Thursday, December 2, 2010

your hopes'll be dashed as you burn and crash

In the dead of night, God whispers to me...There are times I wish I had a different God.

lousy pornographer: Em
lousy pornographer: Need you for this
lousy pornographer: Hoorah!

Emilly: Hmm?
lousy pornographer: Hor-oof
lousy pornographer: ooh*
lousy pornographer: Wheres that from?

Emilly: Horoo? No clue
Emilly: Or do you mean Hoo-rah?

lousy pornographer: Oh wait
lousy pornographer: its from
lousy pornographer: Blackadder the third

Emilly: Yep. Among other things.
lousy pornographer: bnut not clue what e[sispde
lousy pornographer: or clip its frfom
lousy pornographer: Also, sorry, drank currently
lousy pornographer: Also
lousy pornographer: CHRIST neighbor has frat boy idiots over
lousy pornographer: Managing to resist the urge to stab wastes of potental bigger than me
lousy pornographer: but I dunno who much longer I can last
lousy pornographer: EM THEY BUY BOTTLES OF ALCOHOLIC WHIPPED CREEM
lousy pornographer: Cream

lousy pornographer: I cant help but assume God does not want them alive
lousy pornographer is now playing Team Fortress 2. Click here to join.
Emilly: Wau
Emilly: They MAKE alcoholic whipped cream?

lousy pornographer: YES
lousy pornographer: Whipped Lightin
lousy pornographer: Look it up darlin


So I did. I kind of wish I hadn't. Gods help us all, they even have recipe cards.

Emilly: bwuh
lousy pornographer: Seriously, Im losing to these guys?
lousy pornographer: God doesnt favor my people

Emilly: You were the cool guy next door
Emilly: These guys are from out of town

lousy pornographer: Not enough Em
lousy pornographer: God, again, isnt on our side
lousy pornographer: aka the side of the sixth sense
lousy pornographer: AKA COMMON SENSE

Emilly: My. That is a tragedy.
lousy pornographer: Em, Im not a saint
lousy pornographer: Im not even a good guy
lousy pornographer: But Im not scum
lousy pornographer: You know what neighbor said about hte guy shes fucking orgionally?
lousy pornographer: She said
lousy pornographer: He doesnt have a personality

Emilly ponders the difference between 'not a good guy' and 'scum' per the value sets of neighbor ladies
lousy pornographer: aka, Im gonnna fuck him for 4 weeks
lousy pornographer: ues

Emilly: So he's a hobbyhorse
Emilly: Hey, it happens

lousy pornographer: clearly a good standard
lousy pornographer: Ah, Im still a bit bitter
lousy pornographer: but I got audreeeey for the winter break so

Emilly: Understandably so
lousy pornographer: not too bitter
Emilly: Keen!
lousy pornographer: Yesssss
lousy pornographer: Shes too hot
lousy pornographer: Also, shes the baptists prechers daughter
lousy pornographer: and I JUST found out
lousy pornographer: shes getting a cop degree

Emilly's brain slides sideways
Emilly: Hot chick cop in training who's a minister's daughter
Emilly: Gad, if she has a leather or a cosplay yen that's like, half a dozen fetishes right there

lousy pornographer: gOD
lousy pornographer: SO HOT
lousy pornographer: I know, not even that
lousy pornographer: Shes like
lousy pornographer: lookin like a hot soroity chick without that even

Emilly: And mrr. People are poking me to go be social again.
lousy pornographer: Feel free
lousy pornographer: You know me
lousy pornographer: I got booze and ghames
lousy pornographer: Don worry
lousy pornographer has changed their name to WARRIORS, MOTHERFUCKER.
WARRIORS, MOTHERFUCKER: Ima lock it down
WARRIORS, MOTHERFUCKER: 4's style
WARRIORS, MOTHERFUCKER: ok,
WARRIORS, MOTHERFUCKER: nvm
WARRIORS, MOTHERFUCKER: But
WARRIORS, MOTHERFUCKER: Im bold
WARRIORS, MOTHERFUCKER: I probosition changes

Emilly's brain stalls at 'probosition'
Emilly: Translator failure on that one
WARRIORS, MOTHERFUCKER: PROPOSITION
Emilly: Hang in there. Don't do anything too deeply crazed until I get back.
Emilly: Ah.

WARRIORS, MOTHERFUCKER: Thanks sis
WARRIORS, MOTHERFUCKER: cuz?
WARRIORS, MOTHERFUCKER: auntie?
WARRIORS, MOTHERFUCKER: What lvl are we at?

Emilly: Likely not auntie, unless you want to join the chaos of familial demise
Emilly giggles and shakes her head and lopes off for the living room
WARRIORS, MOTHERFUCKER has changed their name to I WANNA ROCK RIGHT NOW.
I WANNA ROCK RIGHT NOW: Hmm
I WANNA ROCK RIGHT NOW: so
I WANNA ROCK RIGHT NOW: Ok
I WANNA ROCK RIGHT NOW: stop me if its too bad
I WANNA ROCK RIGHT NOW: Wise Loli?
I WANNA ROCK RIGHT NOW: Ok? No?

Emilly pauses in leaving
Emilly: What's a Wise Loli?
I WANNA ROCK RIGHT NOW: No?
Emilly: Don't know
Emilly: Also leaving :p

I WANNA ROCK RIGHT NOW: An older than usual loli
I WANNA ROCK RIGHT NOW: OH COME ON
I WANNA ROCK RIGHT NOW: FINE
I WANNA ROCK RIGHT NOW: YOU ARE NOW
I WANNA ROCK RIGHT NOW: RELUCTANT WISE LOLI
I WANNA ROCK RIGHT NOW: I SWEAR WOMAN
I WANNA ROCK RIGHT NOW: RELUCTANT WISE LOLI
I WANNA ROCK RIGHT NOW: aLSO
I WANNA ROCK RIGHT NOW: party hard, dear

I WANNA ROCK RIGHT NOW has changed their name to Glad I aint got class tomrrow.
Glad I aint got class tomrrow has changed their name to Glad I aint got class tomorrow.
Glad I aint got class tomorrow has changed their name to Senor Boozetime.
Senor Boozetime has changed their name to PizzaHut/TacoBell.
PizzaHut/TacoBell has changed their name to Sexy Bitch.
Sexy Bitch has changed their name to Detroit Needs Pizza.


So, this seems to be God's average day:

1. Wake up.
2. Crawl into something resembling clothes.
3. Go to class.
4. Scavenge for food.
5. Go home. Start drinking.
6. Write papers.
7. Drink more.
8. Play video games.
9. Drink more.
10. Scavenge for food.
11. Fall down somewhere to sleep.

Rinse, repeat, burn. If he graduates with working brain cells, it'll be a miracle.

I went out and had a lovely form of fermented black tea called Pu-erh tea with local loves. When I came back, I saw this:

Detroit Needs Pizza: At what point
Detroit Needs Pizza: is it
Detroit Needs Pizza: impolite to kill someone?

Emilly: Definitely impolite when making love; wait until they finish, or you do
Emilly: Impolite in a staged debate
Emilly: Impolite in church
Emilly: Generally impolite in a classroom setting, though I suppose dorms don't exactly apply
Emilly: What did they do now?

Detroit Needs Pizza: brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreakan
Detroit Needs Pizza: stufffffffffff
Detroit Needs Pizza: it is comfortable

Emilly: As in you, are breaking things?
Detroit Needs Pizza: yes
Emilly: Or they are breaking things?
Emilly: Why are you breaking things?

Detroit Needs Pizza: oh
Detroit Needs Pizza: dunno
Detroit Needs Pizza: but
Detroit Needs Pizza: its fun
Detroit Needs Pizza: and
Detroit Needs Pizza: theres stuff to break so
Detroit Needs Pizza: made sense

Emilly: Okay
Detroit Needs Pizza is now playing Team Fortress 2. Click here to join.
Detroit Needs Pizza: em
Detroit Needs Pizza: just broke a lot
Detroit Needs Pizza: fill in blanks
Detroit Needs Pizza: help me out a lot

Emilly is not the sort of person to randomly break things.
Detroit Needs Pizza: Em
Detroit Needs Pizza: come on now

Emilly: What?
Detroit Needs Pizza: kill people
Detroit Needs Pizza: like
Detroit Needs Pizza: all the time
Detroit Needs Pizza: ALL THE TIME
Detroit Needs Pizza: Seriously

Emilly: Virtually, sure
Emilly: Never killed anyone RL

Detroit Needs Pizza: eemmmmmmmmmmm
Detroit Needs Pizza: pelase
Detroit Needs Pizza: please
Detroit Needs Pizza: Im so tired of that

Emilly: Okay
Detroit Needs Pizza: My controllers busted, frat guys laughing and walkin around
Emilly: Whoa. You broke your controller?
Detroit Needs Pizza: one of us is gonna have to end life
Emilly: Quite possibly
Emilly: Especially if they broke your controller

Detroit Needs Pizza: ffffffffffffffffffffffffthank you
Detroit Needs Pizza: Imeanpeople these days
Detroit Needs Pizza: So tired of
Detroit Needs Pizza: well
Detroit Needs Pizza: everything

Emilly snerks
Emilly: Weren't you supposed to be finishing a paper?
Emilly: Or is it done?

Detroit Needs Pizza: Did
Detroit Needs Pizza: And done
Detroit Needs Pizza has changed their name to Sober=Weak Nazi America.
Sober=Weak Nazi America: Hard to sum up all this
Sober=Weak Nazi America: but
Sober=Weak Nazi America: I mean
Sober=Weak Nazi America: Id love to not break stuff but it is so much fun to do

Emilly: Okay, that I get
Emilly: It is great fun breaking stuph apart
Emilly: It's just generally you go to jail for breaking people
Emilly: So have good reason

Sober=Weak Nazi America is now Offline.


Seriously, I've said it before, but I can't make this stuph up. Stiv is...special, let's say. In some very...special...way.

"Whipahol". They actually call it WHIPAHOL on their ads. We are doomed as a species.

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