all grown up and no place to go

So, minor bit of drama tonight, in an unexpected place.

[21:03] rxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Hey -- any security folk out there? We're over at [ place omitted, because I'm not sure if it's a private abode or a pub], and there's a dude who's making us a bit uncomfortable.
[21:03] txxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: This character: Hxxxx Fxxxxx

So of course I pulled his profile. The first thing I see:



I have, of course, edited for (some) discretion.

[21:04] Emilly Orr: Oh, the irony. This is the first line in his profile: "The easiest thing to abuse is the hardest to get back: trust"
[21:04] sxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Wondered about him
[21:05] Emilly Orr: TON of sex clubs for groups.

Don't get me wrong, and I do explain this later in the conversation, but as it is, it must be said--having sex clubs amongst one's groups is not automatically a dire thing. Having certain kinds of sex clubs...like 'sleepygirl' clubs, bimbo clubs, and free sex emporiums...well. Those don't point to exceptional character with the rest of it, when one is traveling in fantasy or neo-Victorian sims. (And Rosehaven happens to be both.)

[21:05] txxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: yup
[21:05] rxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: exactly
[21:05] Emilly Orr: Not that that's a disqualifier, but it does predispose.
[21:05] txxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I can't eveb type the title he has...not decent

It's mentioned later in the discussion, also, but it happens to be a fairly well-known club in certain circles. (Note to anyone curious: Very NSFW, a dance and escort club, that caters to both furs and humans with a liking for furgirls and kawaii neko lasses.)

[21:05] sxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Agreed
[21:05] rxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: He hasn't answered attempts to IM him
[21:06] jxxxxxxxxx Dxxxxx: do you need an EM?
[21:06] sxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Perhaps he is just frozen
[21:06] rxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: What is an EM?
[21:06] Cxx Exxxx: I'm on now, [Jxx]
[21:07] jxxxxxxxxx Dxxxxx: okey doke, let me know if you need backup
[21:07] Cxx Exxxx: [Txxxxxx], should he be banned? I can do it from here.
[21:07] rxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Thanks, [Jxx]
[21:07] Emilly Orr: If you have asked him to stop whatever in main chat, and IMed him to stop whatever in IM and received nothing back, then yes, it is time to escalate.
[21:07] Mxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: [Txxxxx] is coming in as well
[21:07] Emilly Orr: [Jxx]: Estate Manager. Just so you know.

In case Mr. D really didn't know.

[21:07] rxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: He hasn't done anything but stand there looking scary.
[21:08] jxxxxxxxxx Dxxxxx: [Jxx] knows. [Jxx] is. ;)

So obviously, my tip of identifying [Jxx] sounded like I was speaking to [Jxx]. Argh.

[21:08] Cxx Exxxx: So, the question is: "Is looking scary enough for banning?"

And you know, even in the strictest, theme-controlled sims, I think the answer would be no, but--in this instance, looking intimidating, with an offensive tag and a refusal to answer questions either in main chat or in IM? I think that answer changes to yes.

[21:08] Mxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: He is gone

Ah, no muss, no fuss, just--gone? Well...Good?

[21:08] rxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Huh.
[21:09] Cxx Exxxx: Good enough.
[21:09] Mxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: He might have read the messages and gotten the hint
[21:09] txxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: [Cxx], I am just a friend of Rosehaven. but his entire persona is ...objectionable. His profile is slimy. I am no prude, but Rosehaven is not a sex club. That is what most of his groups were. Sorrey, but I get very protective of Rosehaven and my friends.
[21:09] rxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Thanks, friends.
[21:09] txxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: What's up
[21:09] txxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I'm in world now
[21:09] lxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Yeesh, what happened?
[21:09] txxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ... and not needed :)

Sometimes, alas, that is how it goes.

[21:10] Mxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lolol
[21:10] rxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: However, we are grateful you came to our aid
[21:10] Mxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Yes!! VERY grateful!
[21:10] txxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: You know that I have no special powers, right?
[21:10] Cxx Exxxx: Ok, [Txx], I'll ban him. [Hxxxx Fxxxxx], is that right?
[21:10] Mxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Your hair!!!
[21:10] lxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Holy cow, I just noticed I'm up to 25 fps right now...
[21:11] txxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: His name was [Hxxxx Fxxxxx]. His profile tells so much, like ...YUCKIES
[21:11] txxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I do have good hair
[21:11] Mxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lololol
[21:11] txxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: What was he doing?
[21:11] Emilly Orr: I do admire his taste in some of the music clubs.

Especially Mama's Pub (group link), though I think the other one I was thinking of is just one of his picks--for SN Rock and Blues, in Troppo.

[21:11] txxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: It was not what he was doing
[21:12] txxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Better question: Why did someone call me in?
[21:12] lxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Oh wow, his group list is certainly interesting...
[21:12] Cxx Exxxx: Done.
[21:12] rxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: He wasn't doing anything, yet we were all freaked out, and he wasn't answering IMs asking what he was doing
[21:12] Emilly Orr: It was mostly his tag, apparently, which was objectionable on its own, but I think it was a combination: offensive tag, scary appearance, mostly sex places in his group list.
[21:13] lxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Oh yeah, I stay far away from those folks...
[21:13] Emilly Orr: I'm amused because, scanning through my groups one finds a few that could be classified the same way, but also, I have more in the way of wordage, pics, FL bio presence....all we have for Mr. [Fxxxxx] is a naked beach pic. :)
[21:13] txxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Ever since I lived in 'Winterfell" back in 2011 and 2012 I have seen this place as a sanctuary. I get very protective of you all.

Oddly enough, many of us who knew Rosehaven back when it was Winterfell feel surprisingly protective of it.

[21:14] lxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: When they end up in my inbox it never ends well and I am never surprised.
[21:14] txxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I'm not going to judge, but I'll observe that group lists are what they are and Rosehaven is a very accepting place for people who might be seen as out of place elsewhere. I would be careful banning based on group membership, but I am not the Princess, nor has she imbued me with any ability to do so.
[21:15] lxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: True, [Txxxxx].
[21:15] txxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I was not there to see his behaviour though
[21:15] lxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I wonder what my group list says about me.
[21:16] sxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Well we will all be on alert in the future haha now we are all checking up on out own profiles !!!
[21:17] lxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Looks like I like sales and being a fairy. Sounds about right.
[21:17] Emilly Orr: If I knew nothing at all about you, Ms. [Lxxxxx], I'd say, you like fantasy sims, neo-Victorian sims, helping out the community and shopping.
[21:17] Emilly Orr: Yes.
[21:17] lxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Well, you've just described me to a T, my dear Miss Emily.
[21:18] sxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Lol

In one sense, yes, I will openly acknowledge it is very judgemental to decide someone's intent whom we haven't met, just by groups. But do understand: these days, sometimes there is so little other information, we must go by groups to get any idea of the mind behind the avatar. And remember, it wasn't just the groups on his list; it was also the refusal to speak and the attire that was so very out of theme.

[21:19] Emilly Orr: And if it helps anyone, to those of us who scan through groups, we know the difference between a gathering of like minds for sensual pleasures, and something like "AFK Wondersluts", where the point seems to be to log in, jump on some posed furnishing, and then leave.
[21:20] txxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: ok, I am going to be crude. But the guy's tag was ...sorry I don't even like typing this was "the Purrfect [P*ssy]"
[21:20] txxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Great 1st impression, right?
[21:21] Emilly Orr: That's, err....actually a club, but I do understand the objection.
[21:21] Emilly Orr: Dancing catgirls with an anime look, mainly.
[21:21] lxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Sounds like a great gentleman to have tea with, but a tad inappropriate for this sim.
[21:22] sxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: There is a 'Wet Willies' club too ...

Oh, there are so many groups, some genuinely objectionable, not just merely inappropriate. But that comes down to personal choice, too. One's actions can guide one's social perceptions, but only if one acts, yes? And this 'gentleman' did not.

[21:22] txxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: giggles at [Lxxxxx]
[21:22] lxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx grins at Tam
[21:23] sxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I went just to see - it was pretty ordinary ... so hard to judge sometimes
[21:23] txxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I may be quiet much of the time, but I think the world of all of you. I get very protective. of a community I respect.
[21:24] sxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Thanks [Txxxxxx] :D
[21:24] txxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: hugs all around
[21:24] lxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: I can't speak for everyone, but I know I appreciate it. I love Rosehaven for what it is, and it is a haven.

It has been so for many, through all its incarnations.

[21:24] sxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Hugs back
[21:24] Mxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: hugs
[21:24] rxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: hugs
[21:24] Kxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: Some innocuous groups have tags I'd rather not display, so I use them only when needed.
[21:25] Kxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: And yes, I also appreciate the efforts to keep Rosehaven a nice place to be.
[21:25] lxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: lol Yeah, I've encountered that, [Kxxxxx].
[21:25] txxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Slippery slope

Yes. And that is ever the hazard. Banning should be the last resort, and bans can be removed if a plea can be successfully made...though somehow I doubt Mr. [Fxxxx] will bother.

[21:25] Kxxxxx Vxxxxxxx: Right.
[21:25] sxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Indeed
[21:25] Mxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Thank you everyone! It was a team effort.
[21:25] txxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: so I'll defer to behaviour
[21:25] Emilly Orr: Understandable. I no longer maintain a residence, at least for now, in Rosehaven, but I'm still in the group because I adore the sim, and the people.
[21:26] lxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxx: Me too, Emilly.

And life--or at least, SLife...goes on.