Monday, November 19, 2007

she can change the game, she can make me say I'm sorry

Is Bitter there? I'd rather talk to her than Disappointed
Though she's not quite as fun as Good'n'Mad
You'd better put her on
She can change the game
She can make me say I'm sorry--

It's like I always say--I didn't name it the Train-Wreck Love Life for nothing. Something always goes bang. Doesn't it? Shouldn't it? Every time I think it's calming down, after all...

You throw your hands up in the air and swear you didn't know
You think the world revolves around you, but it doesn't, so
You sit and spin, baby, someone is crazy and it's you
Someone is crazy and it's you
Someone is crazy and it's you

But on the other hand, most of the conflagrations, these days, are tiny. My life is good, more or less. The last four months have, overall, been good. Content, it's not a word I use often.

You set the trap
You lie in wait 'til someone trips the wire
Then you jump out to get your feelings hurt
And you act surprised
How did that get there?
Why does everybody hate me?

But I have friends. I have loves. I have support from quarters I never even realized. I have a shop now, I have a home, I have a way to pay rent, and I have this feeling that maybe, just maybe...things could work out.

We're all familiar with the tragedy of being you
It's hard to show you any sympathy when all you do
Is beg for pain, baby, someone is crazy and it's you
Someone is crazy and it's you
Someone is crazy and it's you

So yes, I'm still dwelling a bit. It's what I do. Do I foster my own agony? Do I seek out my own destruction? Well, maybe once, but now? Really? I don't think I do.

You're all alone
Well maybe that's because you're so unpleasant
You might consider dialing back a bit
Put those claws away
Stop the waterworks
Spend a couple evenings sober--

And I wouldn't be loved, I wouldn't have friends like I do, if I wasn't worth the effort. If I didn't give back at least half of what I receive, if not more. I'm clinging to this, I admit, it's more faith that I'll believe it some day, rather than believe it now.

But I believe the possibility exists. Which is closer to maturity than I've ever been before.

Well, maybe not maturity, per se. But something. Some kind of stability, that I'm only now viewing as achieveable, not fictional.

This is a good thing.

The world's against you, so you think, or maybe wish it was
And at least that way, someone would care, but baby, no one does
Not even you--baby, someone is crazy and it's you
Someone is crazy and it's you
Someone is crazy and it's you...

Alas, for I already have a theme song for this blog. Still, here's a link to a great Heroes/Coulton crossover of the song, and the actual song if you want. Hee.


Seraph Nephilim said...

You are worth the effort.

emillyorr said...


I'm getting that. Slowly. :)

Ever so slow on the uptake, on occasion.