Saturday, June 5, 2010

little girl, little girl, you should close your eyes

A while back, during my first few days as a sales agent for Solace Beach, I sold a parcel to a...erm...someone...less than knowledgeable about the whole rental process on the grid, let's say.

Well, she's not the sharpest tool in the shed, let's say that.

At any rate, getting things through to her has been a tremendous challenge, and sadly, she seems to think I'm her personal beck and call girl now. For...everything.

But today's little question and answer session was just...insane.

[15:59] gleneakqui Ubble: do u know anything about kids
[15:59] Emilly Orr: Define?
[15:59] gleneakqui Ubble: what

Weirdly, I expect this at this point. Talk slow, use small words. Have her not get things anyway.

[16:00] Emilly Orr: SL kids?
[16:00] gleneakqui Ubble: what sl
[16:00] Emilly Orr blinks

Actually, I'm not sure she has tools, sharp or not. Maybe she doesn't even have a shed.

[16:00] Emilly Orr: Kids here?
[16:00] gleneakqui Ubble: yea
[16:00] Emilly Orr: As in, you want one, or you want to be one, or you want not to deal with one?
[16:01] gleneakqui Ubble: i wont noe

She's also...not the best speller. It makes things very, very difficult at times.

[16:02] gleneakqui Ubble: u no how to do it
[16:02] Emilly Orr: How to...get kids?
[16:02] gleneakqui Ubble: yes

Well, first, you need an SL partner, and when SL mommy and SL daddy have been dating for fourteen minutes, and love each other very very very much....

Seriously, now. I'm beginning to suspect she's having me on. NO ONE is this thick.

...are they?

[16:03] Emilly Orr: Okay, hold up. Are we talking prim infants, or people who play your kids in world?
[16:04] gleneakqui Ubble: i wont a kid on this game do u know how to get me one

Well, don't get snippy with me because I don't know what you're asking for. Also: I am not a baby supplier, I am a sales agent, and a builder. Bite me.

But I'm in that helpful mood, you know? Helpful moods get me in more trouble...So I pull up search (since I'm in SnowGlobe, and search still works...) and I track down some non-freakish alternatives, and as much as I want to flip her the landmark to the Gorean Baby Center, I restrain myself.

[16:07] Emilly Orr: Still not entirely sure what you're asking, but try Precious Love:
[16:08] Emilly Orr: If you want something more realistic try Rockabye:

Prim babies, they both sound okay, and prim infants are still staggeringly not my thing, but...helpful. As in, trying to be.

[16:14] gleneakqui Ubble: none there

I sent her two spots KNOWN for prim infants, pregnancy HUDs, hells, one of them has a goddamn birthing clinic, what does she want? A real kid?

[16:19] Emilly Orr: What are you looking for?
[16:20] gleneakqui Ubble: a kid i can adopt


[16:23] Emilly Orr: I've never actually looked into that. Abby's seems non-creepy in their ad:

I thought the conversation was over. I'd swallowed a significant amount of screaming I wanted to do at her, and she wasn't typing back, so I went back to answering sales questions--you know, what I'm actually supposed to be doing at the sales office?

Then I got the blue drop-down offer of doom:

glenakqui Ubble has offered to teleport you to his or her location:

I have no idea where that is, or what they do, and I don't care to learn. What the hell? No. Just no. This is too much.

[16:39] Emilly Orr: I can't come see you, glen, I'm working.
[16:39] gleneakqui Ubble: ok well can i have some money i have one

Jesus. She found a kid? That quick??

[16:40] Emilly Orr: I'm also not your banker, glen. But if you look up employment on search, you could probably find a job and save up.

WHO IS THIS IDIOT? My gods, she can't figure out how to pay a parcel box with her name on it, I take her to a parcel and she buys the one next door, she rezzes out two full copies of her house on the parcel behind her (causing the resident OF that parcel to have part of her OWN house returned!!)--and now she wants money from someone she doesn't know to buy her a kid? Has she lost her mind?!?

[16:41] gleneakqui Ubble: plzzzz
[16:41] gleneakqui Ubble: i wont so bad
[16:41] gleneakqui Ubble: plzzzzzzz

Lady, you are CREEPING THE HELL OUT OF ME now. NO.

[16:42] Emilly Orr: Trust me, I likely don't have enough to toss you anyway. Aren't adoptions expensive?

Frankly, I have no idea. Even more bluntly, unless I know the person behind the screen really damned well, and I trust them completely, and--my personal top on the list--I WANT TO DEAL WITH SL KIDS...I don't WANT some random stranger to cuddle and hold and give a bedtime to. That's just...wrong. On so many levels.

[16:43] gleneakqui Ubble: how much u have

A staggeringly rude question for someone I already dread interacting with. And there is going to be a limit to helpfulness from now on.

[16:44] Emilly Orr: L$108, and I can't spare any of it, because Sunday, I'm starting new ads for my business.

Which is true, and I'm not planning on putting more than L$51 each for two ads total, but that's still L$102, leaving me L$4. And yes, I do get paid Sunday, but most of that is still slotted for rent.

I am not happy with this, I am creeped out completely by her, and I'm unfriending her. If I get yelled at for being rude to a client, then fine--but there is no sales position on the planet that requires real estate clerks to engage in virtual child trafficking. Just no.


[Insert from the Editrix: After I sent this out, I realized, I couldn't just toss up a SLUrl from the creepy lady without knowing what it I went there.

[Now I wish I hadn't:

[18:14] KIDS PLACE SECURITY: Welcome to KIDS PLACE ADOPTION RANGE, Whe have some rules.. Dont talk about adoptionif u dont have a panel here. When you know some bad or dirty people who visiting here, Please report it to us whe take care of it then, No weapons! No dirty talk or gestures! No advertise Or give LM''s away!!, And dont walk naked ! This a Child save place. So please dont break this rules or u will get banned permanent. Also wi notice Som pursons tell the work here en esk u lindes DO NOT PAY LINDES to pursons on kids place .Please have a good time ad Kids Place. Enjoy ur stay here :-)

[Ooookay. Verbatim chat capture. This is the thing every new visitor to the Kids Place sees.

[Remind me NEVER TO GO BACK THERE EVER EVER EVER. Soooo getting unfriended, like, RIGHT DAMNED NOW.]


Lalo Telling said...

Perhaps you've run up against the problem I characterize (stereotype? possibly...) as "ESL". Not merely with your former parasite -- um, friend -- but with the security bot at that place. Non-English-speaking people make up a sizable fraction of the Resis, after all.

On the other hand, the rest of what you regale causes me to agree that there's much more missing from her grasp than conversational English... and the security spiel also looks suspiciously like the fake baby-talk we both so despise.

This, however, is priceless:

Well, first, you need an SL partner, and when SL mommy and SL daddy have been dating for fourteen minutes, and love each other very very very much....

heh heh

Emilly Orr said...

Believe me, I know that American and English speakers are a minority on SL, but this definitely seems more than that, and it's not the first time. I had to talk to her for a full hour on how to rez out a house. Newcomer having problems building? Sure. Retexturing? Sure. Even buying land set for sale? Absolutely.

How many ways do you know, though, to say "Drag the box from your inventory to the ground"? How many different ways are there to say "Right-click the box to pay it"? I tried them all. I even went on XStreet, found three freebie houses, and tossed her the webpages.

She "lost" all three. Somehow.

If it was just a language barrier, I run with a translator these days, and I type fast--I generally have the time to re-translate, go to other sites. It's not that. It's...something else.

And thank you, I thought that a perfect description of some--maybe even most--SL relationships. :)

Fogwoman Gray said...

Miss Orr, that was definitely a chuckle. And why my Deanship at Oxbridge was characterized by staying the heck out of the way and letting those patient saints work their magic with our newest arrivals. I am fine answering some questions and helping. Not so fine with the assumption that I am now your personal entertainment committee, contractor, tour guide, personal shopper and purse.
I could do an entire and similar blog post on my recent adventures with the soon-to-be exwife of my first RL husband, who is inworld. Evidently having an ex in common makes her my new BFF :)

Rhianon Jameson said...

Mrs. Volare, that's just horrifying.

Miss Orr, that's, er, horrifying as well. I was all set to joke that the SL Mommy would need to convince the SL Daddy to kidnap a prim baby...but this creature wants to use Second Life, the epitome of the anonymous, to come into contact with an actual, living, breathing child? I'm creeped out beyond words. (Well, not exactly beyond words, as the foregoing shows, but still. Creeped out beyond cheap jokes.)

Lalo Telling said...

Actually, Ms Jameson, the truth behind the plea is creepier still (to those who find it creepy on principle): Miss Em's leech wanted to come in contact with a living, breathing adult pretending to be a child.

Mind you, I am not among those who believe that all such RP'ers -- the "children" and the adults who "adopt" them -- have sex as an ulterior motive. It's more basic than that: There are some forms of verisimilitude my brain simply refuses to comprehend -- which is probably why I do not roleplay.

Candy said...

I don't see anywhere where Creepy Glen is saying she(?) wants to meet a child in RL or an adult RPing a child in RL. Am I missing something?


Emilly Orr said...

Somehow I lost the replies to this entry until now...

Lady Fogwoman,

It's a common behavior on SL, scarily enough. Dating the same guy? Instant enemies until the breakup happens; then that person is willing to be fast friends to 'dish'.

I've even had the same trick happen with an ex--as in, the guy--wanting to be my new constant companion AFTER we broke up.

It's on the baffling side.

Emilly Orr said...

Miss Jameson,

No, I don't think that's it--that would be creepy, and potentially reportable.

But by the same extension, I don't think she really gets that it's an adult behind the screen. I think she literally expects to go right out and adopt a kid who will be instantly her very own beloved child to go with her new house and her new land...and be a kid, not someone else playing a kid.

For me, that's the creepy part; the blurring between SL (virtual) and RL (what we do when we're not in world)...and if she wants more than that, if she really does want to hook up on SL to get a real honest-to-everything child...I don't wanna know.

Emilly Orr said...

Mr. Telling,

Pretty much. What disturbed me enough to unfriend her was the string of assumptions, all at once:

* that I would happily track down an SL child and hand it over to her; or
* that I'd hold her hand while she bopped to various places because I have nothing better to do than shop with her; and
* that I would then BUY HER SAID CHILD. Like he or she was...a puppy, or a box of soup, or something. "Here. Have it. It's your new instant family."

Emilly Orr said...

And Candy,

No, that's not what she's asking for, but by the same extension, I don't think she's entirely clear on the concept of roleplaying family on SL.

I mean, consider: we see a lot of families on SL. People want to express that bond with other people. We meet someone, they become husband or wife, or daughter, son, sister, brother, father, mother--whatever that expression of closeness is for us, some of us want and need that for validation. I'm not saying anyone who has an SL family is in the wrong, or is creepy just for having those connections.

What I found unbearable was the line of thought leading to family.

"You! Person I barely know who sold me land! Now we are friends. You will buy me a house! And you will rez out that house! And you will get me one that's not so tall, because I know nothing of adjusting houses and I just blink stupidly when you say the word 'edit'!

"Also you will buy me a child! Because I really want one and you are my friend. And that is what friends do here! They are there to help me get a house! And a child! Which you will buy me because I really want it!"

That's's a staggering line of thought. And, somewhere in there, the very basic idea that SL really is just a game is, I think, getting lost.

Plus, imagine the scarifying experience for the SL child--having a mother who draws a blank on most four- and five-letter words because they're too complex.

Candy said...

I can see said child being a SL runaway pretty quick (keeping in mind that SL children are played by adults whom, we hope, have a less scary perspective on it than Scary Glen)! :-)

I see your point, to a point. I would hope any adoption "agency" in SL would screen her out.

The rest of it is just ridiculous. What an odd sense of entitlement.


Emilly Orr said...

Sadly, I've run into that sense of entitlement a great deal, and not just newcomers to the game.

But, since I personally don't play the 'family game' on SL, I know next to nothing about SL adoptions. I would hope they'd screen, too, and for all the tacky evil of the Kids' Place quoted in this entry, they did have a few Parent Panels that were listed as being "on probation".

Maybe that means they are doing some sort of verification process?

Rhianon Jameson said...

My apologies for jumping to the conclusion that the "child" involved was a real one. After Mr. Telling's comment, I went back and re-read the post. Although there is some ambiguity, thanks to the some-other-language-to-English filter, I concede that everyone else's interpretation - of an SL "adoption" - is the right one. Hey, these things happen. :)

I'd have to say it's considerably less horrifying to want to have this kind of interaction with another adult. No less weird, possibly even weirder, but consenting adults can do what they want.

Carry on. :)

Emilly Orr said...

Miss Jameson,

It remains as creepy for me because I know the woman in question. I still reel at having to spend over an hour telling her that a real estate company provided virtual land, not homes...over and over and OVER again. I still remain baffled that I took her to several parcels, where she didn't get the concept of buying land in the first place, only to walk over to the parcel next block over from the one I was showing her, to buy it, and it hadn't formally been set to sale!

I still throw my hands up in utter confusion that she rezzed out first one house, complained it was too tall--and refused to listen to me, who was willing to talk her through editing it 'lower' (it was built on stilts, so it could be a mountain home or sunk into beachfront)--then I tracked down three more houses for her, and she wanted me to rez them out. From her inventory.

I distinctly mourn the days when people couldn't get into SL at all until they'd gone through Orientation Isle. Yes, OI was weird, yes, at times it was stupid, but if you didn't pass everything, you couldn't leave.

At worst, it sufficed as a brain test--if you're not this smart, you can't ride this ride.