Up and stumbling for consciousness, prior to being flung into limbo, I found a new response was given to a very old blog post. Which was just a slight bit too much confrontation with the past, and perhaps overly seasoned with the bitter taste of recrimination, heavy like metal coins on the tongue.
something always brings me back to you
it never takes too long...
So very much has changed since then--down one elf, down three demons, potentially down one Earl, definitely down one Duchess...living on the island until it went under, the fae lands until they burned, the Lunitarium until the price grew too great. It's not been pleasant, at times, and that's without mentioning other defeats.
I don't want to fall another moment
into your gravity
And the game has changed; commerce is forefront in their minds now, not creativity. There seems to be less room now for the dreamers of the dream, and more space needed for the accountants of the end times. When I started, we could talk to the Lindens, have them come help with land issues; not just the big clients, but everyone who paid in that minimal sum every month.
Now, four years later? Sometimes even sim owners go unheard.
It's an untenable situation, and on top of everything else, I'm still trying to figure out what the latest spate of woe-is-me on other blogs will end up being, a year from now.
oh it's such a drag, what a chore
oh your wounds are full of salt
everything's a stress and what's more
well it's all somebody's fault
Emotional turmoil I do not need, and I won't lie, there is serious contemplation to leave the Realm--but where would I go? I can't afford to buy in anywhere else. And even Winterfell, lovely as it is, has changed from the deep twilight woods I so fell in love with...
Where do you go when your heart cries out for change, and everything's the same?
well it's all a crying shame. What
left to do but complain?
better find someone to blame
Beyond all else, it appears I was wrong about a great many things. I put my trust and faith in gentles I might have been wiser keeping at a distant remove. I began a discussion based upon a misapprehension of Caledon society and graces--namely, that there are some--and in that, too, it appears I was mistaken.
There have been other dances--other non-official dances--wherein gentles were banned. Perhaps there were fewer chroniclers of the life and times back then; or perhaps no one cared but the gentles banned. However it goes, this was not the first time.
Without a doubt, it will not be the last.
I'm not the type who would grovel and pray
that he deign to recant and permit me to stay
so I cursed him and left
and I solemnly swore that he'd pay
So, many things are not as I thought they were. Even the ground I own feels unsteady beneath my feet. New wounds, new scars to come, carefully bound away, for when was I ever the sort to show my wounds--even to those who caused them? At the end of it, I have learned that there are no established official events in Caledon (whether we think there are or not); that Caledon has nothing in the way of official seals (including, one would assume, the Founders' Seals for sim raising, and the special seal designed and sent out for Caledon's second anniversary); and that there may not even be peerage, at this point (one supposes we can now freely ignore Dukes, Duchesses, and Barons alike).
And one additional thing has been splendidly impressed: that if a Guv'nah won't make policy, a Duchess will.
I tell you that clockwork's a powerful thing;
there's a terrible strength in those tightly wound springs.
and a gentleman's pocketwatch stays by his heart,
and that's where the damage can start.
Hermit I've been named, so hermit I stay. And if I think more of my friends and my loves who are not on the grid, I don't believe this is solely my fault. And if I see even less of gentles on the grid, well, it wasn't as if I was caught up in the mad social whirl anyway.
After all...Caledon barely has manners now. What need does it have for society's ills?
(Lyrics are extracted from Sara Bareilles' "Gravity", OKgo's "Get Over It", and the Clockwork Quartet's "Watchmaker's Apprentice.")