Caught on a random profile: " I am voice verified RL Heterosexual lady." I have seen this, or variations of this, SO many times at this point, and it always makes me shake my head. First, why the hell does it matter? Second, yes, I realize people--especially guys--don't like being catfished, and that's perfectly understandable, but--if you never intend on meeting in person, then again--why does it matter? This is a virtual world for a reason.
I do recognize that many people have moved in with each other, have gotten married, from meeting in SL. I grant the full validity of that experience. I wouldn't have Miss Neome in my life, after all, if she hadn't met us in SL, and decided she wanted to be with us RL.
That being said, however, for the most part this doesn't happen. I think the most I've ever referred to specific gender on my profile for the past few years is "Female in all worlds". I know who I am, I know what I am, and I'm comfortable with that. I don't think I'd ever put down "voice verified" or even worse, "cam verified", because it's playing into that culture of paranoia and suspicion. I won't do that.
And flat out, I have chosen not to get to know certain people better because their profiles said they will only interact with the fully voice and cam verified whatever--usually females, these have usually been males putting this nonsense on their profiles. And I don't need that. You want to play that way, fine, but you're already putting a wedge in any future relationship by starting it off with unreasonable demands, and worse, that level of abject fear. If you are insecure enough to only ever interact with voice- and cam-verified people, then stay in RL. And demand every person you even take on a coffee date strip in a restaurant before you sit down.
And get used to being arrested, because you will be, and you know what? If you're that afraid that you might actually become friends with someone who shares your genitalia, then YOU SHOULD BE ARRESTED, for the dangerous sexual predator you are. And you're missing the whole point of personal interaction in the first place. Because not every 'hello' ends up with sharing a bank account.
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This plays right into the same fear and paranoia that hurts Transpeople and creates the atmosphere of 'Trap'. I have friends online who I know are unlikely to be able to pass these ridiculous hoops. And none of that changes who or what they are. This paranoia is damaging, and frightening and if you're afraid of your Bank Account, maybe don't give that information out or buy things if you don't want to do it just because?
I mean, this isn't a Video Game where giving gifts raises affection. And this isn't a situation where you give a gift and you get something 'back' in return. A gift is a gift, if you are expecting repayment, then that, my friend, is a purchase. And there are plenty of people out there who are offering that if it's what you want.
Pretty much, yes. I've had friends who have completely transitioned, have been living as their gender for years, and a casual slip by a friend deadnaming them, or in one case, a letter sent from the military using the original name, has acted like a depth charge with insecure men. It is not at all uncommon for transpeople to be attacked. Not at all uncommon for transpeople to be killed.
When the most they need to do, really, is sit down, have an honest conversation, air their fears, and listen to the person they claim to love. "Oh, I'm not into that." That's all you need.
Put another way, Alexander James was married when he transitioned. And there were many weeks of conversation with the husband. There was love, caring, friendship, and understanding, but the husband was straight.
He's still a friend of Alexander's. He just wanted a woman in his life. I wish more people were like him.
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