Thursday, December 23, 2010

it's late, and morning's in no hurry, but sleep won't set me free (pt. III)

So, a Norwegian paper has gained access to all of the diplomatic cables that Wikileaks had access to; the fun thing is their proud trumpeting that they have no restrictions on how to use the material. Bit confused, there--I thought Wikileaks had no restrictions on how to use the material, either...

In a similar vein, the UN has finally finished considering the issue and has released a joint statement on Wikileaks that is, all things considered, surprisingly fair. We're the United States, and we don't listen to the UN--occasionally to our detriment--but it's a reasonable, solidly considered decision.

Back to the vids. I do plan on finishing this list, damn it...

Dude, you have no Quran



Mostly just a news clip, but the skateboarder hit huge on public consciousness. And yes, there's also a song.

Antoine Dodson: Bed Intruder



Antoine Dodson, everybody. This one went everywhere. Almost instantaneously it became an Auto-Tune song, which eventually went on iTunes due to sheer popularity. And it's one of the few cases where the spoof videos weren't as over-the-top as the original news interview!

There was a choral version; a video featuring a little girl trying to sing the song; and a high school marching band released videos of song rehearsals as well as actually marching on the field.

There were cat remixes; a capella versions; and a spoof version involving the summoning of the Inner Shatner.

It finally comes full-circle with CBS Online News' division interviewing Dodson about his internet celebrity. (What kills me about that vid? How unnatural the reporter makes "Auto-Tune the News" sound. Lady, do you even own a computer to use beyond sitting in front of it and staring fixedly at the camera?)

Gingers have souls!



On the surface, this is specious beyond all belief--assuming we believe in the concept of souls, of course red-haired people have them! But this is Murphy Brown/Dan Quayle territory--he's upset because South Park--a series which holds no sacred cows--attacked red-haired people for being 'soulless'. Um...look...kid? It's a cartoon. Calm down.

Why Single Girls Want to Meet European Men



I...have no place in my head for this. I so want this to be a parody video. It really doesn't seem to be.

My brain is now scared.

Colleen Thomas



Speaking of having no place in my brain for this...This is seven and a half minutes of cracked clear out of the universe, the blonde version. In her own words: "I channel all consciousness but did not realize this when I made this video." Yeah, Colleen, based on this, there's a lot you don't realize.

In her own words: "Asking an alien whether or not they're from the light is meaningless." Oookay. Sometimes, they fool you by walking upright. This video serves best as a necessary reminder, I think.

Psycho Girl Freaks Out



Five million people turned to YouTube to see this one. Warning: there's a little bit of cursing, but there's a solid metric ton of migraine-inducing screaming. Just because she can't belt out Celine Dion. Stunningly bizarre.

Fainting Goat Kittens



As the copy-over said on the Videogum site, this is both cute and depressing. Apparently, both kittens have an actual ailment called myotonia congenita, the same disease responsible for the so-called 'fainting goats'. Hence the video name. One has since died--of respiratory complications, not the disease (per se; it can cause respiratory issues as a side effect). The grey-mix kitten is still around, how'ver--and still fainting at any sudden noise.

How to Protect Yourself with a Rolled-Up Magazine



This is serious martial arts. You can protect yourself with a rolled-up magazine. And then beat up your attacker with the fold-up chair to finish him off.

One Man's VCR Collection



It's like a train wreck, in a sense: it's hard to look away from. It's not the haircut, the accent, or even the material; but it's the whole being more than the sum of its parts.

And boy, are there a lot of parts. On shelves.

If you watch the whole thing, by the way, eight minutes of your life are now gone. Enjoy.

Homeless man under pressure



Videogum says "This is the video of the day, apparently, because it combines everyone’s three favorite things: David Bowie, the Muppets, and systemic economic inequality." While they're right, it should be noted, this man isn't homeless. But he is a street performer, and street performers know intimately what it's like out there, for people who don't have the skills to turn performance into a paycheck. Just ask Amanda Palmer.

Besides, I think Kermit would approve of the cause.

Hand Model Ellen Sirot



In the words of Miss Sirot: "I view my hands as elite athletes...And so everything I do is to protect them from being in any jeopardy or any danger in any way. So for me, that means no cooking, no cleaning, no taking out the garbage, no opening cans, no opening windows, no opening doors, no gardening, no sports, no no no no no. A million no's."

I can't put it any better than she does. Must pay well enough to pay other people to do everything for her...

...yes, there's one more of these coming. But only one more.

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