A submissive’s lessons:
I will not glue pretty rhinestones to Master’s floggers.
I will not aim for Master’s head.
I will not yet “FIRE!” every time Master lights a candle.
I will not slap Master with my bra.
Punishment is neither boring nor pointless.
I will not call Master “Dr. Death”.
I will not tell Master “You hit like a girl”.
I will not eat all of Master’s MandMs while he is at work.
I will not call Master “spud head,” “butt head” or any kind of head. Masters ARE perfect.
Mud is not an acceptable side dish for dinner for Master.
I will not peek out of the blindfold.
There is no such thing as “slave immunity”.
I did not win an Oscar for my last session.
I will not hide all of Master’s toys.
I will not say “Oh Master, you’re the bestest and biggest” just to get a spanking.
I will not give Master the bent fork no matter how mad I am at him.
I will not hide a mouse trap inside Master’s toy chest.
My last assignment was not stolen by one-armed net hackers.
I will not scare the newbies by telling them “All REAL subs like bullwhips”.
I will refrain from saying “Hail Satan” when I don’t like Master’s orders.
I will not use Master’s bondage table for a skateboard ramp, or a slide into the pool.
I will not bite my Master on the bottom every time He says “Bite me”.
I will not put superglue on the whip handle, or the inside of Master’s boots.
I will not leave post-it notes on my behind for my Master.
I will not correct Master’s grammar while he is correcting me.
I will not tie Master to the bed while He is sleeping.
I will not put dead batteries in my Master’s cattle prod.
I will not switch a glue stick for Master’s chap stick.
I will not stick out my tongue at Master when he’s not looking.
I will not use the pages from Master’s Dom Handbook to start the grill.
I will not yell “Yellow!” in the grocery store.
I will not count by twos when counting strokes of the flogger.
I will not put Alka Seltzer in my mouth before a scene and scare Master by frothing at the mouth.
I will not drop my jaw and answer with, “You want me to do WHAT?!”
I will not sabotage anything in Master’s bag of tortures...
...having me as a sub is torture enough!
I won't lie, some of these made me giggle rather a lot.