you are essential, not accidental

(Continued from the first entry.)

And now, let's move to why I came early: Adam n' Eve.



Found the booth! It was across the bridge on the second sim for the event. So first tip: the Vintage Fair is going to be big. Like, two sims' worth of stores. And second, 'ware the crossing, I nearly got eaten by the bridge. In the meantime, the Diana dress is L$250 per color, or L$1000 for the fatpack of all ten shades, which is a significant discount.



And there's a sleeveless Donna dress with a lovely floral pattern, for the same pricing--L$250 per color, L$1000 for the fatpack of ten.



The Oh Carol lingerie set of bustier top and French knickers comes in ten shades for L$250 per shade, for Hourglass, Maitreya, Slink original, and Petite sizes.



And there's the Oh Carol gacha, which is L$50 per play, and offers either floral or polka-dot variant knickers to go with your existing Oh Carol lingerie sets. Neat idea.

And that's the wrap-up, I am now escaping the lag!

Your love is a kiss, my undying wish, designed to retrace the signs of life

Because Searlait Nitschke is a very nice lady, she offered all her groups members a chance to get into the Vintage Fair early. I are group member, so...I'm now there!



It is very...pink.

Now, there is an ARC monitor in place:

[12:35] MD Security System (C) 2.5.2: × Warning: your current rendering cost (50515) exceed the maximum allowed in this area (50000). Reduce your ARC removing attachments or clothes in the next 40 seconds or leave.

Because I ran into it. Fairly sure it's my shoes, but I'll strip off some daily huds just to make sure before attempt two.



I will say since Roawenwood gave me access here, it was only fair to go to their booth first, and show off their offerings--this one in particular I really like, a High Council table in marble, with chairs. (Seven LI--SEVEN!--for that table, btw. Incredible.) That's retailing for L$450.



There's an Art Deco spanking chair set for L$695 that looks very promising indeed...comes with everything shown in the picture.



Tucked next to the back door, turned one way, there's a Roman training post for L$450. And for "training" here, don't think 'bondage', think 'battle'--there are animations for fist fighting and kicking the post, as well as spear, sword and axe training, with prop weapons that auto-attach. PRetty neat concept.



And turned the other way, there's a lovely set of plank chairs, both carved and plain, that would be perfectly suitable for Thorvaldshavn or other Viking roleplay sims, and here's the cost breakdown for them:

• Plain Plank chairs, L$495. Room for two, single and couple animation sets, cuddles/kisses/sitting together, along with serving kneels and the like. (Seems mostly PG.)
• Carved Plank chairs, L$495. Room for two, single and couple animation sets, cuddles/kisses/sitting together, along with serving kneels and the like. (Seems mostly PG.)
• Hnefatafl Gaming Table set, L$125. (This version's decorative only, but Hnefatafl was a real game, and there are even historical reproductions for sale, and there's a ton of instructions scattered around the net on how to make your own, RL.)
• Furry Rug Pack, L$95. A set of six mesh fur rugs at 1 LI each, with different fur patterns.

The rest of everything I'll move to another entry. See you there!

I build bridges with these arms, I will not build a fortress

These are the last five colors of the Diana dresses, front and back (the first five were in the first entry).



This is Diane in another very vintage tone, an almost retro lipstick shade of Red.



This was the first one I tried from the folder. This is the Soft Pink, and this one just puts me in mind of Disney princesses and Maxfield Parrish. It's a lovely shade.



The teal, rich and nuanced.



You'll get a truer color perspective from the image on the left. I'm not sure why the touches of pink happened along the bodice of the front pic, but this is White, and it's a clear, bright tone.



And finally, a Yellow that is reminiscent of marigolds and daffodils and spring tulips. Lovely.

These dresses are offered for Slink Physique, Slink Hourglass, Maitreya, Slink Hourglass and Physique Petite, and may be in other sizes, as well, but these were the ones I got in the pack.

One more pic, just because Miss sachi sent it along:



These are a gacha outfit, a set of French Knickers called Oh Carol. It comes in Maitreya, Slink Hourglass and Slink Physique. I don't know when it was sold, or if it's being developed for the Vintage Fair to sell as well, but I definitely want more.

Now, out of the box, no alpha-ing along my Maitreya, there's the tiniest amount of phasethrough along the lower curve of my right breast, but with the alpha cuts the Maitreya has, I'm pretty confident this is going to be an easy fix. The knickers came in two variations, one plain purple, and this one, the one with the flower. These are just sheer satin loveliness.

The Vintage Fair will run from June 8th to June 24th, and if you should happen to miss it, unless these are being sold as exclusives, they should be available in the Adam n' Eve main store after that.

because the reverb in these holy halls is like a long lost friend

Another country heard from--I got a lovely pack of dresses Miss sachi is putting out for the Vintage Fair, opening June 8th. These are simple, elegant designs with lovely movement and style. Let me show you.

These are the first five colors of the Diana dresses, front and back (the remaining five will be in the next entry).



All of these have very simple, tailored lines, but excellent texturing, and they swing like actual dresses. The mesh moves really, really well. This is the black.



This is a very rich, nearly cobalt blue.



And the Diane in a rich, emerald green.



The Hot Pink, almost ridiculously rich and gorgeous.



And a very vintage, heathered purple, soft and lovely.

These dresses are offered for Slink Physique, Slink Hourglass, Maitreya, Slink Hourglass and Physique Petite, and may be in other sizes, as well, but these were the ones I got in the pack. I'm wearing Maitreya (though the base shape has been enhanced, both by me and by my owner, so...I'm a tad bit bustier and hippier than most Maitreya forms out there). And these still fit like a dream out of the package!

The Vintage Fair will run from June 8th to June 24th, and if you should happen to miss it, unless these are being sold as exclusives, they should be available in the Adam n' Eve main store after that.

When I find out the prices, or any other information, I will let you know!

just a voice like a riot rocking every revision

Here we go again...

[23:24] Pxxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxx: becareful seem creatuers can change things about there products even if you bought it an have it in your invtory always 2 sets of slippers i have become no transfer when orginaly they were on;ly no copy when i bought them lol
[23:26] Hxxxxx Cxxxxx: o.0
[23:26] Lxxxxxxx Fxxxxxxx: wat.

Mad gods, this idiot is so irritating...She can't spell, she can't think, and as seen later, she gets offended when you call her on either of those two inescapable facts. I should just mute her and move on with my life.

[23:26] Kxxxxxx Sxxxxxxxxxx: might have been a script in them that was no trans, and didnt take affect until you wore/rezzed...
[23:26] exxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: 8 years here... you should know better....

She refuses to use her brain for anything but hair storage. She'll never know better.

[23:26] Hxxxxx Cxxxxx: I heard a lot of stupidity... but seems there is still more

Always.

[23:26] Pxxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxx: no i bought them over 5 years ago now there no transfer for some reson

Suuure you did.

[23:26] Rxxxxx Bxxxx: lol
[23:27] Rxxxxx Bxxxx: ok this makes my day
[23:27] Cxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: you're easy [Rxxxxx] ;)
[23:27] Rxxxxx Bxxxx: hahahah yeps i think
[23:27] gxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yes...Some trolls can do that....

She definitely can.

[23:28] Hxxxxx Cxxxxx: lol [Rxxxxx], easy to please eh ;p
[23:28] Pxxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxx: geeze what is wrong with u people all i was doing was leting other know soo they knew iam not atroll

And yet, the fact that you cannot spell, think, or get anything right does convince one otherwise.

[23:28] gxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: noooooooooooo
[23:28] gxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol...
[23:28] Mxxxxxx Bxxx: Why is it that the thing that I most want to point out is that after five years it's time to consider tossing them and getting new ones

You're not wrong.

[23:29] gxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Some Trolls can change the object...lol....
[23:29] Cxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: no one is changing the permissions after the fact on your objects [Pxxxx]
[23:29] Hxxxxx Cxxxxx: I don't even remember what I bought last week in sl, let alone if something would be trans or not 5 years ago o.0
[23:31] oxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: What is any of this got to do with [the event the group is for]?

Absolutely nothing. Which is in line with every other comment she makes.

I'm done here. Moving on.

I've got a tombstone hand and a graveyard mind

The brain feels no pain, isn't that what the synners say? Tell that to anyone with a migraine. Tell that to anyone who's ever struggled to communicate something to another brain that simply won't listen. Maybe the brain doesn't feel pain, not in that way, but...something does. I do. And it doesn't seem to stop.

And the hours spin on, circling. I ponder things I'm letting go, I ponder things I'm still clinging to, I ponder things that may be or may never be. And I have no answers, but I'm caught in the spin. No answers doesn't seem to matter. No answers, no pain, but...something.

Something.

And always, always, I circle back to you. And him. And where everyone is now.

Honestly, I don't know why him. Someone asked me once, long ago, why you, and my answer was the same: I didn't know then why you, I still don't. I just knew that right then, in that moment, after everything, I still couldn't completely let you go. And eventually, that someone realized it, and went...so very far away even I couldn't reach him. And yes, that was pain, that was heart-rending, and for what we had--whatever we had--it didn't help. It didn't help at all.

But it happened. It took me a long time to put myself back together. I've done it before, many times, so it wasn't a new thing. But I wasn't the same after. I've never been whole, never, but...I was more broken than I expected. And it changed things. Between me and you, between me and my friends, between me and the world--all the worlds...it changed. I had changed.

I wasn't as strong, in the newly patched form. I wasn't as capable, and I was definitely more afraid. And I think, back then, you were too, but...I never saw it. Or I did, but then...pushed it out of my mind, because I was dealing with so many other things. And for a while...for a long while...that was sort of enough. That you accepted my broken state, gave me time to heal, let me figure things out on my own...but, as usual, with all our forms of communication, there were things being said behind the words, behind the glances, behind the small expressions of the bodies involved. Somewhere in that two-year withdrawal, of healing and fear and testing my path...I either lost the trick of hearing that other communication, or...we both stopped listening. I'm honestly not sure which.

And by the time I was ready to reconnect, to reach out, to get involved in the world again...whatever we were, whatever we had...had been damaged. I was wanting more; you were afraid to offer; but we both kept circling, circling, communicating in that arcane space between each letter. Caught in the spin.

I realized it first. I realized it, and that realization hurt, hurt an incredible amount. The brain feels no pain, right? But I felt pain. I felt confusion. I felt like I was being held close at arms' length. I felt like I was locked in a pairing that was unacknowledged, that would never be acknowledged. And part of that last, that was my fault--when I was asked at first to keep things secret, keep them close, keep things unsaid...we were in a different place. By the time that changed, that edict was already ingrained. In my mind, it was unchanging, never changing, and by the time it could have...we were already pulling apart.

Caught in the spin. The spin never ends.

And I'm honest enough with myself that I began to resent hearing stories of you playing with others, and never playing with me. That sense of being a broken toy, beyond repairing. Because if I wasn't broken, you'd want to play with me, too, right? Because if I meant enough, I'd be part of the play too...right?

At the time I wasn't seeing the larger issues. Then they were explained, and I understood, I comprehended, but...that emotional pain was still there, circling. You wanted me but didn't want to have me. You didn't want me to leave but didn't want to spend time with me. That's...hard. That's so hard.

And I realized, it was harder than I could deal with.

But...I delayed. For weeks, then months, then years, because...I wasn't the only one injured. I wasn't the only one afraid. And I didn't want to hurt you further, and...still, circling, circling, that innate knowledge that I didn't truly want to lose you. But what did I have, towards the end? Friendship. Friendship I valued, deeply, friendship I still value, but...nothing else. And that nothing else was because you were afraid, and I did get that, do get that, but...the end result is the same.

You wouldn't touch me. You couldn't even give me a hug, a kiss on the cheek. Not even that much. And I do, I do know why, I do, but...intellectual knowledge, I have learned, doesn't pare down emotional hurt. It's one reason 'feelings' currently triumph 'truth' in the American media, because a lot of people are caught in that spin, that trope of feelings being more important than knowledge.

Feelings aren't more important than knowledge. But they are there, and they have weight, sometimes enough weight to stagger. And I was staggering. I had reached the point where I had to stay where I was, mired in hurt and confusion, or take the leap that could lead to greater pain for both of us.

And yeah. Decisions like that suck, they always have. And I'm big on stasis, I won't lie. Stasis doesn't make me happy, but...it doesn't create change. Stasis is less scary. Stasis, though...is antithetical to change. What's the profile say? Great love means great risk...but love anyway.

Love anyway.

And I needed to change. I needed to, I needed to see if I could be more, if I still had the ability to grow beyond my boundaries, if I could still contribute to my own life, let alone any others. And I wasn't doing that by staying in place, afraid to move, afraid to reach out, afraid to change.

I took the leap.

And at first, I thought...maybe, maybe we'd make it through this. There was pain, of course there was pain, in the beginning of after-the-leap. I was remaking my life, I was making different choices, choices that didn't always involve you. And that was scary, too, because so much of my life on the grid has involved you. Circling. Circling. Caught in the spin. The unacknowledged, constant spin.

Maybe it was self-delusion. You'd told me, after all. You'd told me that if I took this leap, if I made this change, you couldn't stay close. You'd have to move me away, farther away than I'd been. And intellectually, I thought I understood that. And, intellectually...I thought we could rebuild, find a new plateau, make a new normal.

But I'm watching you pull away. It isn't that you set me aside, took me out of the belonging box, moved me to the friend one...no. That's not it at all. You may or may not have changed my label, but you, yourself, pulled away. You're so far from me now I can barely see you. Pinprick against the skyline, now, and I'm no longer sure there's anything left to rebuild.

So why him? I still don't know. Maybe it started because he didn't have the history that you and I had. He could touch me without reflecting on ten thousand painful decisions in the past, and...I needed that, I needed that desperately. And I was willing to exist on scraps, on small moments, on spare attention, but...for a variety of reasons, all of them painful, you couldn't do that.

And I couldn't live without even those scraps. I needed something. Something.

Forty-seven miles of barbed wire, right? Too right. Doesn't change the pain. Doesn't change the spin. Just changes the speed.

At this point, I feel like I'm no longer standing on the empty plain, hand held out, waiting for a response. I think all I'm doing is standing on the empty plain, staring at my hand. And wondering...is there any point left to waiting? Is there any point left to reaching out? Is there any point left to hoping?

Maybe not. Or maybe it's just going to take time, and there's still at least friendship waiting. At some point. Weeks, months, years from now...maybe I'll wander back to the empty plain, and it won't be empty any more.

I think I'd like that.

But in the meantime, I'm not standing in place. I'm moving forward. And I'm not waiting any more.

if I sign this piece of paper do I sell my soul along with my duties?

Wait, when I left SL, I was laying on the bed. What happened while I was gone?!?

[21:10] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: you....don't want me telling you what your avatar is doing on my viewer
[21:10] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: it...it is new
[21:10] Emilly Orr: Probably not. Did I get possessed while I was gone? I was floating when I logged in.
[21:11] Emilly Orr: Hmm. Let me try a bit of traveling.
[21:11] Emilly Orr: Oh, good, there's two of me now.
[21:11] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: you are...paper thin..and floating in and out at the screen like you are a 3d effect
[21:11] Emilly Orr: That is not good. Prolly make for a great picture, though.
[21:12] Mxxxxxxx Wxxxxxxxxx: it is...the world is not ready yet for some things

I guess not. Is there an SL exorcist?

is anybody gonna hear you call?

This came from a shopping and freebie group this morning:

[11:10] nxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Good day wonderful princess, beautiful girl and wonderful woman, i am a doormat my avatar is a red carpet. I have rent a wonderful house here in SL, but i not use because i do only a doormat out the door. if you want use house free contact me in IM, i do you owner of house free, you can use with your friends and your boyfriend :)

What. I mean, seriously, what in all the worlds is this? What even is this offer??

[11:11] Jxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Oh god not you again

Kind of my reaction, yeah, save this is the first time I've seen this particular stupidity in this group.

[11:11] Rxxxxxxxx Rxxxx: me?
[11:11] nxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ?
[11:11] nxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: [Jxx]
[11:12] Jxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Mr doormat bdsm seeker

Yeah, no, pretty clear she meant the doormat guy, but who knows, that mod could have logged in just after that initial line was posted, so never saw it.

[11:12] nxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ? please do not post free house in here for that kind of use ?
[11:12] nxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: helloo this is a PG group

While Adult sims are posted, because it's a PG group overall, a mod has to go out, look it over, and approve it for posting. Essentially, this group breaks it down into, it's okay to post boards, sales and lucky chairs for a business if it's on an Adult sim if certain conditions are met, namely: it can't be in a mall; it can't be in a store that features nudity or graphic sexual content; it can't be a club.

None of those rules for Adult postings cover Mr. Doormat.

[11:14] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: we're not allowed to have boyfriends, either?
[11:14] Gxxxxxxxx Pxxx: no bf's they messw a girls head
[11:14] nxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol no
[11:15] mxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: who needs a boyfriend when we have SL? giggles
[11:15] nxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: i mean the house post
[11:15] Gxxxxxxxx Pxxx: lol
[11:15] Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: thats what i meant, too, [Vxxxx] :)

Yeah, be pretty hard to ban significant others for a group in SL. How would one even go about regulating that?

[11:16] mxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: [Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxx]!!! LoL boyfriends?? noo noo no koalas hanging on my skirt!! LoL XD
[11:16] mxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: joking :P
[11:16] nxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol no the private bits leave it private :p
[11:16] exxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: boy friends are ew. We only accept cute fashion freebies and gifties and offers - and if they're on adult land, mod approved. Cuz we're a strict fashion pack like that.
[11:17] Jxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: And cause there's a billion other groups for propositioning.

Exactly. There are a thousand, maybe even triple thousand, groups for open propositioning, why do it in a shopping/freebie group? Makes no sense.

[11:17] Axxxxx Dxxxxxxx: But but, my fiancee is in this group :P
[11:18] Pxxxxxxxx Cxxxxx: bfs are helpful like that
[11:18] Vxxxxx Kxxxx: fashionistas
[11:18] Wxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I would rather have shoes than a bf
[11:19] exxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: oh mmm ok if bf slap manias, then I guess they're acceptable
[11:19] 0xxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: they buy me things.. so good for somethings
[11:20] exxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: this group is so useful - 6 years in sl and I had never been able to understand what sl boy friends were for - one never stops to learn
[11:21] exxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: oh and I could have several, one with each letter and tp them to chairs too?

I suppose, though it seems a waste of good human interaction time. Still, it's a wide world and all that.

'cause we're living at the mercy of the pain and the fear

Channel Awesome lives...more or less. I'm not going to say it's good, because I still believe they haven't learned one single thing from all of this controversy, but...yay, Tamara Chambers and Malcolm Ray still have jobs? That's good...right?

In the meantime, let's talk a little about Nicole Arbor. Now, she's a terrible person, start to finish, I'm not going to spend much time establishing her internet history--all anyone needs to do is listen to her Dear Fat People video, or her ridiculous Why "Depression" Is All In Your Head video, or just for fun, how about Chrissy Teigen's response to her "Fat People" vid, or the Armoured Skeptic's response to her "Depression" video, or hey, how about Nicole herself convincing everyone on The View that she's a terrible person?

That's not the point. We already know she's a terrible person, with terrible ideas. But now we know she's a terribly racist terrible person, as well.

Point:

1. Nicole Arbor's This is America: Womens' Edit video
2. Daz reacts to that terrible video
3. ImAlexx reacts to that terrible video
4. ImAlexx reacts to Nicole Arbor's terrible apology
5. What's Trending takes on the terrible video with some great Twitter responses
6. Eddy Burback reacts to everything terrible about Nicole Arbor

I'm done with this racist waste of space. She's so infuriating. She has zero awareness of anything that won't make her money and advance her causes, and now we know that one of those causes is being white and rich. Greaaaaat. She fits right in in Trump's America. She has the perfect amount of empathy and understanding for the rebranded white nationalist movement, which is none.



In the meantime, found another example of shopping naked, where I stood in the sim for a good twenty minutes hoping for everything to rez in. If the mesh she was wearing--hair, outfit, shoes, whatever--hasn't shown up in that time, there's definitely a larger issue, but still, some responsibility has to land on the avatars in question, for being overscripted, overprimmed, and hey, I'll say it, overmeshed.



ANY AVATAR, or, hey, I'll even temporize and say ANY HUMANOID AVATAR, can pull a good look together for 60K AC or less. It can be done, I do it every day. I don't see why people feel bound to run through the grid clocking more than 120K. Of course they're going to have rezzing issues. Come on.

it keeps on creeping over me, the more it gives, the less I am

(Continued from part four.)



I won't lie, this one is legitimately terrifying, at least to me. Goes for L$900.



And finally, we tie things up with Helium Loon's BaLooned Girl Avatar, which goes for L$850. And there's probably more out there, but that's where I stopped, and then didn't return to research further for six months, so...that's where it's going to stay.

You're...welcome? I have no idea.

I'm not, I'm not somebody else

(Continued from part three.)



This is [g]ynodrome's Rubber Sex Dolly, which goes for L$500.



This is Ann's Famous Bubble Plaything. I do not get any part of this, but then, total encasement is not one of my fetishes. This one goes for L$600.



Turns out [g]ynodrome also has the AMP suit, which is an iso-suit with no arms. Goes for L$500.



Enslaved has something that's about the closest I've ever seen to the early sculpty rubber-doll avatars, and it apparently has a lot of functionality, and is fully scripted with RLV coding. It goes for L$900.



This one just looks like a rubber hookah. Retails for L$750.

(Continued in part five.)