Saturday, February 24, 2007

so I hung my head and I cried

The saint who brings me patience, and I, must needs be more patient still, because his schedule and mine of late have proven incompatible for long-term anything--from talking, to cuddling, to...whatever else.

He's also got a very old song quoted on his profile, for me. And it's a joyful, and a terrible, thing.

This is the song:

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
So I hung my head and I cried.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

I'll always love you and make you happy,
If you will only say the same.
But if you leave me and love another,
You'll regret it all some day:

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

You told me once, dear, you really loved me
And no one else could come between.
But not you've left me and love another;
You have shattered all of my dreams:

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

In all my dreams, dear, you seem to leave me
When I awake my poor heart pains.
So when you come back and make me happy
I'll forgive you dear, I'll take all the blame.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away...


(this version of "You Are My Sunshine" is a variant; it's taken from the O Brother Where Art Thou soundtrack. It's actually slightly more depressing than the original...but not by much.)

I hate the fact that he feels as if I've hurt him. But I've also been thinking about it, and...he's right. I have been. I have been inattentive, I have been more open with otherloves than with him, I have been willing to make time for others over him.

I have been careless with his heart, the gift of his spirit, and his love. This must stop. I do not wish to cause him pain, because of some disregarded whim, because of some mis-thought impulse, because of..because of anything I can change.

We're still working through some of the reasons I can't, and that is good...but being unwilling to change things I can change...that's going to kill us.

And I do not want that to happen.

Current build: Sorting through my inventory and FINALLY finding out what all those "Object" files are! It's going to take a while...

No comments: