then he rode away, and he rode away, and he died

(Continued from part one.)



It took me a bit to realize that the haunt wasn't the blasted hellscape, but accessed through the teleporter on the wall of the cabin with the vendors. Hmm. So our first location is a fairly trashed hospital.



I did not join their group in order to use the 'sex morgue'. No thank you. And I am NOT talking about what was in the hospital's jail cell.



Off to the next section, which is a far more traditional haunted house.

Why is this particular clown everywhere this year? And here, it doesn't even make any sense. Not that there would be much more sense to be made, had they placed it in the hospital set...



And who's this large fellow? No idea, but he was standing guard upstairs in the haunted house.



I'm next? Where have I heard that before?

Oh, it's not a terrible haunt, it has some okay moments, and a couple of good photo props, but there's more cliché than content, frankly. Still, for completionists, I'm including it, to go and see.

he said lady, where's your dark undercoat?

Why are there so many haunts this year on Adult land? Is it just that people happen to own more Adult land now in SL? Or are there really that many people turned on by wraiths and corpses?



At any rate, tonight found me in StoryBrook trying to make sense of a blasted hellscape littered with charred, yet still moving bodies, and scattered fires burning through the cracks in the dark ground. Great. It's a haunt based in Hell?



And I won't lie, the description worried me:

"Adult Haunted House,sex, all evil things welcome. You must be wearing tag to use sex equipment. Not for the good at heart. Ultimate costume shop! haunted house, hangout, halloween avatars, sex morgue,spells,,interactive"

Exact quote from the events listing, punctuation--or lack thereof--intact.



There are bodies everywhere on this little parcel of Hell, so, so many of them...and parts of them...



Lava, lightning, what else, earthquakes??



That's just asking for trouble. Unsubtle.

(Continued in part two.)

but I'm still, I'm still an animal

(Continued from part one.)



One of these mannequins...is moving.



Well, that's certainly unsettling.



That's even more unsettling.



Why does she seem so calm? Doesn't she know what's behind her?



You know, I am really not liking this particular spider. I'd like it very much if it stopped showing up, thank you all so much.



The Silent Hill caged, hanging figures do not fit in with the rest of the haunts on this lawn, but...it's so busy around this bend in the path I almost didn't notice.



And the final section of the haunt is sitting for a bit, and asking questions of a crystal ball.

So, is it worth it? Well, there's a lot of walking, and before the walking, a lot of rowing, but it is an experience. Is it child-friendly? That's a more difficult question. The swamp portion, definitely. The house, well, barring some mannequin nudity and jumpscare sound effects, it's...mostly...safe. But after the escape from the house? It's all zombies, hanging bodies, and cannibalized body parts, and I don't think that is at all safe for kids--pretend or not.

Somewhere, a disconnect happened, between "Keep everything purely PG" and "Make it the SCARIEST haunt ever!" I'm not saying don't go, just don't go expecting a clean, safe, bloodless haunt. Because you won't get it.

I change shapes just to hide in this place

Oh, boy. Something listed as the "Halloween Interactive Haunt Scariest Haunt yet!" at the Almost Home Adoption Agency? Which, far as I can tell, is on a General sim. This could be dire.



Welcome Emilly Orr to The Haunt of Herston Canyon. Please, read the signs and get prepared accordingly before your ride. Thanks for coming!

Sure. Thanks. I'll be sure to read all the signs.



If this is a haunt appropriate to "all ages", does that mean kids are more accepting of crucified skeletons than full-grown adults? That's interesting.



Oh, it's another ride? Interesting. And wau, there are a lot of rule cards.



It was raining heavily the closer I got to the docks. and it seemed to be my job to take a boat out...into the canal...in the rain...to go through the ride. Great.



Well, getting soaked to the skin wasn't fun, but I have to admit, the canal was pretty. And it was sort of soothing, in a strange way, the sound of the oars through water, the sound of the rain.



Then I had to jump out of the boat, into the murky water...and clamber up onto a rickety dock section by this fellow.



At the end of the pier, I found a house. And painted on the wall of the house was this cryptic message...and a room full of doors.

Oh. I have to find the right door. Drat.

(Continued in part two.)

for you, for you, I would even trust the devil for rebirth

(Continued from part one.)

The house may be simple, but outside, there's a swirling, misty gateway to the roller coaster. And that, my friends, is worth a donation to the upkeep of the haunted house all on its own. It is amazing.



I mean, I've been on haunted rides before, and believe me, this year the rides have been better than any year previous in SL's history, and this one now tops my personal list.



Keep in mind, I chose six from the images I'd snapped along the way, and I didn't even come close to getting everything.



There are so many different effects, but sometimes, the trick is, it only looks good in mouselook. This one? Mouselook, straight camming around, doesn't matter, it all looks good.



Are there places where the textures don't line up perfectly? Sure. But you're seriously not going to care.



The gravestones outside the ride are even more fun.



So, three separate areas--an okay, if small house; a fantastic spookhouse ride; and a really funny set of epitaphs in the cemetary. I highly recommend you take this one in before it disappears, because it is well worth your time.

for you, for you, I would bring down the heavens on this earth

"'Tis the season to be creepy...fa la la la la, la la ah AAAAAAAH!"

Today finds me in Templeton Cove, looking for their haunt. It's not clearly marked from the port-in point.



I guess it's over this direction?



Ah, there it is. Just past this tree.



Oh, that's adorable. They're dancing.



Hmm, a nursery without spectral children and cribs? Just blocks and a hobby horse, and one abandoned doll. How odd.



Still tired of seeing this particular ripped mesh statue all over the grid this year, but at least this pose suits the setting--she's sitting, watching spirit orbs fly out the window while whatever's trapped in the mirror tries to get her attention.



And not only is there a body on the bed, not only is it wrapped in spidersilk, but there's not a trace of arachnid activity in the rest of the room. Now that's creepy.

(Continued in part two.)

'cause we're young and we're reckless, we'll take this way too far

This one gives me legitimate concerns. Why? Well, their place description might have something to do with it:

"Beautiful beach, free sex, porn studio, hotel. Concerts, events. Halloween, Haunted House. Chagen Productions, porn studio, beach, nude, free sex, clothing optional, bondage"

Yeah...so...'beach' is mentioned twice, 'porn studio' is mentioned twice, and 'Halloween' and 'Haunted House' are only mentioned once each. Along with 'nude', 'free sex', and 'clothing optional'.



It's no surprise to say it's on Adult land, right? Okay.



Or that there's a gazebo covered in spiders, because really, on a beach, where else are they going to be drawn to build giant webs?



I'm not saying I've never run into fog on a beach. It's happened. I'm just saying it seems odd with palm trees.



There's a floating baby in the well...



and signs of either people moving in, or people moving out, of the main house.



The house does need an exterminator, though. Maybe one who carries a flamethrower.



And upstairs, I found the same two sculpts I've been seeing all year. I know the girl in the chair is ripped from American McGee's Alice, the sequel. The other girl looks so very familiar, but I can't quite place her.

So, is this a good haunt? Well, it has some nice touches. The scorpion and the giant spider are definitely creepy. Most of it's just jumbled together, no rhyme or reason. No story, not even an invented one. So I'm not saying it's bad, just...average. I'd recommend it for completionists only.

got a long list of ex-lovers; they'll tell you I'm insane

The Farmer and the Dead is a haunt on another Adult parcel of land. But before I actually explore anything, I want to make a few things clear.

Here's the blurb from the landmark:

Halloween fun for ALL ages! Zooby give a way, Cornfield Maze and trick or treat hunt, Pumpkin patch w/ prizes, UFO and more. For those enjoy the more graphic horror the haunted house is for you!

Sounds like a kid-friendly haunt, right? For the most part, at least?

And these:


are vendors selling clothing and costume items sized for child avatars.

Why, then, are these booths--selling childrens' items--found on ADULT LAND?!? Within walking distance of a place that has not one, not two, but three different warning signs for "graphic" content?

Do let me know, because that just feels...skeevy, to the point of not wanting to continue through the haunt. Tell you what--you want to go to an Adult land where kids are apparently welcomed with open arms, feel free, but that is so not my scene. I get hassled enough for being short and occasionally doll-like in Adult spaces when I am one, I don't need to deliberately incur reactions in people who think I'm there with ulterior motives. Ugh.



Beam me up and out, I'm so done here.