Monday, March 26, 2007

now come the heartaches that the morning brings


The half-demon was training me, our swords clashing together, yelling at me to come at him, again and again. He tells me I am weak, he tells me I am hopeless, I tell him I agree and he snarls, asking me to come at him again. We spar until my muscles are shaking, until I can barely see straight from fatigue.

He says this is only the beginning, that I will get better, that I will be stronger....that he will make me capable of my own defense, if he has to drag me kicking and screaming to the arena and have me fight all challengers.

I'm not looking forward to this, but he does have a point. I've relied for too long on ducking, hiding, and my wits--it might be more than time to learn the blade.

After he departed for the evening, an old friend contacted me out of the blue. He was in town--he meant Rivula--and would I be amenable to seeing him?

Was there ever a time when that answer would have been no?

He also surprised me--he said, I have this sum of Lindens, what do you want? I queried him, but he seemed serious. All, right, I said, there is a certain skin I've been lusting for--two, actually--over at See No Evil. Can I show them to you?

And he said yes.

And then he bought me the Shiuchin.

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She's quite the lovely look. Especially with my Lycan eyes. I'm going to have oodles of fun in her...

Odd little detail. For some reason, she has vévés on her feet:

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Those ones, in fact, match very simple sketch vévés I've seen for Papa Legba, or Ghede, keepers of the crossroads, keepers of the burial places, Baron Cimétiere...

...which is rather interesting, considering the zombie connection to me.

Wouldn't you think?

In other news...I mislike this, I mislike this severely, and it might well change who I think I am, in this place...but I might need to be crueler. I might need to become the sort of woman, at least briefly, who can crush hearts without qualm, rather than treating them with care and kindness.

My dilemma is...if I become such a woman...can I unbecome her, later? And would it then be worth it if I cannot?


Darien said...

As you continue your descent into demonhood, Miss Orr, the rage and selfishness will consume you. Cruelty and betrayal shall be your right and left hands. You will find it more of a chore to fumble in the darkness of your soul to summon the gentle nature you once posessed. The well of forgiveness will dry up, and moments of grace received and given shall be more precious than diamonds. Can such a change be undone? Coming from the opposite direction on the same path, I cannot say.


emillyorr said...

So far my descent is slow, and can be slower. I don't want to live within the truly dark places I know I contain; I want to know there is still light and love and care, in me and those around me.

*sighs, reaching out tentatively, lacing your fingers and mine, staring down*

Darien, I don't want to be your enemy. I can't be your lover. Tell me there's a third option we can find. For...whatever reason, we keep circling around each other, and I tire, I profoundly tire, of this dance.

Tell me. I'll listen. I don't want to disappear from Steelhead, eaten by Sidhe-sided pride and deception. But I'm not seeing another path through the brambles.


Darien said...

I have already have my Syster turn against me. I cannot face a turn like that again. We shall stay friends. And as you become more like me the more you shall understand me..and we shall truly be Family..for that is House Bloodwing at its core.


emillyorr said...

*sighs again, shrugging*

It's not the answer I wanted. But there's honesty in it, at least.

*wanders off*