Monday, July 14, 2008

your foot's like lead, what did you think I said?

What Not to Wear, 101.

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This young damsel was seen at Adam & Eve's BOGOF sale last night (now sadly over, but look for it next year!), as I was perusing shoes to smuggle home. Let me preface everything I'm about to say by saying she is not unattractive. Even though I captured her at an angle, she's got a good skin, a good shape, she looks very pretty. I am not saying she, herself, is a blight upon the grid.

No, that might be caused by the folks at Freesoul Design. What kind of hell crack were they taking when they designed those pants, for example?!? (Click the small image to see the whole outfit.) It looks like nothing more than three sculpted prims joined together, large enough to look like far oversized baggy pants, completely covering each leg. Instead of fabric folds, we have fabric-patterned lumpy plaster--because sculpts? Cannot be made to flex.

Honestly, when she first wandered in? I thought she was walking around wearing sheepskin. I kid you not.

Then the top. Dear gods. Not only is it modeled after one of those standard white cotton wifebeaters, but it's partially transparent. And it's not even transparent in a good way--it looks like nothing more than spilt pancake makeup, smeared into the fibers--save for the translucence. Add in the translucence, and I have to think someone held her down and poured olive oil on her chest, because water doesn't wet things down like that.

And even given it's supposed to be a wet tank--why in the hell would you go shopping wearing a wet tank top?!? In everything else in her inventory, she thought, ooh, yes, let's wear the striped sheep pants sized for six of her cousins, all mashed together, the oil-soaked tank top, with the oh-so-endearing grape jelly stain on her left hip, and hey, just for fun, the shimmery ginger tentacle hair that will not stop waving every time she even thinks about moving.

I'm not even bringing up the child-size denim ballcap chained to those pants, or the fact that the pants in question are low-cut, so the wide lace-frilled band of her white thong--white thong, get that--clearly shows.

Hon, you might as well just stamp "SKANK" on your forehead and get it over with. And this comes from a former escort. For the love of all things, dress better.

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Somewhat segueing from there on the lingerie bit, Szentasha at Vanity Universe and the Lingerie/Beachwear expo has pieces I haven't seen at the main store: Xena, and Vampirella. Including a black velvet variant of the Drakulonian fighting strap.

Yes, I'm a fan of Vampi. Shhh.

Also, Indyra Originals at the expo has a free version of the limited-edition white fishnet set she offered a few months back. So if you missed out on the limited edition offering at the main store? You can come by the expo and get one for free!

There's a lot more things at Vanity Universe for the next few days, but trust me--the lag? She is not so good.

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In other news of freebies, let me briefly mention the W&M Designs hunt, that's going on until the 20th of July. Essentially, track down a number of small beach balls hidden all over the sim, in and out of the main store.

Sorry, did I say small? Perhaps I should emphasize that. In fact, click for the larger picture, and tell me where the beach ball is there.

Yeah. They're really tiny.

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They've completely revised the sim. It's gorgeous now, with trilling brooks, unexpected wildlife--like, f'rinstance, rounding the tree and seeing this gleaming mutant cobra, basking in the sunlight--as well as quiet little getaways and scattered cuddle and relaxing poses. It's beautiful, really, really beautiful. I must go back.

But maybe not to hunt.

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And AzA Zymurgy and Lacey Martel finally got their own sim. It's an OpenSpace sim, but still, AzA's having grand fun designing it. I can't wait to see what he's done with it once it's finished.

And this amused me to no end.

I think, after the 20th...when three of the main large hunts close--I'm declaring at least a week moratorium on freebies and hunting. I'm back up over 46,000 items, and that's all from unsorted clothes, skins, shoes, toys, furnishings, jewelry, bizarre Japanese weapons (okay, I admit, I'm keeping the alligator gun--shooting alligators at someone seems so much more stunning to one's victim than simple bullets!), and various other ephemera...from the last week of June until now, I've added more than 3,000 items due to notecards, textures, landmarks, and the freebies themselves. Aaaaack! This must stop!

7 comments:

Rhianon Jameson said...

Miss Orr - I quite agree, the clothing on the unfortunate woman was quite horrific. Your commentary had me in stitches, however.

When one sees a creature dressed that way, one wonders whether the issue is a lack of information on better places to shop (i.e., reasonable intentions, bad execution) or whether she thinks the outfit looks good. I have a bad feeling that the answer is usally the latter...

Alexandra Rucker said...

It's been my RL experience that quite a lot of people really don't know how to put an outfit together that won't horrify intelligent adults in some way, either through color choices or simply the cut of the clothing on their body shape.

I mean, really, in RL all it takes is a look in the mirror.....

Emilly Orr said...

Miss Jackson: thank you. Honestly, the massive sculpted baggy pants might have been dismissed were it not for the tragedy of the shirt.

I suspect, though, that much of her wardrobe? Reflects this...

Alex: And, of course, in SL there are no mirrors. Well, or a vanishingly few.

Now I admit, I do own outfits that gleefully skirt the edge between "somewhat decent" and "arrest that woman!" But I like to think--even in my dancing days, when I saw little wrong with walking around in a mesh top festooned with buckles--that most of the time, I manage to pull it off.

I don't think she does. She needs to run, not walk, from anything in her wardrobe that looks like this.

Darien Mason said...

*falls out of his chair laughing*

Emilly Orr said...

*grins*

And you have to wonder what animation the girl with her arm held up in midair was stuck in... :)

Edward Pearse, Duke of Argylle said...

The clothes. Dear gods...

Words fail me.

As for the video, I had seen it before. But as a result of going to the page I found another video.

Which led me to this song

I hold you completely responsible.

Emilly Orr said...

The sad thing?

Someone made this one a video? Using mostly World of Warcraft images....

Talk about making the point. :p