Monday, May 12, 2008

deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing


throwing stones across the water
seeing where the ripples spread
interaction on the edges
of existence


blamed again for circumstances
I never intended
events far beyond my control
but I am the one holding the stones


and trapped in the labyrinth again
ideals and allegory
vanity and shadowed things
far from fitful light


and the world fails


it's not the first time
but in the midst of such dissension
it's just one more thing
one more thing I cannot claim or change


I go to the castle, I go to the island
I fly far from home and far from where I'm known
but I find no answers there
I find no answers in me


and the shattered survivors
lacking limbs, railing at fate
railing at the world dissolving around them
gather for comfort from the dark


there is no comfort in darkness
there is less in light
there is no comfort I can offer
but time, time and more time


and every faery tale ends
the witch in the garden loses her daughter
the maid in the tower finds a way to fall down
the prince gets the cold wife in the glass case
to thaw


me, I get flickers of carnival color
shadowdancing on the dark alley walls
inferences and allegations
as the world falls


I switched from Eye Candy (EC-e, from the Nicholaz line of alternate SL browsers) to a revised Bleeding Edge edition, based on user recommendations; it caused such abnormal, weirdly rainbowed color flicker I had to switch back. Eye Candy still gets me pretty water and glow, I can live without other Windlight features.

Though last night was something else again, entirely. Last night the asset server wasn't only broken, it was on vacation to Brazil. People were missing heads, skins, tails, scripted objects; textures refused to rez out; made prims (that I had made, for instance) I couldn't take back. I couldn't even take back copies.

We hadn't lost the group of asset servers that badly since...gah, I think you'd have to go back to 1.14, at least; maybe 1.12. It was awful. It felt post-apocalyptic, small pockets of scattered creatures, huddled together for warmth in a vast failing ecosystem.

Not the best feeling.

Had some time today after I regained the ability to shift from small burning fae to only somewhat less pale human (ish); and walked through Antiquity Township. My builder says he wants to start over fresh and remake the building so that it's better, faster, stronger...whatever. I'm gently reminding him this should happen soon, then, as the building we discussed needs doors and a lift.

Doors, he tells me, he thought they'd put on if they wished doors; and as for the lift...we're having elevation problems. Prior to Havok4 implementation, the lift went from ground floor to first floor.

Now? It goes ground floor to Mars. And the Antiquity Consulate building is not quite that tall...


Alexandra Rucker said...

If BE-v didn't give you flashes (while BE-w apparently does) it might be easier to flee back to BE-v.

There are still some bad memory leaks in EC versions, unfort...

Emilly Orr said...

It might be, though I'd used the last version of EC and didn't notice severe memory leaks.

And it gives me the pretty water reflections. :p

Alexandra Rucker said...

Might be the hardware we're using then. That would be amusing. :)

Talk to Hank when you're ready to get computers.

Frau Lowey said...

Hm... would be intersting to have a Consulate office on Mars.

I have been loading in the office equipment, let me know if he is going to take it down completely again.

Emilly Orr said...

Alex: a friend of ours has already offered to build us better systems than what we have. He's got some ins with discount places.

But I'll gladly talk to Hank first, see about certain specs--we've already decided to go through said friend because a), he is said friend, b), he'll keep the new systems WinXP bound, not Vista-ed; and c), he knows how to deal with what we want (I mean, I'm all for pretty, but really, what I want is a graphics powerhouse, and what the girl wants is a stable platform that won't crash under multi-program runs).

Frau Lowey: it shouldn't be that sort of thing--go ahead and load in the office equipment, because when he's ready, the building will have the same exact dimensions--he can just swap out one for the other and align it so nothing is actually *lost* or buried in the walls.

At least that's the hope. :)

I love what you've done with the landscaping, and Miss Neome and I both agree, the Wulfenbach airship, even in wee dimensions, is a grand thing.

Baron K. Wulfenbach said...

Fraulein Emilly,

Not bad for an hour's work, ja? Although apparently for the contest itself I should have concentrated on showing the armaments. Fraulein Munro even gave me her remote-control script for it, but I need to consult with her about it.

We would only need doors on the upstairs rooms; the downstairs does not require such, as we do not need to be concerned with weather or theft in the more conventional manners. Ah... you were putting in interior walls, ja?


Emilly Orr said...

Tch, I think I was concentrating on doors and the lift; but yes, we had discussed one upstairs room; if you still want two we might have to reconfigure where the lift needs to go.

Still, that's doable, that's eminently doable.