I didn't tell you which way to go, because I thought you'd know

He told me he wouldn't ask it of me again. It wasn't quite a promise. But there was implication, assertion, the offer of his own silence on the topic.

And then two nights ago, he asks me, do you remember that question I said I'd never ask again?

I tried to turn him from asking. If I can't say yes, I'm not above not wanting to hear it at all. But he would not be swayed. He would not be swayed and he did not give up the dream of being my husband, as I thought he had. For everyones' sake.

Now we're back here again, and he's given me another week to make my choice and stand by it.

One small shred of love...there is power in the smallest amount of it. There is faith, and hope, and love, and the greatest of these is love. Isn't that what they say?

But he also talks about sacrifice, and means mine, in the same breath he says he hasn't had to give up that much. He speaks of sacrifice, and how I should be willing to let things go, and means others who share my affections. He tells me he has not, will not, give up the dream of being my husband, being my support and my partner.

Sacrifice others I love. For his love. Sacrifice my many for his one. Give up everyone else who's touched my heart, for him alone.

How can he ask it? How can he ask this of me and mean it? Has he understood nothing?

The derailing is occurring now. And several of the club cars, I think, are on fire. The train-wreck love life is back with a vengeance.