Wednesday, March 12, 2008

I picked up the pieces of my broken ego

((RP mode...ish.))

Had a desperate need to see less in my inventory, yet again. So very long ago, I swore to go down at least 10,000 items over the course of a month.

Well, it took me a month and a half, but I went from a bit under 47,000 to a bit over 35,000, which isn't bad, really. Realistically, that's fairly impressive.

Then, several hunts happened, and much freebie-gathering, and a bit of building here and there...and I slowly crept up again. Down to 32,000 and change at one point; back up to 38,000...back down to 35,000...

Finally I found myself at 37,814 and said enough. And started making storage prims.

Frocks. Pretty little minis. Furniture I didn't want to get rid of. Scripts I had no clue--yet--on how to use. One prim. Two prims. Three.

The fourth? Photographs. And therein, we hit the snag.

So afraid to open your eyes
You know too well that which awaits you
Something undefined there in the halflight


The exes. The loves departed. The loves nevermore to be.

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The man-hater. Gone, both bitter and sweet, never to return. Never could get around that one obstacle--that she hated more than I loved. Gone and gone and away from the world.

Do you still hear their laughter
So hard to describe
You never forget the faces that haunt you


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The kitten. Gone, but not forgotten, never forgotten. Still catch words through the aether, now and again, but it doesn't lessen missing him. Glad for him, glad he thrives in lands beyond, but...I do, I do still, miss him here.

Can you remember
a day when it was not, not like this?
Unsure of yourself, unsure of your thoughts
Unable to know if what you think is right or wrong


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The vampire. Gone, dead and gone. Mourned and gone. Nothing left of the Warrior I knew, so long ago now.

Like someone pushes a blade through your mind
There on the edge where no-one will find you
Still hearing them laugh


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The misunderstood. Gone, and never to understand again...and so much with him.

The demon without
The demon inside to plague and torment you


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And gone, my Raven, gone, in some battle I can't even lay name to, some ridiculous border conflict that claimed him before I ever knew to miss him. Gone and gone, gone as the land we held so dear.

Nothing is wrong
The demons they have left you
You were not left behind


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And gone, the demon, gone, in so many ways...gone and turned, and gone and bound against, and riven even from his own skin, gone from me--

So long ago. All of them, so long ago. So why does it still hurt? Why do I still hurt for their loss?

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But there's a change...finally, a change.

Though whether it bodes well, or ill...that, I don't know.

Yet.

And...down to 35,453. It's a start...

(Snips of VNV Nation's "Left Behind" used.)

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