Wednesday, August 1, 2007

so let me fall, if I must fall, I won’t heed your warnings

So what happens now...?

I have yet to speak with the one who wished not to talk with me...that, I suppose, is upcoming for when we both have time, and hanging over my head in a rather Damoclean fashion.

I've been speaking with the one who's definitely leaving, and I need to figure out why we've suddenly hit past-tense, and if it matters...and we'll see how that goes.

And the best I can do with the third, I suppose, is watch and see...I've learned, it's worse making assumptions about one I love, than it is accepting their actions for their actions, and asking questions if I'm still confused. Assuming I know what's going on in someone else's head is never good, and it helped to kill one relationship, and will, if this plays out how I think it will, have helped to kill another.

Chasing ghosts, he said. There is a danger, yes. But I have such a problem letting go of people...if I love someone, if I trust someone, if I've put them into my structure and made them part of my support...it's like kicking out a column from the temple. Kicking out one won't change the structure's stability. Kicking out several, the temple falls down.

The temple's staggering, at present, and there's some signs of wear...but losing two more columns...

...maybe it's time to rebuild.

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