Tuesday, February 20, 2007

I wanted to believe as I watched your world crumble in your hands

and I look down and I'm bleeding again
another heart strike, unintentioned
unanticipated
expected nonetheless
but no idea it would go so deep, through the heart of me

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patchwork's back out
spending a day walking around
in stitched and broken skin
matches the feeling
it's a needed thing
but for this, I'd be screaming

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and more scars, more walls
around the heart of me that wants nothing but clear air
more barriers I have to push around
to take another risk
more pain for when I do
and more mistrust

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and no way to call him back because
my hand will not move to beckon
my head counts him already gone
my heart sinks into mourning
my words fail me...

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What kills me about this? I called this. I called this. I was taking bets against myself that this wouldn't happen, with the bulk of me nodding cynically, saying it would.

I wonder if there was ever a chance for the demon, for me. Ever a chance to have a moment of untainted truth. Ever a moment where hope truly won the day.

I guess not...and the list continues to grow.

No nineteen-year-olds.
Beginning to think no demons, I have bad luck with them.
Really beginning to think, no more monogamous people.

Becoming a burdensome list...

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