Tuesday, November 14, 2017

sometimes a heart can feel like a heavy weight

The Sacred Grove for Her Gnostic Majesty, the Hidden Queen. It was meant to be a dance space, an event space, a place for small rituals and gatherings, even meetings if such were desired. While it was open to the public, it was designed to be part of Armada, and...when Armada left...the Sacred Grove began to gather dust.

I was tasked by Archduke Greyhaven to build a space that was inclusive, and multi-purpose. I felt the center of it should be the dance ring, and the use of space reflected that. But around the edge of the center ring were benches and draped rocks, places to sit or to dance more privately.

It wasn't a matching set, and it wasn't intended to be. Some seating was wood, some was stone, some was carved, some had cushions. I was pondering if I had room for a hot springs, water cascading from the back of the parcel, for months. (Eventually I decided against it.)

The space was intended to be free for all use; the only reference I had to any financing was a small jar next to the eldritch fireplace, seen above, and that was all I intended to have. Asking to support the space wasn't the point; the point was to offer the space, period.

And now...it's gone.

I want to make it more of a lyrical thing, I do, but...I don't have a better explanation. After Armada sunk into the clockwork sea, Archduke Greyhaven lost his heart for the grid, his passion to build and transform. For September, he sent me funds to maintain the parcels--in my name and his--and I did my best. But when October arrived, two things happened: he dropped out of contact once more, and the typist became very ill. I wasn't truly recovered, and able to access the world, until the last week of October, and so I informed him. His decision came down two weeks past, and told me that if we needed to let go some parcels in Rosehaven or Babbage, to do so.

So, with a heavy heart...that's what I've done. The Sacred Grove is gone.

Now I'm pondering the virtual life, yet again. Who am I, here, and who do I want to be? What causes do I want to support? I still believe in Greyhaven and Armada-now-gone, but does the Archduke? And if he doesn't, what is eventually going to happen to the rest of his parcels, the ones not in my name?

And paying down the great debt I've incurred in Babbage may well be ruinous, but I will do it. It was in my name, it was my responsibility, even if the funds were supposed to be sent to me to pay them on. The agreements were between me and the Archduke, Mr. Tenk should not have to accept culpability for that. But it does hurt. And I am worried.

We proceed from here. That's all I can do. But I will be thinking, long and hard, on what got me here, and where I go from here. The only thing I'm sure of is remaining at Sakura...and being the redheaded troublemaker for House Whiteberry. Everything else may well be in flux. Time will tell us all what happens next.

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