Saturday, May 5, 2007

and in the fringes, on the edge and off the avenue

If you want me,
You can find me
Left of center off of the strip
In the outskirts and in the fringes
In the corner, out of the grip


It was one thing after another. First I forgot about the dance, and then I couldn't find my outfit. The statue couldn't find one he liked, so we both threw our hands up and went in cobbles. It worked fairly well, and we had fun; small dance, but great music, and fun conversation. Can't ask for more, really.

Then the neko lad came in broken, and I had to unbreak him; and when I could have linked up again with the statue, my little cheetah mewed and I had to go repair him, just a tad. Figures, doesn't it? Add in one new element, the rest of the periodic table destabilizes on you. Always the way.

And when I finally got to see him, there just wasn't enough time...and after, he's going to be gone. The weekend without doubt; potentially all of next week. My soul is curling already.

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Thankfully, on occasion, things happen to completely distract me from the troubles of the train-wreck.

Witness the arrival of the doll.

When they ask me
What are you looking at?
I always answer, nothing much, not much
I think they know I'm looking at them
I think they think I must be out of touch
But I'm walking in the outskirts
And in the fringes, on the edge and off the avenue
Oh and if you want me, you can find me
Left of center, wondering all about you


Last night began the arrival. Draconic Kiss, long my favorite home of truly detailed and elegant Lolita dresses, opened a doll shop this week. Gorgeously glassy eyes, some nifty hair, and fully jointed dolls in four shades for women and men! How can you pass that up?

I couldn't, but I couldn't afford the skin yet. So I got dressed up in my little Sidhe pixie form--stopping by Bare Rose first to acquire their Claudia dress, a lovely confection in four colors with a true embarrassment of flexi bows and lace furbelows--and flipped on over to Draconic Kiss, where I bought three pair of eyes (Vermillion, Midnight and Sugar Pink) along with two wigs in a very curly style (Silver and Vermillion--they went nicely with the red dress). And off I was around the town in pseudo-doll form.

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It wasn't a bad first attempt. I made my landlord drool. I made my favorite Victorian wonder why I was using his shop in Victoria City as a backdrop for profile pics. I made the statue dig up another doll shop--this one over at Grim Babies' for those who want to know--just for the privilege, I think, of watching me walk around.

I did buy one outfit at his insistence, a checkerboard Loli with a wonderfully poufy skirt in two lengths.

I think that somehow, somewhere inside of us
We must be similar, if not the same
So I continue to keep wanting you
Left of center, against the grain


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It's also got a lovely checkerboard tie detail, just piquant.

Now I really need a turning key for my back...

However, the point is, tonight, my artist was talking to me about a sheet of limitations each of her Muses had to fill out. I'd sent mine back, and in telling her of all my forms, I mentioned that I was working on a doll form, but hadn't quite got the coin together yet.

How much did you need, she asks me. I say, did you want to see the skins? So off we went to Draconic Kiss.

Eventually, I want to own the full four-pack of Lashes Porcelain skins, but currently, I'm quite happy owning Lashes Tears--looking very much like oxidized rust 'tears' aging over the porcelain. Wonderful effect.

If you want me, you can find me
Left of center, off of the strip
In the outskirts, and in the fringes
In the corner, out of the grip
When they ask me
What are you looking at?
I always answer, nothing much, not much
I think they know I'm looking at them
I think they think I must be out of touch


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So she bought me that, and two more wigs--the Doll Piggies, instead of the Doll Curls, this time, and this time in Eggplant and Midnight--and I tossed in three more sets of eyes--a sturdy Gold, a Spring Green and a True Blue. Then I changed, and took some pics, and decided I could really go for this. This is decidedly going to be interesting.

If you want me, you can find me
Left of center, off of the strip
In the outskirts, and in the fringes
In the corner, out of the grip.


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On the other hand, I'm already missing the statue. Every inch of skin alive and waiting for his touch and now, now, I have to get through the next five days without him.

I think I'm going to be building a LOT.

But in doll skin or not, the heart within still beats. And while there is life, there is hope. And he tells me he'll return, and he tells me he is with me still--even if it means we only meet in dreaming.

I can live with that. I am good at enduring. I've had to do a lot of it. Moreover, there's still the puzzle of the thing which he's asked me to consider, and that question is taking up rather a lot of processing power. So I'm nicely distracted already.

Toss in the wandering around as a dolly, and well...I may be too busy to miss him.

...though I doubt it.

I am walking through the morning
Dandelion stares in my eyes
I wish you were caught by now
I'm afraid of what they'll find
Take the box of magic
Lay it in the back of your mind
Can we wash in the morphine
After we eat we'll be fine...


And the doctor's made a new daughter. The House I left grows again. I haven't decided if this is a good thing, or not, but I am looking forward to meeting her. As is her older sister, as it happens...

So we'll see how that goes, in the week the statue's parted from me. For I've said I love him, and I do, and I refuse to take the words back and wish them unsaid. My heart fills and spills over, blood and joy combined, and I am replete. I am learning who I am now my personal reconfiguration is nearly complete, and while it's not who I was, I think I like who I will be.

It will be an entertaining week, I'm sure. But so it goes, so often, in my life...

(Larger song is Suzanne Vega's "Left of Center"; end snip is taken from Darling Violetta's "I Want to Kill You")

2 comments:

Amber_Palowakski said...

oooo, you look very ....ummmm, sexy, and errr...alluring *giggles*

emillyorr said...

*grins*

Have a thing for dolls, do you, Baroness?