Saturday, February 3, 2007

I'm longing to be lost in you

He says he remembers this little cyborg that used to use big words he didn't understand, and he used to nod in agreement and look mysterious when we went shopping at Curious Kitties...

I asked him, yeah, and what ever happened to the little cyborg-flutterby?

And he said, she bloomed into the most gorgeous thing he'd ever seen.

::blinks::

Well, really. Even when an ex says that to you. What do you possibly say in return?

After the morning of intense stress and heart-pounding anxiety, all I wanted was to go dance and forget my troubles. But getting to the Steelhead dance proved nearly more problematic than all bearing--I actually crashed twice getting there--once by an entire sim folding up around me--and three times once there.

When I walked up, heartsore and twitching, the only two people there were the demon's daughter and the new Sheriff. I was too despondent to dance for a bit, and just sat on the stage, breathing, trying not to collapse. His daughter--who is becoming very dear to me--messaged me privately, and sent the most loving regards of her father, which helped more than either one of them, I believe, can realize. And she told me that he trusts me very much.

Well, I typed in. There may be hope yet.

There is always hope, she typed back.

And for now...though it will change, potentially even by tomorrow...I believe her.

Tonight she requested this song, on behalf of her father, and told me he thinks of me, when he plays it.

Standing
VNV Nation

Eyes betray the soul
And bear its thinking.
Beyond words they say
So many things to me.

A stranger here reborn it seems
Awaking wonders deep in me.
If nothing's ventured nothing's gained,
So I must seize the day.

And fighting time so hard I pray
That this moment lasts forever.
And will the world stay standing still
At least for me.

Through my eyes stare into me.
I bear my heart for all to see.
With my face turned to the sun
There ever standing still.

It wasn't you it wasn't me
It wasn't anything.
It was a day so long awaited
And a chance to be as me.

I let the wind run through my hands
Before I turned to walk away.
In distant days I long to
Sense it all so clear.

And fighting time so much I ask.
I will this moment last forever.
Though seasons change and things come to pass
Remain inside of me.

I had no faith before that time
In any vow or deed.
Days followed days and
Years were meaningless.
Despite the wisdom of defeat
I bore my heart for all to see
The wonders I'd seen.
The wonders I'd seen.


Okay. I can wait. I can be patient. I can breathe slowly out and be good. Time moves us all, and we just have to move with it.

But time speeds up and slows down for me, and Lowri wants to build. More time gone. Don't know how to manage what time I don't have now...

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