for a land forms kit from Fanatik that now has PBR textures, but I'm still in a tailspin after coming back, things haven't evened out, and that was AFTER I apologized for going radio silent months before.

[3:59 PM] 26 April, 2026: Emilly [VOID]: The animal wounded retreats for imagined safety, and it never works out, and I do it anyway. 50% getting tired of saying the same things, 50% not wanting to "burden" other people (and yes, gosh, THANK you for that one, mother, you've been dead a third of my life now, get the F̸̥͍̭̮͛̉̈́̏̒̑̕͜#̶̧̳̦̤̩̥̮̳̖͈͑͠C̸͇̹̺͓͎̦̘̳̼̭͇̫̳͕̋̅́̆͐͛̅̒̄̌͗̆̕ͅK̸͓̜̘̤̼̮͎̜̠͙̈́͝ out of my brain, thx). I am bad at all the things.

[4:00 PM] 26 April, 2026: Emilly [VOID]: I love you still. I will try to be in touch more often, it's just...hard. Everything is hard right now. But I will perservere.

I will, it's just...still a bit thrown from life in general at present. Pain levels spiking, check, still struggling to get ONE new prescription since my optometrist changed his policies from "grudgingly updating my prescription to one new pair of glasses" to "Sorry, no, we don't give out pupillary distance unless you purchase at least one frame through us"...

How much are those frames? Well, the "cheap" trays start at $120 per pair...



Oh, and for the gut-punch vicious irony, if I hadn't mentioned it before: lost my last client back in February, didn't know it until I fixed the comp enough to log back in. And I am using "lost" in its full sense, here--the motiver behind the screen passed away. Meeting nearly every week for eleven years...I miss him. I didn't expect his passing to be so destabilizing...but grief's like that at times, it sneaks up on us.

And with that, I think my courtesan days are finally over. My heart's just not in it. I guess I'm a Duchess full-time now, which won't be much of a shift, honestly--I pretty much am done, at least this year, with casual romps, I'm just keeping to the core group of loves. Three of which are pretty much perpetually offline...

RIGHT, this is getting dire. ANYWAY. I'll likely finish the post before this later tonight, 'cos I just crashed for the SEVENTH GORRAM TIME--

So that's it for now. Working on making OBS mah bish, because it's currently drop-kicked me into the basement, cackling maniacally. Bah. But I really want to do at least three vids, one of which should be for the upcoming five-year anniversary for Gearhaven.

(Did I not mention that? Yeah. Five years we've been on the grid. Time really flies when you're stressed beyond all comprehension, or something. But it's had its moments I would not exchange for all the perfumes of Arabia...

And I need to fix the blog layout. A-friggin'-gain...

All right, all right, that's it. Be well, be safe. Gearhaven out.

now there's a fire in the speakers and blood on the master tapes

I know. I know. The blog template still isn't fixed. I'm scattershot on answering messages. And yet, I'm asking for help to get my computer up and running, so I can finally get back to SL, because other options haven't panned out.

I'm cringing asking. But I'm asking anyway.

Help if you can. Pass it on if you can't. And thanks.

spoiled all, spoiled all

Sooooo....been a hot minute, huh? Comp's still down. You forget how much memory is tied to machine these days. Passwords. Financial data. Appointments. Programs.

In my case, a ton of books, music, and graphics as well...All locked up inside a dead box.

I am not best pleased with 2026 so far.

the head is only a dangerous dead weight

Day after day...night after night...I can feel all my selves slipping away. If it were just the grid, I could maybe fight it, but I ask the girls if they've ordered the power supply yet, and I'm being given various shades of no. "We're looking at a couple models", they've said. Then that became "No, not yet". One of them is hoping to catch a friend for "troubleshooting".

I have no computer and I must scream.

And in RL (more or less), the world is on fire. And all I can do is watch, and send emails to my Congressional reps, and mend. There is an insane level of mending that built up before my carpal tunnel surgery. And after...well, I'm still sewing everything by hand.

So my my But that's enough of that, I'm getting more bored of talking about it than I am of talking about the eternal headache. I just...want...time...to breathe.

But hey, Vibes is on Tubi, so it's not all bad.

kill your pride, turn your fear to a weapon

Not doin' well. Had to unpack a deliberately reinforced line of embroidery, ended up jabbing the seam ripper through the fabric tree times. Now I have to reinforce the remaining threads, mend the new holes, and probably track down a smallish patch of some sort to cover it all.GAH.

So.

Channels keeping me sane:

BigGaming64 (If One Topic at a Time didn't exist, he'd be THE most wholesome YouTuber.)

fastpassfacts (All animatronic history, all the time.)

WhyJordie
(All mechaniphobia content, all the time.)

HordesofHorror (Horror reviews, both film and books, much like SpookyAstronauts.)

KingKey (Supportive drag king moments.)

And one bonus single vid, P.M Seymour reading a Tumblr post on bees (Every point you need to defeat vegan arguments about honey.)

did you just say you're finished? didn't know we started

So...hey...

I still haven't fixed the blog, beginning to despair of that happening before 2027...and I might have enough images formatted and linkable from the "Lillith's Thorns" Medici Collar shoot; and I am going to review what I can long-distance, but...that will be the last with shots of me. (Though, won't lie, tempted to see if I can inveigle Justine and/or Lucifer as models. Haven't asked yet, it's just idle pondering for the moment.)

Why? Well, because my comp's power supply toasted. Rotten timing. We're trying to see if we have enough to get one this month; if we don't, it may mean February--or longer--



AND I AM ALREADY LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND--

But it's okay. I will get through this.It is going to be mental updating every thing from my phone, though.
Oh, and for all the (non-American) friends who've asked:



All caught up? Fab. Because 2026 is shaping up to be a razorblade rollercoaster of psychopathy!



Indeed.