you look as good as the day I met you, I forget just why I left you, I was insane (part one)

This one's going to be odd, because as far as I can tell, Mr. Brite doesn't have a store? And there's nothing on his profile that mentions a shop on Marketplace, either.

But at one of the Friday dances, I struck up a conversation on the vagaries of Blender (and my struggles to relearn said program), in regards to designing mesh on my own, instead of simply relying on templates. Ed Brite (edbrite) is a scripter, and does some design work himself, and ended up passing me a folder called "New Flamingo". Which had me all a-flutter, because I have an occasionally disturbing level of devotion to that dorky bird.



But, turns out that's just the dress name? And instead, he made them for a Valentine's offering. Still, I thought I'd pass on a review, in case he does end up creating a little shop for his work.

(Also, oof--I ended up with 31 pictures. Not kidding. So this is going to be...several entries' worth, I think.)

So here we go.



First off, they're all using the same template--a simple strapless minidress with attached drop sleeves. It's not a bad style, and I think it's flattering for a lot of body types--I wear a Maitreya body, but I push it towards the curvy, which it's not really designed for? And all of these are shown on the Maitreya mesh body. But Ed did ask what body I wore, so I'm assuming he has these for at least the major mesh bodies on the market.

This one is an all-over tone-on-tone heart print, in a centered pale orange to medium orange centered ombre hue. He named it "Flamingo Mini Heart01j".



Same thing, in a deep merlot, or at least wine red, centered ombre with the tone-on-tone heart print. This is "Flamingo Mini Heart01mr".



This is the first actual two-tone pattern in the folder, with the wine red background, again, and curving white hearts swirling on top. It's called "Flamingo Mini Heart01W".

Pictures in order:

Now this one, this is a lovely pale seafoam shade, with the all-over heart print. It's rare to find this delicate a green in Second Life, and it's lovely to see. Ed named this "Flamingo Mini Heart02j".

This one's pretty much the reverse of 01W, in this case a white background with curving wine hearts swirling on top. It's called "Flamingo Mini Heart02W".


Is this the same shade? It had a different name, so I snapped a pic of it, but is it actually different from 01j? Maybe it's a slightly darker orange? Maybe? I'm just not sure.

On to part two!

(All pictures taken in the Faerie Grotto.)

I've got a dream when the darkness is over, we'll be lyin' in the rays of the sun

I did not realize the Hill of Crosses existed in SL.


(Creative Commons license reserved to photographer Diego Delso. All rights reserved.)

The Hill of Crosses, or Kryžių kalnas, beyond the screen is in Šiauliai, wbich is in the upper part of Lithuania. No one seems to know for sure when it began to sprout crosses in profusion, but most sources agree it began sometime in the first few decades of the 1800s, after a few wars wherein the dead were buried where they fell, and not back home with their loved ones. Having no bodies to commemorate, they went to the hill and memorialized them there.

And the Lithuanian government was initally not pleased--especially during Soviet-occupied years. To the point, in fact, that the Soviet army bulldozed the hill, the site of the old Domantai Fort, three times--once in the 1940s, I believe, again in 1963, and once more in 1973.


(Creative Commons license reserved to photographer B. Villaiba, who snapped this image in 2016. All rights reserved.)

The people were undeterred. They raised the stakes--quite literally staking crosses deep into the hill, but also carting in statues of Jesus and the Virgin, hanging rosaries, holy medals, blessed scapulars and heavy crucifixes atop the crosses, the trees, the statues. It became as much an act of defiance, as it was worship.

And, as the Soviets discovered, nothing worked. The crosses kept coming back. And now, in these latter days, it has become a major Catholic pilgrimage site for eastern Europe, and there's more crosses and religious iconography than ever.


(Creative Commons license reserved to photographer Diego Delso. All rights reserved.)

There are many religious pilgrimages where the journey is the reward, or the power or peace of the place once it's reached. For Kryžių kalnas, any pilgrimage that ends there honors human will, as well as holy devotion. With its history, it is impossible to disconnect the two, and maybe that's as it should be. As Lithuania has survived terrible tragedies, so has this hill, the heart and soul of the faithful. It stands as a dual tribute to both: endurance and worship, defiance and deeply held beliefs. There's a power in that all its own.

In the meantime, worried about easy foods to eat, and make, prior to getting sick, or while sick? Honestly, this would've been better information a week back, before the stores were gutted by hoarders, but...At any rate, this is a surprisingly good list. It contains a few dishes that are nearly impossible to overcook, recommends flavor combinations, and two pretty stable, easy to store desserts--plus a fairly simple chicken soup. Nice.

wake up! no more nap, your turn is coming up

Found on a random profile:

There's 3 ways to approach SL, each one is unique but none better than the other.

1. Augmentationist - One who's AV is a tool to make a RL connection with another RL person.
2. Roleplayer - One whos AV is a fictional character, a puppet in a shared storyline.
3. Immersionist - One who self-identifies with their AV, and who lives thru its eyes in this world.

Interesting. Depending on setting, I am nearly always 3, and largely 2 (my backstory is fairly constantly in mind as the answer to many questions), but...I have been 1 on occasion. And I've highly enjoyed meeting those other 1s.

In other news, welcome to another random clip entry.

I can't remember which group I was in that linked this old New World Notes article, but it amuses me greatly that it was written in the first place (by ABC, who should know better, not New World Notes, who likely was as amused as I was when they read it the first time), and that things really haven't changed. Yes, surprise, women wear less in Second Life. What a shocking surprise.

And the designer behind EscalateD posted something interest recently about how to fix clipping with mesh hair. And I'd never considered that angle before. I've mostly just ditched hair that doesn't fit, or resized my head, but...I never even thought the underlying default hairbase might be an issue.

Though to be fair, it's probably more of an issue for mesh head wearers.



I saw this while wandering about, and of course, had to laugh a bit at myself. Because of course I want the treehouse that costs L$5999. But...it's so pretty...It seems very well built, very natural--you know, for a multi-roomed treehouse on a gigantic tree--and I could even live with the more tropical-styled roofs on the rooms.

I'm not going to get it, it's not like I even have anywhere I can rez that out right now. But still, it is made of the pretty. I so could live there.

You can find it at KAI Outdoor Furniture. In case any of my readers wants to drop six thousand Lindens on a tree.

Did anyone else miss the Caledon Catgirl Dance? I did, but thankfully, there's a Flickr feed of photos just from that affair.

A bit of random truth:

[14:33] Banshee (abinathra): False information is always free. You have to pay for the truth.

To that end, this bit of concern from one of my sales and freebies groups:

[10:52] Kxxxxxx Sxxxxxx: mmm we are talking about nothing other than corona virus in my country today, Spain just declared the state of alarm or whatever you call it. Closing all schools and some jobs.
[10:52] Kxxxxxx Sxxxxxx: I do hope you are all doing better in your own countries, lets hope the summer calms things down.

Yeah, Italy's already locked the country down, no travel in or out. Our orange menace, meanwhile, is thinking only of himself--he's declared no one can travel into the US, unless they come from a place he has a golf course at. Why he thinks golf will somehow keep people well, I have no idea, but it's infuriating. It's also infuriating that he's still scheduling big rallies, and flying off to his country club to meet with dignitaries who've bribed their way in. Though that may in fact backfire on him--one of those dignitaries he met with has been diagnosed with the virus. And why yes, of course he shook hands with the man.

[10:53] Nxxx Wxxxxx: its a big bag of nuts here.
[10:53] wxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: in the U.S., people are in a state of mass hysteria, buying out essential supplies like toilet paper and hand soap, and the economy is crashing. The people are scaring me much more than the virus does.

I have to agree. I live in something even an optimistic sort would not consider a large city, yet we're dealing with empty shelves here as well. Toilet paper I get; hand sanitizer, though that will do NOTHING for a viral infection, I get; I even get why over-the-counter painkillers and decongestants are being stockpiled. I don't get why people are buying whole milk by the truckload, or concentrating on frozen ground beef over fresh or frozen anything else. It's baffling.

[10:54] Gxxxxx Dxxxxxxxx: I told everyone CHina did a great job of containing things and consequestly the numbers are declising...but the US is NOT China and Americans are not used to being ordered to do anything!

Actually, that's not quite true. China wanted concealment first, safety second. Had they not done that, had they actually buckled down and started openly telling people how to avoid the virus a week before they actually began to do that? It wouldn't have hit so many people.

[10:54] Gxxxxx Dxxxxxxxx: That is what makes me worry
[10:54] Kxxxxxx Sxxxxxx: In Spain its the same of buying way too many supplies in supermarkets, but then you look at the streetsw and people seem calm
[10:55] Kxxxxxx Sxxxxxx: yeah, spanish people do a lot of life in the streets, it will be difficult to keep us all inside houses.
[10:55] wxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: it's a bad virus, and nobody wants to get sick with it, but we all need to stay calm and just take a deep breath and not panic
[10:55] Nxxx Wxxxxx: ^^^^^^
[10:56] Nxxx Wxxxxx: so very that.

Absolutely. Washing hands frequently is the first line of defense. Staying away from large groups of people is the second. Neither of these need to induce utter screaming panic, however.

[10:56] Kxxxxxx Sxxxxxx: yeah, I think a good middle point. Talking things seriously and following orders but not enter panic and buy everything off the shelves.

[10:56] wxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I work at home so I have no problem staying in, but I feel bad for those who can't stay home
[10:56] Sxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I'm staying calm, but I refuse to take a deep breath. Too many germs in the air.
[10:56] Kxxxxxx Sxxxxxx: Well, I am going to be working from hoem several days too, but since we will have less work and Ill be able to stay up later... Im be getting a bit more of SL.
[11:00] bxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: seeing you all talking bout the corona stuff ... where i live idiots are following the target and walmart trucks to see where they are going so they can try to pester the unloaders to give them stuff so they don't have to go in the stores i dunno whats wrong with folks these days they seem to have lost their minds and need to get back on track and do things the right way That does seem pretty high in the stupidsphere.

[11:00] sxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Wow thats nuts
[11:00] exxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: people have been stealing masks from hospitals here in France - facepalms

And again, this is that lack of comprehension thing. Masks will do NOTHING to prevent the wearer from getting sick. About all they do is prevent the infected from easily spreading it if they have to go out.

[11:01] Nxxx Wxxxxx: people get scared and go dumb.

Nearly always, sadly.

[11:01] Kxxxxxx Sxxxxxx: O_o that is bordering crazy, sorry.
[11:01] Nxxx Wxxxxx: same here where i live and hand sanatizer.
[11:02] Kxxxxxx Sxxxxxx: I had hand sanitizer because I use it to clean my hands from polymer clay, yaaay for doing crafts LOL
[11:02] Cxxxxxxx Fxxxxxxx: I live in the only state that does not have a case of the virus yet, but the stores have a run on hand sanitizers and toilet paper too, local schools have no school after today just to try and stay safe.
[11:03] bxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: 6 confirmed cases in diff spots in sc where i live 47 others being watched for it so far none in the county i live it knock on particle board
[11:04] yxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: you have to stand in line to buy hand sanitizer where i live, if they have it, its rationed

They're doing that in a lot of places.

[11:04] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: If you are in my state [Cxxxxxxx], it is here we have only tested 8 people so far in the entire state.
[11:04] Cxxxxxxx Fxxxxxxx: hope they come back negative, and all is well
[11:05] bxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: need to head back off and get some things done but i wish hope and pray everybody stays safe and way from the mess smiles :)
[11:05] Nxxx Wxxxxx: the part that worries me a bit is they arent quite sure how it is spread.

Near as I can tell, Wuhan, China was where it was first seen, in an open-air market. While that market did not, specifically, sell bats for soups and other dishes, it is quite possible infected bats flew in and fed on chickens or other live animals, thus giving them the virus, and it was then transmitted to humans.

As much as I adore bats, vampire bats in particular do tend to carry a lot of bacterial and viral diseases, because of their habit of feeding on live blood. For the most part, these diseases don't infect them at all, but can be spread through their saliva in bites into other animals. And we already know this is a virus that crosses species, so it wasn't a big leap at all to jump from chicken (or other live animal) to human.

[11:06] Cxxxxxxx Fxxxxxxx: Take care [Bxxxx], stay safe out there, and don't touch your face, wash your hands, smiles
[11:06] Kxxxxxx Sxxxxxx: they seem to not know many things :-(
[11:06] yxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: they know its origin dont they?

Wuhan, China.

[11:06] wxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: my state has a few cases but everyone acts like it's all over the place

Well, technically, it is all over the place, but I do know what she means. She's not talking globally, she's talking about how people are freaking out locally. And my state did a bit of that, too, even back when we only had one case here (a dowager sort who was entitled enough to rage against being prevented travel off the Diamond Princess, so argued her elderly way into returning home...two cities away from me).

[11:06] Nxxx Wxxxxx: wet markets in china.
[11:07] yxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i heard it had to do with snakes

Again, probably not. The likeliest assumed vector is bats into live animals at that wet market, and then into us.

All I can say is reinforcing what I've said above--basic hygiene helps. Hand sanitizer doesn't. Never cough into your hands if you do need to cough. And to reinforce that, let me share with you the cutest viral outbreak song ever--because even if there weren't subtitles, the hand motions are clear enough to be understood.

Going further back into the past, have an article on haint blue as a color. And switching to charity, Amanda Palmer--who, with husband Neil Gaiman, is currently stuck/on tour in Australia--has released a charity album with a bunch of friends, in support of the Australian bushfires. Pay what you can; all profits will be donated to recovery efforts.

:Lastly, I recently watched a playthrough of an independent horror game from Japan, called The Doll Shop. Now, yes, the game is quietly unnerving, and if that's not your thing, that's fine, but I fell in love with the soundtrack. Evocative, drifting, ethereal, minimalist music.

Turns out the entire soundtrack can be downloaded for free through Bandcamp. So even if you don't like horror games, you might like the soundtrack to this one!

And we end on a sad note--Torley Linden has left Linden Lab. Which is a shame, as that was one of the last Lindens left who would openly talk things over with residents. But onward we stagger.

I'll stand guard as she's nailed to the wood

Ever feel like some people aren't really listening? Or, at least, not properly comprehending?

[14:58] Pxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: moans am aching to cum
[14:59] Emilly Orr: Excuse me?

A fair question, don't you think? This was a store group.

[14:59] Pxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: trying to lick you dry
[15:00] Emilly Orr: You're in the wrooooong window, babycakes.
[15:00] jxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: erm... think wrong chat.

Glad I wasn't the only one that picked it up, but still.

[15:00] Pxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: am yousing my fingers as well now
[15:00] Emilly Orr: I bet. Go away.
[15:03] cxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: GRACIAS

I'm hoping the "go away" got through, because I didn't see anything past that until this line:

[15:15] Bxxxxxx Pxxxxxxxxx: [15:15] Bxxxxxx Pxxxxxxxxx: [Pxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx] has been ejected from [the store group in question]by Bxxxxxx Pxxxxxxxxx.
[15:16] Emilly Orr: Oh, good. Refused to get the point?

...so, the store owner bounced the little head case? Good for her. I'm just glad the twit's off to get her jollies with someone who cares.

And then, later that night, in a different store group...

[22:24] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Someone told me this place got lots of horny women. If anyone's a horny Queen of Spades looking for a Black Bull, I'm available as your exclusively monogamous Black Bull. Make me yours now. Not a spam. Sincere statement.
[22:25] Emilly Orr: You have to be kidding.
[22:25] Lxxx Axxxxx: omg
[22:26] Emilly Orr: What part of *store group* do you fail to grasp??
[22:27] Bxxxxxxxxx Sxxxxxx: lol
[22:28] mxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: O.o
[22:29] Lxxxxx Mxxxxxxx cackles. "Black in SL, white in RL with that approach and profile. Bravo, bravo, bravo." *goes for the block*

Really? So I pulled the profile. This is his total SL bio:

100% Top Cismale found as a human, a demon, an angel, a lycan, a bull, a shark, a hero, a villain, a comedian, a dinosaur, a dragon, a tree, an alien etc...

There are so many red flags in there, starting with "100% Top". That bespeaks a high level of insecurity.

One of his picks, in fact, states:

"The only reason I enter Second Life is to 'love' a female avatar. That is it. I have no friends. I have no family. I belong to no one. No one belongs to me. I am not a part of anything, as a matter of fact, I'm banned from almost everything. I love it when everyone hates me."

And how eye-roll-inducing is that, that 'love' is in quotes? Seems like it turns out Ms. S, below, was absolutely right in her calling him a troll loser.

[22:29] Emilly Orr: You can't even defend yourself. Waste of space
[22:29] Sxxxxx Mxxxxxxxxx: Dont even bother to engage him.. he's a total troll loser
[22:29] jxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: trashy as hell
[22:30] cxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol

He's two years old. Two years on the grid and he hasn't learned anything beyond how to irritate people. 

Another one of his picks?

"I'm good being lonely and having a sad existence. I always get what/who I want. So, I'm always winning. However, the day I truly win is when I get banned from Second Life. Or even better, when I no longer exist in Real Life."

So now we add to the trollish misbehavior, apparently happy suicidal ideation? Yeah. No longer interested, I was right the first time, complete waste of oxygen.

[22:30] Sxxxxx Mxxxxxxxxx: this group wont tolerate your [bulls**t] like [another group he got banned from] did
[22:30] Ixxx Fxxxx: All i can say is i had a blast laughing.. little jerks needs to be ignored xD
[22:30] sxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: holy [s**t] what a piece of trash
[22:30] Exxxxx Pxxxxxxx: what did I miss?
[22:31] mxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lmao
[22:31] axxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: just another cheapie guy hanging at stores/events
[22:31] sxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: just think how needy and inadequate that person is in real life
[22:31] sxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: probably not well endowed...
[22:31] Sxxxxx Mxxxxxxxxx: its so sad

It is, it really is. Talk about an attention junkie. It's just ridiculous.

your eyes are like two jewels in the sky

{Decided far, far after publishing, this should probably be under the roleplay tag officially.}



I finally had an opportunity today to travel to the Isle Du Noir, and the Silhouettes Club. First things first: just as Jadida Mondrago presents a specific view of steampunk (post-Victorian Arabic, in their case), so Isle Du Noir does for dieselpunk--in their case, filtered through the view of a Caribbean port d'escale marchand, a home for pirates des Caraïbes, and interested others, contrebandiers, les commerçants, and simple travelers alike. A small, but significant, island nation.



Dieselpunk is intriguing on its own. One, because it's such a varied era setting--essentially, anywhere from the early 1920s to mid- to late-1940s, which covers a LOT of changes--socially, musically, in fashion, in representation--but that also means there's a lot of room to move when adapting to the era.



Of course, some never got the memo...I had to fairly significantly figleaf her, too, because head-on you could clearly see nipples and...other bits.

[12:32] Vxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx smacks her butt suggestively

Kind of clueless in more than one sense, too. Which...I'd normally ignore, because a) not my sim, not my rules, and b) it's intended, by everything I've heard, to be a sort of alternative adult playground...save for one thing. The sim's moderate. I am fairly sure nothing about Ms. V qualifies as "moderate".



There's not a lot of info on her profile to make that connection, per se,, but considering her SL bio implies heavily she was looking to become a high-powered lawyer and threw it all away for a dominant, I think I can read between the lines. There's also this:

"The only gift one can offer is its self. The last decision a true slave will ever make. To offer its self.
"This slave craves to be under total and full restrictive control as any true slave would. It's ability to communicate and act upon its own removed from its life. All communications, interaction and travel will be under the Dominant's control and observation. Plain and simple it is an object and property. It is to be respected and dealt with as any such, property owned by another."

Hoo boy. Okay, look. It's a wide world. There's a whole lot of ways to do a whole lot of things. I get that. But unless the sub knows their dominant very well, and trusts them completely...24/7 submission is so dangerous. And TPE, total power exchange, is a very easy way to explode relationships, personalities, self-esteem, self-worth... unless both parties know what they're doing.

And, at least in SL, I've seen dozens of subs--and a fair amount of doms--who say this is exactly what they want, when in truth, they have no clue what they're demanding.



And I won't lie, I've met some 24/7 sorts who seem very happy. Some have even completely depersonalized, so they're no longer Sally Smith from Albequerque, say, but 0171235, registered and ID-tattooed--or branded. (Note: that last link goes to a NSFW site, but more for the actual branding being shown than the nudity. Still, there is both, so it comes with a warning.) There's one lass I knew a while back who spent a consistent amount of time traveling between England, her home, and Dubai, where her dominant was--and every time she did, she traveled in a 100% covering, black latex burqa--frankly, the first one I'd ever heard of. And some trips, even that was not enough for her "owner", so he sent a handler to escort her back--because she needed one when she was traveling with hands cuffed together and attached by the wrists to her collar, and ankles cuffed together, attached to a six-inch chain.



That is far too close to places I don't want to go. She seems happy, and that's great for her, but...that's not something I can do. I will give a great deal of control to a dominant I trust, a great deal of access, occasionally levels of honesty my partners in RL don't always get...but I am always a person, I always have personal rights, and if they can't accept that, we can't function together as a D/s pair on any level.



I am not an object, and I will never be an "it". I don't believe any human should be. But...again, that's me, that's my take on things, and that's my issues talking. Maybe it's less about personality annihilation to those that engage, and more about freedom, but me...that entire end of things is terrifying.


Still, overall, it's a very pretty club, in a very pretty sim. And it was nice to see Ms. R again, though she's going by another name (and, to be fair, she pulled it off pretty well, for what was basically an Akasha cosplay). She's still an amazing DJ.



And I won't lie, I have been very tempted to get kitty feets for my daily avatar, but...boss-lady would not approve, so...I don't.

Plus, I'd lose the ability to wear shoes. And I like my shoes.

Ultimately, though, if you're interested in dieselpunk, piracy, era-based roleplay, or gentle villainy, this might be your island to visit. If nothing else, find out when the next event is at Silhouettes, because at the very least it's worth a look.

that's why I'm gonna build myself a cave, move down in the ground

So, the ethical dilemma of the day, or at least mine: what does one do with someone who says they might be interested in exploring possible "friendly" options, but only for free, and anything further means monogamy will need to be involved?

(With the understanding that in this context, "friendly" means some level of sexual involvement.)

Let's set aside that's my avocation at present--we do get wanderers frequently who think Adult means free sex, and we have to explain repeatedly our rates. And we're used to that. SL, RL, there will always be men who think that paying for intimacy is beneath them, and moreover, we're wrong for even asking. It's the world we have, right now.

But it did strike me as odd--oh, not the interest, no. And really, not the insistence that he not be charged. The attitude does not impress me, but I have occasionally set aside my choice of employment for intriguing new friends. I doubt I'll change that.

No, what puzzled me was the whole monogamy issue. He said he'd read my profile, and if he wasn't just saying that, there are at least two places ON my profile where I mention being involved with others. So...where did he get the idea I would ever be monogamous?

And if all he was offering was friendly sex, then why the insistence on monogamy? Worse, perhaps, is that he didn't say I should part from anyoneI'm seeing now, just that I should be monogamous with him, and him alone. So...how can one be monogamous and still see other people?

It's too confusing for me.

I'm tied to so many things I don't need to do

"You call me up
Say that you've been busy
But something made you just reach out...

The problem is, I suppose, that it's happening on both sides. Does everyone struggle like this with people we've parted from? Or is it just some quirk in my personality, that I make it so hard to detach?



"And we meet up
Tell each other stories
'bout how we been since we last talked
Our coffee date
Moves into the evening
We wonder how it got so late..."

And in all honesty, I claim a lot of culpability for this. We did take some time apart, but--partially because we share the same social group, and partially because we're still drawn to each other--we kept circling. Erratic orbits through the empty space between us, and how could it not be awkward, strange, occasionally surreal? I'm not sure if I'm trying to forge a hands-off friendship, or the sort of friends-in-bed situations I grew up with, hanging out with a largely bisexual, polyamorous group that randomly shifted beds and relationships, depending on the week or the mood.



"We walk around
And I keep asking how
I don't know better by now..."

The one thing I do know is I don't want to try to date him again. I care for him, I may never stop loving him, but...as a couple, at this point, we're toxic with each other. What broke can't be fixed, or at least, can't be remade. That time apart gave us room to breathe, and if we were breathing through shards of heated glass for several months after, well, that's how breakups feel, right?



"You try but you can't shake me
I think we're going crazy
Keep saying that we're through but
Baby I'm not over you..."

And to be fair, this time he reached out first. Confession time, feelings, revelations, which led to a lot of contemplation and more careful conversations.

And that is, of course, part of this too, because I speak with other people, I listen to what they say, but with him...we speak in the silences between words, in the pauses, in the words we choose to mean additional things above and beyond what they do as simple language. It's not hard, really--as easy as walking a tightrope while carrying a frightened tiger. A simple, complicated thing, as so much of our relationship was.



"We're quick to go attack
But when we split I need you back and
I tell myself we're though but
Baby I'm not over you..."

And we're on fire again, and I'm wondering whether it's going to be the crucible that purifies, or lead to third-degree burns and scars.

Again.

I didn't name this blog the Train-Wreck Love Life on a whim.



"You're the one it's gotta be and I
Gotta get ya next to me
You try but you can't shake me..."

He's actually said as much. We had a very, very careful conversation today, and I told him in spite of everything, he lingers. He said in spite of everything, I echo. It would hurt less to be less to each other, for once.

"You wear your clothes
Like you're trying to impress me
But I just think you're over dressed
You roll your eyes
'Cause I keep my room messy
And you think we're too old for that..."

The issue, I suppose, is that I've never left a relationship where I was still in love. It's...new territory. I've left over arguments that led to months of crying; I've left due to absence; I've had love beaten out of me, and lost the feel of what that love felt like when the bruises healed. Three was always a reason, above and beyond, on why I left or why they did, but always before, always, love had faded, or disappeared entirely.



"But I gotta know
How you can tweet but you can't text me
You say that I just need control
We go around
And I keep asking how
I don't know better by now..."

And...I genuinely feel unsettled. Do I want to start up even the smallest, merest beginnings of...something...again? Is that fair to either of us? Will it just hurt him in the long run? And ultimately, how can I still love someone that I know, know with surety, I cannot ever be with the way I was before?

And why am I thinking about these things at all?



"Now you say choose it, my favorite music
We dance round my bedroom floor
Run to the store and pick up snacks for
A movie we can ignore..."

Friendship doesn't cause this ache. Relationships, loss, cause this ache. And if the ache is felt, if it's a known pain, should that tell me I'm moving in the wrong direction? I don't want to stop moving, but...maybe I need to pull the lever on the brake. Just a little. Or redirect to the section of track that has the bumper post.



"I think we're going crazy
Keep saying that we're through but
Baby I'm not over you
Baby I'm not over you
Baby I'm not over you..."

Yeah. I'm working on it, but some people are harder to shake than others. Especially if I don't truly want to shake them off in the first place.

(Lyrics are from Tessa Violet's song "Not Over You", which is my third favorite of her works so far--the first being one she did back in her Meekakitty days, which was a sort of fanvid thing for Selena Gomez' song Love You Like a Love Song', and the second is her recent release "Crush".

(The pictures were taken in the Magic Moon Forest. It's Adult land, but it's really, really pretty.)

do you ever feel like everyone is slowly letting go? do you ever feel that incredibly alone?

Here we go again, with a chat capture from That One Group:

[12:11] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: This is all incredibly frustrating.... I dont know how to do mesh heads or mesh bodies.. in the shops I cant even move around because of lag and cant see anything because of lag and the shop being crowded. The print for directions on posters is far to small to read and all directions act as if you already know. There is no one who explains any of this to anyone not even an assistant in the shop. How can I pick a head without knowing what the skin will look like and how can I get the skin on it without being able to find the skin (no labels of what the exact name of the skin is). Gods sake. I have to hop around to 5 different shops to get one look. And good luck getting anything at all with the drastic lag.

First things first: I totally get her frustration, here. It is hard. It's not easy for someone to just plunge into the world of mesh heads, or mesh bodies, and completely understand everything on the first go. A lot of mesh head demos have limited settings; we can play with some of the dimensions, maybe, but we can't necessarily change skins. Do we have skins in our inventories that will work? Do we need to buy whole new skins to go with the head? Which head is going to work? It's a lot to take in.

[12:11] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: [Cxxxxxxxx]. Please keep your posts down to 3 lines.[12:12] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Please.

[12:12] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: how could I say that with 3 lines? I am livid. Sorry.

[12:12] Emilly Orr: While I understand why you said that, [Dxxxxx], she has a point.

[12:12] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: not everyone experiences that much troubles hun and your lag is user end meaning it has to do with your settings, your computer and your net .. which can be helped with proper adjustments ... yes dressing an avi takes time and shopping and ...

Yes, but if you expect people to upgrade to the best, fastest net service, you're woefully unprepared for the reality of most working adults. At least in the US, super-fast broadband simply isn't available everywhere, and even in those cities where it is offered, it's generally at a higher price point than many can afford.

[12:12] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Complain to the stores you are dealing with.
[12:12] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: I just wonder who else agrees.
[12:13] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Probably many points, this is not the venue.
[12:13] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i dont think its a store issue [Dxxxxx] .. more an issue perhaps learnin curve
[12:13] Sxxx Sxxxxx: If you havent already turn your graphics down, and draw distance, and then show friends only ...
[12:13] Emilly Orr: Trust me, [Cxxxxxxxx], I've been mesh-head shopping for two years now, haven't found one yet.
[12:13] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: I am literally on the lowest settings possible. :((( So sad.
[12:13] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: omg Emily. :(
[12:13] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: graphics slider main .. isnt the the way to lower your lag hun
[12:13] lxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: once i figured out catwa i fell in love
[12:14] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: I just want SL to grow and honestly this is way to hard for any newbies to do. I have been here for 12 years and I can barely figure it out. We need solutions.

And again, she's not wrong. While the advancements in technology have brought really great things, Second Life as a whole is largely becoming an investment--set aside shopping, rent on the grid, and the like, there will come points with advances in which the problem becomes user-end--in that, we can no longer lower our settings enough to minimize the lag, we have to upgrade our computers.

And I don't know about you, but I just don't have L$1500 lying around every day. (I didn't the last time I upgraded, in fact, it was a gift from a dear friend.)

[12:15] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: its really not that difficult .. newbies figure it out daily .. and Ive been here 13yrs as many other this group
[12:15] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: People do figure this stuff out, I did. You can.
[12:16] Emilly Orr: Some take longer to learn things, [Dxxxxx].
[12:16] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Yes.
[12:16] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: And that is ok.

Is it? Because your entire attitude, and the attitude of many commenters, is "Suck it up, you'll be fine, it's your fault anyway". How is that 'okay', in any sense of the word?

[12:16] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: mesh bodies head been around now for several yrs .. its not hurting growth, the better graphics have actually helped it alot
[12:16] Emilly Orr: [Cxxxxxxxx], I'd recommend hitting Strawberry Singh's blog. She covers a lot of mesh heads, finding and fitting mesh heads, and laying skins over them. Solid advice.
[12:16] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: Where would I find that Emily?
[12:17] Emilly Orr: It's...a blog? Google Strawberry Singh, or if that doesn't work, Strawberry Singh Second Life. It'll pop right up.
[12:20] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: sounds like you been out of the loop for quite a few years [Cxxxxxxxx] .. if just returning maybe good idea take it slowly .. one piece of update at a time
[12:22] Axxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Emily Orr, I agree with your recommendation for a blog. Also I find the genus head inworld group chat very responsive and helpful and you don't need to buy the head, it's a free group.
[12:22] Emilly Orr: Maybe. Or maybe she's like some of us who've been on the ground the whole time, never left, and still don't quite grok the concepts.
[12:23] Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: on the lag front, if you haven't done it already I would recommend turning down the maximum complexity of avatars so they all jelly doll

Which helps, but I'm not sure the whole 'jellydoll' thing is a part of any viewer save for Firestorm. Has it been adapted officially? Because contrary to popular belief, not everyone on the grid runs with Firestorm.

[12:23] Emilly Orr: That's actually a good idea. Joining a group for a head you like the look of, or joining a group just for mesh body/head support, you can ask a lot of these questions there and get good answers.
[12:24] Axxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: It depends a lot on your computer too. My 9 year old "fruit" computer was just not up to SL - it was immensely frustrating - I ended up looking at the blog Emily recommended and getting a new computer based on SS's specs.
[12:24] dxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I thought we gave good answers when people needed help

Yeah, I did too. What happened today, people?

[12:24] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: also have a look at bandwidth it could be set far too low dragging you down
[12:25] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: if you have alot trouble in large groups and shops ((vendors i know can get heavy for some)) .. use the show friends only while shopping
[12:26] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Cutting back on the groups you allow to send you notices helps too.
[12:26] Emilly Orr: And remember most Marketplace makers do offer demos, so in a pinch, you can just log into a sandbox, order a bunch of free demos, and play with the settings without other people and items to clutter the view.
[12:26] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: turning OFF name tags helps alot too

That I did not know. Does that really work? I tend to highly value knowing who's talking to me without clicking for their profile to find out first, but still, it's worth keeping in mind if it works.

[12:27] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I buy my heads via MP.
[12:27] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: How do you show friends only? I have limited notices coming in, sometimes gone to showing no avatars at all but then had to deactivate that to see myself lol, brought down all the graphics settings I could find.. etc.
[12:27] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I never make any large pruchases via MP cos you do not if can get redelivery always
[12:27] Ixxxx Mxxxx: A good and normal bandwidth for SL is 1500 Kbps
[12:27] Emilly Orr: If you're on Firestorm, it's World to Show Friends Only, at the bottom of the list.
[12:27] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: If anyone has tips for reducing lag Ill pay you to learn them ;D ha. No really.
[12:28] Emilly Orr: If not, then I don't know how to get there, but it's probably still somewhere in the world menu options.
[12:28] hxxxxxx Dxxxxxxx: iis your vewer updated?
[12:29] yxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Youtube videos. Some YouTubers give very detailed explanations how to about mesh heads, skins, fittings and settings.
[12:29] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: no need pay .. I sent you an IM [Cxxxxxxxx]
[12:30] Emilly Orr: I keep forgetting about YouTube tutorials, I'm more a reader. But that's a good tip, too.
[12:30] yxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I prefer the old try and mistake. You are slower, but laugh more. *Giggles*
[12:30] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: Its just for 20 us dollars I wish there was help.

Hence her level of frustration. And I get it--for someone who lives in the tax bracket where $20 is a single drink, then they won't consider it a huge expenditure. For someone who expects $20 to feed a family of three to four (and yes, a lot of us out here, thanks), it's a significant investment, that needs to be seriously considered. Which is where sources for help would, y'know, actually help. Instead of most people in this chat going "oh well, it's on you, everyone else is fine".

[12:30] Axxxxxxxx Mxxxxx: The Altamura Design group has videos - see the profile of the manager, DaddyStickler Picks -
[12:30] Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I've only ever had two mesh heads. I got an altamura one on special at an event and used that until BOM came out and I got a Tonic one to go with my body
[12:30] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: 20 for the head, about 10 to 15 for the body and then theres so much else to buy.
[12:30] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i have err several from most of the designers and least one body type from each maker lol
[12:31] Emilly Orr: Yeah, mesh heads are spendy.
[12:31] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I can help and am willing .. but .. you need be willing let me
[12:31] yxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Except Normie. Only 500L$. *takes out her head for kiss it*
[12:31] kxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: the normie head is around 500L I think on mp
[12:32] kxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol beat me to it
[12:32] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Normie isnt actually bad. it is bento and reacts well to 3rd party facial huds on MP and the mesh is omega so is bom as well
[12:33] kxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yes I love mine
[12:33] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: Is Normie a head that you can change? (Features)

Sort of?

[12:33] kxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yes
[12:33] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yes it is bento
[12:33] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: bento means new skeleton ... so has the ability uise most the sliders
[12:34] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: theres a demo .. so you can demo skins and shape editting before ever buy
[12:34] yxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: bento, shapeable, Omega compatible, the only limitation is the slots for makeup
[12:34] sxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I use normie too... it's cute, skews a little young, but has fewer makeup areas

Well, sure. Because Normie's a Utilizator product. Utilizator makes anime avatars and anime-centric furs. And that's really all he does, plus a few clothes/armor sets/weapon sets designed to fit Avatar 2.0 and Kemono, and the Venus and Normie heads.

[12:34] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Yes, DEMO everything.[12:34] Cxxxxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: So is bento the best head to buy then?[12:34] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: there also LAQ which is a very nice brand and gets alot support .. you can get the head for 1500 .. the hud is 2500 but you dont have to buy it till want to[12:34] Emilly Orr: You can change the Normie head, but it starts off with a fixed jaw shape, and that never really changes. If that's your shape, you're gold. But if you try to get, say, a pointed chin, it's never going to happen with Normie.

And I wish it could. Without that fixed jaw line, I could really get into using Normie.

[12:34] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Static works well.[12:35] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I buy my alts static heads.
[12:35] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: dont think anyone wants static these days .. they wanna be able edit their shape lol

Most of us do, yeah. But I think 'static' here is used to mean 'non-animated'.

[12:35] Emilly Orr: There are no Bento heads, strictly speaking. Bento is a way of moving mesh. There are mesh heads ENABLED for Bento, viewers enabled for Bento.
[12:35] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: And I do not use the bento in this head.
[12:35] sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I suggest demo demo demo as much as possible and see what the heads/bodies can do . They ALL have pros and cons depending on what look You will want/need
[12:35] yxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yikes!! no kissing, licking, winking and teasing, [Dxxxxx]?
[12:35] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: most dont [Dxxxxx] and she specifically asked about being able change its features
[12:36] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Yep, [Yxxx]!
[12:36] mxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Our beloved [dxxxxx] is old school :D
[12:36] yxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: that is respectable and remarkable, anyway :)
[12:37] axxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i cant handle expresssionaless lol

I think it's more a case of what you've grown used to. I'm used to fairly static expressions, with shifting 'moods' only through use of a HUD, and that I generally save for photography. But Bento-rigged heads were a great advance--instead of a choice of fairly static/smiling/looking shocked/looking angry/jaw moves randomly when talking, we suddenly had jaw movements synched to syllables spoken, winking, eyes widening, several grades of smiles and frowns, tongues sticking out--it was a whole new world.

Essentially, it comes down to how much research we're willing to do, apparently on our own, to become expert at something that most people aren't expert in. Because if this is the kind of help people are willing to offer, it'd be easier to pick up the nearest hammer and strike ourselves once between the eyes. We'd probably be less hurt by that, too.

is it time for you to jump into the next train?

Here's to the new boss, same as the old boss...AKA, here we go again:

[11:16] Mxxxx Gxxxxxx: eek someone gives me a giftcard of 250 linden or something and i dont know the person ! anyone else having this ? i discard it
[11:17] Mxxxx Gxxxxxx: account eventweek2 Resident made today

I've been seeing this, or something like this, hit several groups I'm in since yesterday.

[11:18] Txx Axxxx: delete
[11:18] mxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: delete it and report that user!
[11:18] pxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: probably should discard and report, sounds fake
[11:18] gxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: definitely delete
[11:18] Sxxxxx Axxxx: ugh delete that
[11:19] axxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Message didn't go through. I haven't had that happen yet, but I don't think I would use that. I'd delete it.
[11:19] Oxxxx Sxxxxxxx: am getting store notices warning of that issue
[11:19] Wxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: guess eventweek1 was already taken....lol

No, that's actually another name the current scammer group is using.

[11:19] txxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: stranger danger!!
[11:19] Oxxxx Sxxxxxxx: lol
[11:19] Kxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Delete it and report it
[11:19] Oxxxx Sxxxxxxx: add them to mute list
[11:20] txxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yes I have been seeing reports of event ava handing out a HUD that will take your L$ too :/
[11:21] dxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: That account is fake. Ive had another group warn me about one simular yesterday.
[11:22] mxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: last night (SLT) there was someone handing out free Catwa heads. also was created last night that account.

That, I hadn't heard, but it's a bad step up on the scam concept. While a lot of people question things, there are people that buy mesh heads for others, as a kindness, or just because they want to. And due to that, well, people could accept what they think is a gift of a mesh body or head. Dangerous.

[11:23] Kxxxxxx Sxxxxxx: if you have received that kind of thing or even if you DO put it on, dont panic, it can only take your lindens if you give it access. When you put on a hud that wants to take lindens, Firestorm at least asks you just to make sure. Never give access to your lindens unless totally sure its a official store and you just tried to buy something there.
[11:23] Axxxxxxxx Cxxx: seems like its one person behind it all
[11:23] Axxxxxxxx Cxxx: everyone one of them has been named event something or giftevent something
[11:28] 5xx Rxxxxxxx: eventweek2 just send me 350 ls giftcard lol
[11:28] Pxxx Lxxxxxxx: [11:12] eventweek2 gave you this object: Group Gifts - GIFT CARD 350L$ #Rare
pleasxe delete card and ban and block this person
[11:28] Pxxx Lxxxxxxx: name is eventweek2
[11:29] Lxxxx Oxxxxx: I just got one too...lol
[11:29] Oxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yes keep getting them too

It seems like half of everyone, or at least half of the active shoppers, on the grid are seeing these.

[11:29] Oxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: person is 1 day old
[11:29] Oxxxx Sxxxxxxx: I already muted them
[11:29] Pxxx Lxxxxxxx: i reported this bot
[11:30] Oxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: you can find the group owner
[11:30] Oxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: sent them a message , not that it willl help
[11:30] mxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: muting is stupid, report that account.
[11:30] hxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Thank you for the alert, guys.
[11:30] Oxxxx Sxxxxxxx: be aware folks that even at the stores you know you can trust you can't always trust people who drop into those stores

Exactly. And the call to block AND report is a good one. Always report instances of fraud to the Lindens.

In other news, another attempt at phishing:

[11:25] Catalina (catalinaa400): Fitted Mesh*ONLY FOR BODIES MESH. We cover the mesh bodies applitud of the market.Maitreya/Slink / Belleza / Omega System & More. {phishing link containing the words "altervista"}
If you have mesh body and are interested in Gifts / Promotions and New Items! Always up to date with Meshbodyfriends!Group FB {Facebook link which may or may not be real}

Why yes, I'm leaving her name clear. As a seven-year avatar, her account probably got hacked, but even if it was, and there was a real person behind it, there's not now. She was blocked and reported by a bunch of us.

As far as "Meshbodyfriends" being mentioned, that is an actual group, but they may not have anything to do with that particular scam, or the scammer. They may have just picked that up so it sounds somewhat legitimate.

[11:25] Exxxxxxx Lxxxxx: PHISHING LINK DONT KLICK
[11:26] sxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: FAKE!
[11:26] bxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: DO NOT CLICK
[11:26] Axxxx Cxxxxxxx: YES!!!!!!
[11:26] txxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yes dont
[11:26] Uxx Fxxxxxxxxx: This person is spamming groups with this message

And this one:

[11:32] Sxxxxx Axxxxx: WARNING - do not accept, rez or wear anything from eventweek, eventweek1, eventweek2 If something hits your invent from them without accepting, immediately delete it and clear your trash so there is no risk of accidentally opening it in the future. The one I just got was named Group Gifts - GIFT CARD 350L$ #Rare
[11:33] Gxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Maybe that is how the phishing thing has been going on
[11:33] Sxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: Thank you
[11:33] Gxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: a lot of people have had their accounts hacked and the person then bought lindens and did MP gacha shopping sprees

In the hour I've been in world today, Miss C hit two groups I'm in with the 'altervista' scam, and gift card reports are coming in all over. I've counted people in NINE groups I've in so far. And there were four yesterday, so this is a new infestation of thieves. I've also seen the gift card scam used by an avatar named "giftevent".

Stay aware, people. There's a lot of scammers out there.

Scenes from a Chat: Spamming Sub edition

[14:06] Axxxxxx Sxxxxxx: seeking a Mistress

No, really, that's how this nonsense started. In a sale group. One that doesn't even allow Adult listings, even.

[14:07] Fxxx Mxxxxxxxx: Not sure this is the right place for that
[14:07] Txxxxxx Hxxxxx: you didn't say that

Oh yes, yes, she did.

[14:07] Jxxxxx Dxxxxx: pretty sure no Mistress would see spamming groups as a desirable behaviour in anyone......

Oh, I'm sure she could find a wannabe with this approach, but no serious practitioner of consensual BDSM would TOUCH her with this act.

[14:08] Txxxxxx Hxxxxx: Oh, [Axxxxxx], are YOU in the wrong place. There are groups for that. This is not one of them.
[14:08] Jxxxxx Dxxxxx: yus
[14:08] Jxxxxx Dxxxxx: hahaha
[14:08] Txxxxxx Hxxxxx: Somebody spank this girl
[14:08] Emilly Orr: I wouldn't. That's what she wants.
[14:08] Jxxxxx Dxxxxx: exactly
[14:08] bxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lmao she will enjoy it
[14:08] Txxxxxx Hxxxxx: I am so proud of you
[14:08] Fxxx Mxxxxxxxx: better to punish her to not spank her, not give her what she wants
[14:08] Emilly Orr: Mmhmm.
[14:09] Jxxxxx Dxxxxx: ignoring is usually a good punishment :D
[14:09] Sxxxxx Oxxxxxx: I would not spank her that is what she wants

Perplexing, but chat moved on. Then, in another group:

[14:25] Axxxxxx Sxxxxxx: seeking a MIstress

SAME DAMN PHRASE. What is she, defective?

[14:25] Lxxx Hxxxxx: Here????????? Spam!!!

Yep.

[14:26] sxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: oo thats gonna get your butt in trouble
[14:26] Lxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: check the pet adoption center
[14:26] rxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: You can't afford me and you are in the wrong chat group for that kind of stuff

That's a good answer.

[14:26] txxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: LOL
[14:26] Lxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: hehehhe
[14:26] xxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol me too lol
[14:27] Lxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: SL is a nice world :)
[14:27] dxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: she is going to every group
[14:27] dxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: or he i guess
[14:28] Lxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: maybe someone should pick it up her ;) uhauhauah

Even when I was more on the dominant end of the spectrum, I wouldn't have answered behavior like this. This is the worst example of childish, bratty, uncaring, demanding, topping-from-the-bottom sub behavior. Doesn't care where she posts, doesn't care who she annoys, doesn't care how many groups bounce her out on her pointy little head, as long as she gets attention. Of any kind. 

No, far better to just walk away.

[14:29] xxxx Rxxxxxxx: I dont get the whole thing mistress and crap wtf

I wasn't about to break it down for Ms. Z, in yet another weekly sales group, but...I wrote the original annoyance:

[14:34] Emilly Orr: [Axxxxxx], seriously, this is a good way to get blackballed by members of the BDSM community. You're being an irritant.
[14:35] Axxxxxx Sxxxxxx: your moms an irritant
[14:35] Emilly Orr: Oh, I see. A troll. Goodbye.

She's NINE YEARS OLD. Nine years old, and no picks, no BDSM groups (just store ones), no FL info. Pretty blank profile overall. In fact, the only thing that mentions BDSM in ANY way is this line from her SL bio:

"[Axxxxxx]!, submissive, female, unowned"

Great. What an idiot.

Then, later still:

[14:26] Axxxxxx Sxxxxxx: seeking a MIstress
[14:27] axxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Wrong chat, [Axxxxxx]
[14:28] txxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: she's posting it in multiple groups
[14:28] txxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I'm in the MP and it's working
[14:28] xxxx Rxxxxxxx: nah its spamming

Yeah, it is.

[14:42] txxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Let's stick to PG topics [Axxxxxx]
[14:48] Emilly Orr: Plus, that's the third group I'm in you've hit with this inanity, so take the hint and STOP.
[14:54] Rxxxxx Mxxxxxxx: seeking a bat to hit her with
[14:54] Emilly Orr: Might help.

Void stars, she's annoying.

I anonymized her in actual chat mentions, as is tradition, but because I think she's someone who should be watched carefully, or greatly avoided, feel free to NOT involve yourselves with Artelia Seaside. She should definitely know better, and she absolutely does not care who she irritates in her goal to get under someone's thumb again (and likely boss them around). I'd also go out on that limb and say she's likely a Velcro collar type. Avoid her like she bears actual plague.

Some people should come with warning signs. I think she's one.

I don't need a reason for what I became

From a random profile:

Kintsugi (金継ぎ)

When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful.

This is essentially the Barbara Bloom quote about the practice. I've spoken about kintsugi before, both here and on Twitter, I believe, and it's still something that's become one of my core values. Of course, I have no gold in my makeup, but I do believe that what has broken me in the past has not destroyed me. Everything I have gone through has shaped me into the person I am, good and bad, and while that gives me weaknesses, it also makes me stronger in some ways. And I do not hide my scars.



There's a LifeGate article that goes into the history of the practice, and names who first asked for it to be done. See also "What a Broken Bowl Can Teach Us", this essay on the practice from the Modern Gypsy blog, or Becca Risa Luna's article on the topic.



All I know is, it's a much better mental image for my bad days than stitches, sutures and wounds, and I think it's better for me, as well.

Moving on, an amusing bit of chat I wanted to share from a few days ago.

[14:18] Calla Iris Waydelich (callidus.waydelich): I agree with an observation I saw on the internet, about learning foreign languages.
[14:18] Violet Scrivener (violetscrivener): oh?
[14:18] Calla Iris Waydelich (callidus.waydelich): Latin: Words like "yes" and "no" aren't important, but let's memorize these 3,000 ways to kill you.
[14:19] Calla Iris Waydelich (callidus.waydelich): Greek: Okay, naughty children! It's participles time!
[14:19] Calla Iris Waydelich (callidus.waydelich): Egyptian of course is Ancient Pictionary
[14:19] Emilly Orr: HEE
[14:19] Calla Iris Waydelich (callidus.waydelich): French: Pronouncing every letter is for chumps.
[14:19] Emilly Orr: Gad, is there one for Welsh?
[14:19] Calla Iris Waydelich (callidus.waydelich): German: Let's combine all the words and make Onegiantfrankenword!
[14:20] Fleming Helfenstein (mountainhall) chortles
[14:20] Calla Iris Waydelich (callidus.waydelich): Mandarin: lol, what's a verb tense?
[14:20] Calla Iris Waydelich (callidus.waydelich): Spanish: LOL what isn't a verb tense!!
[14:20] Emilly Orr: I love these
[14:20] Calla Iris Waydelich (callidus.waydelich): English: Welcome to Hell.
[14:20] Violet Scrivener (violetscrivener) grins
[14:21] Emilly Orr claps
[14:22] Emilly Orr: English has also been described as the language that chases other languages down the alley, beats them up, and steals their words.
[14:22] Calla Iris Waydelich (callidus.waydelich): Yes!!
[14:22] Violet Scrivener (violetscrivener): I believe it.

I do. I'm still curious what this bit of the net would say about Welsh.