you have to understand that the one I killed is me

the sky is a neighborhood
so keep it down...

I'm here again. Why am I here again? Why is there never enough air when I'm here?



heart is a storybook
a star burned out...

I wander funereal zones, feeling half-buried myself. Everything is far too loud in my head, and far, far too quiet outside it.



the sky is a neighborhood
don't make a sound
lights comin' up ahead
don't look now--

I seek out the wild places, hoping to find calm. I seek out memorials to tell myself I am not the only one suffering loss, but...it's only depressing me further. I'm...stuck.



oh, my dear, heaven is a big bang now
gotta get to sleep somehow
bangin' on the ceiling
bangin' on the ceiling
keep it down--

Even going through a haunted maze didn't cheer me up. This is...bad.



mind is a battlefield
all hope is gone
trouble to the right and left
whose side you're on?

Breathing ash again...this is familiar. The torn and bloodied sky. Very familiar. And every time, every single time I think I can park the train forever and just leave it to rust...the train wreck comes roaring back towards me.

And I'm still naive enough to be surprised.



thoughts like a minefield
I'm a tickin' bomb
maybe you should watch your step
don't get lost

Playing tag with past ghosts...I've been here before, too. Pain always echoes, especially this soul-deep.



heart is a storybook
a star burned out
somethin' comin' up ahead
don't look now--

We're told, when we can't see the solution to something where we are, to change our perspective. It doesn't seem to be working. Maybe the change needs to be deeper, this time. Maybe it needs to alter me, not just my view.



oh, my dear, heaven is a big bang now
gotta get to sleep somehow
bangin' on the ceiling
bangin' on the ceiling
keep it down...

I don't know what forms will come out of this. Maybe nothing at all. Maybe it's just going to be the walls don't come down, again, and...there's something in that that's kin to swallowing acid, because--I fought so hard, for years, to dismantle them. But maybe better boundaries are needed.

Because I'm feeling less sane by the moment, so...reconfiguration, of some sort. It's coming.

the sky is a neighborhood...

I just don't know how much it's going to hurt.

(Lyrics taken from The Sky is a Neighborhood by the Foo Fighters, off their album Concrete and Gold. Otherwise, the entry was written to Everything is Moving So Fast by Great Lake Swimmers, The Long One by the Beatles {[which as a remix comprises You Never Give Me Your Money, Sun King, Mean Mr. Money, Her Majesty, Polythene Pam, She Came Through the Bathroom Window, Golden Slumbers, Carry That Weight, and The End], Spirit in the Sky by KEiiNO, Evil by Interpol, and Crooked Still's Ain't No Grave. Shots taken in Caledon On Sea, Atheneum, the Endless Graveyard, the Dollhouse Forest, Living Echoes, and Mythspire Ridge. [Atheneum, Living Echoes and Mythspire being Fantasy Faire sims this year.])