Monday, January 23, 2012

no more rain, no more rain, I just smile and bleed into the wind

Some people are slow on the uptake. For choice example, scroll down to the comments from Miss "poo", wherein she suddenly has to defend her honor from those despicable whatevers...two years after the original events happened.

The hell.

Anyway, back to the 'love advice' oddity I mentioned yesterday.

From: Mary Edwards (
To: Emilly Orr
Date: Jan 18

Hi Emilly,

Hi again...

We just posted an article, "10 Fights Every Young Couple Has" ([[trimming it out again because I swear, these people strike me as slightly more articulate spammers]]). I thought I'd drop a quick line and let you know in case you thought it was something you're audience would be interested in reading.

That's "your", actually, and I doubt it, but I took a look anyway.

Check out 10 fights every young couple has.

1. Toilet seat: Do you leave the toilet seat up or down?

Oh, you have to be kidding me. Maybe I use "argument" more seriously than most, but I have never had an argument over this with any partner. I get that people can be that petty and small-minded, and I'm not without my flaws, but still, this is ridiculous.

2. Toilet paper: Now this is a funny argument, but one that people feel very strongly about even into their 60's. Do you put the roll on so that the toilet paper comes over the top of the roll or from under the roll? If you ask the makers of toilet paper they will tell you that toilet paper was designed to go on the roll with the paper coming over the top of the roll, but frankly you can do whatever you feel comfortable doing. Just know that this is a little battle so someone should be the bigger person and bend to the other's wishes.

Well, again, that really should be "into their sixties", I think, or if stuck on a numerical fixation, "into their 60s", at the least, but...I think what you're trying to get across is "these are all little arguments, don't get hung up on them". Which I guess would be good advice, as far as it goes...but from here, they get weird.

3. Which side of the bed: If you grew up sleeping in a twin bed it probably won’t make any difference to you which side of the bed you sleep on, but it may if only one side has a lamp for reading or a nightstand to put a book or a glass of water on. If both sides are equal in terms of furniture and lighting then it's just a matter of taste. Your body will have gotten used to sleeping on one side of the bed and it can actually cause insomnia in some people to sleep on the other side of the bed. Good luck with this one.

*blinks* Maybe I grew up in a strange place, but people, I stopped sleeping in a twin bed when I was twelve. I moved from there to an 1800s French canopy full; from there to a queen-size futon; and, now I'm "settled down" with two other people, we have a platform king. (And there are still occasional tickle fights where I swear there's not enough room.)

But...okay, if your problem is that you stuck to a twin bed until you got involved with another person, and you're just really used to having a water bottle or a book on the side of the bed, and now only the other side of the bed has one? Well, isn't it a better idea to talk that out, than get fixated that the left-is-always-your-side-of-the-bed, damn-it?

More importantly, it's not only that side of the bed you may be used to, but that orientation. If you've always slept on the right side of a north-south oriented room, and you move to the left side of an east-west oriented room, you actually might be more comfortable there, depending. I know I've switched sides of the bed depending on where we've moved. It has more to do with where your head and feet are pointing, over what half of the bed you get.

4. Dishes: Who's going to do the dishes? You would think in this day and age of dishwashers that this would be a moot point, but it isn't.

Yeah, this one has gotten me from time to time with people, but oddly, not with loves, but with other roommates. Like the idiot who said neither he nor the other (male) roommate should have to do the dishes, because they're guys. Also, it's likely just me, but I'm irked on the assumption in the rest of the paragraph that insists that every house has a dishwasher. Mine doesn't.

5. Paying the bills: Who is going to pay the bills? Some couples will think that they will pay them together. For some this may actually work, but for others paying the bills will be a point of stress and cause an argument between the couple. It may work to have one person organize the bills onto a spreadsheet or list and have the other person actually pay them.

This is the first thing in two articles I've profoundly agreed with. In fact, the single largest factor that causes individuals to break up is financial stress--who's making money, how much money, how are the bills divided, how much is going for food, rent, utilities, fun...It can be a huge issue. So this one, I get--because yeah, there's no faster way to end up single again than to argue about money.

6. Toothpaste: This is a funny one on the surface, but after a while it really gets irritating. You know how lovey dovey young couples are at the beginning? They want to be together all the time and want to share everything, even toothpaste. Do you squeeze the toothpaste tube from the middle or from the end? What about the cap? Do you put it back on when you are done or just leave it on the counter? This is such an issue that toothpaste makers have made toothpaste in bottles and toothpaste tubes with caps that stay attached after you open them, like flip tops.

Personally, this whole idea baffles me, because I've only met one person who didn't put the toothpaste cap back on, and hey, I broke up with him. (For better reasons that had to do with his inherent racism and not liking all the bruises he gave me, but hey. Still a point.) Me, I'd say, this issue really bothers you? Don't date people who leave the toothpaste cap off (or on, whichever it is).

7. Buying something without discussing it: When a couple is newly married it’s hard to break the habit of buying whatever you want when you want it. Just make sure that you work together and set a limit above which the item has to be discussed before purchasing it. The national average is $249.

You people are insane. Our in-home average of buying without discussion is zero. Because we always discuss purchases, who ARE you people?!?


8. Wet towels: Leaving wet towels on the floor is a huge area of contention. Why is it one person’s job to pick them up and hang them somewhere to dry? A question for those people who leave the wet towel on the floor or bed. Who do you think is going to pick them up, the maid? Why is it anyone else’s job to pick up after you?

While I agree with the last comment, I don't get the rest of this. Oh, I get that people argue about this, but maybe it's again my personal situation--we leave anything on the floor, the girl in the wheelchair can't move around the apartment. End of issue.

9. Hair in the sink: Now this goes both ways, women hate when men leave hair in the sink after they have shaved and men hate it when women leave hair in the drain from washing their hair. Bottom line is that you both need to make sure the sink is pretty clean and presentable when you get ready to leave the bathroom.

Ew. Yeah, there's a word for this type of person: slovenly. I've always liked that word, in that it sounds both shabby, run-down and dim-witted at the same time. But seriously--doesn't this go back to people who can't pick up after themselves as adults? Yes, I have long hair, and yes, sometimes when I comb it out I leave hair on the counter, because I shed--I have few irritating cat habits, but that's one of them. Still, I have learned to check out the counter afterwards, and throw things away. Shock and horror.

Other people don't do this?

10. Remote control: Who controls the remote in your family? How do you decide who gets to hold the remote? Do you have one of those partners that like to keep flipping through the stations without even waiting long enough to see what's on?

Okay, I grant you, I hate the people who just randomly flip channels too, but seriously, people break up with each other over who's holding the remote? Isn't that time to reevaluate your priorities in life? Because trust me, when you move from dating to marriage, compromising becomes a truly refined art. If you can't find the points of compromise when dating...well, you're going to make a lousy spouse, then, too.


Serenity Semple said...

Wow this whole book seems really hung up on specific tiny objects. I'd say there's a lot more argument causing issues in relationships. Like managing ones time while still being active in the relationship. Surprised I did not see that up there. I've lived with my past couple boyfriends and even if we're in the same house we don't always do things together or have 'relationship' time. I thought that was a kinda given, especially if you don't live together (which happens sometimes). But like this book should have been titled 'Most Common Couple Bathroom Arguments and Other Tidbits'; because a lot of the problems seemed to be about bathroom related items.

Emilly Orr said...

Damn, you're right, I never noticed that before. So maybe what they really need to do is put out a list on bathroom etiquette--it could even fall into that "10 things" template, I suppose.

You notice you never see "10 Ways To Drive Your Relationship Into the Dirt", or "10 Really Annoying Habits Your Partner Will Hate"?

Also, yes, it's important to make time for couples' time (or even trio time, in my case), but it's also important to be able to do our own things as individuals. In fact, I'm actually fairly sure that not having to do everything together is also a part of a strong relationship.