Wednesday, June 13, 2007

hey hey you you

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your girlfriend!
No way no way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your girlfriend

Aggressive. I have rarely been aggressive unless it's a matter of personal defense. Put my life, my preferences, my choices, my appearance on the line? I'm there, I'm ready, bring it on, best two out of three falls, and you'll still hurt more than I will when you stand.

But for everything else? Is shy and retiring too much of a misnomer? Or going along for the ride? Or maybe ridiculously accommodating, maybe that's the key.

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me
No way! No way!
No it's not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your girlfriend

Plus, I don't do jealous. Though I get it now, and that painful knowledge will live in me until the end of my days, I still see no earthly use for it. I don't care if it's a 'natural' emotion or not, it's useless, and does no one good, and deserves to be purged along with appendices and people who can't pronounce nuclear properly (handy tip: if you pronounce it as if it's spelled "nu-cue-lar"? You're so up for the purge when I'm Empress).

You're so fine
I want you mine
You're so delicious
I think about you all the time
You're so addictive
Don't you know what I could do to make you feel all right?

But this song...this stupid little bouncy song...I can't get it out of my head, some nights, it's scarily infectious. And some part of me responds to the attitude. Of just walking up to the one you adore from afar and telling them to their face. Of walking up and stating your case. And telling them to throw away the one they have, because they're not the one they need.

Always a gamble though, innit? What if you're wrong? What if they don't feel the same way? What if the one they're with is good for them? What then?

Don't pretend, I think you know I'm damn precious
And hell yeah
I'm the mother fucking princess
I can tell you like me too, and you know I'm right

Plus, arrogance. Such arrogance. Knowing the lay of the land because you laid it out. This is girl hubris in its purest form: I'm the one you think about at night, and I know it, and you know it, so get over it already and get on my side of things...

It goes beyond stating the case into giving the other no choice, and again, while it's not my way, never will be, there's some small part that giggles in absolute glee over the idea.

She's like, so whatever
You could do so much better
I think we should get together now
And that's what everyone's talking about!

I have always felt the big test in relationships is not pressing the point, in choosing your battles, but in watching and learning and seeing, on your own, if you're what the one you love needs. If you are, you'll know it; you'll have no doubt. If you aren't, hey, you'll learn that too, and then it's your job to do your best to detach and walk on your own.

Of course you should talk to the one you love. Of course if fights occur, you should have them. Controversy stretches and strengthens us, betters us, makes us abler to fight off other challenges.

I can see the way, I see the way you look at me
And even when you look away I know you think of me
I know you talk about me all the time
again and again (and again and again and again)

A long time ago, back when MTV was just starting out on the odd idea of "music television" without music, they filmed a series of public service announcements. Very arty, very high concept, usually black and white, occasionally featuring Denis Leary. One of them had images of a very emo boy, and a voiceover stating that, if you ever really wanted to get to know someone, needed to know them very quickly, you should spit a mouthful of milk in their face.

This accomplished three purposes, the voiceover said. It teaches you, instantaneously, how they deal with shock, hurt and anger. And these things are essential, especially the latter, because sometimes, knowing exactly how someone will react when angry? Definitely essential.

So it goes with love. While I never recommend picking fights, sometimes choosing a small battle tells you how the large battles will go--and sometimes that's better in the long run than trying to keep the peace to the exclusion of all else. Relationships are organic--there will be failures and successes, there will be controversy and clemency, there will be times the relationship thrives, and times it sickens. Anything worth doing is worth doing well; that's just truth. But more than that, anyone worth loving is worth any effort expended.

So come over here, tell me what I want to hear
Better yet make your girlfriend disappear
I don't want to hear you say her name ever again
(And again and again and again!)

I've never wanted to be someone's whole world. Partially, that's because it's too much responsibility, but also, because there's so much world out there, how can one lone person replace all of it? And even more, because my heart is called to others, why would I ever restrict theirs and their wandering? (A lesson learned at great cost earlier, not that I hadn't known it before...)

So yeah, at times I may dislike the people my others are involved with. There's rarely been one I completely fail, in any regard, to get on with, though I can't say it hasn't happened. But it had to be something there that drew my love's eye, something precious and fine and true, and I can't discount that. We don't always know why we love, just that we love. And it's not my place, unless there is ongoing harm, to try to dissuade those I love from loving others, just because I don't always see eye to eye with those others.

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your girlfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your girlfriend

Hey! Hey! You! You!

Hey. You. I wanna be your girlfriend.

Oh, but wait...I already am.


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(Lyrics are somewhat intact, and from the annoyingly bouncy Avril Lavigne song, "Girlfriend")

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