there's something wrong with the world today, the lightbulb's getting dim

Now, I will admit, sometimes, ISC Chat--the main chat channel for all of Caledon's variable personalities-at-large--can be a silly place. Occasionally terrifying, usually outrageous, sometimes scandalous...rarely, rarely boring.

Some nights, though, confusion rises to the level of total impenetrability. Enter one Mr. Chairperson Effingham, on one of these nights.

Now, to date, we'd been discussing chocolate bubble baths, frilly bonnets, and two-prim sculpted trees--don't ask--when...it happened.

[1:21] Chairperson Effingham: em wants to meet with ms. orr
[1:22] Emilly Orr blinks.
[1:22] Chairperson Effingham: whats's the so i did
[1:22] Emilly Orr: Wouldn't that be recursive? Em wanting to meet with me? Mostly I'm Em.
[1:22] Kirawill Collingwood wrinkles her nose at Emmy-Orr
[1:22] Chairperson Effingham: and gave line to the gershwin blots
[1:22] Muse Messmer: What is the matter with your eyes, Ms. Orr? Got some sand in them?
[1:22] Kirawill Collingwood: Em. it's early. yer hurtin mah brain.

So that bit was odd, and never quite explained, but then...

[1:28] Chairperson Effingham: where're yall on line>?
[1:29] Chairperson Effingham: Emily, you especially, aren;t you anti Victorian

Now. 'Anti-Victorian'? That's a fairly specific accusation. But it was never really explained, either.

[1:29] Emilly Orr: Am I what now?
[1:29] Muse Messmer: Perhaps antideluvian
[1:30] Emilly Orr: How so anti-Victorian?
[1:31] Vivito Volare: Showing ankle?
[1:31] Emilly Orr: I mean, I'm on the mainland right NOW; but I do have a home in Caledon.
[1:31] Muse Messmer: I don't know, her Person-ness said it.
[1:31] Emilly Orr looks down
[1:31] Chairperson Effingham: friend, If i shoot myself in the foot now, it'll be qualitatively identitical to shooting mystelf then
[1:31] Chairperson Effingham: I'm a genius honey
[1:31] Emilly Orr: Well, I'm definitely showing ankle in this outfit, yes, but it's my bloodspattered Loli outfit, it's sort of insistent about such things.
[1:32] Kirawill Collingwood: mmm annabelle
[1:32] Emilly Orr: Well, no, mine.
[1:32] Zealot Benmergui: In that outfit, the ankle goes up to mid thigh
[1:32] Emilly Orr: Though I own Annabel Lee.
[1:32] Kirawill Collingwood: :)
[1:32] Kirawill Collingwood: you made one?
[1:32] Emilly Orr: This was my first attempt at a sort of, hmm, tutu skirt?
[1:33] Chairperson Effingham: next week, I'll have the primer that i've given prime pleasant for gieng
[1:33] Emilly Orr lifts an eyebrow.
[1:33] Chairperson Effingham: sorry
[1:33] Emilly Orr: Gieng. Translator failure. Resend, please?

I have an onboard translator from typonese. It used to function much better, when I was involved with the vampire princeling, because his prime means of communication is typonese. It's not as effective now I'm mostly around people who can spell properly.

[1:33] Chairperson Effingham: haha
[1:33] Chairperson Effingham: don't be crude
[1:33] Emilly Orr: What?
[1:34] Emilly Orr: I have a translator for typo, mostly it's fine.
[1:34] Chairperson Effingham: i mean
[1:34] Zealot Benmergui: gieng..sounds like something the dentist tells you not to have
[1:34] Chairperson Effingham: i am listening to oratorio
[1:34] Elegia Underwood: Or perhaps a Chinese herb for hot flashes...
[1:34] Elegia Underwood: & polka dots...
[1:35] Chairperson Effingham: in the foratora for the second life for us
[1:35] Elegia Underwood: Yep. Thought so.
[1:35] Chairperson Effingham: indeed
[1:35] Chairperson Effingham: per nada!

Several of us blinked, stunned at the 'per nada'.

[1:35] Elegia Underwood: The Chair is definitely speaking a different dialect of typonese than that which my translator understands. You, too, Miss Orr?
[1:35] Chairperson Effingham: fuck
[1:36] Chairperson Effingham: nono
[1:36] Chairperson Effingham: we're all
[1:36] Chairperson Effingham: we're given something triite

The conversation was definitely going downhill. And for the life of me, I still couldn't figure out what he wanted in the first place.

[1:45] Emilly Orr is still wondering what would define her as an anti-Victorian. She has defiantly chosen a lifestyle not centered around marrriage...but then, so have many Caledonians... :)
[1:45] Magdalena Kamenev: Surely there were free love advocates among the Victorians?
[1:45] Chairperson Effingham: still wondering what would define her as an anti-Victorian. She has defiantly chosen a lifestyle not centered around marrriage...but then, so have many Caledonians... :)

This wasn't the first time Mr. Effingham repeated statements made earlier; this amped up the confusion factor for the channel.

[1:45] Xanna Ziskey: for what it's worth, Miss Orr, I consider you fully Victorian
[1:45] Edward Pearse: And so did a few notable Victorians for that matter
[1:45] Chairperson Effingham: hahaha
[1:46] Chairperson Effingham: so mrs Orr
[1:46] Melanippe Karas: Poor Em.
[1:46] Chairperson Effingham: where might we meet to talk?
[1:46] Emilly Orr: Well, hmm, I'm not sure I'd go *that* far, either. I am frequently seen in non-traditional attire....
[1:46] Emilly Orr blinks
[1:46] Emilly Orr: There needs to be a meeting?
[1:46] Chairperson Effingham: nono
[1:46] Emilly Orr: What've I done?
[1:46] Chairperson Effingham: no
[1:46] Chairperson Effingham: haha
[1:46] Chairperson Effingham: honey
[1:46] Magdalena Kamenev: Is someone saying that you are NOT Victorian?
[1:46] Chairperson Effingham: it's not to a point
[1:47] Edward Pearse: Just show up as pink jelly Em.
[1:47] Chairperson Effingham: haha
[1:47] Emilly Orr: I am not responsible for the turkeys, I warned you!
[1:47] Chairperson Effingham: ugh
[1:47] Chairperson Effingham: don't be crude

And there he goes again, 'don't be crude'--by saying what, precisely??

[1:47] Magdalena Kamenev: Mayhaps you are a precursor of the Bloomsbury group, Miss Orr?
[1:47] Zealot Benmergui: hmm..clumsy pick up attempt in open chat, and he tells HER not to be crude...
[1:47] Chairperson Effingham: haaa
[1:48] Chairperson Effingham: neither
[1:48] Chairperson Effingham: you're both being rough
[1:48] Chairperson Effingham: and presumptive
[1:48] Emilly Orr: I am?

At this point we began to wonder if we were:

a) being had;
b) in the hands of some badly-coded channelbot;
c) in the hands of a non-English speaker with a bad translation program;
d) or all four.

[1:50] Emilly Orr tilts her head
[1:50] Emilly Orr: Am I the only one confused, here?
[1:50] Chairperson Effingham: i rather don't understand who's else for us
[1:51] Magdalena Kamenev: Not at all, Miss Orr.
[1:51] Jayleden Miles: I have been confused since the Guvner went to bed
[1:51] Jayleden Miles: lol
[1:51] Zealot Benmergui: We MUST introduce this fellow to Wilber
[1:51] Chairperson Effingham: (one sec. . . .)
[1:51] Audrey Fotherington puts her hand up as completely confused
[1:51] Edward Pearse: Bwahahahaha
[1:51] Emilly Orr: Oh, dear, really? That's sort of a staggering punishment for a mild indiscretion.
[1:51] Magdalena Kamenev: Two personages enter, one entity leaves?
[1:51] Chairperson Effingham: I KNOW

And he just kept going. It got so it was less about the odd, more about the irritating; then it went past irritating into sheer astounding levels of bafflement.

[1:51] Chairperson Effingham: ok
[1:51] Xanna Ziskey: Fine idea Mr. Benmergui
[1:52] Chairperson Effingham: no
[1:52] Chairperson Effingham: don't be silly
[1:52] Chairperson Effingham: my benmergui
[1:52] Edward Pearse: I don't think he's yours
[1:52] Zealot Benmergui: Your benmergui? Why Sir, we have not even sodomized yet!
[1:52] Xanna Ziskey: no, no MY Benmergui
[1:52] Edward Pearse: You'll have to fight his wife and she dosen't play fair
[1:52] Chairperson Effingham: please don't be crude
[1:53] Zealot Benmergui: Not when Sodomy is involved, no sirree bob
[1:53] Zealot Benmergui: Oh dear..I have not even come close to crude yet...ask anyone

And the second appearance of that line, 'don't be crude'. Said usually after the most innocuous statements. One wonders upon what he was basing his assumptions...

Then out of the blue, came this:

[1:58] Chairperson Effingham: my asshole parents thought about me
[1:58] Emilly Orr blinks
[1:58] Zealot Benmergui: ok...anyone want to figure out that one?
[1:58] Xanna Ziskey: Language!
[1:58] Emilly Orr: And he's been telling US not to be rude. :)
[1:59] Edward Pearse: Not even going to try
[1:59] Chairperson Effingham: I'mj where I started

Which I suppose was good for Mr. Effingham, but not the best place for the rest of us.

[1:59] Melanippe Karas: I call golem or really drunk, and I suspect JJ Drinkwater in the Library with a Script.
[1:59] Magdalena Kamenev: Rum, sodomy and the lash?
[1:59] Emilly Orr: That was a good album.
[1:59] Chairperson Effingham: non
[2:00] Edward Pearse: I'll just have the rum if it's all the same thanks
[2:00] Zealot Benmergui: I'll take the lash
[2:00] Chairperson Effingham: nono
[2:00] Edwina Heron: did I get that right...he wants to be the Baron of Syphalis?
[2:00] Zealot Benmergui: so that just leaves Sodomy bringing up the rear
[2:00] Elegia Underwood: lmao
[2:00] Sphynx Soleil stares in disbelief
[2:00] Edward Pearse: Boom tish
[2:00] Magdalena Kamenev pours liberal libations.
[2:00] Emilly Orr facepalms
[2:00] Elegia Underwood: And it's a large scaly bum at the mo'.
[2:00] Zealot Benmergui: Thank you, I am here all week..tip yoru waitress
[2:01] Chairperson Effingham: it's per nada
[2:01] Neome Graves joins in on the rum, having a feeling she will need it if she stays in this chat.
[2:01] Jayleden Miles: And which way should we tip the waitress? upside down?
[2:01] Zealot Benmergui: per nada....
[2:02] Zealot Benmergui: *just stares helplessly...

We were all staring helplessly at that point, I think.

[2:02] Chairperson Effingham: hqhq
[2:02] Chairperson Effingham: haha
[2:02] Chairperson Effingham: per nada
[2:02] Chairperson Effingham: it's what they smile out today
[2:02] Melanippe Karas: It's DE nada.
[2:02] Chairperson Effingham: nono
[2:02] Chairperson Effingham: haha
[2:02] Zealot Benmergui: It has been ages since I smiled out anything
[2:03] Chairperson Effingham: haha
[2:03] Chairperson Effingham: honey
[2:03] Edward Pearse: If the wind changes your face with stay like that
[2:03] Chairperson Effingham: next time I give my money to the winds change
[2:03] Zealot Benmergui: what, sweetheart?
[2:03] Magdalena Kamenev desperately hopes someone will blog this.
[2:03] Chairperson Effingham: the fire will lift leaves
[2:04] Xanna Ziskey winks at Miss Kamenev
[2:04] Emilly Orr: The future may well be blogged, yes.

Not that it's going to make that much sense...even in reading over it, I can feel large stunning patches of the conversation hit my brain again, and stop thought dead.

[2:04] Elegia Underwood lands on a trolley wondering if it's a male dragon. It seems to be spouting smoke the way male dragons do.
[2:04] Zealot Benmergui: another good example of why heroin and internet connections do NOT mix
[2:04] Elegia Underwood nuzzles the trolley.
[2:04] Chairperson Effingham: NO
[2:04] Chairperson Effingham: We can't be baby foolish evolution video stripes
[2:04] Magdalena Kamenev: Miss Underwood, DO please let us know if the trolley nuzzles back.
[2:05] Chairperson Effingham: (I shall mum)
[2:05] Elegia Underwood notices that the male dragon is NOT nuzzling back, but it IS purring.
[2:05] Zealot Benmergui: alright, he's doing it on purpose now
[2:05] Melanippe Karas: It's a goooooleeeemmmmm....

I was beginning to agree with Lady Karas. And being unsure why an improperly-coded golem would descend upon ISC Chat.

[2:05] Chairperson Effingham: I wish the dragon would nuzzle back!
[2:05] Chairperson Effingham: but shit!
[2:06] Magdalena Kamenev: Purring is an awfully good sign!
[2:06] Zealot Benmergui: hmmm...I think that might parse out to an attempt at an insult, but I am not sure
[2:06] Chairperson Effingham: we're griving per new signs
[2:06] Elegia Underwood does not LIKE this dragon. It pushed her off the bridge & into the water ... causing a small cloud of steam & a decrease in the water level.
[2:06] Zealot Benmergui: anyone else want to chime in on this?

I think many of us did wish to, but we were struck dumb in astonishment, for the most part.

[2:08] Chairperson Effingham: haha\
[2:08] Chairperson Effingham: honey
[2:08] Chairperson Effingham: it's post reality
[2:09] Emilly Orr keeps reading back, and hoping it will make more sense, and it's just...not...
[2:09] Jayleden Miles: I bet that leaves a mark
[2:09] Magdalena Kamenev: Don't, Miss Orr!
[2:09] Edward Pearse: Right there with you Em
[2:09] Zealot Benmergui: I have surrendered
[2:09] Emilly Orr: Might be wise.
[2:10] Melanippe Karas: 20 dinars I have it right.
[2:10] Neome Graves: Don't do it, Emi, It's not worth it, live in the now!

I was trying to, but I was also trying to figure out just what it was in our midst we were trying to communicate with--live mind, hive mind, or directed mis-programmed construct of some kind...

[2:13] Chairperson Effingham: what d'your have per--Now the Days Jam master Jay gets to shea
[2:13] Magdalena Kamenev: Oh no ...
[2:14] Chairperson Effingham: right
[2:14] Chairperson Effingham: serpentine!
[2:15] Chairperson Effingham: I skinned em!

Now he was getting personal.

[2:18] Emilly Orr: 0.0
[2:18] Chairperson Effingham: no
[2:18] Emilly Orr: You did NOT skin Em!
[2:18] Emilly Orr has not been skinned!
[2:18] Chairperson Effingham: I'm sorry mrs Orr
[2:18] Neome Graves: Nuuuuuu!
[2:19] Chairperson Effingham: NOOO
[2:19] Edward Pearse: "Miss Orr" last I checked
[2:19] Chairperson Effingham: Yes
[2:19] Emilly Orr: Well, considering the 'partner' field is still annoyingly blank
[2:19] Emilly Orr: That flaw in LL's theory of partnership and all. :)
[2:20] Edward Pearse: That's coz it only has room for one....
[2:20] Neome Graves smiles at the Emilly
[2:20] Chairperson Effingham: Don't be crude
[2:20] Chairperson Effingham: I'll beat you

And there it was again--'don't be crude' after several absolutely innocuous statements, followed by a threat to beat me. And I'm wondering...for what, precisely?

[2:20] Emilly Orr: You say that so often, Mr. Effingham, I do not think it means what you think it means.
[2:20] Edward Pearse: *blinks at Mr. Effingham*
[2:20] Elegia Underwood thinks they are safely tucked up in a castle. "Drat!"
[2:20] Chairperson Effingham: but our bottles have us tyring nothing

[2:21] Chairperson Effingham: those Whom you'll meet me tomorrow
[2:21] Chairperson Effingham: my name!--
[2:22] Emilly Orr: Anyone? Was that a potential threat to be beaten?
[2:22] Emilly Orr: Because, you know, that's not entirely a deterrent, but at least coffee first

Well, it's a point. Of small order, but had to be made. Didn't seem to matter, it was ignored--and for once, not responded to with 'don't be crude!'

[2:24] Chairperson Effingham: again, you're beign crude

...or so I thought.

[2:24] Adzer Thorne: did gyre and gimbal in the wabe...
[2:24] Melanippe Karas: See?
[2:24] Chairperson Effingham: I will a slillig with living toves
[2:24] Edward Pearse: I don't think that word means what you think it means Mr. Effingham
[2:24] Emilly Orr: Define this 'crude'
[2:24] Melanippe Karas: Sorry, thanks - told you I couldn't remember.
[2:24] Elegia Underwood: All mimsy were the borogoves & the mome wraths outgrabe?
[2:24] Chairperson Effingham: mr pearse,
[2:24] Neome Graves: All mimsy were the bouroughgroves and the mome wraths outgrabe
[2:25] Adzer Thorne: and the moomraths outgrabe...
[2:25] Neome Graves: I always add extra U's to that. =P
[2:25] Melanippe Karas: Beware teh Jabberwock, my son!
[2:25] Chairperson Effingham: I knew what you meant before you meant you thought you meant

Now theories were being tossed around intently. The golem theory surfaced quite a bit; the irritating griefer-by-language theory; the translating from Japanese--badly--theory. Plus others. Nothing seemed to quite fit, but what else would have explained an entire night of this?

[2:25] Chairperson Effingham: mum
[2:25] Elegia Underwood: Vicodin would do it.
[2:25] Melanippe Karas: GOLEM!
[2:25] Elegia Underwood: It spins!

We just nodded at 'Golem' at this point. It seemed the most appropriate answer.

[2:26] Chairperson Effingham: if you didn't mr Pearse, you'r one in some 200,000
[2:26] Muse Messmer: Ware the Frumious Bandersnatch!
[2:26] Chairperson Effingham: and i'm glad for you
[2:26] Melanippe Karas: Claw that catch?
[2:26] Chairperson Effingham: so grow yourself!
[2:27] Muse Messmer: Hehehe
[2:27] Melanippe Karas: ClawS, sorry.
[2:27] Chairperson Effingham: Friends
[2:27] Chairperson Effingham: Grow
[2:27] Edward Pearse: Only 1 in 200,000 thinks you don't know what you're talking about? I think you over estimate the odds.
[2:27] Chairperson Effingham: don't be crude pearse!
[2:27] Chairperson Effingham: we need to tell them that we're tire

And we were, was the thing, but mostly, we were tired of Mr. Effingham being impenetrably confusing.

[2:27] Muse Messmer: Ms. Orr seems to have forgotten her classic children's literature. Never worry, Ms. Orr, tis quite harmless silliness.
[2:28] Chairperson Effingham: we feel you
[2:29] Chairperson Effingham: we want to find our

And he never explained that either. "We want to find our"...what? Way out? Ban button?

Sanity?

[2:34] Chairperson Effingham: i apreciate yout r apeciaqte
[2:34] Chairperson Effingham: hahaa
[2:34] Emilly Orr's translator begins to emit faint blue smoke
[2:34] Emilly Orr: Oh, dear.
[2:35] Chairperson Effingham: badly mis spelled lines
[2:35] Edward Pearse: Maybe he's already met Mr. Beaumont then :-)
[2:36] Chairperson Effingham: you can't pell us; you can't drive a rough beard; and you might not spelled since
[2:36] Chairperson Effingham: I mean I'll give chins
[2:37] Muse Messmer: Would somebody please hand Pr. Effingham a copy of Babbler?

He grew ever more impenetrable, and eventually, stopped responding at all.

Much later, Mr. Beaumont, perforce our chief proponent of typonese and gibberish on channel, appeared, and once the situation had been explained, began to take quite personal umbrage at the 'upstart' on the gibberish front:

[3:25] Wilberforce Beaumont: vert wel I may take a peek or two - send away
[3:26] Wilberforce Beaumont: But mark my words can this fraudster maintain quality gibberish day after day???
[3:28] Jayleden Miles: well that depends on the level of their drunkness at the time
[3:29] Elegia Underwood: I'm sure he was a golem...
[3:29] Elegia Underwood: I think Miss Orr was correct.
[3:29] Elegia Underwood: She spotted him almost right away.
[3:30] Neome Graves nods.
[3:30] Elegia Underwood: No brain, just paperwork.
[3:30] Neome Graves: Emilly knows high quality giberrish when she sees it.
[3:30] Wilberforce Beaumont: I have glanced at it - as I suspected this is amaturish work, not the work of a true Master of Gibberish
[3:31] Elegia Underwood: He said nono & "don't be crude" a lot, but I think that was just to throw us off & make us struggle all the harder to make sense of the rest of what he was saying.

Did we ever make sense of what he was saying? I don't think we did. Mr. Beaumont challenged him to a duel by gibberish, though. We'll see if anything comes of it.

In the meantime, I need to go take the dizzied head to bed. My translator has been strained enough of one evening, thank you muchly.

If I miss the Great Gibberish Duel of '08 in the process...*turns on sarcasm generator*...I'll be very sad, I'm sure. *turns off sarcasm generator, and staggers off to sleep*