Saturday, December 22, 2007

I guess you are afraid of what everyone is made of

This? Needs your votes, people.

Catch me as I fall
Say you're here and it's all over now
Speaking to the atmosphere
No one's here and I fall into myself

What would it be like? Handed such an ultimatum. This, or my life. This, or everything I am in this place. What would I say? What would I choose? How would I know I was making the right choice?

This truth drives me
Into madness
I know I can stop the pain
If I will it all away

What would it feel like? Spinning off bits of my soul. This part to the inventor. This part to the fellow shapeshifter. This part to the Seventh Son. This part cast adrift for the moon to find.

Don't turn away
(Don't give in to the pain)
Don't try to hide
(Though they're screaming your name)

This part, that part, all the parts of me, jigsaw strange and glittering. What would it be like? What would I be like, then? Who would I be?

Would I be?

Don't close your eyes
(God knows what lies behind them)
Don't turn out the light
(Never sleep never die)

I can't imagine it, I can't envision it, I don't stretch so far. In the world beyond the world we know...the choices are harder. And just the thought makes me shudder.

I'm frightened by what I see
But somehow I know
That there's much more to come

"You're in my blood like holy wine, you taste so bitter, and so sweet..." Whenever someone touches us and leaves. Whenever someone touches us, and dies. Whenever someone is torn away before their time. Joni said it best,'s still a shock, still a blow.

And should it be? Shouldn't all my demons be put to rest?

Immobilized by my fear
And soon to be
Blinded by tears
I can stop the pain
If I will it all away

Maybe it's that the stories aren't over. And I'm waiting for the next chapter. Maybe it's that I never truly let go, as much as certain of my friends despaired to see it. Maybe...

Maybe. A thousand questions and no clear answers. A thousand questions, and one answer I don't want to accept. Seeking and not finding. And seeking and finding but...not what I wished to find.

Fallen angels at my feet
Whispered voices at my ear
Death before my eyes
Lying next to me I fear

Maybe it's just me, seeing through my eyes, and seeing what an injustice a similar act would be, to me. And I can't read by me, the light is too strange. It won't refract properly, be diffuse enough for understanding his motivations.

She beckons me
Shall I give in
Upon my end shall I begin
Forsaking all I've fallen for
I rise to meet the end

What price love, if it's to be torn away? What price friendship, if it's only 'til summer ends? More, what price love in one world, when all love in another has to die?

Servatis a pereculum
Servatis a maleficum...

It's not my call. With luck and love it never will be. makes me shudder, and chills my soul, the thought of parting off. Parting off parts of me.

This one to the mad tailor. This one to the departed half-Drow. This one to the lord, this one to the lady. This one...

Which one would I keep for me? Besides me...

Bye bye, baby
Don't be long
I worry about you while you're gone...

What would it be like?

(Lyrics are, save for the last, from "Whisper" by Evanescence. Bottom stanza is from "Worry About You" by Ivy.)


Darien Mason said...

You've captured our pain exquisitely, Emilly. Call it a Christmas Miracle, but we have salvaged a First Life and the core of the Second. There are still casualties. The Lust Demon is too dangerous to played by this spirit again. But know he never stopped caring about you, and he sensed you never stopped either.

Be patient with him if you see him again, for with a new Host and a new Deva he will have to learn to fly again.

Emilly Orr said...

Indeed, and his first flights will be unsteady.

I'll have to confer with those who guarded me, until I was strong enough to guard myself...See if the bindings against association still hold for someone else behind the keys.

I sense they might, but even without, I might never be capable of more than friendship.

Mayhap that might help, though. Who knows?