Monday, March 19, 2007

I want to touch the light, the heat I see in your eyes

I remember giggling a great deal the night before, I remember the taste of the rum and the sweetness of the pineapple and the falling off occasional chairs. I remember slightly slurring my speech as I talked to people around and about, I remember ending up in the tree in Lumindor talking to a monk long into the morning.

I remember a space of unconsciousness, and then the next morning, I woke up curled into a ball on the couch in my tree. My body felt leaden, my mind was wrapped in cotton fluff. Taste of the strange monk's bitter brew was still in my mouth, but it was so hard to think...more had gone on, I was sure. I was fighting my lack of recall.

Suddenly I gasped,sitting bolt upright, hands clenching on empty air. I'd told him. He'd asked and I'd told him. Drunk enough for honesty, the night before, drunk enough for truth to leave my lips, without my usual gloss of gentle misdirection.

He'd asked how I felt about him. Face raised to the darkened moon, weaving on my feet, I'd answered. I'd said I loved him. I'd said I loved him.

The one thing I told myself I was never going to do, I'd done. Because at one point he'd not wished it. Yet he'd asked, and I'd answered. Truly--at least for me--in vino veritas.

I touched my door open and staggered out onto my balcony. I breathed deeply of chill Lumindoran morning air. I set my thoughts to thinking inward, and waited.

Panic, anger, fear, worry...I looked at the trees surrounding mine and thought. I found myself surprised that these emotions weren't there. No panic. No fear. No hurt. No pain.

What was there...clearly there...was...peace. Which was vaguely unnerving in itself, really. I'm profoundly ill-used to feeling at peace. My shifter self knows chaos, not contentment. My faceted soul understands angst, not accord. Was I hung over, or intoxicated still?

I took a step from my balcony, out into air, dropping nearly weightlessly to the ground, kneeling on the cold grass. I stood, inhaling. No, I thought. I still need to talk to him, but...I think it will be okay. I think...we...will be okay.

A smile touched my lips as I moved into the brightening morning light. Today, I might be a very good day.


Sheriff Mason said...

*eyes blaze to inferno red as it all sinks in*


*envelops in a sphere of flame and is gone*

emillyorr said...

Darien, my former Prince, the incubus of nightmares and sweet cannot have it both ways, by all the gods.

Either we are over, in which case, of course I am free to seek out new involvements, or I am yours, and you were wrong to ever say goodbye and send me far from your side.

*eyes narrow*

Are you declaring an end to friendship, as well?