Thursday, March 4, 2010

I'm trying to make some sense out of what you're doing with my head

Up and stumbling for consciousness, prior to being flung into limbo, I found a new response was given to a very old blog post. Which was just a slight bit too much confrontation with the past, and perhaps overly seasoned with the bitter taste of recrimination, heavy like metal coins on the tongue.

something always brings me back to you
it never takes too long...


So very much has changed since then--down one elf, down three demons, potentially down one Earl, definitely down one Duchess...living on the island until it went under, the fae lands until they burned, the Lunitarium until the price grew too great. It's not been pleasant, at times, and that's without mentioning other defeats.

I don't want to fall another moment
into your gravity


And the game has changed; commerce is forefront in their minds now, not creativity. There seems to be less room now for the dreamers of the dream, and more space needed for the accountants of the end times. When I started, we could talk to the Lindens, have them come help with land issues; not just the big clients, but everyone who paid in that minimal sum every month.

Now, four years later? Sometimes even sim owners go unheard.

It's an untenable situation, and on top of everything else, I'm still trying to figure out what the latest spate of woe-is-me on other blogs will end up being, a year from now.

oh it's such a drag, what a chore
oh your wounds are full of salt
everything's a stress and what's more
well it's all somebody's fault


Emotional turmoil I do not need, and I won't lie, there is serious contemplation to leave the Realm--but where would I go? I can't afford to buy in anywhere else. And even Winterfell, lovely as it is, has changed from the deep twilight woods I so fell in love with...

Where do you go when your heart cries out for change, and everything's the same?

well it's all a crying shame. What
left to do but complain?
better find someone to blame

Beyond all else, it appears I was wrong about a great many things. I put my trust and faith in gentles I might have been wiser keeping at a distant remove. I began a discussion based upon a misapprehension of Caledon society and graces--namely, that there are some--and in that, too, it appears I was mistaken.

There have been other dances--other non-official dances--wherein gentles were banned. Perhaps there were fewer chroniclers of the life and times back then; or perhaps no one cared but the gentles banned. However it goes, this was not the first time.

Without a doubt, it will not be the last.

I'm not the type who would grovel and pray
that he deign to recant and permit me to stay
so I cursed him and left
and I solemnly swore that he'd pay


So, many things are not as I thought they were. Even the ground I own feels unsteady beneath my feet. New wounds, new scars to come, carefully bound away, for when was I ever the sort to show my wounds--even to those who caused them? At the end of it, I have learned that there are no established official events in Caledon (whether we think there are or not); that Caledon has nothing in the way of official seals (including, one would assume, the Founders' Seals for sim raising, and the special seal designed and sent out for Caledon's second anniversary); and that there may not even be peerage, at this point (one supposes we can now freely ignore Dukes, Duchesses, and Barons alike).

And one additional thing has been splendidly impressed: that if a Guv'nah won't make policy, a Duchess will.

I tell you that clockwork's a powerful thing;
there's a terrible strength in those tightly wound springs.
and a gentleman's pocketwatch stays by his heart,
and that's where the damage can start.


Hermit I've been named, so hermit I stay. And if I think more of my friends and my loves who are not on the grid, I don't believe this is solely my fault. And if I see even less of gentles on the grid, well, it wasn't as if I was caught up in the mad social whirl anyway.

After all...Caledon barely has manners now. What need does it have for society's ills?

(Lyrics are extracted from Sara Bareilles' "Gravity", OKgo's "Get Over It", and the Clockwork Quartet's "Watchmaker's Apprentice.")

4 comments:

過分 said...

nice to know you ~........................................

Rhianon Jameson said...

Yes, it is nice to know you. :)

It seems that the thread of "where have Caledon's manners gone?" waxes and wanes every few months. From my perspective, it does seem as though a smaller fraction of Caledon consists of people interested in polite, neo-Victorian society, and more people who see it merely as a nice spot to put a house or a shop. An increasing fraction of ISC chat is about real life stuff 'n' nonsense. So there's some truth to what you say.

But it sounds as though you're reacting to the reactions your thoughts about the latest Caledonian kerfuffle have generated. I thought the comments on your blog were fairly civil in tone (if not precisely in the manner of Victorian politeness), so I can only infer that others were more direct in a more intimate setting. If so, that's unfortunate. One shouldn't let disputes - even ones where one side firmly believes the other is entirely wrong-headed - become heated and personal. But it happens.

As far as there being no peerage...I don't know the basis of that sentence, but I've long thought that, with two broad exceptions, the titles were sufficiently silly that, in general, I ignore them. (The first exception involves those who use titles in some reasonably consistent roleplay; thus, the character is titled, and my in-character interactions take that into account. Waves at Lord Primbroke. The second involves those who are true community leaders, and thus recognized by the Guvnah as such. Waves at Sir JJ, should that august gentleman read this far. Some of the "duchesses by virtue of land holdings" fall into this category, not because - or not merely because - they own an openspace sim, but because, in addition, they are community leaders.)

It seems to me that one ought to be polite as a general rule, and what makes neo-Victorian sims (usually) tolerable is that they attract people who share that view, whereas other parts of the grid may be a little less civil. (Though, to be honest, most people I've met, regardless of location, have been perfectly pleasant.) It would be a shame to lose that in Caledon, or Winterfell, so I hope that whatever unpleasantness you've encountered recently is a small and temporary aborration.

Emilly Orr said...

過分,

See what you've done? Now you have a comment. All right, I'll let it stand, with the adviso that no one click that link, and with the understanding that in a day or so, when I am feeling less charitable, your entire comment goes poof.

Stop trying to gain customers on my blog. It won't work.

Emilly Orr said...

Miss Jameson,

In terms of the blog, I am also letting that post stand, though I was very disheartened and of bitter mindset when I wrote it.

As someone very kind and wise has pointed out to me privately, there are still good people in Caledon, caring people, and she is right to think so. Caledon's people have not lost their grace, or at least, the ones who still believe that the idea of Caledon has value, have not.

And I do agree that respect must be earned--this is why Serra Anansi will always be Lady Serra to me. If she sells off all of Winterfell and moves to a tiki hut on a 512 parcel in the mainland, she will still be Lady Serra.

Though I am amused by one of your other examples--that of Mr. Drinkwater. He is a peer of the realm, yes, and his constant toil to improve virtual world library systems is nothing short of awe-inspiring. For that alone, he deserves the titles he's been given.

But, very long ago now, when I still hosted the dances in Steelhead, I thanked him by his title, and he asked me to call him Mr. Drinkwater.

He's been Mr. Drinkwater ever since.

As far as the rest of it, to say I was confused, slightly irked, and somewhat hurt by the reactions to that initial posting is to speak nothing but the truth. I don't think any of those are unwarranted; and, more to the point, they were all minor reactions. But as usual, private things said ring louder in the ears.

It doesn't help that there are other, more emotional issues feeding into this from other directions. But that ismine to deal with. Still, the timing could have been better.