Sunday, June 13, 2010

she may be transparent, she's got no defenses to speak of

Alicia Chenaux asks, Why did you become a blogger? How has it enriched your life?

I'm sure she means this blog, but the truth is, I've kept some form of online diary since at least 1998. I find I can talk about things easier in type than in person; while I am able, yes, really, to talk to other human beings on not infrequent occasion, I'm more comfortable in text. I always have been. I used to type out letters to friends on a manual typewriter--along with stories, poems, fragments of thoughts, quotes I wanted to remember--and send them off in envelopes I typed, as well.

I may not always be at peace with the machines of my life, but I've never feared them.

At any rate, from then to now, it's just been a process of evolution--typing things, then moving to Usenet, and the Nyx network, then FIDONet, then PODSNet, then GeoCities...and from then the World Wide Web was well underway, so it was a webpage here, a webpage there, publishing occasional articles and poems as I found space for them...to now.

One of my loves actually bought me a t-shirt that says Blogito ergo sum: I blog, therefore I am. Maybe that's my best answer.

And on the dark side of it, I've actually pointed loves towards the blog--or they've found entries on their own--where I deal with emotional instability, anger, hurt, confusion, that I can't adequately express to them. On more than one occasion this has caused hurt and confusion in return.

A friend once said she'd be hugely uncomfortable writing about her love life (though I cover more, now, than just love and loss) online; me, I always see it as...a radio station.

I'm broadcasting, yes, and anyone can retrieve the broadcast over the airwaves, but...the broadcast is still that: open air, just talking, occasional music, news of the day. It's still out there, it's still going out. Whether there's one listener, or thousands, it's the same thing.

So am I.

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