Friday, September 3, 2010

better not look him too closely in the eye

[16:41] facundo Rainier: hola
[16:41] Emilly's Google Translator: facundo Rainier:hello

[16:41] Emilly Orr: Hi, facundo.
[16:41] Emilly's Google Translator: facundo Rainier=>Hola, Facundo

It was going okay so far. This is my job at the sales office; it's essentially targeted hosting. I play a combination of receptionist, tour guide and research assistant. I am there not only as a grace note but to ask what the potential new land renter needs, and I can look up listings for them if they don't wish to, or can't manage to, do it on their own.

Ferd's Google-based translator is still working quite well. I do speak a little Spanish, but I've forgotten a lot.

[16:41] Emilly Orr: If you need help, just ask.
[16:41] Emilly's Google Translator: facundo Rainier=>Si necesita ayuda, pregunte.

[16:41] facundo Rainier: tu eres muy sexy
[16:41] Emilly's Google Translator: facundo Rainier:you're so sexy

Yeah, I hear that a lot. At this point I pulled his profile. September 3, 2010; why am I not surprised? One group, Solace Beachcombers, which means he came through the Solace Beach portal. Just perfect.

[16:42] Emilly Orr: Gracias.
[16:42] Emilly's Google Translator: facundo Rainier=>Gracias.

[16:42] facundo Rainier: tienes novio
[16:42] Emilly's Google Translator: facundo Rainier:have a boyfriend

Why? What do you most want to hear, Mr. Rainier? That I'm free? Trust me; I've known you less than five minutes at this point and I'm not exactly thrilled at where this conversation seems to be going. Moreover, you think ANYONE is going to answer you Why no! Thank you for asking! Could you date me and make my life as a woman in this scary and overwhelming grid complete?

Man. Not even a full day old, here.

[16:42] Emilly Orr: Boyfriend, owner, girlfriend and wife.
[16:42] Emilly's Google Translator: facundo Rainier=>Novio, el propietario, novia y esposa.
[16:42] Emilly Orr: Kind of overbooked.
[16:42] Emilly's Google Translator: facundo Rainier=>Tipo de exceso de reservas.

[16:43] facundo Rainier: aa uqe pena por uqe queria tener sexo con vs
[16:43] Emilly's Google Translator: facundo Rainier:aa sorry for uqe uqe wanted to have sex with vs

Yeah, see, and here's the other down side; if I wasn't overbooked, if I was still escorting, I'd be charging. And, while there are always those pleasant surprises, generally, most newcomers don't have the finances to afford what I'd be charging at this point. Besides, most of the serious money has moved to webcam and voice girls, and I don't have the money--or the DDRAM--to set that up effectively.

To be perfectly callous--and honest--not only are my free sex days long over, I only went to two 'free sex' areas in the very beginning of my career as an escort--and it wasn't for the scintillating company, I promise you. It was so I could get a feel for how cybering in a virtual world (as opposed to hot-chatting in IRC, or text sex in emails/private chat rooms) worked. I considered it part of my training, which was pretty much self-motivated, because for all that she was, and is, a dear friend, my escort trainer at the Enigma essentially tossed me a folder full of her fantasy stories (to be fair, she told sensually stunning and impressively erotic stories) and told me to get naked and have fun.

Beyond that, my days of newb clients are also long since over. In fact, that pretty much ended in 2007, with the Irish fellow who didn't know how to take off his pants (I'm not making this up; I couldn't even talk him THROUGH the steps TO take off his pants, it was painful). Ever since then, when I was escorting, I had a firm rule which was actually expressed once or twice as "You need to be this old to ride this ride".

[16:43] Emilly Orr: I'm a sales clerk for Solace Beach land. Thank you, but I'm not an escort.
[16:43] Emilly's Google Translator: facundo Rainier=>Soy un empleado de ventas para el consuelo de la tierra Beach. Gracias, pero no soy un escolta.
[16:44] Emilly Orr: If you have land questions, though, I'd be happy to help you.

[16:44] Emilly's Google Translator: facundo Rainier=>Si tiene alguna pregunta de la tierra, sin embargo, yo estaré encantado de ayudarle.

And with that, he was gone. Not another word to me.

Tip for any new friends to SL who may be reading along: this is your cautionary tale for the day. If you expect to talk anyone into bed, observe these tips:
  • Be polite.
  • Don't ask for sex right off the bat unless people are naked around you, and it seems like that sort of gathering.
  • Asking for boyfriends/girlfriends/partners is okay, but a better way to put it would likely be, I'd like to get to know you better. Because--unless the land sign over you says "Zindra", you're likely not in an all-sex, 24/7 environment. (And even on Zindra, there are places that aren't all sex all the time.
  • If you're in land that is Mature--or, gods forbid, General--consider taking the initial contact to IM over main chat.
  • Try to be creative. Failing that, try to be charming. Failing that, try not to be crude. If imagination, charm and wit fail you, sometimes being earnest can get you where you want to go--if you're not a pain about it. *
  • Take no for an answer.
  • And say goodbye (if they've said no) like you're not a knuckle-dragging troglodyte, because people in SL do remember names--and how people behave.
Follow these simple suggestions, and you too could find yourself in a situation where you have to ask plaintively, "how do I have sex? u tell me plz."

* To be fair--and reeling towards crude, m'self--a former friend of one of my loves had what he called the four-word pick-up. Those four words? "Hey, bitch, wanna fuck?" Surprisingly, that worked in one out of four cases. (Of course, two out of the remaining three? Frequently slapped him and stormed off.)

But in his mind, that was a 25% success rate, with a remaining 25% chance of a cool conversation out of it (from the one out of the four who didn't say yes immediately or get offended). Half the time, his time wasn't wasted by being direct. I guess that's a good thing?

In other news:

[20:53] Pierce Ackmann: FORCING IN 30 Minutes! NEW Laborday Spectacular In PeKaS Designs newly remodeled building. We are proud to Introduce never before sold outfits each worth 250L to our friends We have very smexxy SkyBlue it a smexy camisk. NEW Beautiful green dress for the Free World Earth! 5/100 A NEW hot pair of black boots (for men & women) Awesome mens outfit for Gorean or Medieval rp. Psst ................dont tell anyone we have incredible 4 30L items and 5 50L items for the Laborday Special Sale.

I joined a medieval-oriented Midnight Mania group, that also allowed calling of Gorean items, because I wanted to advertise in more places for the FallnAngel Designs MM boards (since no one is allowed to call their boards in Falln's group chat, and I figure more eyes, might mean more boards lock). This particular call? Made me leave the group.

I realize I'm a hardliner, but seriously--I don't care who you are, "smexy" sounds like you're some trashy, bottle-blonde bimbo trying to sound cute and hip and perky. Not only that, but if you're advertising to people interested in medieval and Gorean attire, furnishings, skins, textures and weapons, using "smexy"-or the even more appalling "smexxy"--should result in the Warrior caste of your choice coming to your house and burning it down--with you in it.

(I mean, I may be wrong, it may have a perfectly honorable etymology as an existing word somewhere--in some cracked-out universe that's NOT THIS ONE--but most of the definitions I've been finding are bizarre and confusing. In under ten minutes of searching, I was told it's only used to describe men; only used to describe women by their female friends; only used if someone is smart and Hispanic; and only used in the Naruto fandom.

(It's not me; no one really seems to understands this word!)

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