Friday, May 29, 2009

I see you now, a vague deception of a dying day

The artist is leaving.

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this. Indirectly, she thanked me--I am a former Muse, she thanked every Muse for working with her--and I must take that to heart in the spirit that it is meant. Directly, though, she blamed me for many ills in her life, informed her family and dear friends that I was an obsessive, manipulative stalker, a thief of her time and her funds, an ex-lover who had grown bitter and abusive. She hurled such vitriol at her intimates that I was once banned from Temenos Island over it; most Muses stopped speaking to me; and nearly everyone believed her version of events.

I am none of the things she said I was. When she said them, I was none of those things. I remain none of those things.

In a damaging and incredibly backward fashion, how'ver, the great loss of her presence in my life (after all, I committed the ultimate betrayal: regardless of how many times she unfriended me, at the last I chose to unfriend her) made way for my presence in Caledon. It led my steps to one of the greatest loves of my life. And it deepened a tie with the woman I hold very dear, for her to cross all boundaries and join me on the other side of the screen.

Happiness. Trust. Deep love. Deeper friendship. Submission to bliss. Learning to stand strong in the face of all obstacles.

For once, getting fired was not such a bad thing.

So I think I can say, all things considered, most of me does wish her well, and all future success. (And the part of me that doesn't wish her so very much well, still wishes she's learned from this what she needed to, and no longer feels the need to tarnish anyone else's reputation to cover her own misdeeds.)

Fly free, Sysperia. Find a home for your art and continue to shine. We may never be friends again, but I still admire your vision, your tenacity, and your artistic gifts. May this departure lead you to brilliant and amazing new vistas of opportunity.

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