so brush up on your grammar, that's a damned good start

Dear gods, the horror. So this arrived in my IMs just a few minutes ago:

[17:22] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: EXUSE ME LADY
[17:25] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: YE
[17:25] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: YAAAAAAAAAAAS
[17:25] Emilly Orr: Yes?
[17:25] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: MY BOTHYRT LIKES U
[17:25] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: WANNA MET HIM,
[17:25] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: HE RICH
[17:25] Emilly Orr: One, what's a bothyrt? Two, stop typing in all caps. Three, not especially interested unless he has a personality to match.

Was that too much snark? Considering how she started out, I think it's valid, but I'm rarely the person to know if I'm being overly sarcastic until I've already been overly sarcastic.

[17:26] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: HE HAS BIG MONEY 1000$ PER DATE IF UWNN HE LOOK FOR PRETTY GIURL IF U WANNA THO HE A BNIT CHUBBY BUT HE BIG HEART GUY
[17:27] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: HE VOTHER
[17:27] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: BROTHJER
[17:27] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: MY BABTY WHEN IWAS BABY
[17:27] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: SO U WNN
[17:27] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: OR NAHJ
[17:27] Emilly Orr: I...think I understand what you're saying, but contrary to popular belief, I'm actually not a professional companion these days.

And even were I still acquiring Lindens in that fashion, it would be no guarantee of acceptance. So far, all I know is "potentially rich" and "has a sister who can't type her way out of a paper bag".

[17:28] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: he lonely
[17:28] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: HR NEED WOMANA
[17:28] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I CUNTBE HIS WOMAN
[17:28] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: WE HAVE BLOOD SAME
[17:28] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: SOOOOO
[17:28] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: WE CAN ARANGE THE DATE OR NAH
[17:28] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I HAVE LOT OTHER GITRLS
[17:29] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: BUT U THE PRETIERST
[17:30] Emilly Orr: What amuses me here is currently, I can't find a hair that will rez in, but barring that, you *are* talking about SL, yes?

Seriously, this is me, right now, as I'm typing this:



I'm not wearing mesh clothing because I can't get it to attach and be visible. I'm not wearing hair because I can't get it to show up, either! But I'm "THE PRETIERST". Suuuuure.

So I pulled her profile. This was her SL bio:

Tuh get fingz started
1.Dnt add me iph yew dnt lyk meh!!!****2.Dnt add me iph yew fink all wa i du here b Trash!!!***3.Dnt add me iph yew gna b crtzing wa i du!!!***4.Dnt add me iph yew gna b addn meh tUh fReaKy gRoupz widut wrning K?! S0 F0 dA b0yt mYY$elv m3h a!Ntx sUx syr3 byTX iph y3w t!Nk tht ! w!rt3 lyk3 th!$ UR w0ng!! im actully pr3tty smart

Uh...

[17:31] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: STOP CONFSUING ME DO U WANNA MET HIM HE WILL BE AT BRASILO COFFEE DO U WANMNA RELPEROT TO SEEE HIM HE TALKSS TO U
[17:31] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: HE TALKS BIT CHUINNY
[17:31] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: BUTY ITYS GFINE
[17:31] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: JR NRT UU HOOF PRTON
[17:32] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ME CAN TELEPROT U

Talks "A BIT CHUINNY". I don't even have a place in my brain for that. I literally had no idea what to say, so...I finally chose this in flailing bafflement:

[17:32] Emilly Orr: I...don't think I'm that desperate for Lindens yet, but thank him for me.

And of course she responded:

[17:34] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: FINE ME FIND ANOTHER GIRL A PRETTIER WITH BIG CUTYB MEHS NOOBY IF U CHANGE UR MIND GIMME A CTHOERUING CALL OK OK GIRL ZOIUNG DULT AI BE TINY HYER LFIE GOT T FAU UE AOR NAH
[17:35] Emilly Orr: Give me a minute to translate that, I think I only got part of it.
[17:35] Emilly Orr: So...there are a lot of prettier girls on SL, I'll freely admit that.
[17:35] Emilly Orr: And just owning mesh implants doesn't mean I wear them every day.
[17:35] Emilly Orr: I'm not wearing them now, for instance.
[17:36] Emilly Orr: Is your brother after quality conversation, or just arm candy? That does make a difference.
[17:37] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: LISTEN U GURKL U LOOSING MA PATIENCE MY BORTJHTER LIKE TO EAT CANDY BUT NOT ARM HAND BUT HE LIOKIE PANCKES HE WANNA TALK TO U WE HAV ENO MUCJH TIME LEFT
[17:37] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: O U BETTER MVOE ZO PHT YY OBER HER EOR IM MAKE SUM REALLYT TROUBLE
[17:41] Emilly Orr: I don't understand.
[17:42] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: WE FIHND OTHER GURL
[17:42] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ITS OK
[17:42] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: GOODBYUE
[17:42] Emilly Orr: Good luck!

I mean, really, what else do you say? "Thanks for the conversation!"? "Happy to help!"? I still don't know what made her IM me in the first place!

And wait, was she threatening me?? With what?!?

I don't understand.